From the corner of her eye she saw his feet coming toward her. His boot kicked at her tennis shoe and she looked up, faking surprise, as if she hadn’t been watching him intently just a moment ago.
She pulled her dust mask off her head and looked up.
“I said break. My back’s killing me from sitting on the ground.”
She glanced down at the dirt beneath her. Now that she thought about it, the ground was pretty uncomfortable. Almost as much as her unfulfilled lust. She moved to set her drawer aside but Derek leaned down and grabbed it from her.
“Let’s go for a walk,” he said.
“Oh, okay.”
He held a hand out and she grabbed it so he could haul her up. She made sure not to fall against him, quickly letting his hand go. “You lead.”
“Gladly.” Derek headed out the back door of the barn. Lindsey instinctively lifted her face up to the sun, loving the feel of it on her skin.
She walked forward, following Derek as he cut across the yard. Taking in the property, she admired the garden as they walked by. It was basically a wildflower garden, untamed and random but so beautiful. It led up to an adorable little courtyard at the back of the house and the plants were just starting to come alive again.
“See that white line of fencing on the back of the garden?” Lindsey pointed to her right and stopped.
“Yeah,” Derek replied.
“Those are all lilac bushes running alongside it. Anne and Mike will get married with that as the backdrop. The plan is that they’ll be in bloom. Let’s hope they are. It would be such a shame if they weren’t.” She turned to look at Derek, who was now standing close beside her. “Anne loves lilacs. That’s where Mike proposed last fall, too.”
“Really. Guess he’s a romantic. I didn’t know. Although it doesn’t surprise me too much. I knew the proposal was here but didn’t realize that he’d put all that thought into it.” Derek started toward the garden taking lazy steps.
Lindsey watched the back of him as he walked in front of her. His jeans were well-worn, with a frayed hole above the back pocket that housed his wallet. She swore she could see navy material peeking through. She knew he used to wear boxers, but that had been a long time ago. He might have changed. Was it briefs? Boxer briefs? She was curious and it suddenly felt like a question that needed an immediate answer.
The muscles in his back flexed as he put out a hand and touched the white fence, giving it a little shake to see how sturdy it was. It struck her that it was an incredibly male thing to do. “I take it this wedding will be on the small side?”
Lindsey thought about that. “I think around fifty people. So fairly small. After the ceremony here in the garden, everyone will head to the barn for the reception. Anne has big plans for it. Lights, tables, chandeliers. It will be beautiful.”
“Yeah. It will.”
It was a little awkward discussing her friend’s wedding with him. What had his wedding been like? Big? Small? Fancy? There was no way she would ask him and it really wasn’t any of her business. But it was a reminder that there were still many things about him she didn’t know.
“Do you live in Preston?” she asked.
“Just a little ways out of town.” They continued their walk as they talked.
“In the country?”
“Not so much the country. We have neighbors. They’re just a safe distance away. It’s not a big house, but good for Tanner and me. He has lots of space to play outside and his own room. I really don’t spend a lot of time at home unless he’s there. Usually working late in my office or on a job site. Of course lately I’ve been with you.”
Derek turned and smiled at her as they walked a little farther toward a massive old tree toward the back corner of the property. Stepping up to the giant trunk, which appeared nearly as wide as a whiskey barrel, he reached out with his palm. It almost looked like he was trying to feel its heartbeat. What an odd thing, and yet now she wanted to do it, too. So she did. Placing her hand about a foot away from his.
“What are you feeling for?”
Derek laughed and dropped his hand, like he hadn’t even realized he’d done it. “Nothing, I guess it’s just something I do. I’ve always really liked trees. Like to look at them, touch them.”
“Really?” That was something she’d never known about him, but she found that she liked it.
“Yeah, is that surprising?”
“No, not at all.” She looked at him again, his eyes staring intently at her. He wasn’t smiling, but there was amusement in the set of his lips. “I like that you like trees. It’s sweet.”
He raised an eyebrow, his lips finally turning up in one corner. “In that case, I love trees.”
Lindsey laughed and shook her head. He grinned wider in response, and he looked so innocent and captivating. She couldn’t look away, as if she were young all over again, staring at the most handsome boy in the room. The one that made her feel wanted and precious. In that moment, the only thing she wanted was to feel him. His lips, his body, his arms around her. Lindsey stepped closer.
And closer.
She looked up, watching as his lips came together, his breathing full and heavy from his nose as he realized what she was doing. He smelled wonderful. Familiar. Deep inside she’d known it would come to this. Known that she wouldn’t escape without once again giving at least part of herself away to this man. It might not be her heart, but a piece of her body. Her soul. Maybe he’d had it all along and she was just searching for it. Wondering if he’d kept it safe all these years.
With the lightest touch, she reached out and settled her hand on his stomach, watching her fingers spread out against the soft cotton. The firmness of his skin felt warm beneath her skin.
His breathing faltered for a second and she looked back into his eyes, speaking softly. “I’m sorry I keep sending mixed signals. I honestly don’t know what I’m doing.”
“Keep doing it,” he whispered. “And don’t you dare be sorry.”
Her hand began to slide up his torso, chest, and then she felt the weight of his large hand on her hip. He pulled her against him just the slightest bit, and she let him. Wanted it.
Derek stood at the base of the tree, his height accentuated by the incline of the roots. Realizing the predicament, he spun them around and gently shoved her back against the tree. Now their faces were nearly even.
Without hesitating, Derek leaned in and claimed her mouth. It wasn’t a tentative kiss like last time. It was the kind of kiss that sent a message. A warning.
If you’re going to stop me, better do it now.
She kissed him back and their lips became frantic, catching and pulling at each other. He angled his head and suddenly his hands were on either side of her neck, adjusting her just as he wanted. Just like last time—like every time she could remember—he took over her body and owned it.
With the previous kiss she’d been so focused on what it all meant, comparing it to before. She hadn’t fully given herself over to the sensation of it. This time … she felt everything.
Wanted to feel everything. Create a new memory with this man. One that she could look back on and smile instead of crying or feeling shame. This was her choice, she was stronger now, and she could take what she needed. He might have meant he’d have her body, and she realized she would have to live with it if that’s all he had to give. Right now she wanted him too badly to let that stop her.
His tongue parted her lips and she welcomed it, meeting him, playing with him. Wanting to feel more of his body, she slipped her good hand up his chest and around his neck while her brace rested on his shoulder. The movements had the tree bark abrading her back through her T-shirt, but it didn’t matter. He grasped her firmly on the butt and hauled her up his body. The force of his ministrations pulled a moan from her chest and her thighs naturally rested on his forearms as he shoved himself between her legs.
“Oh,” she said in a breathy sigh against his lips. He pulled her more firmly against him,
his lower body rubbing against her.
“Do you feel me?” His question was nearly a growl against her skin as his lips traveled over her face, chin, and neck, licking and sucking at her. God, how she loved it when he did that and her head dropped back to give him better access. A kiss from Derek Walsh felt like an act of submission and right now that’s what she wanted, to give herself to this man. So much for needing space, right now they were as close as they could possibly get.
He angled back, his body holding her against the tree as his hands sought the fullness of her breasts. He watched himself palm each one, squeezing her nipples in the curve of his thumb and first finger. “You’re so beautiful.”
His breathing came out deep, loud, and labored.
“God, I want you so bad, Lindsey. I’ve always wanted you.”
She sucked in a breath, trying to process his words as his mouth returned to her neck. His tongue lapped at her skin, his teeth nipping. His lips made a trail down her chest, to her T-shirt, and he bent his head while simultaneously gripping her left breast and lifting it to his mouth as he sucked her cloth-covered nipple past his lips.
The pull of his lips made her back arch. “Oh my God,” she said with a deep sigh of pleasure. Every nerve ending in her body was on alert, aching, and ready. His right hand slid back to her behind, slipping down and cupping her from the back as his mouth searched out her other nipple. This, she had forgotten. The skillful way he could so easily work her into a frenzy.
Her top and bra were now damp from the wet heat of his mouth, and her thighs were burning. She wrapped her legs tighter around his waist and locked her ankles together. Derek pulled back and looked at her.
“Is your arm okay?”
She nodded, because she’d honestly forgotten all about her arm. “Yes. It’s fine.”
He was breathless and she was sure that her weight was probably killing him, although he didn’t appear to be straining that much as he adjusted her center to his body, grinding into her. “I know I promised to slow down. Give you space. But damn, Lindsey…”
“Forget the space!” she said, her voice breathless.
Derek gave a throaty laugh and leaned his forehead against hers. “You sure, babe?”
“We’re outside,” she said. Was that her only objection? He pushed his erection against her once more and she gritted her teeth, knowing that she was a complete goner. “Can we go somewhere?”
His eyes jerked up to hers, wide and excited, as if he hadn’t really expected her to grant him permission so easily. “Inside.”
She nodded and he moved back, allowing her feet to gently fall to the ground. He grabbed her right hand and set off toward the house with such determination, she nearly had to skip to keep up. “You’re gonna pull my arm out of the socket.”
Derek stopped short and turned to her, dragging her into his arms and kissing her once again. She smiled against his mouth and then kissed him back.
“We’re doing this. And you won’t regret it … I’m going to take good care of you, Lindsey,” he whispered against her lips. She wasn’t sure what he meant. Good care of her body? She had no doubt. But that was it. She couldn’t give him access to anything deeper. Instead of clarifying she let her kiss answer for her. After a moment he let up and resumed walking toward the house. When they rounded the front, he turned to her. “Go wait at the front door, I’ll be right back.”
Her face fell, and then he spoke again.
“Keys. I’ll be back, promise.”
Lindsey walked around the porch and up the steps. She stopped outside the door and faced the front yard. She could see the road, where a car drove by. A fly buzzed in her face. Birds were chirping. This was a normal day and normal life was going on.
And now she was officially panicking because she had just agreed to have sex with Derek. The man who had taken her virginity. The man who had broken her heart. The only man to ever have her heart, and here she was subjecting herself to all of that pain again.
She clamped her eyes shut, her hands squeezing into fists. She could do this. Wanted to do this. People had sex all the time and it didn’t have to mean something. She could be one of those people and give her body what it wanted. Nothing more.
Derek came around the corner, taking the porch steps two at time. When he saw her face he froze, then slowly stepped toward her and laid a hand on her waist. His head shook just a little. “You changed your mind?”
Lindsey snaked her arms around him and then leaned up to place a kiss on his jaw. “No. I want you.”
* * *
Derek unlocked the door and held open the screen door for Lindsey. They stepped into the house. It was warm and smelled of construction and age, not really the ideal spot to finally have Lindsey Morales, but right now he couldn’t care less about their surroundings. He’d have had her against that tree if she’d let him. He felt her grab onto his hand and he realized he’d just been staring around the entryway.
“Upstairs?” he asked, looking at her.
“At least there’s carpet.” She smiled and he led them up the staircase, both of them in a hurry.
He stepped around her and headed down the hall, choosing the farthest bedroom. It was also the smallest and had one window that was covered with a sheer pink curtain. The carpet had been vacuumed but it was old and shaggy. He didn’t care, right now they were working with what they had, but he decided to leave the light off, the filtered afternoon sun was all he needed. He turned to pull Lindsey into his arms, their loud breathing filling the room, making him think of sex.
Derek ran his hands all over her arms, her neck, and her face. It was like she was a mirage. But the reality was that the woman he’d fantasized about so many times had come to life.
“You have no idea how long I’ve dreamed of this moment,” he said.
“Me, too,” she whispered.
He looked into her eyes. “Do you mean that?”
She nodded and Derek covered her mouth with his. He wanted this moment to go on forever, wanted to have her in every way possible. He continued to kiss her as he grabbed the hem of her shirt, gently maneuvered her brace through the armhole, and pulled it over her head.
He looked down between them, drinking in the sight of her. She wore a white bra, nothing fancy, in fact it was very simple, just a lace trim across the top. But damn, it was so Lindsey. Sexy without even trying. Her skin was golden and smooth, unblemished and supple.
“You’re even more beautiful than I remembered.”
Her eyes fluttered beneath her lashes and finally met his. “Thank you.”
He reached around to her back and gently unclasped her bra. Her breasts relaxed as he slid the flimsy garment down her arms, her nipples coming into view one centimeter at a time. He smiled at her. “This is one of my favorite parts.”
She smiled, a blush tinting her cheeks. Derek loved that she didn’t try to cover herself when he removed her bra completely. He reached up with both hands to cup her soft flesh. Skin on skin was so much better than anything else. Certainly better than his memories.
Lightly he blew on her right nipple, loving her light gasp and the way she arched her back. He watched as her flesh pebbled and puckered in response and then he blew on the other one.
“Oh my … that…” She couldn’t finish and he saw her throat work as she swallowed.
“Feel good?” He ran the tip of his nose along the bridge of hers very slowly.
“It makes…” Instead of continuing she smiled and looked away, her hands clamping onto to each side of his waist.
He leaned into her ear and whispered. “Does it make you wet?”
She gave a small nod. “Yes.”
“Good. That’s what I want, baby. I want you ready for me.”
Derek stood straight and pulled his shirt over his head, dropping it on the floor. He loved the way her eyes widened the slightest bit, and he hoped it was because she enjoyed the sight of him. “Lie down. Please.”
He quietly thanked the
gods of getting lucky when she kicked off her shoes and slid off her jeans before going down on her knees. He held out his hand to her so she could hold on with her good one as she maneuvered herself into a seated position and then rested back on her elbows. She stared up at him, ready, and he’d never seen a more beautiful sight in his entire life.
After slipping off his own shoes, Derek went down on his knees in front of her. He leaned over and placed a hand on each side of her hips, forcing her legs open to make room for him. In this position, with her still leaning back, their faces met perfectly and he kissed her again. He was surprised to find Lindsey’s mouth a little more aggressive and he liked it. He kept still for a moment, letting her lips take the lead, her tongue slipping into his mouth. God, she was so good, so hot in the most unassuming way.
He caught her tongue between his lips and sucked it into his mouth, then placed a kiss on her bottom lip. He looked at her. “Lie back.”
Derek leaned over and placed a kiss below one breast, loving the way Lindsey’s hands went to the back of his head, pulling him down against her. It was so sexy and he felt himself straining against his jeans. He reached down and undid his fly just to be more comfortable and then continued down her torso, flattening his tongue and licking slowly.
Lindsey let out a breathy moan and grasped at his hair. He wasn’t deterred by the small pull she gave, continuing down, down, until his teeth caught on the top of her panties.
He bit, holding the elastic between his teeth, and angled his head down, pulling. Using his left hand he worked them over her ass. She reached down to help, pulling them off her right leg. Derek didn’t hesitate, immediately lowering his head to her center.
He wanted everything to be about her pleasure. It was the only thing that mattered in this moment. Flattening his tongue he slowly ran it the length of her from bottom to top. Lindsey let out a sharp gasp, her thighs tightening on each side of his head. God, he loved everything about this. Her scent, taste. Even the way she gripped his hair a little too hard until it was almost painful. He continued to lick every inch of her until finally she was trembling against his mouth.
Draw Me Close Page 16
