by Bethany-Kris
Junior didn’t like people.
But he liked to people watch.
“Sleepyhead, sleepyhead,” Karen said in a singsong way, smiling when Junior squealed on her shoulder and started to wiggle. He was probably just realizing he had woken up in an entirely different place than he had fallen asleep in. “It won’t be so cold here, Junior.”
No, the cool May air from Chicago would not bother them at all in California.
Karen had taken two weeks off from work to bring her son to meet his grandparents. It had taken her his whole six months on earth, just to convince herself to come this far. She loved her parents—they loved her.
But from the very moment she had said she was going to Chicago as a young woman, they had disapproved. Not once had they hidden how they felt about it.
Karen had been positive her failures—her failed photography business, financial struggles, and even her pregnancy—would be the proof her parents needed to say the dreaded “I told you so.”
She hadn’t given her parents enough credit.
When she called to tell them about the pregnancy only shortly before the baby boy was born, her mother had demanded Karen allow her to come for the birth. It was too soon—there wasn’t enough notice to get everything into place.
She’d promised to come there with the baby as soon as she could.
Six months later, here she was.
Focus would be mostly on Junior, she knew, and that would help. Karen just hoped her parents didn’t ask too many questions about things she wasn’t ready to tell just yet. Things like Dino, and exactly how Junior had come about.
“Here we go, baby,” Karen murmured to her son as she stepped onto the escalator that would lead her to luggage pick up at the airport’s Arrivals.
All her fears bled away the moment she saw her mother and father waiting at the bottom, just a foot away from the barrier that kept the people waiting from the people arriving. Her parents had been separated for years, rarely coming together for anything, but when they did, it was almost always for her.
It seemed that hadn’t changed.
This wouldn’t be so bad after all.
Even Junior started to smile.
Karen loved that.
“Look at him,” Karen’s mother said, her smile beaming. “He’s having so much fun.”
Lydia’s happiness over her grandson’s enjoyment of floating in the pool with his grandfather was damn near contagious. Karen had to admit, Junior did look awfully pleased with his swim trunks and flotation vest, as his grandfather walked him around the pool and he floated on his back.
“I haven’t taken him to a pool,” Karen admitted. “It’s not been warm enough yet.”
“An inside pool, maybe?” her mother asked.
“I’ll have to find one and make time, seeing as how he likes this so much.”
Lydia laughed. “You loved the water, too. Couldn’t keep you out of it. Your father almost made me keep a lifejacket on you at all times, for fear you would find somewhere to swim. You didn’t even know how to properly swim until you were four.”
Karen hadn’t known that little tidbit about her childhood, and found herself smiling at the unknown memory. “Really?”
“Yep.” Lydia looked over at her, her smile growing softer. “I was worried you wouldn’t come, Karen.”
“Why wouldn’t I come, Mom?”
Lydia shook her head, sighing. “You’ve just been so far away for so long, that’s all.”
“I’m here.”
“Yes, with a baby.”
Karen couldn’t help but laugh. “I know—big change.”
“I wish you would have told me sooner.”
Yeah, she wished that, too.
“I thought you would be angry with me,” Karen admitted.
Lydia placed a hand on her daughter’s cheek, the action both tender and supportive. “I’m always going to be proud of you, Karen, no matter what. You’re all grown up, so you get to make grown up decisions and I don’t get much of a say. You’re doing just fine.”
Karen looked out, finding her son still smiling in the pool. “Sometimes, I think maybe I’m just really good at pretending to be okay—that I don’t really know what I’m doing at all.”
“Psht. All mothers feel that way for the first baby.”
“Did you?”
Lydia shrugged. “All your life, even the day you walked out the door to do your own thing. It’s what mothers do, Karen. We fret. We worry. We overthink. But in the end, we raise pretty amazing little creatures. It just takes us a while to figure that out.”
Karen hadn’t realized it, but she needed to hear those words.
Especially from her mother.
“Thanks,” she whispered.
Lydia waved a hand as if to brush it all away. “It’s nothing. Sometimes, we just need someone else to tell us that we’re doing just fine and everything will be okay.”
That was true enough.
However, Karen had meant to thank her mother for more than just her reassurances that she wasn’t failing Junior in some way by being his mom.
“Actually, I meant for more than Junior.” Karen pushed a few strands of her hair behind her ears, keeping her gaze on her son and not her mother. It was easier that way. “I was scared coming here would be awkward, or maybe a little bit sad. I didn’t know how I would answer certain questions, if you starting asking things, or how you would feel about the answers I did give. You’ve done none of that, Mom, and neither has Dad. I really appreciate it.”
Lydia cleared her throat and put the book she had been reading aside. “We’re always going to be here, Karen. No matter what. If you have something you want to talk to us about, we’ll always listen.”
“I know.”
“Do you have something you want to talk about?”
“Not particularly.”
She did have a lot she wanted to talk about, but she just wasn’t sure she should share. She fully believed her mother would be the shoulder to cry on or that supportive hand that held her up if she needed her to be.
Still, she had made a promise to herself.
Dino was not on the table during this visit.
She would not talk about Junior’s father at all.
Karen didn’t think it would be fair to Dino to out their history to her parents when she hadn’t even given him the chance yet to clear it up to her.
Six more months, she told herself.
Karen had hoped Dino’s sentence would be reduced, but it seemed like that wasn’t going to be the case. She didn’t know if it was because of who he was or the things he was affiliated with, but she’d been following along court documents and had occasionally called his lawyer’s office for an update over the last couple of months.
Nothing had changed.
His release date was the same as it had always been.
“I thought I might be able to move on,” Karen said before she could stop herself, “if I gave myself enough time and space.”
Her mother glanced over at her, taking in those words for a long while before she finally responded with, “From Junior’s father?”
Karen nodded quickly. “I was wrong, though. I keep going back in his direction in one way or another.”
Checking the news for anything about the Chicago mob.
Calling his lawyer.
Reading any new court filings for his case.
Driving past his businesses.
Karen could pretend all she wanted that she was doing fine, that she didn’t need Dino to be happy. And shit, maybe she didn’t need him at all.
She was raising Junior alone as it were.
She was supporting herself.
She was just fine.
But she could be better.
She could be happier.
“I just don’t know who he is,” Karen said so softly her mother couldn’t hear.
And sadly, that was still truer than she wanted to admit.
She’d read his lette
r over and over again. She kept the papers in her bedside table to pull them out and read them whenever she felt the urge, which was far more often than anyone could possibly know. He’d shown his heart in those words, his heart, past, and his pain, but reading it was not the same as hearing him say it.
Karen needed to hear it.
Six more months.
She thought, given their son and the way her heart hadn’t quite let go yet, she owed Dino a chance to fix everything.
Didn’t she?
Karen
“HE’S still got a bit of the sniffles,” Karen told the daycare worker as she handed eight-month-old Junior over to the woman’s waiting arms. “I’ve tried everything.”
“Still?”
“I know—the doctor wouldn’t prescribe him anything, though. He kept saying something about his immune system and needing to build immunity.”
Karen could tell just by the look on the woman’s face that she thought the doctor was crazy. She didn’t blame her because Karen also thought the doctor was a fool. Maybe it was time for a change in pediatricians for little J.
Ever since they had returned home from their trip to California, the baby boy had been plagued with one cold after another. Thankfully, he wasn’t getting fevers or vomiting from whatever it was that wouldn’t leave his little body, but it was getting tiring. Junior wasn’t sleeping well, and he loved to sleep. That meant Karen also wasn’t sleeping well.
“I’m sure he’ll be fine,” the daycare worker said, taking a tissue from Karen to wipe the baby’s nose. “And he doesn’t have much interest in the other kids, so it won’t be hard to keep him in his own space and entertained.”
Well, she supposed that was one good thing.
Karen didn’t think Junior was all that contagious, given she hadn’t gotten anything from him, but she understood the daycare’s policy on sick children. She was damn lucky they had agreed to take Junior at all while she worked in the daytime. It was only because his doctor had written a note that explained the boy was suffering from non-contagious seasonal colds that the daycare allowed him in, with provisions.
She was grateful.
She couldn’t afford time off from work.
“All right, say goodbye to your mom, J,” the woman said.
Instantly, little Junior’s eyes flew to Karen, knowing what those words meant. He sniffled a bit as Karen smoothed her hand over his head of soft hair and kissed his forehead.
“I love you, little man,” she told him.
Junior smiled, his two top and bottom front teeth gleaming. The cold did nothing for his moods most days. He was still her bright ray of sunshine.
“Bye, bye, bye,” he babbled, his chubby hand waving jerkily.
Karen smiled widely. “Bye, bye, bye, baby.”
Junior could only speak a few words—things like hi, bye, mom, and a multitude of squeals to get what he wanted when he couldn’t speak the words properly. Karen was quite proud of him, and given the way he toddled on his feet, attempting to stand against furniture already, she had no doubt her boy would be walking by the time his first birthday rolled around.
A pain stabbed in her heart at the thought.
Karen had all she could do to smile through it and wave to her son as she walked out of the daycare, ready to get on with her day so she could get it over with and get back to her son. But even as she tried to ignore that sudden swell of pain, it beat right through her focus, thrumming a little harder in her heart as she unlocked her car and sat behind the wheel.
Alone, it was easier to deal with.
Alone, she could let the tears fall if needed.
Karen took a deep breath, willing her emotions to calm. She’d been doing well lately, but the older Junior got, the closer to his first birthday he became, the more anxious Karen was becoming.
Dino would be released right around the baby’s first birthday.
But he’d already missed so much.
It was a hard pill to swallow.
Karen had done her best to document their son’s life, hoping that when she shared the memories with Dino, he wouldn’t feel so lost. She also shared the few pictures she had taken of Dino with little Junior, hoping that the pictures would give him some connection to a man he had yet to meet.
Still, the pain beat on, thundering like a heavy drum in her soul.
Karen just didn’t have the time to focus on all of that. Not when she had to be at work in twenty minutes, her rent was due, and Junior was running low on his favorite snacks.
This was how she made it through the day.
Tasks to complete.
Each one took focus and time.
Then the day was over, and she could turn her attention to the next day.
It was easier that way.
Karen pulled her car out onto the road, sliding into traffic easily and making good time as she headed toward the studio where she worked. She had only just parked in the lot of the studio when her phone rang. Not wanting to be late, she picked up the call as she strolled across the lot, heading for the back entrance of the studio.
“Hello?” Karen said into the phone.
“Miss Martin, this is Mike Hardy giving you a call. Dino’s—”
“Dino’s lawyer. I know. You don’t need to introduce yourself to me every time you call, Mike,” she reminded him gently.
The lawyer laughed. “So you keep telling me.”
Their words almost implied they chatted often, but the truth was simple. They rarely had contact at all. Mike had contacted her once after Karen had mailed in the picture of her newborn son, hoping the lawyer would get the hint and deliver it to Dino. He’d wanted to make sure that was her intention, and when she confirmed it was, he assured her that he would bring it to Dino as soon as he possibly could.
Despite feeling as though she shouldn’t ask, during that phone call Karen had requested the lawyer keep her up-to-date on anything that might be important regarding Dino, like his release efforts and whatnot.
The lawyer had promised to do so.
He’d only called one other time—to say Dino would not be getting an early release.
This was the third call she had gotten from the man, and she didn’t have a clue what he would be calling for, considering Dino still had another four months and possibly a week or two before his release would come up.
“Why the call?” Karen asked as she pulled open the back door of the studio. “He’s not getting out for a while yet, right?”
She could already hear the other two photographers chatter down the hallway, telling her they were getting set up for the scheduled shoots they had that day. A couple of softball team photos, and some family bookings. The place did decent business, and having more than one photographer on hand meant they could book several shoots over the day and work in tandem.
“Dino’s release has not changed,” the lawyer replied.
Karen’s heart stuttered for a second, a slight sliver of fear crawling up her spine. “Did something happen?”
“Oh, no. Not at all. I’m sorry, I should have said that right away. This is … uh, well, it’s rather good. Dino had called to make a request regarding some things he wanted to do, and thought maybe I could help him out with it all.”
“Those requests involve me?” Karen asked.
“You and the baby,” Mike corrected.
“Oh.”
“I’d much rather explain it in person, rather than over the phone. It’s a lot to go over and whatnot. Dino and I have been working on the details for a couple of months, and things have finally fallen into place. The ink is dry, so to speak, and things look good.”
Karen was more confused than she wanted to admit.
She was also a little wary about meeting with the lawyer, if only because Dino had made it quite clear before he entered prison that he didn’t want her involved with people who might expose her to the other side of his life, and the people there. She didn’t entirely understand why, but she trusted his judgement.
It was well known the lawyer was working for Dino.
Would those people be watching him?
So, yeah, she hesitated.
“A quick cup of coffee and a drive is all it would take,” the lawyer prodded when Karen stayed quiet.
Karen peered down the hall, seeing just the shadow of one of her employers back at the very end as the woman moved between studio rooms. “I’m working right now, so I can’t say yes at the moment.”
“Later?”
“I have to pick the baby up at daycare at four.”
Mike sighed heavily. “Listen, Karen, I know you probably want to keep a distance from Dino and—”
On that, Karen had to stop the man. “No offence, but you don’t know anything regarding how I feel about Dino or where he and I stand.”
He cleared his throat quickly. “You’re right—I apologize. This is important to him, though, and he’s made a great effort to have it done and ready for you. Not an easy thing being where he is, let me just say.”
“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
“I’m aware. Can you get off work a little early?”
“I can try,” Karen obliged.
She wasn’t promising a thing. Her boss could be difficult, though the woman had given her a good job and paid her well. Karen was not about to complain.
“Call me back if you can. I will meet you anywhere you want, Karen.”
“Sounds like a plan.”
Karen pulled her car into the lot of a tiny café that was only ten minutes away from her work. She didn’t bother to shut off her car, as she had parked right beside the man meeting her there, and he was already leaning against his own black Toyota.
She rolled down the window when he smiled, and then accepted the to-go cup of coffee he handed her.
“Thanks,” Karen said, taking a sip. “My fuel for the rest of this day.”
Mike laughed. “I know the feeling. Lawyers live off of caffeine and take-out.”
Karen made a face. “Tell me about it.”
“Gotta do what we gotta do. Care to take a drive?”
She checked the time, noting she only had an hour and a half before she had to pick up her son. “How long is it going to be?”
