by Audrina Cole
I could have kissed him, right there.
“So what are we looking up, today?” he whispered, in a bright tone.
“Uh…Mom wants me to look up the Coeur d’Alene tribe. I know a little bit already from stuff Mom has told me, but she wants me to really get to know about their history.” We had visited some of the landmarks that pertained to the history of the local Native American tribe, but I didn’t know much more than that.
“I don’t know much about them, so that sounds interesting.”
It was interesting, especially for me. Although my people—Healers—came from every race and creed, we were predominantly of European descent. Yet I felt a kind of kinship to all the Native American tribes. They were a people who had always been close to nature and the land, and as a Healer, I found their history and culture fascinating.
After I’d looked up the topic in the library catalog computer, I scribbled down the Dewey Decimal numbers I needed to locate the books, and we headed off to the non-fiction area.
We found the right row of shelves, and then the section I needed. I traced my finger along the spines of the books, pulling out each of the volumes I needed. I was achingly aware of Alex at my side, close enough to touch. My hair was twisted up into a messy knot, held in place by two hair sticks, but a few tendrils had escaped and hung in my face. I ducked my head a bit, wishing I had a silky curtain of hair to hide behind while I searched out the last book.
Alex’s fingers brushed my cheek as he swept the tendrils aside, tucking them behind my ear. My cheek tingled where he had touched me, and I found myself wishing those fingers would trail further down my neck…
“Here it is!” I proclaimed, pulling the last book from the shelf, and turning away. It felt like my every thought was written across my face, and I couldn’t risk him seeing my emotions at that moment.
Walking quickly away, I felt him following behind.
“Hey, wait up.”
Along the way, Alex once again drew the gazes of every female in the place. It was almost laughable, it was so obvious. I saw one young woman, leading her toddler to the children’s room, who cast an appraising glance in Alex’s way…literally looking him up and down in one quick glance, before remembering herself and looking away. I hugged the books to my chest and kept my head down, heading for a back corner. I found a table in the back, behind rows of bookshelves, and figured we’d be safest there from the female population.
The library felt more like ladies’ night at a club than an afternoon at the library. I’d only seen one teenage boy and one middle-aged man in the whole place. It felt like the universe was conspiring to turn me into a raving, jealous lunatic.
I dumped the books onto the table a little rougher than I needed to, and sat facing the corner. That way, if any women followed us, I wouldn’t have to endure their stares.
How long will it be before he realizes he can do better than me?
Alex pulled out his chair and dragged it around to sit adjacent to me, instead of across from me. He sat down, then scooted his seat a little closer, and laid his hand on my back. “I’m here with you.”
“What?” I was startled.
“I’m here with you. I don’t care about anyone else here. This library could be empty, for all I care, because as far as I’m concerned, you’re the only one I see.”
My emotions must have been more transparent than I’d thought. It was like he could see right down into my soul. I blinked back tears. Why was I feeling this way? I’d never felt so out of control before.
He took my hand and squeezed it. “Can’t you sense how I’m feeling, right now? I thought you said you could read people’s emotions. Read mine.” He placed my hand on his chest—on that taut, defined chest—and I could feel his heartbeat. It thumped against his ribs, fast and hard.
I closed my eyes, and for a moment, everything else melted away—the sounds of the library around us, the smell of the books, the fear and the jealousy. No one existed but Alex and me, and as everything faded, I could feel the swell of his emotions flooding me. It hit me like a wave, washing over me in a tumult.
Attraction, admiration, concern, and warmth—the mélange of emotions overtook me. And under all that, a simmering desire.
He wanted me.
Me!
I didn’t feel any of it leaking away toward anyone else. All that emotion was directed at me, like a targeted tidal wave. I felt adrift, like a boat unmoored, lost in the overwhelming sensations that battered me.
“I hope you’re back here studying,” a voice intruded.
We both jumped, and I yanked my hand back as my eyes flew open, and I turned to see a librarian in her late forties, pushing a cart of books.
“The library is for reading and studying, not fraternizing.”
I suspected the word fraternizing was intended as a euphemism for something a lot more illicit.
“Yes, ma’am.” I was mortified.
She nodded, her lips pursed in irritation, but as she turned away, I thought I caught a fleeting smile. She pushed the cart down the aisle, turning a few rows down. A moment later, I could hear her shelving books.
We turned to each other and burst into quiet, raspy giggles. When the laughter finally stopped, my ribs ached from trying to remain silent. Then I remembered Alex’s flood of emotion. I must have been so overwhelmed with jealousy that I couldn’t even begin to feel anything coming from Alex.
His expression grew serious, and his eyes darkened. “Ember.” He reached out, laying a finger under my chin and forcing me to look up into his eyes. “Don’t ever doubt just how amazing and spectacular you really are. Ever.”
I waited, sure he was going to lean forward and kiss me. My lips tingled in anticipation. But he only withdrew, and picked up one of the books.
“Let’s get cracking, or we’ll be stuck here all day.”
16
Two hours later, I’d taken copious notes, and had checked out two books, which I stuffed into my oversized denim purse. Then we both decided a walk and some fresh air would do us good after all that sitting.
We walked across the park, toward Tubbs Hill again. Joggers were stretching after their runs as the sun sank low behind the mountains, and hikers were ambling down the trail, eager to get back to their cars before the sun set. A few children played near the picnic shelter.
We made our way up the trail, and stopped at the same enormous rock as we had weeks before. This time, Alex hopped up onto the rock with the skill of an athlete, and I felt like the weak one, climbing up onto it while I lifted my full skirt to avoid tripping on it.
We both sat facing the sunset, the warm light casting an orange and pink glow over our bodies. The sound of the water rippling against the rocky shore was relaxing. We spent a few minutes in silence, watching a boat slowly chug its way across the lake, toward the marina.
“Are you going to tell me what happened back there?” Alex pulled me from my peaceful reverie.
I turned away, looking up at the resort hotel, watching the large birds circling it, looking for a place to land. “What do you mean?”
“Oh, don’t even try that. I know what was going on in that head of yours. What I want to know is why.”
“Why, what?” I brushed some dirt off my skirt, examining it as if it was the most important task in the world. I wouldn’t look up at him.
He sighed, exasperated. “Why were you letting that girl get to you so much?”
I didn’t respond.
“She’s an idiot. Who cares what she says?”
I looked up sharply. He heard? I shifted my gaze away, humiliated. That just made the whole thing even worse. Tears burned my eyes again.
Alex moved, scraping over the rock to edge closer to me. “Who cares what she says?” he repeated. “She’s nothing. She’s no one. Didn’t you sense what I was feeling? You’re all that matters to me. I only noticed her at all because you were staring at her, looking miserable.”
I didn’t believe that. He ha
d to have at least noticed her. She was beautiful. Only a blind man wouldn’t notice her. I turned my face away, hoping to hide my tears.
“Don’t turn away from me. Look at me. Do you think this is the first time this happened? I’ve been dealing with it every day this week at work. It’s weird. I feel like I have three eyes, or four arms, or something. It makes me uncomfortable.”
A single tear tracked down my cheek. “Come on, Alex. You’ve been sick and frail for two years. In a wheel chair for months. You’re going to tell me you’re not enjoying the attention?” And instantly I felt like a horrible witch for saying something so catty—I should be glad that he was getting attention. At least, a good person would be glad for him.
I wasn’t. I hated it. And I hated myself for hating it.
“Sure, at first, I admit, I loved it. It felt great to be noticed—and not because I was sick. That doesn’t mean I wanted any of the girls who were looking at me. It just means I was enjoying the feeling of being looked at. You know…looked at in a good way.”
The little green monster was eating away at my insides.
“But then it just got weirder and weirder. I started having women looking at me, too. Older women. Even my mom’s age. You’d think they were looking at someone famous, or something. It’s just…”
“Weird?”
He laughed. “Yeah. And a little creepy. I don’t get it.”
That only made him more appealing—that he didn’t understand why women would adore his god-like looks.
I wiped the tear from my cheek. “Maybe they’re just looking at your goofy hair.” I flashed him a wicked grin.
“Hey! What’s wrong with my hair?” He ran a hand over his new dark hair, now already over an inch long, and growing thicker every day.
“The top looks alright, but the sides are sticking out a bit.”
He touched his fingers to the sides of his hair. “Yeah, I tried slicking the sides back with some gel today, but apparently not all of it is obeying. I guess it’s time to shorten the sides.” He laughed and shook his head. “I never thought I’d need another haircut again, never mind that I’d need one this fast.”
“Everything’s happening fast.” My tone was morose, and I sounded pathetic, but I couldn’t help it. Alex might have feelings for me now, but there was no way of knowing if they’d fade as fast as they’d come. I couldn’t imagine my life without him in it.
He took my hand. “I know. But I’m glad.”
“You are?”
His hand squeezed mine. “Of course. I missed out on so much, Ember. For two years I’ve been in limbo, waiting to find out if I would live or die. Now I’m going to live, and I’m eager to get on with my life and really live it.”
I swallowed, grimacing at the bitter taste on my tongue.
“Why do you look so hurt?” He tucked a few loose strands of my hair behind my ears again.
“I just…” my voice failed me. I cleared my throat. Better to just get it over with, before I get hurt even worse. “I know you have feelings for me now. But what happens when they start to fade? When you realize you only feel this way because I’m the one that saved your life, and you look around and see all the girls that you could be with, if you weren’t hanging around with me…”
Irritation crossed his face, and he rolled his eyes skyward. I could feel the anger surging up in him. “How could you even say that? I already told you, this isn’t some kind of thing where I’m falling for you because you saved me. Okay? How many times do I have to say it?”
“Maybe it’s not just that…maybe it’s because I’m this…this exotic…thing…that you’ve never encountered before—”
“If I hear you refer to yourself in that way ever again, I’m going to get really mad.” He took me by the shoulders, hard enough that I felt his fingers bite into my skin. “I don’t care about your stupid powers, or the fact that you saved me—much as I might appreciate it. I care about you. You, with your wild, beautiful hair, and your gorgeous green eyes, and that lovely, pale face that holds so much natural beauty that you don’t need a bit of makeup, and that no other face could ever hold a candle to. You, with your hippy skirts and distaste for any food that isn’t natural and your crazy love for rocks and your irritating habit of always sensing my moods, even when I don’t want you to, and…”
His chest rose and fell, out of breath from his tirade. He let go of me, stood, and walked a few steps away, his back to me—as far as he could go without walking off the edge of the rock. His frustration made my skin prickle, as if my body had brushed lightly against stinging nettles. He scrubbed a hand through his hair as he looked out over the water, letting his arm fall and slap against his side.
I stood and took a step, reaching my hand hesitantly toward him.
Then a surge of emotion, stronger than any I’d felt from him before, overtook him—and me—and he turned and lunged for me, nearly knocking me off balance. He pulled me toward him, and took my face in his hands. His dark eyes blazed into mine, only a moment, before he crushed his lips to mine. I could barely gasp in a breath, he kissed me so long and deep.
His lips parted, and mine did as well. My hands stole up and around his waist as one of his hands delved into my hair, caressing my cheek, and sending chills through my whole body. The taste of him was exquisite, and as his feelings rolled over me, mixing with my own, a bolt of energy shot through me, warming places inside me that I hadn’t paid much attention to, until I’d met Alex.
At last his lips released mine. I opened my eyes, looking up to see that his were still closed, a frown furrowing his brow, as if he wrestled with something within his own mind. I felt the tumult of emotions warring within him. Then he released me with a little push, and I stumbled back a step before regaining my balance.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to—”
“It’s alright.”
He spun away, running his hands through his hair. “I don’t know if I can do this. If I should do this.”
Alex hopped down off the rock, walking up toward the trail.
I stood, a quivering mass of flesh, dizzy from his kiss and his tidal wave of emotions, feeling bereft…adrift. It took a full moment before I could regain my wits.
“Wait!” I grabbed my purse and ran after him. He’d turned right, headed up Tubbs Hill. It was getting darker, and I didn’t want to be left behind in the gathering twilight.
He stalked off ahead of me. I hurried to catch up, and he didn’t try to evade me.
“What the hell was that?” I demanded.
“I’m sorry,” he said over his shoulder, “I guess I shouldn’t have kissed you. I didn’t mean to upset you.”
“Will you slow down?” I just missed stumbling over a root. I was just behind him, but I was going to kill myself if I kept walking that fast down a shadowy, tree-covered trail. “And that’s not the part I was talking about. I mean the pushing me away and running off part.”
He halted, and I ran into his arm. It was like running into a tree limb. He didn’t turn around. His shoulders heaved with exertion—not so much from the fast walk, it seemed, but from the roiling frustration that I sensed, simmering just below the surface of his controlled demeanor.
I laid a hand on his shoulder. “Alex.”
He winced under my touch, and I recoiled, nearly tripping as I stepped back. What did I do?
Alex turned. “Don’t—Ember—” Remorse colored his expression. “Please, it’s not like that. I’m sorry.”
I took another step back. How could he embrace me so passionately one moment, then cast me aside the next? I wanted to turn and run.
“You don’t understand.” He held out his hands, pleading. “I can’t…it’s like this body…it’s not me. It’s not mine. I…I don’t understand it.”
Confusion and misery roared toward me, and I gave up my planned retreat. “What do you mean?”
“Things are happening. Weird things. Like…my body feels foreign to me.”
“I’m
sure that’s a natural reaction—you’ve changed so much, so quickly.”
“Yeah, that’s what I thought at first. And that’s how it felt. Like—it was a good thing, but a strange thing. But now…it’s different. Sometimes…I feel like I’m not completely in control.”
A small bud of fear blossomed inside of me. “In what way?”
“Well…like just a minute ago. I was frustrated, but also feeling…very attracted to you.” He stuck his hands in his pocket and turned away, embarrassment leaking through. “I wanted to shake you, and kiss you, all at once. And then, I wanted to just…” he trailed off, and the embarrassment soared to complete mortification.
I couldn’t read his thoughts, but the pure thrum of his emotions made it clear exactly what he had wanted to do in that moment. I could feel myself blushing to the roots of my hair.
“Oh!” I lowered my eyes, self-conscious and completely at a loss for what to say. Now my own imaginings of what he might want to do to me was branded into my mind, and I didn’t think it would ever leave me. I imagined him dragging me down roughly onto the rock, tearing my clothes from me, kissing his way down my body while I cried out in desperate pleasure…
Then it was my turn to spin away from him, wrapping my arms around myself and shivering, more from the fantasy than from the chill of the evening air.
“Please, don’t be mad, Ember. That’s why I walked away. I didn’t know if I could stop myself.”
“I’m not mad,” I whispered.
“I didn’t want to treat you that way. I wanted the first time I kissed you to be…different. But it’s like something inside of me just took over.”
I turned back, still unable to look him completely in the eye. “Are you sure it’s not just…you know…uh…normal guy feelings? Like…hormones?”
We both looked down at our feet, embarrassed to be having such a frank conversation.
“Yeah, I thought about that. But it feels like something more.”
“You think this is something I did to you? By healing you, I mean?” I peeked up at him, afraid of his answer.
