by Gail Cleare
She pulled her cell phone out of her jeans pocket and dialed Bridget. The phone rang and rang, then it went to voicemail. Was she still stuck in the DC airport?
“Hey, sister. It’s me. I… I have some not so great news about Mom. I really, really hope you can get up here soon. I think… I really can’t handle this by myself anymore. I need you, Bridget. Call me?”
Nell flipped her phone shut and closed her eyes, feeling the sun on her face. Well, at least she could try to make Mom feel happy with whatever time was left. To “maximize the quality of her life.” That was the phrase people used, right?
She thought of her mother’s restless sleeping and the muttering, then she remembered Ginnie’s gardening book on the bedside table. Jake must have been there earlier. And whatever he had said, it upset Mom. Not surprising. That man was a mess, and trouble seemed to follow him like a shadow. Nell scowled.
Well, that was not going to happen again. Not even if she had to take her complaints all the way to the top.
She stood up and strode back inside, ready to make as much trouble as was necessary to keep Jake Bascomb away from Mom. She consulted the floor plan mounted on the lobby wall and headed down the corridor toward the administrative offices.
Later, while Mom was sleeping, Nell drove back to the cottage by the lake. It was a beautiful blue-sky day in the sixties, and after the major meltdown she’d just had at the hospital, she needed some exercise. Used to jogging every day, she was way too edgy. She had to get her emotions under control. Her heart was still pounding, and she felt a little foolish.
Winston watched her change into a sports bra, shorts, and a T-shirt, pull on tennis socks, and tie her running shoes. His head cocked first to one side then to the other, his eyes imploring. She tucked her phone into her fanny pack and fastened it around her waist.
“You want to come too?” She laughed, and his tail burst into frantic wagging.
He raced down the stairs ahead of her and waited to see which direction she would choose, his ears perked and every muscle alert.
Nell snapped a long leash onto his collar and went out the front door. As usual, there was no traffic on the shore road. She led Winston across the street and decided to explore farther along the coastline.
She started out walking while Winston trotted obediently alongside. In a few minutes, she picked it up to an easy jog, and the dog matched her pace. The two ran along under the trees, the sunlight bouncing off the water alongside. It dappled the street with bright flashes that dazzled as she ran through them, spurred along by the sound of her feet hitting the ground. Lulled by the rhythm, her mind wandered. It replayed the nasty scene she had made at the hospital that morning. She ran faster, trying to shake it off.
Oh, crap. Shouldn’t have gotten carried away like that.
It was Jake’s fault, anyway. Why couldn’t he mind his own business? Every time he was there, Mom got upset.
Stay away. Stay away. Stay away.
Why was he so important, anyhow? He was bad for her. Dangerous. Trouble. Not even part of the family.
Get out. Get out. Get out.
The hospital president, Mr. Levine, agreed that it wasn’t good for Mom to be so agitated. Nell had barged into his office after the nurses in ICU told her they were powerless to do anything.
Leave her alone. Leave her alone. The words pounded in her head as she ran.
Mr. Levine had said there was nothing the hospital could do to keep Jake out as long as Mom was conscious and wanted to see him. Jake hadn’t broken any rules, the little bald man said. Nell went off on him then, raising her voice and jumping out of her chair to pace the office. She called him uncaring and irresponsible and threatened to sue. She glared at him. The executive had cringed, sinking back in his big black desk chair to get away from her.
Damn, she shouldn’t have done that. Now he’d think she was a nut. He’d know it, actually. She was just so worried about her mother. He must understand.
Nell’s face reddened with embarrassment as well as exertion as she ran down the road. After she passed a long row of cottages, a side street came in from the left. At the intersection, a dirt pull-off on the right led to a small parking area by the lake, filled with vehicles. Several busy docks stretched out into the water, and wooden stairs led down to a stretch of sandy beach. The sign said it was reserved for town residents.
Slowing down to take a look, Nell felt Winston tugging at the leash and followed him into the parking lot. Thinking he might need a drink of water, she walked toward the stairs. People were sunbathing and playing in the lake, the kids screaming with laughter and splashing around on inflatable toys. The docks were loaded with little dinghies, motorboats, and a few larger yachts. A boat towing someone on water skis zoomed past the entrance to the cove, a white plume of spray flying up into the air behind it.
Winston pulled on the leash, leading her away from the beach and onto one of the docks. Nell followed mindlessly, dazed by the blinding sunlight and the sound of splashing water.
A beautiful sailboat was tied up at the end of the pier. She squinted at it. A couple of red coolers were sitting on the dock nearby, and someone was bent over in the stern, tossing empty beer cans into a trash bag. Golden script across the back end of the boat spelled the name Belle.
With a jolt, Nell recognized it as the boat in the photographs at Mom’s cottage. Then she took a closer look at the man in the stern, who stood up to stare at her with a scowl on his face. It was Jake. Her rage came flooding back with a force that left her breathless.
“You,” she cried, pointing at him. “You’d better stay away from my mother!”
He looked at her with surprise, the scowl replaced by raised eyebrows. Winston pulled the leash out of her hand and jumped down into the boat, putting his front paws up on Jake’s leg to beg for a petting, his tail wagging in excited little circles.
“You know what I’m talking about.” Nell glared at the big man. “Don’t pretend with me.”
“Are you out of your mind, woman?” Completely unfazed, Jake looked her over with a bored expression.
“Don’t underestimate me, either, you old… grouchy… crybaby. I have legal rights, and I can stop you from seeing her at all if I want to.”
Jake scowled again, brushing Winston off his leg and taking a step up onto the dock next to Nell. All of the sudden, he was looming over her, the huge mass of him, and she flinched. He seemed to know he was scaring her and leaned a little closer, an amused look in his eyes.
She got even more furious and stood right up in his face with her finger pointing, and she yelled at him. “I’ll take her away from here if I have to. I’ll fly her down to the hospital where I live. I can do it if I want to. You stay away, do you hear me?”
“What the hell are you ranting about?” he yelled back, and his breath stank of alcohol.
“Stay away from my mother,” she repeated, with a little more control.
“Why should I?” He batted her hand away and stepped toward her.
She shrank back but blurted out, “Because you’ve already hurt her enough. It’s your fault she’s sick. And now you’re killing her, Jake.”
“And how the bloody hell do you figure that?”
“Every time you come to see her, she gets so upset she loses ground. I’ve seen you in there, dumping all your troubles on her, making her comfort you. Don’t bother to deny it.”
His eyes changed. He looked guilty for a second then turned stubborn and defensive. “None of your concern, little girl.”
“My mother, my concern.” Nell gritted her teeth and shot a beam of hostility from her eyes. “You stay away from her. Or else.”
“I’ll do what I want. You mind your business.”
“I’ll take her away, I swear.”
He took a step back. Crossing his big
arms in front of his chest, Jake spoke in a gruff voice. “What exactly do you want from me, Nell? You want me to never see her again?”
“Not right now. She shouldn’t be upset.”
He raised his hands in the air helplessly, swaying on his feet. “Okay.” He seemed to give up. “Whatever you say.”
Nell nodded, triumphant.
“But you’d better understand something, little girl,” he growled. “Ellie and I, we’ve known each other real well for a long time. There’s a lot of water gone by, a lot of water. That’s not going to stop just because you say so.”
“Just give her a chance to get well, Jake.”
“Hey, I want that just as much as you do. You only just found out about… all this, but Ellie is part of our family too. We care about her.”
Nell realized that what he said was true. Her anger deflated, the wind sucked out of her sails. “I know that.” She felt calmer. “And I don’t want to blame you just because I feel so left out and disappointed.”
“Disappointed? Don’t be. Ellie may not be perfect, but she’s a lot closer to it than most people I know.”
“I suppose so.”
They nodded in agreement. Winston jumped back up onto the dock next to them, and she reached down to pick up the leash.
“So.” She cleared her throat. “You’ll stop visiting Mom every day for a while until I say?”
His face was deadpan, his eyes unreadable. He didn’t answer.
“Good,” she said firmly as though he had agreed. She turned her back on him, leading Winston back down the pier.
Nell didn’t look back as they went out through the parking lot and resumed their run around the lake. She didn’t want to risk feeling sorry for him.
Chapter 21
Nell ~ 2014
Nell gave Winston a bowl of fresh water and went upstairs to shower and dress. She saw the little green envelope flashing on her cell phone and picked up another voicemail from Bridget. Playing telephone tag was driving Nell nuts, but it seemed to be the normal way of things up in the mountains.
A hurricane off the Atlantic coast had screwed up all the flights, but her sister was finally on her way. Relieved to hear that Bridget would be in Hartland in a few hours, Nell drove back to the hospital to see how Mom was doing.
It would be so good to have someone to share this with. Her mother’s second life wouldn’t be a secret anymore.
Not totally, anyhow. She still hadn’t said anything to David. In fact, she hadn’t even tried to reach him since their phone call the night before. For some reason, she just didn’t feel like talking to him. Or listening to him talk to her. Nell’s feelings about her marriage were starting to push up toward the surface and make themselves known like weeds sprouting. Something needed to change, she realized. It wasn’t working for her anymore. The appeal of Mom’s secret house was a signal, telling her to pay attention. Maybe when she had more time, she’d give it some serious thought. For the moment, she tried to concentrate on her mother.
Nell could tell as soon as she arrived at the ICU that Mom was worse again. The nurses looked worried, and the TV was turned off in her mother’s cubicle, the lights dimmed.
Mom lay with her eyes shut, her chest rattling as she struggled to breathe.
Nell sat down and took her hand. Mom opened her eyes and looked at Nell, unfocused for a moment then tuned-in and sharp. She smiled.
“Hi, Mom. How are you feeling?”
Her mother frowned and shook her head slightly. Pointing at her chest she whispered, “Bad.”
“I’m so sorry, Mom. I love you. I wish you were better.”
“Me too,” Mom mouthed. Her eyes were solemn.
“Bridget is coming, Mom. She’ll be here soon.”
Mom’s face lightened, and she smiled broadly. She squeezed Nell’s hand. “Good,” she whispered then closed her eyes again, exhausted.
“I’ll be right back.” Nell wasn’t sure whether her mother was still awake. Mom didn’t react, so she quietly left the room. Out in the hallway, the women at the nurses’ station were waiting.
“We called the doctor.” Jennifer spoke in a quiet voice. “She’s not responding well to the antibiotics anymore. He may want to change the medication.”
Nell nodded. She looked at her watch. Only a little while until Bridget arrived.
She went back to her mother’s bedside and picked up the library book she’d been reading aloud. Mom’s eyes fluttered open when she heard Nell’s voice, and she gazed at her daughter’s face, watching with loving eyes, laboring for each breath. The doctor came, dressed in his golf clothes again. He examined Mom and wrote something on the chart, smiling at Nell before he moved on to the next cubicle. She read on and on through it all, her voice even and steady, soothing.
Mom kept her eyes on Nell, focused only on her words, enthralled in a trance of love and calm. The doctor went out, and soon Jennifer came in with a syringe filled with medicine that she put into the IV line. Nell read on smoothly, never stopping or hesitating, one hand holding her mother’s on the bed while the other turned the pages. Time passed, Mom’s breathing evened out a bit, and finally, she fell asleep again.
Outside the hallway window, the bright afternoon had ripened into that buttery yellow light that came late in the day. Slanting rays made long shadows that striped the grass on the town green when Nell walked across to the market.
She stood in line at the butcher counter, her face blank and her mind numb. Her heart was breaking, but the tears did not come. Instead, she was empty and dazed, a zombie. She held herself back at a distance from reality like someone sitting in the stands at a tennis match, watching the ball bounce back and forth.
This was really happening. The world would never be the same again. Everyone else would move on, and Mom would not. She would just… stop. Her part in the story of their lives would end. They would be alone now, Nell and Bridget, with both parents gone. Forever. Moved up to the head of the line, the next ones in the family to grow old.
The next ones to die. Would it be Nell first or her sister? It was all so hard to grasp. The changes were happening so fast.
It seemed like yesterday that they were little girls in pigtails with red ribbons, sitting on Santa’s lap while Daddy took their picture with the home-movie camera. Now they were adults, rushing toward death on the downward slope.
When it was her turn in front of the butcher, Nell asked for chicken and watched the plump, red-cheeked man wrap the meat in white paper. After picking up a couple of other things, she got in line at the cash register. The room throbbed around her as she stood there spacing out. She heard the little bell ring on the front door as someone entered, and then there was a warm hand on her elbow as Adam said, “Nell? Are you okay? Do you need to sit down?”
Nell swayed on her feet, clutching the shopping basket.
“Come here a second. Have a seat.” He led her over to a table.
He went away for a minute and came back with two cups of tea, stirred sugar into one of them, and put it in her hand. “Sweet tea. My mother always said it’s the best thing for a shock. You look like you need it.”
Nell sipped it, feeling the warm sweetness begin to bring her back. She looked over at him. “Mom is getting worse, not better. I think she’s dying.” Her voice creaked as her throat tightened.
Adam put his hand over hers, and it covered her like a warm blanket. “I hope not. But if so, at least she’ll know she was loved, Nell. Because you had a chance to tell her.”
Nell nodded, but the background noises pounded in her head, and she searched her pockets for a tissue to wipe her watery eyes.
“When it comes by surprise with no time to get ready, that’s the worst,” Adam said. “Never knowing how much people loved you.”
She realized he was talking abo
ut his mother.
“Everyone always says they want to die in bed, to just not wake up one day. But that’s the same as dying in an accident… you never get to say good-bye.” His voice was breaking up too.
“It’s much harder on the family when it happens that way, isn’t it?” Nell whispered, understanding.
“Yeah. It’s like, the movie is just getting really good, and then the power suddenly goes off and you never get to see the rest. You always wonder what was going to happen.”
“Your mother might have been here with us now.” Nell pictured Ginnie alive and helping them all through this.
“Dad was incredibly torn up back then. And there was a lot going on. The police were all over him. It took a long time to go away. But eventually, they let him go. Thanks to your mother.”
Nell stared at him. “What do you mean by that, exactly?”
“Ellie said they were all drinking, and she and Mom got into a big fight. A wrestling, punching kind of fight.”
“No way.” Nell’s mother in a fistfight with her best friend, or anyone else for that matter? Impossible.
Adam nodded. “True. She said they were shouting at each other when the boat came about, and the boom knocked my mother over the side.”
“She never shouts at anyone, ever. I don’t believe it.”
“Neither did the police. That’s why they didn’t want to let Dad go.”
“So why did they release him?”
Adam looked her straight in the eyes. “Because your mother testified, over and over, that if anyone was at fault, she was.”
Nell stared at him, aghast.
“Nobody ever believed her, but the judge finally ruled it was an accidental death.”
