by Audrina Cole
Silence ensued as he locked his gaze with mine. For the first time, my own anxiety faded enough for his emotions to intrude. He was confused and desperate for answers. I felt the joy of his improving health, but it was overshadowed by something, most likely the desire to know the truth, laced with a heavy dose of concern. I imagined that he was worried that his remission was only temporary. I also felt his determination. He was positive I knew what had happened, and his fierce determination to discover the truth would never waver. I could feel that.
I couldn’t understand why he was so sure I was involved. Most people weren’t supposed to know. They weren’t supposed to feel healed, because the process of full healing took time. That’s what I had always been told. When I healed Ellen, the lady with the heart failure, my parents told me the reason she noticed the difference right away is because her breathing improved so dramatically. That’s something that is easily noticed, when a person is used to fighting for every breath. But Alex? How would he notice anything? Other than a reduction in pain, what would he have noticed? And even if he felt more, what would make him connect that to me? I didn’t have the answers.
But his eyes pleaded with me for the truth. I didn’t know what to do. He wasn’t buying any of my lies. If I continued to plead ignorant, he could go to my parents. That wouldn’t help matters. What if he went to his doctors, or the media? They may not take him seriously at first, but when he had scans taken for years that show cancer progressively riddling his body, then another scan showing it gone overnight, they might pay attention, if for no other reason than it would make a great human-interest story.
I was screwed no matter what I did.
10
“Well?” Alex folded his arms, waiting. “I know it was you, Ember. I don’t know how you did it, and I don’t even know how I know it was you…but it was. I can feel it.”
That startled me. Normal people do have intuition and empathy, but in such minute amounts compared to Healers, that it was unusual to hear the average person claim to really feel something is true with any certainty. I’d heard people say it before, but often it was said euphemistically—and it was not something I wanted to hear in that context. I would much prefer it if Alex were as clueless as the average joe.
Maybe my healing has gotten a lot more powerful now that I’m older, and I zapped him with way too much energy.
Over my anxiety and Alex’s determination, I could feel River getting antsy in the car. He knew things weren’t going well, and as I looked over toward the car, I could tell he was contemplating getting out. He sat upright in his seat, his face almost pressed against the glass, pale beneath his light-brown mop of wavy hair. I could imagine his hand paused on the door handle, as he debated whether or not I’d be mad. There was uncertainty, worry, and fear all rolled into one. I tried to give a subtle, dismissive wave. That didn’t seem to relax him, so I forced my heart rate to slow, and that seemed to appease him a little. He sat back slowly, but continued to watch. I suspected the radio was no longer on.
Alex glanced back at the car, then at me. “What’s wrong?” He’d caught my little exchange with my brother.
“Nothing,” I sighed. This guy was a little too observant for my comfort. Maybe that was why he’d noticed the changes so quickly. I realized this situation wasn’t going away, no matter how much I wanted it to. If I told Alex the truth, I risked exposing my family. If I lied, Alex was sure to pursue the truth, and that risked exposing my family in a very public way.
Which would be infinitely worse.
“I just…I don’t know what you want me to say.”
“How about the truth?” He remained motionless, a statue.
I looked away, biting my lip.
“Fine. If you won’t give me answers, I’ll find someone who—” he turned to walk away.
“Wait!” I heaved a sigh. I didn’t really have a choice. “Sit down.”
He returned to the picnic table and sat across from me, hands steepled beneath his chin.
“I’ll tell you. But first, tell me what made you think I had anything to do with you getting better.”
“Well,” he gazed off into the distance, watching the children play on the playground. “I can’t say for sure. Just…when you touched me, I felt myself start to relax. And trust me, that never happens when I get bad pains like that. It lasts and lasts, and when they finally start to pass, I’m exhausted and weak. But the pain started fading shortly after you laid your hands on me. Then I felt warm all over, especially where you touched me. It felt like a wave of peace came over me, and I got sleepy. I don’t think I ever fell completely asleep, but it felt…I don’t know…like I was in a hazy daydream. It was nice.” He turned his face away, but I thought I saw a hint of a blush on his cheeks.
He cleared his throat and looked back at me. “For the rest of the day, I felt good. In fact, instead of feeling worn out at the end of the party, I was sorry to see it end. Even though I knew the fundraiser had been a bust, I didn’t care. I was still a little tired, but nothing compared to how it had been for the last couple of months. And it’s gotten better every day since.”
“Why did you go in for new scans? I thought the doctors had pretty much written you off.”
“They had. But I was feeling so good, and my mom was driving me crazy all week, trying to keep me in bed. I told her I thought I was in remission. She didn’t believe it, even though she wanted to. I felt so different, I knew something was happening to me. My dad was kind of mad and felt like I was holding on to false hope. Mom was worried I’d kill myself, trying to do stuff that I shouldn’t because I thought I was getting better. So when I begged them to run some tests, they eventually agreed, and after arguing with the doctors, they finally approved it.”
This boy wasn’t just observant…he was persistent as hell. Those tests couldn’t be cheap, but he finagled a way to get his parents and his doctors to do it, despite the risk of complaints from the insurance company, and all on his whim. I saw him in a new light. Despite the illness that ravaged his body (and still left his body weak, even in the wake of his healing) he had a fighting spirit like none I’d ever seen. And he’d managed to put me in a position where I was considering telling him my family secret. I was awed by it.
“So…” I realized I was staring at him, and looked away. “What did the doctors say?”
“What could they say? You know doctors. They think there’s a rational explanation for everything. First they said my scans must have gotten mixed up with someone else’s. Then they claimed it had to be the machine, that it must be on the blink. So they put me in a different machine, and got the same results. Then they tried another. Eventually they gave up trying to explain it, and mumbled something about needing to recalibrate the machines—all of them.”
I laughed. “Boy, I wish I’d been there for that.”
Alex watched me while I laughed, a small smile curving his lips. As my laughter died away, there was a moment of awkwardness, and in that silent moment, I felt it.
He was attracted to me.
Oh...wow. I hadn’t expected that. Knowing how people felt about me—or at least having an inkling of it—created many awkward moments for me, though usually not in a positive way. I looked away and tucked a strand of hair behind my ear.
He cleared his throat. “Yeah, well I was there, and it was kind of fun, watching their jaws drop, babbling on with their incoherent explanations for the impossible.” He grinned, then it faded. “But you know it isn’t impossible…don’t you?”
It was my turn to clear my throat. “Ahhh. Well. It’s hard to explain.”
“Try me.”
I squirmed under his gaze. I could feel River going on alert again, and decided to put up a shield of protection, hoping it would block some of the emotions I was feeling. I closed my eyes briefly, imagining a sphere of white light surrounding me, keeping my emotions within my own aura, and holding the emotions of others at bay.
“Ember?”
�
�Yes?” My eyelids flew open.
“It looked like I lost you there for a moment.”
“Nope. Right here.” I smiled at him. How could I tell him? My parents would be furious. I knew I should beg off; let him talk to my parents if that’s what he wanted. I’d get even more lectures, but surely they’d come up with a plausible story to satisfy him. Yes, that’s what I should do.
But even as I thought it, I knew I wouldn’t do it. Because I wanted to tell him. I trusted him, just as he trusted me that day. I felt connected to him somehow. Beyond that, I yearned to tell someone I could trust. Though it could bring crushing humiliation and possible danger if I revealed my secret, the need to share and be accepted for who I truly was burned within me.
“Well…it might sound crazy, but…” I took a deep breath, and exhaled. “I’m a Healer.”
“Yeah, you’re not exactly dropping a bombshell. I kind of figured that part out already. What I want to know is how.”
What? It was that easy? I simply told him the truth, and he believed me. I had expected him to mock me, to ridicule me, to call me crazy and get as far away from me as fast as he could. But he simply sat there, his gaze even.
“Um…” I faltered, unsure of what to say next. “Well…I was born that way.”
“How does it work?”
“Pretty much like you felt it. I touch you, and I…I call it ‘opening the channels’. It’s hard to explain.” I searched my mind for an analogy. “Okay, this might sound a little gross, but…you know how you can consciously start and stop the flow of urine? It doesn’t take much effort, and often you don’t need to think consciously about it. It comes easy. You just start the flow of urine, and stop it when you want. Or let it go until you’re done. That’s kind of how it works. I open up the energy centers located in my body, and let the healing energy flow.”
“Okay. I get it. Though I could have done with a better analogy.”
“Hey, you asked.”
“I know.” He smiled. “So...you’re healing with your own energy?”
“No. It’s…basically, it comes from everything around us. It’s the universal life force energy that everything is made up of. I’m merely a channel, a conduit. Kind of like a funnel. I’m the tool used to funnel the energy into you, and once it gets to you, it clears blockages in your energy pathways, and allows your body to function properly, and heal itself.”
“That’s amazing. And it always heals this fast?”
“I gave you a big dose. It sped up the process. But to be honest, even the dose I gave you doesn’t explain having results this stupendous. I’m at a loss to explain your speedy recovery.”
“So you do this all the time, then?” He sounded disappointed, and his feelings matched his tone.
“No, I don’t. There are…repercussions.”
“Like what?”
“Like ungrateful teenage boys tracking me down and threatening to expose me.” I raised my eyebrows and looked pointedly at him.
“Hey, I only said I’d talk to your parents. And from what you said, I doubt it would have been much of a surprise to them.”
“True. My mom knew what I’d done as soon as she saw me.” I watched an older couple walk past with a dog. When I looked back, I caught Alex watching me. I felt the embarrassment coming from him as he looked away.
He’s cute when he’s embarrassed, I thought. Wait…what? No, I cannot start crushing on a guy I healed. That is not going to happen. But now that the thought had occurred to me, I couldn’t help but notice that he was kind of cute, now that his face was filling out and he had his color again. The hair he’d shown me looked a little funny—fuzzy and soft like baby hair—but I had a sneaking suspicion that Alex would normally be an attractive guy. When he wasn’t dying, that is.
The sound of the car door interrupted my thoughts.
“Hey, it’s getting hot in the car.” River called. He stood next to the car, and I could see even at a distance that he was sweating. Though it was a nice spring day, the Jetta was black, and River must have baking in car’s interior. “You know Mom doesn’t like us to idle the car to run the air conditioner.”
It was my car now, and I could do what I wanted to, but running the AC would just run down my fuel supply. “I’ll be right there,” I called, though I found myself reluctant to leave.
“I have so many more questions to ask you,” Alex said, his disappointment leaking through.
“I know, but I can’t let him fry in the car and…I don’t really want to discuss this in front of him.”
We both stood and started to walk back toward the car.
“Could we…? I know I’ve been pushy about all this. But I just had to know...”
“I don’t blame you. It’s been a big week for you.” I cast a sidelong glance at him as we walked.
“Anyway, I’d like to…I still would like to hear more…” he halted, hands thrust in his pocket, looking at the ground. “Do you think we could get together sometime, without River around? I mean,” he added quickly, “so you could…you know…tell me more?” He peeked out at me from under the rim of his ball cap.
Tell him no! Tell him no! a voice inside me warned. This could only end in trouble for me. But my mouth had a mind of its own. “Sure.” I smiled.
“Is tonight too soon?” He was feeling anxious, probably worried he’d scare me off.
Jenna and I had plans to go to a movie to celebrate my attainment of vehicular freedom. “That would be fine.” She won’t mind if I cancel.
We agreed that I would pick him up at seven, and we headed back to the car in silence. River eyed me with suspicion as we both settled into the car, and took off. We drove in silence, and I could feel Alex’s awkwardness and the probing sensation of River’s curiosity. I tried not to look at Alex in the rearview mirror—every time I did, I caught him watching me.
He didn’t even get halfway up his walkway before his mother ran out of the house, breathless and anxious. I could hear her chastising as she put an arm around him and dragged him into the house. She cast a disapproving look over her shoulder as they climbed the steps, and I felt Alex’s annoyance and embarrassment.
“I don’t think you’re her favorite person right now,” River said as we watched them go inside.
“Nope. She probably crapped her pants when she found his note. And she blames me for ‘kidnapping’ him.”
“She’s a worrier.”
“Yep.”
“He likes you.”
“Shut up.”
River gasped. “And you like him!”
“Shut up!” I could feel my cheeks flame, and I put the car into drive, staring straight ahead.
“Is that why you healed him?”
“No!”
“Em, this is not going to end well. You need to stop it, before it gets started.”
“Nothing is getting started.”
“I heard what he said, at the end…about seeing you tonight.”
“Mind your own business.”
“Hey, when your screw-ups mean more restrictions for me, it is my business.”
“Look,” I glanced over at him, “Mom and Dad are wrong about this healing stuff. I mean, I was wrong because of the way I went about it, sure, but if they weren’t so strict about not letting us heal people, I wouldn’t have had to do it that way. It’s not fair, and you know it, River. We aren’t kids anymore. I’m practically an adult, and a hundred years ago, boys your age were considered men—capable of holding down jobs, hunting for their tribe, marrying, you name it. We’re not little kids, but they don’t see that. We’ll always be their babies. Meanwhile, Mom gets to heal people on a regular basis. And Dad probably would too, if he wasn’t so overly worried. If they’d just give us the same support that they give each other, we could heal people, too.”
“And where would we come up with the blood so that each of us could heal once a month? Mom would get found out, for sure, if she took that much from the hospital.”
“We
wouldn’t need to each do it every month. We could take turns. Don’t you think we deserve to do it once in a while?”
“It doesn’t matter,” he shook his head. “Mom will never change her mind. And none of that changes the fact that you can’t be around this guy. If you like him, and he’s asking questions, sooner or later either he’ll figure it all out, or you’ll spill your guts.”
My adrenaline spiked as he said the words, and instantly I put up my shields and focused my thoughts elsewhere.
“What was that?” he asked.
“What?”
“That…thing. I felt it. You panicked for a second, there…”
“I—I’m just nervous about tonight,” I sputtered, before he had time to turn it over in his mind and figure things out. If he knew I’d told Alex, he’d spill the beans for sure. “I haven’t ever been out with a guy before, unless you count those awkward dates with a couple of guys from the homeschooling support group. I mean…not that this is a date, or anything...”
“Oh, judging by the way his heart rate spiked, I’d say it’s a date,” he laughed. “But the question is, will the date begin with an interrogation, or end with one? Something tells me that guy isn’t going to give up.”
I quelled the guilt that rose within me. “Yeah, I got that sense, too. Good thing I lie better than you do.” But not by much, I thought.
I had the feeling things were going to get way out of hand.
I was right.
11
Jenna didn’t mind that I wanted to blow off our plans, as long as I came back with all the juicy details. Insisting that it wasn’t a date had done nothing at all to deter her “gossip radar.” I knew I’d be interrogated Sunday morning.
At the rate I’m going, I’ll be an excellent liar by the end of the month!
Even worse, once Jenna found out that it was Alex who I was meeting with, I would never hear the end of her questions. As it was, she was chomping at the bit to find out who the “mystery man” was.
