by Hazel Kelly
“Can I ask you something?” I asked.
“Of course,” Aiden said, sitting up straight with chocolate lips.
“As a friend.”
“Sure.”
“And I want you to be honest with me, no matter what.”
“Always.”
I sighed. “I’m not some kind of rebound for you, am I?”
“What?”
I shrugged. “I don’t mean to be lame, but the thought crossed my mind and-”
“That’s ridiculous.”
“No it’s not. It’s a real thing, and I don’t know if you’ve thought about it, but I just wanted to know if you’re just- I don’t want to say using me but-”
“That’s a really fucked up thing to ask me, Lucy.”
“I think it’s a fair question.”
“I don’t. Not at all.”
“I’m not trying to offend you or anything. I’m just trying to figure out if this thing or- that thing we did on Saturday- if that was all just for fun or if it was-”
“More?”
I nodded.
Aiden sighed. “Have I done anything to make you think it’s not?”
I pursed my lips. “No, but-”
“Lucy, I care about you. I always have. You know that.”
“Of course I know that, but you haven’t always cared about me the way you-” I swallowed. “Cared about me on Saturday.”
“I know,” he said, licking his lips so the chocolate disappeared. “But that doesn’t mean my feelings aren’t genuine.”
I took a deep breath.
“I like you a lot,” he said. “And I’m attracted to you.”
I pursed my lips.
“And I’m not done trying to convince you that we’ve got something here, something we’ve been sitting on for too long.”
“I guess I just want to know why now? After all this time?”
He shrugged. “I don’t know. But isn’t it better late than never?”
“Maybe,” I said. “I just don’t want to lose you as a friend.”
“Don’t look at it as losing a friend,” he said, leaning back in his chair. “Look at it as gaining a skilled lover.”
I rolled my eyes.
He leaned across the table and lowered his voice. “You do want to have another night like that, right? Please tell me I’m not sitting here making a total ass of myself.”
I smiled. “You’re not.”
“Thank god,” he said. “Cause I really need more of that side of you in my life.”
“Well, if you play your cards right, maybe that can be arranged.”
“Good,” he said. “I would be devastated if we couldn’t do that again.”
“Seriously?”
“Yeah, Luce. I don’t think you get what you do to me.”
“No,” I said. “I guess I don’t.”
“Well, I’m going to show you as many times as you’ll let me,” he said. “And don’t even get me started on what I’m going to do to you.”
Chapter 12: Aiden
She couldn’t even look at me.
I hated to make her squirm, but I kinda loved it, too. She always acted so tough, so controlled. It was fun to see her lose it, and the shade of pink her cheeks turned filled my mind with all kinds of inappropriate thoughts.
“You okay?” I asked.
She was entirely focused on her ice cream. “Fine.”
“Does it bother you when I say stuff like that?”
She pushed a piece of hair out of her face. “I wouldn’t say it bothers me.”
“What would you say?”
She shrugged. “I’m just not used to it. I mean, I suspected you were a bit full on, being such a conceited jock and all, but-”
“Hey!” I said. “I am not conceited.”
“Maybe that’s not the right word.”
“Cocky, perhaps, but not conceited."
She sighed, getting the joke.
I furrowed my brows. “Sorry. Please continue.”
“It’s just that you just come on all strong with your muscles and your hair and your eyes and your dimple-”
I smiled and shook my head to the side, as if I had the kind of flowy hair that could be whipped.
She rolled her eyes. “And then you say all these sexually suggestive comments and-”
“And what?”
“I’m not used to it.”
“You better get used to it,” I said. “Besides, surely other guys come on strong when they like you.”
“I guess, but even then I have a hard time taking them seriously.”
“So how long does it usually take then? For you to take a guy seriously?”
“When he says he likes me?”
I nodded.
“I don’t know yet.”
“What do you mean you don’t know yet?”
“I mean, I don’t think most guys really know what they want so their flattery doesn’t usually hold much weight with me.”
“I thought everybody knew what guys wanted.”
“Exactly,” she said, taking a bite of her waffle cone. “But most guys pretend they want more.”
“Whoa whoa whoa.” I raised my hand. “I had no idea you were such an expert. Please enlighten me.”
“What do you want to know?”
“What is it that guys pretend they want?”
She pursed her lips. “Well, I guess a lot of them- or at least the ones I’ve met recently- pretend they want someone to snuggle and play house with, someone they can commit to and build a future with.”
I nodded slowly. “Okay, and what is it that they actually want?”
She looked around and then fixed her eyes on me. “Blow jobs.”
Her comment took me by surprise so much that I almost choked on my ice cream. When I finally stopped coughing, my eyes were watering, and I wiped them with the back of my hand. “I see.”
Lucy cocked her head. “Do you disagree?”
I parted my lips to speak-
“You don’t have to answer that. I already know where you stand on this.”
I raised my eyebrows. “What?! What are you talking about? Where do I stand?”
She broke a bite off her cone and covered her mouth while she spoke. “Correct me if I’m wrong, but a woman’s ability to give a good blow job has probably been your number one dating criteria for the last- I don’t know- five years? Maybe longer?”
I shook my head. “That is not true.”
She squinted at me. “No?”
I clenched my jaw.
“What else are you looking for then?”
“Someone I can have an intelligent conversation with, someone who makes me laugh.”
“But you’d settle for someone who gave good blow jobs.”
“No I wouldn’t.”
“So if we continued doing whatever this is-” she pointed back and forth between us. “But I couldn’t give a blow job to save my life-”
“Anyone could give a blowjob to save their life. Haven’t you seen those prison documentaries?”
She rolled her eyes. “Seriously, Aiden, maybe I really suck at giving blow jobs?”
“I hope you do and hard while you’re at it.”
“Come on, I’m trying to have a serious conversation about blow jobs here.”
“And I’m seriously interested.”
“I guess I just don’t really understand what you see in me when your last few girlfriends were complete twigs who ate nothing but dick.”
“Wow. You liked ‘em all that much, huh?”
She shrugged. “I mean, they weren’t that bad. I don’t mean to be unfair. I’m sure they had nice qualities that I failed to recognize, but I don’t have anything in common with any of them.”
“That’s what I like best about you.”
“The fact that I’m soft all over and won’t suck your dick just to get access to your credit card?”
“No.”
“What is it then?”
I looke
d around and leaned forward. “The fact that you’re sexy as hell and will suck my dick anyway.”
She gasped. “That’s very presumptuous of you.”
I shrugged. “Don’t get me wrong. I don’t want you to do anything until you’re ready, but I saw your face on Saturday night. It’s only a matter of time.”
She turned red again and tried to make a face like she was pouting, but her guilty smile still shone through. “You’ve basically just proved my point.”
“What point?”
“That that’s all you or any guy is after.”
“I have to disagree with you there. What were the other things most guys pretend to want?”
“Snuggling, commitment, a future together.”
“Can I be perfectly honest with you?” I asked.
“If you must.”
“I’m not going to pretend that there aren’t things higher on my list than snuggling.”
“Obviously.”
“But as far as being committed to you and hoping you’ll be a part of my future, I’m way past wanting those things. If anything, I’d say you can basically take those things for granted.”
She popped the bottom of her cone in her mouth and crossed her arms while she chewed.
I rolled my eyes up to the sky but The Gelateria’s awning got in the way. “In fact, besides my family, there’s no one I’m more committed or tied to than you.”
She swallowed her last bite and grabbed a paper napkin out of the dispenser on the table. “I guess we do go way back.”
“Way back,” I said.
“And you think seeing each other like we did on Saturday is worth risking everything we’ve had up to now?”
I shrugged. “I think it’s too late.”
“And if it weren’t?”
“Wouldn’t you always wonder?”
She rubbed the back of her neck.
“I don’t know about you, but I always wondered what it would be like to hook up. Ya know, in the back of my mind. Didn’t you?”
“I suppose so.”
I nodded. “Glad you chose the stracciatella?”
“Yeah.”
I smiled. “Want to swing by my place for dessert?”
“What time is it?” she asked, pulling out her phone. Her face dropped. “I can’t.”
“Why?”
“I promised Fiona I would do her hair for her date tonight.”
“Really?”
“Yeah.”
“Isn’t she a stylist? Can’t she do her own hair?”
Lucy shook her head. “Not really. It’s like how dentists don’t clean their own teeth, ya know?”
I stood up and pushed my chair in. “I guess. Who’s she going out with?”
“Peter, the children’s hospital guy.”
“Damn. So he’s a keeper?”
“Yeah. Or at least he’s her first Tinder match who isn’t a total douche bag.”
I sighed.
“Rain check?”
“Sure,” I said, walking over to open the car door for her while she threw her napkins in the trash.
“You don’t have to open the door for me.”
“And you don’t have to make me so damn hard, but you do anyway.”
“Jesus,” she said, rolling her eyes and taking a seat in the car.
“Hey,” I said, turning to her when I got in beside her. “Maybe you could do Claire’s hair for her wedding seeing as how you’re in such high demand.”
Lucy’s eyes grew wide. “I’m so sorry. I should’ve offered. I just figured she already had somebody picked out and Nancy approved.”
“If she doesn’t, would you do it?”
“Of course,” she said. “Please tell her I would be happy to, and not that it matters, but it would save her some money.”
I started the car. “I’m sure she would pay you.”
“Absolutely not. She can pay me in free drinks afterwards.”
“That can definitely be arranged.”
Lucy was quiet on the way home, but warm, too, much like the summer evening.
I pulled in across from her building. “Shame you don’t have more time.”
“Next time we’ll skip the ice cream,” she said, batting her eyelashes.
I reached across the console and rested my palm against her cheek. “Deal,” I said, leaning in and pressing my lips to hers. I kissed her softly, letting my sugar coated tongue drift into her mouth for a taste of her that could hold me over till next time.
When I finally pulled back, her eyes were shiny and she bit her lip. “Maybe I should forget about Fiona.”
“Oh no you don’t,” I said. “I’ll never hear the end of it.”
She smiled. “Thanks.”
I reached into the backseat. “And don’t forget your flowers.”
She put her hands around the plastic covered bouquet and got out of the car. Then she waved at me with her fingers as she crossed the street, still smiling as she looked away.
And I couldn’t believe it.
I hadn’t even gotten lucky, and I still felt like the luckiest guy in the world.
Chapter 13: Lucy
I was so excited I couldn’t even open the door. I was too busy beaming like an idiot, jangling my keys in my hand and fumbling at the lock. Finally, I remembered that I had to turn the key and shove the door with my shoulder at the same time to open the damn thing.
Still, as weird as it sounds, it felt good to feel flaky.
There had only been a few times in my life when I was so excited about a guy or a kiss or a lingering hug that I felt ditzy, and this was certainly one of them.
It felt deliciously feminine to be the object of such a sexy man’s desire, and the fact that the man was Aiden, who I’d been crushing on for the better part of my life, made it so much more intense.
And that slow, soft kiss in the car made it seem so real. Not like the orgasmic sex we had on Saturday which was entirely surreal, not of this planet, and barely believable even though I saw it up close. The sex we had on Saturday was the Loch Ness Monster. Elusive, mysterious, hard to fathom.
But that kiss. It was as real as the Black-Eyed Susans in my hand. It was tangible, lovely, light. And we were sober, which mattered because it meant our getting together wasn’t a drunken mistake.
And by the time I climbed the stairs to my apartment, I was feeling all the dangerous feelings I was most afraid of, and I was feeling them for the person I promised myself I would never feel them for.
It seemed to me like the perfect time to borrow one of Fiona’s Xanax, except I didn’t want to numb the feeling for a change. I wanted to know it, to own it, especially considering how long I’d resisted it.
I set the flowers on the counter and grabbed the vase off the window sill. I couldn’t remember the last time we actually had flowers to put in it. As a result, it was full of magazine clippings of hairstyles Fiona and I liked, but I took those out and shoved them in a Ziploc bag.
“Fiona?!” I called as I cut the ends of the flowers off with the kitchen scissors.
Maybe she wasn’t home yet. I knew she was working a later shift, but I thought she would beat me home since I’d gone for ice cream.
No matter. I was happy to relish the warmth radiating through me from that creamy, chocolatey kiss. And I loved this inappropriate side of Aiden. He was so presumptuous, so forward.
I mean, where did he get off saying those things to me? It was hard to take him seriously, but I knew better than to think he didn’t mean it. He wasn’t the kind of guy that minced his words.
“Fiona?!” I called again.
No. Definitely not home yet.
I arranged the flowers, set them prominently on the counter, and took a few steps back so I could admire them.
I wouldn’t normally be this excited. Usually if a guy showed genuine interest, I kept my cool, kept my distance, and didn’t get my hopes up. But the guys I was used to seeing didn’t have Aiden’s character, his integrity.
> That’s why I never took them seriously. Because humoring my obnoxiously feminine emotions was the fastest way to a broken heart.
But Aiden wouldn’t hurt me, would he? Was he even capable of using me or dismissing me the way so many guys had in the past? I mean, he said himself that he cared about me like family.
And maybe he was right. Maybe we could make this work.
God, when he asked if I’d ever thought about us getting together, I wanted to bop him on the head.
Of course, I have you idiot! How could I not think about it over the last fifteen years?! Was his inability to cop on sooner just because guys developed later than girls? Was he just slow on the uptake?
Whatever it was, I didn’t want to dwell on it. I wanted to dwell on the fact that he’d finally noticed me, and more importantly, that he liked what he saw.
After all, there was no one whose company I enjoyed more, and the thought that I might get to spend more time with him filled me with a stupid, shameful joy. I blew air out between my lips. I needed to calm down.
It was just a kiss… and an invite to his family’s biggest bash of the year. Still, it was one thing for me to get my hopes up on the inside. But there was no reason to gush to Fiona about how excited I was. Just in case something bad happened.
Cause I didn’t want to be pitied, especially by her. Plus, if something went wrong with Aiden, she was all I’d have left.
I heard the key in the door and looked up.
Fiona burst in with a red nose, her eyes puffy from crying.
“Oh my god- are you okay?”
She shook her head.
I backed away from the flowers and walked around the counter. “What’s wrong?”
She tried to speak, but her lips just shook as she wrapped her arms around me and cried against my neck.
I placed a hand on her head and held her tight. “Fiona, talk to me. What’s going on?”
“I didn’t know what else to do. I just reacted.”
I couldn’t even understand her as she hiccupped between breaths. “Shhh. Calm down. Take a deep breath.” I turned her towards the sofa. “Sit.”
She slumped on the couch and put her head in her hands. “I fucked up, Lucy. I fucked up big, and now I’m totally fucked.”
I rubbed her back. “What happened?”
“I got fired,” she said, bursting into tears again.
