“That’s just the thing. I know they’re both perfectly lovely men, so it makes the betrayal so much worse if there’s something else going on.” I continue, “They apparently shape-shift into lizards when their emotions run high. Have you ever seen that?” I ask.
“No, not that I recall,” she replies. “I’m pretty sure I would have remembered that.” Then she gets an idea, “I know! Let’s ask Pip. She’s got those otherworldly connections; maybe they can answer some of these questions.”
That’s actually not such a bad idea. I believe in Pip’s gift and maybe my grandma Sissy or someone else would come through with some helpful advice. I agree to give it a shot. Then for some unearthly reason, I add, “That’s not all I’m worried about though.”
“What else?” she asks matter-of-factly.
I answer, “I’ve become a bit of a prepper since Sophie was born.” I don’t dare make eye contact until I hear her reply.
“You know,” she starts, “I think preppers are given a bad rap. Ungodly disasters have happened since the beginning of time. People who don’t think something bad can happen to them have their heads so far up their own arses, they sure aren’t smelling roses.”
I haven’t a clue how to respond. I think Victoria has just become my biggest supporter and it couldn’t be more unexpected. I’ve just accused her son and husband (and probably daughter) of being reptiles, I’ve expressed something pretty outrageous thoughts and I’ve never even let her hold her granddaughter. I can’t imagine I would be as gracious in her shoes.
All I can think to say is, “Victoria, you are one class act, you know that?”
She reaches across the table, takes my hand, and squeezes it. “You too, Mimi, you too.”
Chapter 59
Victoria and I have a date to meet in the library at nine to watch Ancient Aliens. I’m bringing the popcorn and she’s bringing a bottle of wine. I haven’t been drinking since nursing Sophie but I produce so much milk, I’ll just do a pump and dump. I think some alcohol might be in order when introducing my mother-in-law to the alien world.
I’m going to start her out with the grays. They’re so common, it’ll ease her into the weirder stuff, you know like reptiles. We cover the taller grays who are supposedly the more intelligent. Apparently, they’re the rulers of the shorter grays that do the actual abductions and experiments. The shorter ones are often referred to as space monkeys, not by the more appropriate, space vermin, which is what I would have named them.
My mother-in-law seems to be rolling with it. She even offers, “I read Whitley Strieber’s book, Communion, when it first came out. I don’t think I slept well for six months.”
I ask, “What do you think? Do you believe they’re real?”
She doesn’t even consider her answer before replying, “Of course I do! There are simply too many cases that support one another for it to be some kind of mass hoax.”
“So,” I venture, “if you believe in one kind of alien, then do you think it’s possible to believe in other kinds?”
“Mimi, that’s like asking, if you believe in one kind of animal, is it possible to believe in another? Of course I do. It would be a pretty boring cosmos if it was just us and the grays, don’t you think?”
I do, which is why I’m ready to introduce her to the reptilians. I switch shows to the more daring, They’re Here, and surf through the menu until I find the episode, Reptiles, The Real Lords of the Earth. Victoria already seems intrigued just by the title.
The show starts out with an interview of a woman who claims to be one of the reptilians. She’s just found out because she accidentally shape-shifted in front of her husband and now he’s afraid of her. The woman’s parents both died when she was relatively young so she can’t ask them what’s happening. Just let me say, I think I would have found a less public way to inquire, but whatever floats your boat.
The thing is, while this chick sounds totally off her rocker, she’s very believable. She’s soft spoken and timid. She seems truly traumatized by this unexplained thing happening to her. She even shows photos where it appears the camera has captured her mid shift. I know, you’re thinking that can be explained by a trick of the light, but in twenty pictures spanning ten years? When asked why she didn’t question the photos sooner, she answers, “I just thought I had some weird angles, but when my husband screamed bloody murder looking straight at me, it made me look at the pictures differently.” Then she bursts into very credible tears.
Victoria observes, “If she’s one of those reptilians, she’s clearly not in on any evil plans. She doesn’t even know what’s happening to her.”
I nod my head. “You’re saying if Archibald, Elliot and Pip are aliens, they might not even know it.”
She nods her head. “Mimi, what if we’re all aliens, would that be so weird?”
“Yes, Victoria,” I answer, “that would be very weird.” Then I tell her what Father Brennan said and how he believes in aliens, too.
She answers, “There you go. If a man of God, and if what you’re saying is true, even the Vatican supports this belief, then why not?”
I tell her how it’s hypothesized that people with negative RH factors have alien DNA and that my mom has a negative RH factor. She exclaims, “There you go, you’re an alien, too! You’re not in on any devilish plans to overthrow the world, are you?”
I shake my head and she continues, “So let’s just say we’re all aliens. That doesn’t mean we aren’t all ruled by the same God, right? It just means He got creative when designing all the worlds.”
I ask, “Victoria, do you think there are evil aliens out there?”
She answers. “There are certainly evil people, why would aliens be any different?”
I haven’t the foggiest idea. Instead I ask, “How do I protect my family from them?”
She shakes her head. “I haven’t a clue.”
So I tell her about the weapons I’ve been buying. I figure she hasn’t judged me yet, so why not just throw it all out there? She thinks for a moment before saying, “We need to find someone to train us how to use those weapons.”
“We? Are you planning on getting in on this?”
“Of course I am. If some other worldly creatures think they’re going to mess with my family, they’ve got another thing coming.”
I ask, “What if they’re smarter and more powerful than us?” I tremble just asking that question.
“Then we don’t go down without a fight.” She exclaims, “And we take some of those bastards with us!”
Chapter 60
Okay, so now that I have Victoria fully on board with camp crazy, I don’t feel so nuts. I think all I had to do was share my fear with someone and have them confirm I’m not destined for a padded room. Yes, Elliot might be part lizard, but so what? He’s a lovely man and as long as no shape-shifting occurs, I’ve decided to be okay with it, so much so I’ve decided to call off bringing Pip into it. There’s no point in worrying her and outside validation of this theory might cause me more stress than living in ignorant bliss.
Richard is coming back to town tonight and I’ve noticed Philippa has gotten her hair done, put on some extra makeup and even seems to be wearing a new dress. I corner her in the kitchen and say, “So, Pip, looks like things are going well between you and Richard.”
She smiles, “We’ve been enjoying spending time together, that’s all.”
“Oh really?” I laugh, “Was he giving you the kiss of life in the pantry on his last visit?”
My sister-in-law giggles, “You could call it that.”
I cheer, “Go Pip! I’m so glad you finally have a good man in your life and I’m extra glad it’s Richard. He’s a wonderful person.”
Her grin threatens to take over her whole face. “He is wonderful. You know what’s really nice?” I shake my head. “This stupid gift of mine finally seems to have brought something for me. It’s about time, don’t you think?”
I agree, “Damn straight, I do. What
time does Richard get here?”
Pip answers, “He’ll be here at five. Mimi,” she says, “I hope you don’t mind but Richard’s asked me to go away with him for the weekend. He thought we could spend a couple of nights downtown.”
I let out a yelp of delight and exclaim, “That’s fabulous!” Then add, “I think it’s best not to be under the same roof with your entire family when you take your relationship to the next level.”
Her eyes twinkle. “I couldn’t agree with you more. I’m not sure I could really enjoy myself with my parents in the next room.”
When Richard arrives, Pip is up in her room getting her overnight bag. I welcome my friend and tease, “Good job, Richard. I’m proud of you finally getting your act together and listening to your father.”
Richard smiles, “You know, Mimi, this is the first time since I lost you to Elliot, that I’m glad I did. I think Philippa is my perfect match. She’s beautiful, she doesn’t want me for my money and she’s just as quirky as you.” He gives me a sweet hug and offers, “I think you might just be welcoming me into the family if things keep going this well.”
“Oh Richard, I couldn’t be happier. You both deserve the very best and I think you’ve found it.”
In the last year of my life, I’ve met, married and become a parent with the man of my dreams. Richard and Pip are together, my sister Muffy and my friend Kevin have found a second chance with each other and Ginger and the triplets are doing great. All domestic concerns are in great harmony.
That aside, I’m a very different person than I used to be. I’m a mother. I’m so totally in love with my child that I’ve gone crazy as a result. I’m responsible for her care, her health and her whole life. I feel that pressure with every fiber of my being.
I pray the paranoia will leave. I pray I’ll be more peaceful accepting whatever will be, will be. But I know one thing; I’m never going to think bad things will only happen to the other guy. Look at Beatrice. She deserved to have lived a long and happy life with Clive. She didn’t get what she deserved.
I can’t keep cancer from my child’s door and I can’t keep aliens from attacking our planet. I can’t keep volcanos from erupting or EMP’s from throwing us back into the dark ages. What I can do is prepare for as many eventualities as possible, which of course includes taking weaponry training with Victoria every Thursday and Saturday with a retired Navy SEAL. Other than that, I’m going to put my faith in God that my family will live the best life we can and we will rejoice every day.
I’m also going to pray Elliot doesn’t have reason to go into the basement until I have a chance to explain.
The End
About the Author
While attending the University of Illinois, in Chicago, Whitney Dineen, began a career as a plus-size model. After modeling in New York City, she and her husband, Jimmy, moved to Los Angeles. In addition to modeling, Whitney spent the California years supplying some of Hollywood's biggest stars with her delicious cookies and candies. Whitney and her husband currently live in the beautiful Pacific Northwest where they spend their time raising their daughters, free-range chickens and organic vegetables.
Whitney loves to hear from her readers. You can contact her via her website www.WhitneyDineen.com, where you can sign up for her newsletter. If you’ve enjoyed Mimi Plus Two, check the following excerpt from Whitney’s award-winning romantic comedy, She Sins at Midnight. As always, Whitney is very grateful to all her readers who take the time to leave a review.
She Sins at Midnight
Lila Montgomery sat at her desk dreaming about the two things that always brought her thoughts into sharper focus. Namely, piping hot carbs and soft melting fat. She drooled at the thought of grilled cheese on white bread, so perfectly gooey that the first bite would immediately transport her back to the innocent days of childhood. Back to a time before she gave a fig if the button on her size 12 skinny white jeans gave way and inadvertently took someone’s eye out. Of course, she wasn’t currently in her white jeans, so there was no imminent risk of rendering an unsuspecting co-worker blind.
Absently, Lila petted the sleeve of her ever-so-stylish and sleek Armani suit. She always paired the elegant ensemble with the same white silk blouse. The neckline plunged so low it looked like her girls were trying to escape. That particular outfit was worn when she was feeling “that time of the monthish,” or in a word, bloated. Even though the suit cost an entire pay check, it was more than worth it as it covered a multitude of sins. And, as Lila knew only too well, sins should always be covered, kept in the closet, or safely locked in one’s attic.
The day she bought the blouse, Lila eyed her cleavage and laughingly declared, “With everyone’s eyes trained on ‘Team Montgomery,’ my big butt and poochy tummy are the last things that this skinny crazed town will notice.”
Her friend Cynthia laughed, “Lila Montgomery, you’re gorgeous! I say good for you that you’re not a carrot stick away from certain death.”
Lila raised an eyebrow, “Says the size 2 woman in front of me.”
Cynthia interrupted, “Who is nearly 9 inches shorter than you are.”
Lila’s statuesque build of 5’9” and a size 12 would be coveted by the majority of women in the country. But in La La Land it was deemed overweight, especially if you worked in “The Industry.” They (those alien creatures in the film business who held American women’s self-esteem in their grubby little hands) considered anything above a size 4 an emergency candidate for gastric bypass. If one more metro-sexual Hollywood type told Lila what a pretty face she had, she was going to smile graciously and kick the back-handed compliment giver right in the balls. Why didn’t these men understand that “you have such a pretty face” isn’t a compliment? Just because they don’t speak the rest of the thought out loud, (too bad about the rest of you…) doesn’t mean that it goes unheard.
Lila moved to Los Angeles right after college in hopes of becoming the next Scarlett Johansson. Getting the assistant’s job at The Amalgamated Artists Agency was her first step in accomplishing that dream. Amalgamated, or the Triple A, as it was referred to by Hollywood insiders, was THE talent agency in Tinseltown. Lila’s plan was to get her foot in the door of the posh establishment, casually announce that she graduated at the top of her class as a theater major, then POW, steal all of Scarlett’s work.
That outcome didn’t occur for a variety of reasons, the first being that even at her skinniest, Lila was ordered to lose ten pounds, stat! In Hollywood’s rather miniscule attention span for young starlets (and as she was twenty-two at the time) she was clearly running out of time. After all, thousands of brand spanking new eighteen year olds got off the bus everyday with the same hopes and dreams of stardom.
Sadly, the task of losing an unnecessary ten pounds was an impossibility as Lila’s love affair with the taboo carbs and seductive fats had already manifested in all its glory. Not to mention, she was told this back when a size 6 was deemed respectable. Now that the goal was to achieve a size 0 or 2, she realized she’d have to be dead for eighteen months before she had decomposed to the current standard of fashion. Letting out a depressed laugh, she imagined that her first movie review would read, “Freshly dug up for the role, Lila Montgomery wows them as the heroine of Night of the Living Dead XXII!”
The second, more dominant reason that stardom wasn’t in her future, was that Lila had a deep-seated aversion of trading sexual favors for career advancement. She was aware that not all successful actresses got their start between the sheets (take Meryll Streep for instance) but from what she witnessed first-hand at The Triple A, quite a lot did. The sad truth was that when you weighed the odds of being discovered by virtue of your talent against your willingness to put out, there really was no contest. Putting out was the way to go.
Lila sat at her desk and contemplated the outcome of her almost thirty-three years on the planet. She thought about all the time she had spent tottering around her childhood home in high heels, swathed in feather boas prete
nding to be either Diana Spencer or Jessica Rabbit, sort of Princess-Pin-Up, if you will. When those dreams faded, her next ambition was to write the great American novel; an historical epoch along the lines of North and South. Yet every time she sat at her computer, some inner vixen took over and began creating volumes of racy fantasies instead of historical intrigue. The fantasies happily filled the gap in her social life, but did nothing for her dreams of becoming a celebrated novelist.
Consequently, the serious historical events that she had set out to portray always turned into alarming bodice ripping incidents. The gallant young officer, who urgently set out to deliver a top secret message, was inevitably delayed by a lush bosomed young thing bent on seduction. What was a red-blooded young man to do?
At first, Lila fought against her tendency to write trash. After all, she wanted to be nominated for a Pulitzer one day. She wanted respect. But after years of struggling to compose a serious narrative, she gave up and let her alter ego (alarmingly named Jasmine Sheath) have her way. Now, Lila, a.k.a. Jasmine, spent all of her free time at her computer orchestrating de-flowerings, seductions and all sorts of bawdy goings on.
As her mind continued to wander, Lila’s eyes fixated on the two letters sitting on her desk. One filled her with a pure rush of pride and excitement. The other filled her with dread. She set aside the envelope full of happy tidings knowing full well she could never share its contents with anyone. In fact, she thought the news was so private that she had best lock it in her desk drawer for safe keeping.
Once that task was accomplished, she picked up the other envelope and let out an audible sigh. In her hands was that bit of correspondence, that depending on what you had accomplished in your life, you either anticipated like Christmas morning or dreaded like a bad case a poison ivy on your private parts. It was the invitation to her fifteen year high school class reunion. It cordially invited the graduate and his/her spouse to the gala affair that was being held at The North Hills Country Club, the very same establishment where half her classmates were already second or third generation members.
Mimi Plus Two (The Mimi Chronicles Book 2) Page 24
