by Hazel Kelly
But today I just stared at my phone, not knowing what to say.
I must have typed a dozen different messages and deleted them.
“Had a great time last night. And I know you did.”
Too cocky.
“Had a great time last night. U?”
Too sad.
“Went on the best date last night. Call me and I’ll tell you all about it.”
Too cheesy.
“Brunch?”
Too eager.
“You forgot your panties. Or were those a gift?”
Too sleazy.
“Call me.”
Too desperate.
“WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU?”
Too parental.
Finally I went with, “Did you get home okay?”
I figured that let me keep my cards close to my chest for the minute. Not that I cared if she knew I had a great time. After all, she must’ve known I did. My good time was probably still dripping down her leg.
Still, I didn’t want to come on way stronger than she was feeling. Maybe she wasn’t as excited about hooking up as I was. Or maybe she was freaked out because now that I’d had her, she was so in love with me she couldn’t verbalize her thoughts yet.
It was a possibility anyway.
I thought about going for a run so I wouldn’t just lounge around and stare at my phone, but it was raining outside, and the lazy summer shower rubbed off on me.
I poured some milk over a bowl of frosted mini wheats and crashed on the couch. I was about to turn on the TV when my eyes drifted towards the balcony. I could picture Lucy there last night with her bare legs sticking out of her short dress, the warm evening breeze blowing through her hair. The image was so clear I felt a pain in my chest.
Why hadn’t she stuck around this morning? We could’ve gone for breakfast at the run down breakfast dive we used to frequent in high school and shared some bacon sandwiches and cheesy hashbrowns. It would’ve been the perfect end to the perfect date.
Instead, I was eating mini wheats all alone and staring at my phone. And then it rang.
“Hey,” I said, trying not to let milk spill out of my mouth.
“Hey, big guy,” my sister said. She’d been calling me big guy ever since I was a little guy.
I finished chewing and swallowed my bite.
“Whatcha eating?” she asked.
“Cereal.”
“Want me to call you back?”
“No, it’s cool. What’s up?”
“I was calling to ask you the same question.”
I furrowed my brow. “Oh?”
“You weren’t in the mood for a family dinner last night, huh?”
“Definitely not.”
“Well, thanks for the heads up. I was stranded by myself with all of Mom’s tennis buddies.”
“Dave wasn’t there?”
“No, he’s in Austin on business.”
I laughed. “The business of visiting micro-breweries.”
“No shit. He sent me a picture of him and one of the guys he works with drinking stout halfway through my third wine spritzer. I nearly forked my own eyes out.”
“Sorry to leave you hanging like that.”
“I forgive you.”
“And Mom?”
“Mortally wounded. Practically ready to disown you.”
“Oh god. Do you think I need to call her and apologize?”
“That’s up to you. I don’t really care since I left this morning. So I don’t have to listen to her talk about how her own son can’t make time for her, but if you feel like sparing Dad…”
“I told her I wasn’t coming.”
“To be honest, I think you did her a favor. Your absence really helped her build rapport with her bitter friends.”
I rolled my eyes. “What a drama queen.”
“Yes. That was the theme of the evening.”
“Sorry I missed it.”
“No you’re not, but that’s okay.”
“Thanks.”
“Assuming you don’t miss my wedding.”
“Of course not,” I said. “Are you kidding? I’ve already started working on my speech.”
“Don’t feel like you have to embarrass me. You could always surprise everyone and make me look good.”
“Yeah, right,” I said. “If there’s any day you’re going to need taken down a peg or two, it’s going to be on the happiest day of your life.”
“Jesus, please don’t hype it up anymore. Mom’s making me so crazy. I’m surprised she hasn’t tried on my dress.”
“That you know of.”
“Right.”
“Didn’t she always want to renew her vows with Dad? She’s probably just jealous.”
“Honestly, I don’t even have the energy to argue with her.”
“That’s not what I heard,” I said.
“Fine. I admit I was a little bridzilla about my dress and the venue, but I swear to god the rest has been all her.”
“Look at the bright side though. She’s far more invested than any maid of honor could ever be.”
“True. I just hope she stops herself before she plans my bachelorette party.”
“You’re having one of those?”
“Yeah. Not cause I’m really dying to treat my friends to a male stripper, but if Dave’s going to have a big dirty party, I’m not going to sit around on my thumbs.”
“Fair enough.”
“Anyway, Mom told me last night that you broke up with Chelsea.”
“Yeah,” I said. “What version of events did she tell you?”
“That you didn’t love her and that she was a money hungry bitch. Not in those words.”
“Oh okay, good. Cause I never really spelled it out like that.”
“Sorry bro.”
“It’s cool. We had fun while it lasted.”
“She wasn’t smart enough for you anyway.”
“And I wasn’t rich or famous enough for her so I guess we’re even.”
“So who are you bringing to the wedding?”
“I hadn’t really thought about it since Chelsea and I broke up.”
“Well, you have to bring someone because all my bridesmaids have significant others.”
“What’s that got to do with anything?”
“Nothing. It’s just… I know how you are.”
“How’s that?”
“You’re a humongous flirt. I don’t want you breaking up relationships on a day that’s all about love.”
“I would never-”
“I’ve seen you do it on accident!”
“I can’t help it if the girls want a piece-”
“Shut up. Seriously, who are you bringing?”
“Why does it matter?”
“I’m curious. Plus, I need to know if she’s a vegetarian.”
“She’s not.”
“So you have someone in mind?”
“No, but whoever I bring won’t be a vegetarian.”
“Or a pescetarian?”
“What?”
“Sorry,” she said. “I don’t even know why I asked you that. I can’t remember the last time I met a girlfriend of yours that was even interested in food.”
I sighed.
“Why don’t you bring Lucy?”
“What?”
“Lucy Ryan.”
“What made you say that?”
“Cause I would love to see her, and then I wouldn’t have to worry about you.”
“Why’s that?”
“Cause you’re always better behaved when she’s around.”
“Maybe I don’t want to behave at your wedding.”
“Pleease.”
“When was the last time you even saw her? Not that it matters. It’s just kind of random that you mentioned her.”
“I don’t know. She’s the only girlfriend of yours I could think of that I actually like.”
“Wow.”
“Just saying. Plus, she knows the family and stuff so you’d b
e able to relax and focus on what’s really important.”
“What’s that?”
“Making me look good in your speech.”
“I guess you’re right. That will take all of my creative attention.”
“Ha Ha,” she said. “Seriously, though, I think it’s a great idea. Probably the best I’ve had all day.”
“Did Mom put you up to this?”
“Honestly?”
“Of course.”
“She did ask me to find out who you were going to bring, but Lucy was all my idea.”
“Yeah, Mom would never suggest that.”
“Actually, she said if you didn’t have someone in mind, she was going to match you up with some girl from the club.”
“What the fuck?!”
“I know. She’s delusional.”
“Why would she think that was appropriate on your freaking wedding day?”
“Cause she’s sick.”
“Well, tell her I have someone in mind and that I don’t need her help.”
“Is it Lucy?”
“Maybe.”
“Pleease. She’s so fun.”
“I can’t make her go, but I can ask her.”
“You’re the best.”
“Thanks. I try.”
“Please tell her I want her to come, too. So she knows she’s properly invited.”
“I’ll mention it. She probably would be a great date.”
“You’re welcome,” she said.
“What?”
“For saving you from Mom’s cupidity.”
“Good one.”
“Thanks. Anyway, I gotta run, but I’ll see you soon, bro.”
“Bye, Claire.”
“Let me know if Lucy can’t come.”
“Will do.”
“Don’t forget.”
“I won’t,” I said. After all, Lucy’s coming was all I could think about.
Chapter 9: Lucy
I opened my eyes when she peeked in my room.
“Hey,” Fiona whispered, tilting her head. “I didn’t mean to wake you.”
“You didn’t.”
“I just wanted to see if you were home.”
“I’m home.”
She held a glass through the crack in the door. “Orange juice?”
My smile crushed against the pillow. “Please.” I sat up as she entered the room and rubbed my eyes. “What time is it?”
“Noon,” she said, climbing onto my bed and handing me the juice.
“Thanks.”
“When did you get home last night?”
“I didn’t,” I said, draining half the glass and handing it back to her. “I came home around six.”
“From…?”
“Aiden’s.”
I could tell she was trying to act calm, but it was clear I wouldn’t get away with evading her for long.
“Did you have a fun date?” she asked.
I propped my pillows up behind me and leaned back. “Too much fun.”
“Where did you go?”
I yawned. “Some trendy rooftop restaurant where they gave us six courses of really posh food.”
“Sounds nice.”
“It was.”
“And then what?”
“Then we went back to his place for a nightcap.”
“Just a nightcap?”
I shook my head.
“Lucy, I know you just woke up, but I’m dying here.”
I dragged my nails through my hair.
“Did something happen? Did he kiss you again?”
“He sure did,” I said.
“Just on the lips or-”
I shook my head. I could feel the blood rushing to my cheeks.
Fiona gasped. “Did you guys hook up?”
I nodded.
“Oh my god I’m so jealous.”
I laughed. “What about Peter?”
“I adore Peter, but Aiden’s Aiden. His arms are like tree trunks.”
“All three of them,” I said.
“Fuck off.”
I sighed.
“I’m actually speechless,” she said. “I’ve been waiting for this day since- I don’t know- since you introduced me to him, and you’re being so nonchalant right now I could strangle you.”
I shrugged. “How should I be acting?”
“Excited? Happy? Over the fucking moon?”
“Well, I wish I could say I was those things, but-”
“But what?”
“I’m mostly just confused.”
Fiona shook her head. “Why can’t you just be happy about it? I mean, it’s a good thing, right? It’s what you’ve always wanted.”
“That’s the thing,” I said, pulling my knees to my chest. “I used to want it, but then I spent ten years convincing myself that I only wanted to be friends so I feel… totally messed up.”
“Wasn’t it good though? It had to be good. It’s fucking Aiden.”
“Yeah, of course it was good. He was incredible. Better than-”
“What?”
I didn’t want to say anyone ever. It sounded too ridiculous even in my head. “Just really good.”
“So what’s the problem?”
“What if it was just a rebound thing for him? I mean, he knows me well enough that it couldn’t have been hard to say the right things to win me over. Like what if it was just a joke?”
“It wasn’t.”
“How can you be so sure?”
“Cause he’s your best friend.”
“So?”
“So he wouldn’t dick you around like that.”
“But he’s still a guy. Maybe he didn’t mean to, but he was just horny and-”
“Why are you sabotaging this?”
“I’m not sabotaging anything.”
“Yes, you are. Why can’t you just be happy you guys had a good time?”
“I want to. Really I do, but-”
“But what?”
“But everything’s different now.”
“No it’s not.”
“Yes it is. We can never have what we had again.”
“Sure you can. Friends hook up all the time.”
“Not like this. It wasn’t a drunken, sloppy fuck, Fiona. It was intense. He even-” I inhaled sharply.
“He what?”
“He-” I nodded towards my crotch and hoped she would get the hint.
“Wow, really?”
“Yeah.”
“And?”
“And now things can never be the same.”
“So what? Why would you want them to be? Did it occur to you that maybe things can be better than they were?”
“Not really. To be honest, I’m just freaking out because I feel so vulnerable now, like I’m still naked or something.”
“So?”
“So it’s scary.”
“What are you talking about?”
“All those times I liked him growing up I got hurt. Every. Single. Time. And he was oblivious. To this day I think he has no idea how many times I cried myself to sleep when he asked someone else to a dance or told me he thought some other girl was pretty.”
She nodded.
“And if he hurts me this time, I’m afraid I won’t be able to hide it. Cause I crossed a line. And even though I could always quiet my mind when it ached for him, now my body is aching for him, and I don’t know how to shut it up.”
She pursed her lips.
“Am I making sense or do you think I’m a lunatic?”
“Both.”
I rolled my eyes. “I’m not surprised. It sounds crazy even to me.”
“Yeah.”
“And I wouldn’t expect you to understand.”
“Why not?”
“Cause you’ve never had an Aiden.”
“You’re right. And you know what’s really fucked up?”
“What?”
“When I think of the guys I’ve dated in the past, I can’t think of any that ever cared about me the way Aiden care
s about you. Not one.”
“That’s not true.”
“Yes it is,” she said. “He would do anything for you, and you know it. And so what if he’s hurt you? It could only have been by accident. He would never hurt you on purpose. Never.”
“I know.”
“So you have only yourself to blame for the times your feelings got hurt. You made that happen. Not him.”
“Well, it’s not all my fault. It’s not like there’s anything I could’ve done.”
“Sure there is.”
“What?”
“You could’ve told him how you felt. You could’ve stopped being such a pussy for two seconds and told him that you cared about him or asked him why he never asked you to a dance. You could’ve confronted him about it.”
“There was never a good time.”
“Oh please. Do you really expect me to believe that? That in fifteen years there was never a moment when you could’ve done something about your unrequited feelings?”
“I don’t know.”
“Well, I do. And I think you’re lucky your patience paid off.”
“What?”
“You heard me. You’re lucky that he’s not a wimp like you, that he saw an opportunity to see if there was something more between you, and he grabbed it.”
“Maybe.”
“You could’ve lost him. You could’ve waited forever and lost him.”
“That’s not true! I always had him. The closest I’ve ever come to losing him is right now when I have no idea whether he thinks we made a huge mistake or whether our friendship can survive this.”
“Why would you even want that?”
“What do you mean?”
“Why would you want that if you could have more?”
“More?”
“Yeah, from where I’m standing, it’s always looked like your biggest problem with Aiden was the fact that you had to share him.”
“That’s not true.”
“Yes it is,” she said. “You never think anyone is good enough for him.”
“That has nothing to do with me.”
Fiona smacked her forehead. “It has everything to do with you.”
“How?”
“Because deep down, you know that no one could ever love him like you love him.”
I pursed my lips.
“Can I be honest with you for a second?”
“Shit. If you weren’t already being honest I’m kind of scared.”
