“Nothing, it’s just that I don’t see why it is such a big deal.”
After I say it, I regret my words.
She takes turns looking at me and then the traffic in front of her. “Well, El, maybe if you did think things were a bigger deal then your life would be a little fucking different for you. Maybe your choices would be smarter.”
Damn, I set up that opportunity for criticism. I choose not to look at her as I defend myself. “My decisions are fine and I’m happy with my life.”
Not entirely true, but I will fake it to save face in front of my holier-than-thou sister.
“Really, El. You are happy scraping by on financial aid, working on campus when you could have had Dad pay for college and possibly be on your way to a paid internship somewhere?”
I shift uncomfortably, wishing myself out of this car as she continues to bombard me.
“You are happy living in the ghetto when you could be living on campus comfortably with no worries of walking to and from a bus stop? I lived on campus and I—”
“I do not live in the ghetto and Allison and I are careful. Don’t compare me to you! You are fine with their guidelines and opinions, Natalie. You like them telling you what to do, but I sure as hell don’t.”
“God I wish you would, El. It would make life so much easier for you. Maybe you would find direction. Tell me, do you like life being difficult? Do you like torturing yourself like this? Or is it solely to prove yourself to Dad and Mom?”
Hell, she sounds just like Dad. I wouldn’t be surprised if Dad sent her to pick me up and start shit with me this morning; in preparation for tonight’s dinner. I close her off and stare out the passenger’s window at the peppering of students starting to come into view as we get closer to campus.
“El.”
I don’t want to even look at her right now. “What?”
“I shouldn’t have said what I did.”
“Why did you? Are you seasoning me for tonight or something? Getting me ready for Dad and Mom’s line of fucking questions, suggestions, advice, and criticism. Is that why you swung by to pick me up this morning?”
She stares at me for a long time before turning back to the road. She raises her chin and tightens her lips. “Look, you are lost, El. You have just decided on a major and it is your junior year at one of the best universities in the United States. Yes, you are smart, you got into fucking Georgetown University on your own merit, but what do you have to look forward to after college? What is your plan?”
Mind you, Nat didn’t get into Georgetown on her own. I overheard her and Dad talking my senior year of high school, telling her he had gotten her in.
“Ella, you have to plan ahead, play the game, and right now you are just drifting. Mom and Dad are worried about you and yes, I wanted to talk to you before we went over there tonight so I drove all the way over to get you in that ... your neighborhood, to maybe talk some sense into you. Give you some advice about taking Dad’s offer tonight.”
The fucking offer. They are going to corner me with some ridiculous offer and I will reject it because it will be both demanding and commanding, which will totally fucking piss me off, ruining yet another family dinner.
I can’t help my sarcasm. “Offer, yes, the main course of tonight’s menu. I was wondering when they would plan an attack again. I’m sure this one will be just as demoralizing as all the others.” I shake my head and release a low laugh. “Unbelievable. I should fucking cancel right now.”
Realizing she has pushed too far, she starts backpedaling. “Damn it, El, don’t start this shit. You skipped last week’s dinner and if you skip this one...”
“I had to skip! I had papers and an exam to prepare for!”
She shakes her head. “Fine. Whatever. Look, this offer is not an attack, believe it or not they are wanting to compromise with you.”
Okay, that is a word I have never heard my family use before.
Seeing she has my attention, she eases into it as she pulls into the student parking. “I don’t know the exact compromise Dad has to offer, but Mom told me he wanted to come to an agreement with you on things.”
Holy shit, it’s a miracle!
She turns off the ignition and shifts her body to face me. “Dad doesn’t do compromise, but for whatever reason he plans to with you. Whatever he has to offer, just please listen to him. He is your father, for God’s sake. It is the least you could do. Just hear him out tonight, all right?”
Picking up my backpack from the floorboard, I take a deep breath then settle my eyes on hers as she stares at me with a small sense of pleading. Pleading is again something my family doesn’t do, and the only thing making me more curious about what Dad is going to offer as a compromise.
“Fine.”
Her entire body visibly relaxes and the concern on her face disappears as she perks up. “Thank you. Meet me here at five. Traffic is going to be hell.”
“Yeah.”
Getting out of the car, Nat adds, “Oh, and think about going with me to meet my friends tonight. It will be fun.”
Fun with Nat. I can’t fathom.
“Hey, did you want to meet for lunch?” Her question is unexpected.
She has never asked me to lunch before.
“Oh my treat.” I know she has added this because of my budget. “Promise no talk about Mom or Dad. Just sister stuff, I guess.” The questioning look on her face mirrors my thoughts as I don’t think we have had a “sister stuff” talk since middle school.
I consider it for a half second, when I remember I’m meeting Allison for lunch after work. “I can’t, sorry.”
She shrugs. “No, it’s fine. Meet me here at five.”
“Okay.”
I head toward campus wondering if I have sacrificed a chance to turn a corner with my sister because of work or fear. I could always ask to switch days and find Allison before we meet. I turn around to change my mind, but notice she is on her phone already, walking in the other direction.
“Hey, did you want to go to lunch still? I’m free after all. Yeah, she couldn’t make it.”
I don’t call to her, realizing I am second place to the person on the other line and Nat always thinks of opportunity before family.
As I exit the Southwest garage, the chill in the air from earlier has nearly vanished and the sun has finally pushed through the blanket of clouds covering the city. I can’t help thinking about tonight, dinner and this looming offer. There are two reasons I still attend the family dinner. The lesser of the two is my hope that one of these days my parents will magically accept my choices and the way I want to live my life. The number one reason is for my little sister, Jillian, Jilly. She is a junior in high school and the most level headed and mild mannered out of our entire family. She reminds me of Grandma Wallace, another reason I look forward to seeing her every week; seeing her keeps Grandma’s spirit alive for me.
I take the last bite of my sauerkraut, mustard, and sweet relish dog just as Allison asks details about the surprise ride to campus with my sister. “So she went all the way to our hood to pick you up out of the goodness of her heart?”
The rhetorical question is laden with sarcasm; one of the many reasons I love Allison. I nod, unable to immediately speak through my chewing. “Hmmm. She had to drop something for a client.”
“Yeah, sure. I don’t buy it. Something is up.” She takes a bite of her hotdog, then crumbles the wrapper in her hands. I take a sip of my drink, then collect my own trash, tossing it in as she holds the bag out to me. “Yeah, well, I guess if there is, I will find out tonight at dinner.”
Rising, I pick up my backpack from the ground. With the sun shining now, we couldn’t resist sitting out on Copley Lawn just like all the other students scattered around us.
“So, are you heading work?” Allison asks.
“Yeah. Why?”
“It’s Friday and there is this thing going on in Red Square. You don’t have to be to work until one, right?” This is Allison�
�s way of asking me to go with her.
“Yes, why?”
Red Square is a huge open area students gravitate to on Fridays. It is not uncommon to see student organizations promoting causes, spontaneously putting on a dance performance, or spur-of-the-moment celebrations for national holidays. The organizations on campus also like to advertise for events and performances on good weather days, like today.
She shrugs and stares off in the distance as she explains, “I wanted to look into something for the summer. I just happened to pass a table offering an internship after leaving my last class to meet you. I didn’t stop, but wanted to go back after lunch.”
I glance down at my watch; it’s only twelve ten and while I wouldn’t normally go to Red Square, Allison appears desperate to go back. “Sure.”
As we get closer to the Intercultural Building, the distinct red-brick walls, the roaming students, the sound of live music, and the smell of grilling hamburgers are evidence we are entering Red Square on a Friday afternoon. I totally forgot about the GU Grilling Society and burger on Fridays. Allison and I look at each other at the same time as she says, “How could we forget about the burgers!”
Our freshman year, we ate hamburgers from the society every week, weather permitting. We both laugh a little at the fond memories. “They kept asking us to join.”
“And we always had an excuse not to,” Allison adds, smiling, “except that one time those two guys asked us out.”
My smile sours a little. “Yes, the date.”
It was one of the few dates I agreed to go on as a college student and a one-night stand in his dorm room I would rather forget.
“What? They were cute,” Allison chides.
“Yeah, well, cute can only get you so far.”
Table after table, student representatives talk and laugh with passerby stopping to chat, when Allison stops. I look down at the banner—”Georgetown Summer Medical Institute”—l then up at the cute guy standing behind the table smiling at Allison.
“You’re back,” the guy says. Allison’s grin is as wide as his. Okay, so there is more to this possible internship than what she originally let on.
Seeming caught in a white lie, she shrugs at me, then looks at him. “Yeah, I wanted to find out about applying for the Institute for summer!”
Allison is a brainiac and has her heart is set on med school, but her uppity voice and ear-to-ear smile tells me her heart is set on more than the Institute.
“El, this is Bradley. Bradley, El.” Her introduction and his, “Hi nice to meet you,” are vacant as they continue to stare at each other. Allison had no problem hooking up with guys and from time to time they would stay the night. Yeah, I hooked up with a few, but never let them sleep over. I always kicked them out right after, security I suppose. That vacant, faraway expression she has right now, this one might be spending the night soon.
“I’m going to just be over here for a minute, okay?”
My comment seems to get Allison’s attention as she looks at me for a split second. “Sure. I’ll be there in a bit.”
I slip away behind her, passing by students eating, talking, and laughing when I notice a banner that reads, “Go Abroad! Make a difference with WorldTeach.”
I turn around to see how far I have strayed from Allison, just as she turns my way. I point to the table, letting her know I will be here, and she give me a nod.
As I walk up to the table, my eyes are immediately drawn to the laminated pictures displayed: children in a rundown classroom raising their hands, sitting in small desks with a woman leading them in classwork. Another poster on the desk shows a group of children leaning against a concrete wall, having been lined up for a picture with their volunteer teacher standing with them. Another picture shows a group of volunteers standing among statues; looks like a foreign landmark.
“Hi, would you like an information packet?” the man behind the table asks.
“Uh, sure.”
I can take a brochure, no harm, no foul. The words “WorldTeach” are written across the brochure in red. “Is this only for people who want to be teachers?”
As the man smiles wider from my question, I feel stupid for asking all of a sudden. He shakes his head, still passing out brochures to the few students pausing long enough for him to give them one. “No you just need to have the desire to make a difference. You know, get out there, take a stand for something bigger than yourself.”
I’m not a superstitious person, but hearing him share a sentiment so similar to Grandma Wallace’s, my gut tells me to linger and find out more.
He passes out another brochure to a student, then focuses on me. “Are you interested?”
Somewhat put on the spot by his direct question, I look down at the brochure, then at the pictures of places and people representing something bigger than me.
“Yeah, I think I am.”
The man at the table introduces himself as Tom Stern, then takes down my name and email address, telling me he will be in contact to set up an appointment for next week. I thank him and walk back toward Allison, who is already approaching me. “Hey.”
“Hey.” I fold the brochure in one hand and hold it by my side.
Allison looks down at the brochure in my hand, then at the table. “Go abroad? You thinking about going abroad for the summer?”
I keep walking and answer her nonchalantly, “I don’t know. Just looked interesting.”
“Oh, can I see the brochure?”
Feeling self-conscious about something I might not even do, I frown at her. “It probably won’t turn into anything.”
She smiles menacingly. “Okay, just let me read it. I might be interested.”
I shake my head and smile as I hand it to her. Feeling the pressure of her scrutinizing the hell out of the brochure, I ask, “Don’t you have somewhere to be, like class?”
She looks so serious as she reads through it, answering me softly, “No, I have an hour break. Summer programs available for undergraduates interested in making a difference in another country; Chile, Amman, Jordan, Morocco. Says they are looking for students interested in volunteering to teach English.”
I nod, recalling the similar points Tom the director made. He said I would be an asset to the program. Abruptly, she swats me with the brochure. “English major, Ella. That is you!”
I nod and smile mildly, attempting to diminish her excitement.
“What?” Allison asks.
“What do you mean, what?”
“It’s just you nod and smile like that when you have already made up your mind.” Her expression of worry is foreign since I come from a family lacking much of it.
“Well, you’re wrong. I’m supposed to meet with the director next week.”
She seems shocked. “Really? God, Ella, traveling to a faraway land, discovering a new culture, using your abilities to help teach others the English language while learning a new language and culture yourself. That is an amazing opportunity! A chance of a lifetime!”
Feeling the pressure of not being everything this program might need, I divulge, “Yeah, well I’m not sure I will be a good addition.”
“Don’t you even do that shit, Ella,” she says, nudging my shoulder then handing me the brochure. “See, aren’t you glad you came with me to Red Square today? It wasn’t a total loss, right?”
I turn my eyes up to the sky and change the subject from me to her. “Yeah, it was entertaining watching you flirt with Mr. Med School.”
She swats my arm and squeals. “I was not flirting! It is for an internship!”
“Yeah, sure. When is he spending the night?” I ask playfully.
“Ha, ha, ha,” she says, finding no humor in my attempt to distract the focus. “Seriously, El, keep the appointment. What do you have to lose?” As I collect books from each study room on the fourth floor, I think about traveling abroad and Allison’s question. What do you have to lose?
I have nothing to lose. I mean, what are the chances of me going
to Red Square today of all days and stumbling upon Tom’s table to talk about going abroad? South America, the Middle East? At least ten thousand to one. It would just be three months. Nothing to lose for a small risk of putting myself out there to find something more.
Nat’s car is already running when I get to it after my shift. I overhear her phone conversation as I get into the car. “Yes, she just got in. We will be there in about twenty minutes depending on traffic. Okay, bye.”
Hanging up, she looks over at me. “Hey.”
“Hey.” I toss my backpack into the backseat and put my seatbelt on.
“How was it?”
Her question throws me off a little. “How was what?”
“Your day,” she says, running her hand through her golden-blonde hair as she weaves around traffic, almost rear-ending a car. I want to close my eyes as I cringe from the anxiety.
“Uh, good. Yours?”
Nat takes my simple polite question as an invitation to unload her entire day on me she drives. By the time we pull up to my parents’ house, she has maybe stopped to breathe a handful of times in between telling me about the counselor she is working with on her dissertation and her over-demanding boss.
“This is a fucking internship. I shouldn’t have to take this shit from him, right?” Is she really asking me?
As she turns off the car, I reach into the back, grab my bag, and open the car door, and pacify her rant, “Right, you shouldn’t.”
As I walk up the steps to the house quickly, Nat follows close behind me. “I know! You would think he would be more appreciative. I mean, Dad telling him about me. My taking the internship and giving my talent. I am a fucking asset!”
Correction, Dad got you the internship and you aren’t a fucking asset, just a fucking ass.
“Yes, Natalie. You are so right. You are a fucking asset,” I say, smiling perversely.
I pull my jacket close around me as I ring the doorbell. The house’s stately prestige from the outside could be intimidating to any visitor not of upper crust caliber. It just made me fucking uncomfortable. Before I can pull back, Jilly opens the door and smothers me in a huge hug. For being smaller and younger than me, she packs a wallop. “Ella! Oh my God! I have missed you so much!” Even though she is in high school, her soft child-like voice seems to chime when we are together.
Cross the Stars (Crossing Stars #1) Page 2
