He nodded. “All right, go. I’ll take care of everything.”
“You aren’t coming with me?”
“No, I… I’ve got to be somewhere.”
She gave him a curious look. “Landon said you’ve been staying with a new friend. A girlfriend?”
He paused. “Yeah.”
“I’d like to meet her sometime.” She pulled his face down and kissed him on the mouth. “Do what you have to do. I’ll make the arrangements for the funeral.”
“All right. I’ll see you in the morning.”
She nodded and walked out the door. She didn’t even pack a bag. She just left.
After cleaning up the bedroom as best he could, he left the house to make his way back to the clearing. For the first time, he carried a heavy heart. The stark differences between him and Stassi weighed on him.
My God, she took a human life with no more compunction than in killing a Fallen.
He wasn’t sure if he could ever erase that bloody image of her from his mind.
The air suddenly turned warm and he realized he had already passed through the veil. He wasn’t surprised to find Stassi there waiting for him. Her eyes were full of excitement as she ran to him. “I did it, Cal! I crossed over into your world!”
“Yeah, I noticed,” he said dryly. “How did you do it?”
She held up the clump of his hair that she had picked off his shoulder the previous evening. “Just like with the feather, I can cross over if I have a part of you!”
He wasn’t sure what he thought of that. The Faedin didn’t belong in his world. And he was starting to think that he might not belong in theirs.
She noticed that he did not smile or share in her excitement. “What is wrong, Cal? Are you all right? I tried to wake you before I left your home, but you would not come to. I was very worried.”
“You shouldn’t have come to my house, Stassi.”
Her smile waned. “Why?”
“You killed my stepfather!”
“Of course I did!” she admitted forcefully. “He was a Fallen! He preyed on innocents and had to be destroyed.”
“No, Stassi, he wasn’t a Fallen. He was a man.”
Her amber eyes glinted dangerously. “You are right, he was not a Fallen. He was worse! A Fallen has no choice in the evil acts they commit. Your stepfather did!”
“You murder on a regular basis, Stassi! You can’t do that in the human world.”
“If I were more human,” she retorted, “you would be dead right now.”
Cal started to back away from her with his head in his hands. “The blood. The ravine. I can’t do this right now! I just can’t.”
“What are you saying? Where are you going?”
“Home,” he said and ran from her. “My real home!”
Stassi watched Cal go with a hollow ache filling her chest, making it difficult to take a deep breath. She longed to call him back, to beg him to understand, but she said nothing. The disappointment in his eyes had been too great. Too resolute. She had unknowingly broken a rule very dear to him.
But which one?
She had saved his life — the one he claimed was so precious to him — and would do so again without hesitation.
But at what cost?
Their differences suddenly felt insurmountable, and she had a terrible feeling that he might never return. He likes me, but he still does not feel at home here. I’ll never have him as mine.
Her heart sank when he finally disappeared from view.
Perhaps her sire and Gilad had been right. Maybe she and Cal were not meant to be.
But if that were so, why then did the thought of never seeing him again make her feel like she was dying?
CHAPTER 17
Acceptance
Two days after Christmas, Cal stood with his mother and Landon at the front of the local church to shake hands and murmur thanks to the few mourners who came through the receiving line. Mostly, they were members of Ross’s extended family and the rest were people he had worked with.
The service had been short — the comments even shorter. My condolences. What a shame. He’s better off now.
All well meaning, but empty.
Cal supposed he should feel relief that his abuser was dead, but all he really felt was uncertainty. Would his mother be able to keep the house? Could Cal step up to be a good father figure for Landon? How would all these changes affect his commitment to the Faedin? And the most important of all. Did he even want to go back? He had struggled with that particular question for days now and still had no answer.
“Are we done?” Landon asked, tugging at the collar of his starched shirt. He had taken the loss better than Cal thought he would. Even though Landon had been witness to his father’s cruelty, Ross had always shown the boy such kindness that it had been difficult for Landon to reconcile the two.
“Yeah.” He pulled Landon close and ruffled his hair. “We’re done.”
“I just want to go home.”
“Me, too.”
After thanking the minister, they left the church and walked out into the cold winter day. Cal shivered and pulled his jacket closed.
“I need to make a quick stop at the drugstore,” his mother told them.
Cal nodded and sat down on the church steps. “We’ll wait for you.”
After his mother walked away, Landon sat down beside him. “What’s wrong?”
Cal glanced at him. “Nothing, why?”
“You look like you’re sad. But it can’t be over my father.”
“No,” he admitted. “It’s something else.”
Landon kicked at a stone on the sidewalk. “Is it the girl you’ve been staying with?”
He nodded.
“Doesn’t she like you any more?”
He shrugged. “I think she likes me still. You never really know with girls.”
“Then you don’t like her any more?”
That one was harder to answer. “I do like her. A lot. But we might be too different.”
“You must not really care for her then.”
“Yes, I do care for her, motor-mouth. I told you.”
Landon shook his head adamantly. “If you did, you would like her the way she is and not how you want her to be.”
Cal’s eyebrows shot up. “Oh, really? And when did you become an expert on relationships?”
“I’m not. It’s just common sense.”
Cal sniffed. “You got me there.”
“I just want you to be happy, Cal. That’s all I ever wanted. Maybe now with… my father gone, you will be.”
Cal gave his brother a sad smile and pulled him tightly to his side. “There’s nothing for you to worry about. I’m happy enough.”
“You’re not going to leave me, are you?”
“No! I won’t leave you, bud. Ever. I promise.”
And he meant it. Even if he did go back to Stassi, he would find a way to stay in Landon’s life somehow, too.
A girl jogged by them on the sidewalk. Cal peered up at her and then straightened in shock. There was no mistaking that fiery red hair! He leapt to his feet.
“Cal, what are you doing?” Landon asked.
“Stay here! I’ll be right back.”
Cal sprinted after the girl and easily caught up to her. “Hey! Stop!”
The redhead stopped and turned to him with an uneasy look. “Can I help you?”
“Leeah! Oh, my God, it is you! What are you doing here?”
“I’m… sorry, you must have me confused with someone else.”
“Leeah, it’s me, Cal.”
“My name is not Leeah.”
Cal frowned and studied the girl’s face. It was identical to that of the Faedin novice. But how could that be? That girl was dead.
“You’re not Leeah?”
“No.”
“I’m sorry,” he mumbled and walked away. “I must have made a mistake.”
When he returned to Landon at the church steps, his brother asked who the
girl was.
Cal answered honestly. “A ghost.”
Cal lay in bed that night, his heart racing, the inexplicable lure to Stassi flaring painfully in his chest. A living thing that pushed and pulled as it sought to reunite them.
Landon’s comments on the church steps still plagued him, hours later. His brother had been right, of course, and the guilt ate away at him. Cal had thrown it in Stassi’s face that he was returning to his real home, but he had never felt at home here. Ever. And he still didn’t.
This house was not a home. Home was the place where you found trust and safety and happiness.
Home was Stassi.
Every second that passed caused that realization to take greater root, growing inside of him until the tentacles of truth threatened to choke him with it. He just wished it hadn’t taken him so long to accept it. The shock of that night had messed up his thinking for awhile, but his mind felt clear now.
But would Stassi understand?
Only one way to find out.
He stood, grabbed the feather and the brown paper bag off the dresser and left the house.
The trek through the woods seemed to take a lifetime, but his feet now knew the path well. At the first hint of warmth, his breathing intensified. He half expected warriors to pop out of hiding at any minute to challenge his presence, but he made it to Stassi’s tree without encountering a single Faedin.
He stood at the bottom staring up, feeling small. He wasn’t sure if she would be there or not, but it seemed like the best place to start. He took a deep breath, dragged himself up into the tree and disappeared into the network of limbs. It took a while. He had to backtrack a few times due to the density of the branches, and the nest was much higher than he anticipated. His arms shook with exertion by the time he reached the top.
Soft scuffling sounds from inside the nest told him she was there. Good. He peeked over the top.
What he saw ripped his heart completely in two.
Stassi, with her back to him, and her new layers of downy white feathers taking up almost the entire space. She had finally gotten what she had wanted all her life — her wings. And there was only one way that could have happened.
His body trembled with anger.
Who had she given herself to? Was it Gilad or some other Faedin warrior?
Why, Stassi? Why would you do this to me? To us?
He gripped the edge of the nest in white-knuckled fury. The very thought of her mating with another felt like a fist hammering into his stomach. All that they had shared and started to build together was now over.
Stassi was no longer his.
He blinked back the tears stinging his eyes and turned to climb back down.
“Cal?”
Her sudden voice in the silence startled him and he lost his grip. “Ahh!” He scrambled to wrap his arms around the tree trunk, but it slipped out of his grasp and he started an uncontrolled downward plunge. Rough bark tore at his skin. Branches whipped welts into his flesh. He tried to clutch at anything that might slow his descent, but he was moving too fast now.
He grunted in pain as his back hit squarely in the middle of a large limb, vaulting him onto another, and then another. He managed to hang onto the third one for a heartbeat before sliding off once again.
And then Stassi was there, grabbing the back of his coat to cushion his fall to the ground.
He fell back into the dirt, the sting of burns and scrapes tingling painfully over his body. He threw an arm over his eyes. He refused to look at her. Refused to acknowledge her betrayal.
“You’re back,” she stated with a distinct lack of emotion.
He bit back the sarcastic reply that danced on his tongue.
“What are you doing here?” she asked when he didn’t reply.
“I wanted to apologize, but obviously that was a mistake.”
“Obviously.”
He shot up to his feet. “How could you, Stassi? How could you just throw away—”
“Yes?”
The white wings were gone. She still had her fledgling wings. “But, I… I saw you with your white wings. You had them in the nest.”
She shook her head. “They were not mine, Cal. They were Leeah’s wings.”
“Leeah?”
“Yes. Remember I told you that Faedin lose their wings at death?” She looked down. “I was feeling sad for her departure, so I brought them to my nest.”
Cal thought again about seeing Leeah’s doppelganger outside of the church.
“Wait,” she said. “You thought—”
“Yes, I thought!” he barked.
“Would you have been upset to learn that I had mated with another?”
“You know I would,” he hissed, taking her into his arms and backing her up against the tree.
He couldn’t tell what that fanged smile was all about, but she gently pushed him away. “I will be in the nest if you wish to… talk.” With that, she took to the air and left him standing there staring up after her.
I’ve got to climb this thing again?
He looked up in dismay and then, realizing he had no other choice, started up for the second time. But it was a lot easier going this time around knowing that Stassi waited for him.
He found her sitting on the floor of the nest, cross-legged, waiting for him. He jumped down inside, took the package he had brought with him out of his back pocket and extended it toward her. “Merry Christmas.”
She glared at it as though it were poisonous. “What is it?”
“A present.”
“For me?”
“Yes.”
She took it from him and examined the contents. “Is this face paint?”
“Yes.”
“I… thank you. But I do not know how to use it.”
He sat down across from her, their knees touching. “I’ll show you. I’ve seen enough commercials to stumble my way through.” He took the bag and pulled out the eye makeup first. Using the tiny brush inside, he swirled on the bronze color. “Close your eyes,” he ordered.
Leaning in close, he gently swiped the brush over her eyelid. He wasn’t sure if he was doing it right or not, but it hardly mattered as he lost himself in the contradictions of her face. So innocent, yet fierce. So soft, yet strong. This close, her intoxicating scent wafted over him, causing a throb of desire to pound through his lower body.
“I have wanted this for a very long time,” she whispered.
“Shh.”
He reached in to find the blush and used the brush to color her youthful cheeks pink. Last, he applied the mascara to lengthen her lashes.
“There,” he finally said. “Open your eyes.”
She blinked her heavy lashes at him. “What do you see, Cal?”
“Home.”
She inhaled sharply. “Really?”
“Really. Now, stay still. I’m going to kiss you.”
“Why?”
“Because I need to.”
She lowered her eyes, something very uncharacteristic of her, and nodded.
Cal traced his thumb under her chin, lifting her face. He dragged her into his lap and pressed his lips to hers. All the uncertainty, the deaths, the fear, melted from him as she writhed against him.
His hand moved up her leg, over her hip, and…
…the sudden flutter of wings above stopped him cold.
“Stassi! Cal! Enough of that now! Come to the pavilion!”
Cal looked up. Abram hovered in the air, his enormous wings holding him in place.
“Julius beckons! It is time for Leeah’s gathering!”
Cal growled low in his throat, thinking just how lucky the intruding warrior was in that moment that Cal didn’t have a bow at hand to shoot him out of the sky.
CHAPTER 18
Celebration of Death
Stassi laughed and grabbed playfully at Cal’s hand as they walked toward the gathering, and her antics seemed to be improving his foul mood. She had changed into a beige silk wrap and it fluttered arou
nd her legs as she moved, showing him a generous amount of skin.
His gaze grew heated when he looked at her, and he mumbled something about Abram and payback and a plucked chicken, whatever that meant.
At her insistence, he went without a shirt this night in the style of her people. His chiseled chest gleamed in the moonlight, causing her Faedin nature to try and paw its way to the surface. Patience had never been a virtue of hers, but all this waiting was proving beyond difficult. Especially with him looking like he did in this moment. Curiously, it had nothing to do with her wings any longer. She wanted Cal. To be close to him. To enjoy his very human ways of affection that sent her heart racing every time he kissed her. She would keep her fledgling wings for a thousand years to enjoy his lips alone.
First, she had to set things right. She stepped in front of him and stopped him with her hands on his chest. “Cal, wait. About that evening at your home. I must apologize. I never should have—”
“Don’t apologize.”
“Are you saying I did well?” she asked hopefully.
He nodded. “You did well. My stepfather would have killed me that night had you not shown up. I’m sure of it. I owe you my thanks.”
Stassi hugged him close, relief flooding through her. “I was afraid you would never come back.”
He leaned back to lift her face, silently studying her features as he drew a gentle hand along her cheek. “I don’t think that’s an option any longer.”
A joyous shudder invaded her body. He’s mine. Finally, he is truly all mine. She took his hand in hers. “Come. I have a gift for you, too.”
“For me?”
“For your Christmas.”
“You do?” he asked in surprise.
“Yes, now hurry,” she said and took off running.
Laughing, he chased after her as she darted between the trees, but came to an abrupt stop with his mouth hanging open when the decorated village came into view. “Stassi, what did you do?”
“We all did it. For you. To make you happy.”
She drew his gaze to the enormous tree the Faedin had painstakingly cut from the forest and adorned with colorful ribbons and lace. On the very top, they had placed a star made from wood.
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