Love and Decay, Volume Seven (Episodes 5-8, Season Three)

by Higginson, Rachel

  “No,” she answered immediately. “Not right now. Maybe not ever. I just want to pretend none of it ever happened.”

  My stomach churned with the greasy memories of those men attacking me. “I know what you mean.”

  She slid out of my hug and scooted toward the door. We were the last ones in the van; everyone else had filtered into the house. Even Harrison had carried Adela inside.

  Tyler turned back at the last second. “If you ever change your mind, you can talk to me,” she offered. “You can talk to me about anything.”

  “Ditto.” I winked at her and she smiled gently at me. She stepped back from the van and the darkness of the night shadowed her dirty face. She threw her arms wide and stretched as far as she could. “It’s good to be out of there.”

  I jumped down from the van and tried to feel her enthusiasm. “We’re just going to have to go through it again tomorrow.”

  She laughed lighter than I had heard her in a very long time. “We’ll see. I’ve got a good feeling about this place,” she grinned at me. “This is a turning point for us.”

  “How can you be so sure?” When I shut the van door, the burst of sound echoed through the still night. I jumped from the suddenness of it. Tyler slipped her arm through mine and tugged me toward the house.

  “Because it has to be,” she answered. “Things have to change directions for us or we’re not going to make it. And I refuse that option. I refuse the possibility that one of us might not make it.”

  “Even Page?”

  “Especially Page.”

  We reached the house and Tyler left me for her brother. He threw his arms around her as soon as she was close enough. I smiled at his desire to be tough and manly while it was clear he wanted nothing more than the comfort of his sister.

  I ruffled his hair as I walked by him into the main part of the house.

  I took in the rustic details of the decor as I bee-lined for my best friend. She lay on the only bed in the room, surrounded by white sheets and fluffy pillows.

  I couldn’t believe it was Haley at first. She was clean and healthy looking. Her belly bulged beneath the quilt and I thought I had never seen her look more beautiful.

  Haley and I had started this journey as teens, just barely legal. But somewhere along the way she had stopped being a kid and turned into a woman.

  A wife.

  A mom.

  I rushed to her side but hovered back when I remembered how filthy and disgusting I was. My fingers suddenly felt webbed because of how sticky with dirt, blood and grime they were. My skin seemed to want to crackle and crumble. My hair sat with a palpable weight on top of my head, full of grease, sweat and gravel. My breath was something like fire and brimstone.

  I might have been willing to kill for a toothbrush.

  I was disgusting.

  Haley’s eyes brimmed with tears. “You made it,” she cried.

  “So did you.” My hands started to shake. There were too many things to say to her, too many feelings that felt too strong and potent to have words attached to them. I settled on, “I thought I was going to get to meet the little peanut.”

  She rubbed her hands over her belly. “Not yet. Soon, but not yet.”

  “I want to hug you.”

  She grinned at me. “You want a shower more.”

  “Shower?” The possibility of a getting clean shot a burst of life through my body. Maybe everything wasn’t hopeless after all.

  “Joy will show you,” she told me. She jerked her chin towards the GI-Jane-Martha-Stewart-crossover. “We’ll catch up once you’re clean. You’ll thank me.”

  I grinned at her through watery eyes. “I love you, Hales.”

  “I love you too, Reags. Now go scrub your skin raw.”

  I laughed and spun around. King walked through the door with a towel slung around his hips. He was disturbingly skinny. I could see his sternum between carved muscle and faint scars. He needed to eat more.

  We all did.

  “There’s really a shower?” I asked the small house. Several people confirmed that there was.

  “Get in line,” Harrison grinned at me. “I’ve been promised there’s enough water for everyone.”

  I didn’t argue with him or even question where the water could possibly be coming from. I just picked up a towel from where Joy had set them out for us and got in line.

  Tyler stepped up behind me and we waited our turns to get clean.

  The “shower” turned out to be a pump settled into the middle of a big square concrete slab in the backyard. There was no privacy curtain or wall or anything. Basically, you stripped down in the middle of nowhere and hoped nobody came outside.

  Nobody did though. We were all perfectly happy to give every person their privacy.

  Joy had passed out some of her clothes to Adela, Tyler and me. So after I had scrubbed my body raw underneath ice-cold well water and washed my hair with Joy’s generous contribution of coconut shampoo, I dressed in khaki cargo pants and a pale blue button up blouse. The clothes were both too feminine and too masculine for me, but I wasn’t going to complain. I was just happy to be in something not filthy dirty and disintegrating as it sat on my aching, scratched and beaten body.

  I pulled my hair over my shoulder and braided it, tying it at the bottom with string I pulled from the hem of my blouse. My face felt fresh and young again, my skin glowed in the soft moonlight. The night air was chilly and goose bumps covered my burned skin from head to toe, but it was a clean cold.

  I felt completely rejuvenated.

  I tossed my clothes in the fire, just like everyone else before me had done, but kept my boots. They would have to work for a little bit longer.

  Right now though, I planned to enjoy being barefoot.

  I hurried into the house, anxious to let someone else have the blissful experience of getting clean. The low lantern light and soft hum of voices welcomed me when I stepped inside. I breathed in deeply and for the first time in a long time, smelled something other than sweat and waste.

  This house smelled like spices and citrus. My heart swelled with the coziness of it, with the hope it offered just by being something different than horrifying and death-filled.

  I had sworn over and over that I would not trust another human being outside of the Parkers and Tyler. But these people made it hard to resist them.

  They hadn’t tried to eat us and they hadn’t locked us up.

  I watched them laugh with their son at the kitchen table. Joy was hard at work preparing tortillas from scratch. Her able hands kneaded and rolled the dough into super thin ovals. She smiled at her husband, clearly enjoying the work and his presence.

  How had they been able to protect their beauty? This… innocence?

  How had they been able to survive this evil world and stay human?

  On my best days I felt less than human. I felt like some unearthly creature that had been carved out of terror and killing. Daily I scrambled to keep my humanity as close to my chest as I could. It felt fragile. It felt fleeting.

  And yet these people didn’t seem at war with their own inner darkness. They seemed at peace in a world of turmoil.

  They seemed calm in the middle of a raging sea.

  “They’re nice people, Reagan,” Nelson lectured in my ear. “Stop looking at them like you’re plotting to kill them.”

  I flushed, embarrassed that he’d caught me staring. “I swear I wasn’t thinking anything like that. I just… I’m trying to figure them out.”

  “It’s weird, right? They talk about being missionaries and then he builds enough explosives to burn the entire country to the ground. I don’t necessarily understand it either, but I’m trying to accept that they might not want to kill us.”

  I tossed a smile at him. “It’s kind of a foreign concept, huh?”

  Nelson glanced at Haley, who had fallen asleep in the middle of her bed. Harrison and King had flanked her, half hanging off the mattress with their long limbs. The two boys looked d
ead to the world. I wondered when the last time any of them had slept this well.

  “We just have to get Page back.” His hand pushed through his wild hair. He hadn’t showered tonight, but he was shades cleaner than he had been when he left the slaving camp.

  “We do. What’s the plan?”

  Nelson put his hand on my back and ushered me into the living room space. “I think it’s time to talk about that.”

  I plopped down on an Aztec-printed couch and tucked my feet beneath me. Vaughan, Tyler and Adela sat on an identical couch across an oval coffee table and Miller sat with his back to Tyler’s legs. Nelson stood in front of everyone, calling our attention to him.

  Hendrix walked back in the house just as Andy stood up from the table to join us. Hendrix was still rubbing a thin towel through his hair. He had put on a pair of Andy’s track pants, but hadn’t found a shirt yet.

  I tried not to drool.

  He looked like sin.

  He looked like salvation.

  I swallowed thickly and let my eyes run over his muscled chest and flat stomach. His wet hair hung around his face in too-long tangles. He had managed to trim his beard outside. It wasn’t a perfect manscaping job, but it was enough.

  More than enough.

  He looked over our gathering and walked straight to us. Without a word, without even a glance, he collapsed next to me.

  A surge of butterflies crashed through my belly when my body came flush against his. He had the entire couch to spread out on, but he’d chosen to sit nearly on top of me. His skin was cool from the freezing shower and cold night temperatures, but it wasn’t an uncomfortable sensation.

  Actually, it was the opposite.

  I shifted just enough so that our arms lined up better and my thighs pressed into his. He smelled like the yummy coconut shampoo and cool wind. I wanted to face plant onto his chest and inhale until I was light-headed. I wanted to throw my arms around his neck and never let go.

  I wanted to beg for forgiveness and demand that he accept it.

  Demand that he accept me again.

  “Page was taken to another territory,” Nelson announced, breaking through my haze of lust and desperate regret. “From the market, Miller and Luke learned that she is with a man named Arturo. According to Andy, Arturo is a reasonable man, although he still buys and keeps slaves. He does not feed them to Zombies though. So, at least we know Page will be safe from that.”

  “What does he want with Page?” Vaughan demanded. “Do you know why he would want a child?”

  “Probably to do the grunt work,” Nelson answered quickly. “That’s what we can hope for.”

  Other possibilities swirled around in my mind and I dropped my chin to my chest, suddenly too nauseous to sit up straight.

  Hendrix’s strong arm reached across my shoulders and settled there. I took a deep breath and worshipped the feel of his arm around me. He squeezed my bicep in his large hand, a silent assurance that all would be okay.

  I realized that I should be the one comforting him. He was the one that lost his little sister.

  With a shaking hand, I tapped his thigh nervously with my fist before I found the courage to flatten my palm against his leg and give it a squeeze.

  He stilled next to me- turned to immovable stone.

  I swear his heart probably stopped beating, that’s how still he became. I pulled back immediately and tucked my hand between my weak knees.

  Okay, that was too far.

  I wanted him to forgive me for my stupid behavior, not turn into granite when I touched him.

  I chanced a quick glance at him out of the corner of my eye, but his attention had returned to Nelson again. His jaw flexed as I watched and his Adam’s apple bobbed.

  But he didn’t pull his arm back.

  He kept that around me.

  “So what are we going to do, Nelson?” Vaughan asked, cutting through my wandering thoughts. “How are we going to get Page out of another slaver’s camp?”

  Andy leaned forward, settling his weight on the back of the other couch. “Easy,” he announced. “We’re going to burn it to the ground.”

  Chapter Four

  We spent the next hour devising a plan.

  It wasn’t easy.

  Andy had only been on Arturo’s property a few times before and that was before the infection. Adela had provided the most information as far as layout and how many men Arturo would have access to, but she was tight-lipped on how she got her information.

  Nobody pushed her because it was clear she had escaped something truly horrific at Raphael’s house.

  Maybe more terrifying than what the rest of us had been through.

  Still, we plotted Page’s rescue based on her information.

  I listened attentively and tried to calm my racing heart during our discussion. It was hard for me to trust these strangers with what might be Page’s only chance. Andy and Joy were brand new in our circle of trust and Adela was still mostly a mystery.

  But what choice did we have?

  We had been pushed into the corner- the tightest, most dangerous, most unaccommodating corner that ever was.

  “We’ll try to negotiate first,” Andy suggested. “My guess is that Arturo doesn’t really want the responsibility of a child. He wants something else.”

  “Something that you have?” Vaughan asked hesitantly.

  Andy’s eyes flickered to Adela for a brief moment before looking at his wife. “We have enough to barter with. I don’t know what he would want specifically, but we have medical supplies and weapons.”

  “Besides that,” Joy added, stepping into the living space, “these men trust Andy. They look to him for guidance and advice. Arturo is one man that can be reasoned with if he is in the right mood.”

  “And if he’s not?” Hendrix shifted next to me, clearly on edge.

  Andy’s gaze was unwavering. “Then we kill him.”

  Harrison, who had woken up for the discussion, sputtered some water all over his lap. He used the back of his hand to wipe his chin and then demanded, “I thought you were a missionary!”

  “I was a missionary. Now I do what it takes to survive. Besides, I think God is more interested in your Page than he is in a slimy dictator like Arturo.” Andy’s disgust was written all over his face. If Arturo was anything like Diego or Raphael, I could understand why.

  “Why are you helping us?” Vaughan asked softly. “Why are you risking so much for our sister?”

  Andy cleared his throat and shared a look with Nelson before admitting, “My services aren’t free. I’m asking something of you in return.”

  Vaughan scoffed, “Then you might as well back out now. We have nothing to give you. And if you can find something among us that you want, sorry it’s not for sale.”

  My stomach turned as I imagined Andy as the one kicking me in the ribs while I lay in the dirt. No, I would not put myself in that place again.

  “It’s nothing like that,” Andy chuckled. “Information. What I want is information.”

  “What kind of information?” Vaughan slid to the edge of his seat and rested his elbows on his knees. His razor sharp glare sliced into Andy, daring him to be anything less than absolutely truthful.

  Andy opened his mouth to explain, but it was Nelson who spoke first. “They’re going back to the Colony. They want information on how to bring down Matthias.”

  The room erupted with sound. We all had an opinion and we all wanted to be heard. I jumped to my feet, anxious to share how much of a bad idea that was, but it turned out standing up was the worst idea.

  I doubled over, hissing with pain. My entire right side sizzled with fire. When I showered, it had been dark and I hadn’t bothered to hunt down a mirror yet. But now that I had time to rest and the adrenaline had mostly drained from my body, I could feel the damage those bastards and this awful world had inflicted.

  Not only were my ribs bruised and battered, my neck was stiff and without movement. My right arm hurt too and all
down my spine I felt unforgiving spasms of agony.

  I took a deep breath and stood up slowly this time. I managed to make it upright and as soon as I did, my fury and disbelief returned full force. “It’s not worth it,” I shouted. “Whatever you have back there is not worth it.”

  The room fell silent as my words rang out. I didn’t think anyone expected me to have such strong feelings. But I knew better than any of them how much this man stood to lose at Matthias’s hand.

  “Hear me out,” Andy pleaded. “You won’t dissuade us, so it’s best to understand our reasons.”

  I snorted an ugly, scornful sound. “Your reasons don’t matter. Don’t you get it? Matthias will take everything from you. He’ll leave you with nothing and then he’ll expect you to worship at his feet and offer him your life. Not a reason on earth is worth going back to that place. Stay here. Keep doing what you’re doing. It’s clearly working out for you.”

  A gentle smile touched his lips and pity filled his glassy eyes. I wanted to punch him in the teeth. I didn’t give him that speech because I wanted pity. I just needed him to understand.

  He had saved my life and now I was trying to return the favor.

  But he stupidly didn’t want any of it.

  “We’re going to reclaim the country,” Andy announced. “We’re going to take the power out of Matthias Allen’s hand and give it to people who will do the best they can to restore America to its former glory.”

  This time Hendrix snorted next to me. “Well, you’re ambitious. That’s something, I guess.”

  Andy ground his teeth and refused to look remorseful. “No,” he bit out. “We are obedient. We serve a God and a purpose that is bigger than this world. That is bigger than Zombies and Mexican dictators and American dictators. We have been tasked with taking Matthias out, so that is what we will do.”

  Harrison chuckled darkly before asking, “And just how are you going to do that?”

  Andy narrowed his eyes on Harrison and said, “By learning as much about him as we possibly can. See? I rescue your sister for information, as much as I want to know. That’s the deal. “

  Vaughan nodded, although I could see that he tried to mask his cynical skepticism, “Alright. Alright, that’s fair. We’ll tell you as much as we know.”