But it wasn’t like I’d ditched her all those years ago. I’d tried to bring her along with me. We both could have been popular; we both could have had friends and gone to parties and had girlfriends and boyfriends.
Maybe she had a boyfriend.
And there it was. That weird jealousy that I had no place feeling. She was allowed to date whoever she wanted.
That urge to kiss her had been weird, but it had been a fleeting phenomenon. I shouldn’t read too much into it. I should probably expect some crazy side effects when dealing with the criminally insane.
Besides, I was all out of whack these days. Of course I was. I mean, it was a stressful time. Rehearsals were throwing me off my game, and my actual game—football—was coming to a head with playoffs. And on top of it all I had to be in the same room with a girl who hated me each and every day.
It didn’t help that things with Hayley were weird again, and yet again I had no clue why. I mean, I’d done what she’d wanted. I’d joined this stupid play for her and got up there on stage exhausted after practice almost every night, all in the hopes that this was what she needed for us to get closer.
It hadn’t worked. If anything she’d been pulling away again. Oh, she was all smiles at homecoming, but then again—she’d just achieved her dream of beating out her competition for the crown. Of course she’d been happy that night, I’d helped her get what she’d wanted. But this past week she’d been back to being distant—dodging calls and not responding to texts.
Even when we were on stage together, she’d get this prissy, annoyed thing going. She’d been like that since the first rehearsal two weeks ago and I’d shrugged it off thinking that she just took her acting really seriously.
I could get that. Hell, I could respect that. I felt the same way about football. My buddies and I could joke around in the locker room before and after, but during practice and games I was all business.
That’s probably what it was, I told myself as I drove home, acutely aware of the fact that everyone I knew was off having fun without me. I saw the telltale dirty bug sitting out front of Alice’s house.
Everyone except Alice.
But for all I knew that boyfriend of hers was at her house.
I gripped the steering wheel tighter as I pulled into my drive. I don’t know how long I sat there in the driveway clenching the steering wheel like it was a life preserver and I was drowning.
My eyes were fixed on Alice’s house though I had no idea what I was waiting for. For Alice to come out and tell me to stop gawking already? For her maybe-boyfriend to come crawling out a window with his clothes half on?
Nothing happened and after a few moments I let go of the steering wheel and headed inside to get to work.
My mom called up to me in my room a little while later. “Hon, Hayley’s here!”
That was all the warning I got before there was a soft knock and then Hayley poked her head in. “Hey,” she said, her voice and her expression sweetly apologetic.
Something tight inside of me loosened. She’d forgotten, that was all. She’d probably totally forgotten that she’d promised to help me study lines and once she remembered she came here.
“Come on in,” I said, sitting up on my bed where I’d been lying flat with my script held over my head. I patted the spot on the bed next to me but she just looked at my hand and then back to me, but she didn’t make a move to budge.
That apologetic wince intensified so I was seeing all of her pearly white teeth. “The thing is, I can’t stay. I need to get back to the party.”
Oh. That rush of relief disappeared instantly. She needed to get back. Needed? Really? Was there some sort of party crisis going on that only Hayley Hayes could handle? I didn’t say any of that, obviously. I was too busy trying to remain calm and not jump to conclusions. “What’s up?”
She took a step toward me, her hands clasped in front of her. It was then that I realized I was sitting across from Actress Hayley. I’d been rehearsing with her on stage long enough to recognize this alter ego.
There was Party Hayley, who was the life of the party—she could be found entertaining her friends in the cafeteria as well as at keggers like the one she needed to get back to tonight. Then there was sweet, adoring Girlfriend Hayley, who was most often found sitting in the front row of my football games or on my arm at homecoming.
And then there was Actress Hayley, whose every movement was performed for the benefit of an audience.
Right now? I supposed I was the audience. An audience of one.
All of this was going through my head as she started in on what was obviously a scripted speech. It’s just not working between us…I thought the play would help bring us together but it’s just not working…you feel it too, don’t you?
I stared up at her, oddly numb to her words. Weird thoughts kept creeping in while I was supposed to be paying attention. Like, At what point am I supposed to burst into applause?
Or, Am I expected to be a performer in this little drama? If so, no one had given me the damn lines! Maybe I should call Alice and see if she has a spare script.
This last one made me smile a little and Hayley caught it. Her own painful-looking wince eased a bit and she got this pathetic little gleam in her eyes. Hopeful, I guessed you could call it.
“So, you understand, right?” she asked as she gingerly sat beside me. She was treating me like a sick patient or something, all tender care and maternal concern.
It was touching, really. A heartwarming performance.
I now knew the role I’d been cast in here and I accepted it with a certain amount of gratitude. In a way she’d made this easier for me because now that I knew my part, the lines came easily enough.
I gave her an easy grin and pulled her in for a hug.
After all, I was the heartbroken but understanding ex. “Of course I understand,” I said, the words coming out in the proper tone even though I didn’t understand. I didn’t get any of it.
All I really knew was that arguing the point would make me look pathetic, and that was one role I was definitely not willing to play. Not for her or anyone else.
She pulled back and widened those big, doe eyes that I used to love so much. “So we can be friends?”
My smile felt strained, but I knew I sold it by her corresponding happiness. “Definitely.”
She left a few minutes later. I supposed neither of us wanted to draw out that awkward exchange, which really hadn’t been awkward at all. It had been quick. Swift but brutal.
I’d been a victim of a drive-by breakup.
And apparently everyone knew. I was still sitting there on my bed trying to make sense of everything that had just happened when I got a text from Alex. “Tough break, man.” This was followed by a frowny face emoji that made me feel like a child with a boo boo, not a grown man who’d led a freakin’ football team to the playoffs.
That pity text got me out of my wallowing—it hadn’t even been proper wallowing, anyway. I mean, I’d been surprised, sure, but much as I tried to muster up some strong emotion, the most I could conjure was a sort of irritated bemusement.
What was the point of all this? I stared at the discarded script like it might respond. But seriously, why had she coerced me into doing this stupid play if she was just going to break up with me?
I thought it might help but…
Her voice came back to me, all syrupy sweet and false.
I called bullshit. That’s not why she’d wanted me in the play. For the first time I was able to see it all clearly—I was able to see Hayley and her motives for what they really were. I thought of the competition, the kids who’d gone up against me for the role of her leading man.
I used the word “kids” for a reason. Maybe they were nice guys but there wasn’t a good option in the bunch. Not for Hayley, at least. Not to be a dick, but they were all kind of…losers. The thought of Hayley playing opposite them was laughable.
I leaned forward on the bed, dropping my head
into my hands. That was why she’d wanted me in the show. She hadn’t wanted to look bad.
I almost laughed as the rest of it fell into place. So what had happened to make her want to end things? Well, it was clear wasn’t it? She’d gotten her precious homecoming crown, so I wasn’t necessary for that any longer. And as for the play?
She didn’t want me to humiliate her.
Ugh. I felt like I’d just taken a blow to the gut as that reality hit home. Was I absolutely certain that was the case? Maybe not. But my instincts said I was right. I couldn’t stop thinking about the way the others snickered when I went on stage, or the way Hayley got all uptight and superior, like she was uncomfortable being across from me.
That had to be it. She’d thought I could make her look good but when she realized I was making a fool of myself up there, she wanted no part of it.
I picked up the script and chucked it across the room as hard as I could, knocking over a lamp in the process. Melodramatic, sure, but for the first time all night, I felt something real. Something tangible. I wasn’t hurt by the breakup, and my lack of feelings on the matter clued me in to just how flimsy a connection we’d actually had.
But I did feel rage. A whole hell of a lot of rage, in fact.
What was I doing making a fool of myself? For Hayley? I didn’t think so. To give Alice and the others the satisfaction of watching the star quarterback look like a moron?
Definitely not.
That was it. I was out. It was still early enough in the rehearsals for them to upgrade one of the losers who’d lost the part to me. I’d be doing them a favor.
Not only that, I’d be doing my team a favor, and that was even more important. I’d let Hayley talk me into doing this ridiculous play and look what it had gotten me.
Sure we may have gotten into the playoffs, but my head hadn’t been in the game, not the way it should have been. My focus had been split between the game and rehearsals, studying new plays and learning lines.
Well, not anymore. The season might end soon, but that wasn’t the point. The point was I owed it to my team to give them my full attention for as long as they needed me. I couldn’t split my focus like this, and I’d been stupid to try.
I let out a growling sound as I regarded the stupid script. I’d been especially idiotic to try for Hayley, of all people. A girl who’d been manipulating me from the start. Had she ever cared for me?
No. That was appallingly clear. She’d used me, over and over again. She’d loved my popularity, especially since it could help her score homecoming queen, and she’d loved being on the sidelines as our team won game after game.
But she hadn’t loved me. She hadn’t even really liked me, of that I was certain.
Not that I loved her. But I had thought that I’d liked her, though now it was incredibly obvious that the girl I’d thought I’d liked was one of the many roles that Hayley played on a regular basis.
Man, the girl was actually a good actress. Better than anyone ever gave her credit for. But I wasn’t fooled any longer and there was no way I was going to waste any more time on a stupid play for a stupid ex.
I’d go talk to Alice right now and tell her to take me off the rehearsal schedule. They could find some other putz to play opposite Hayley. My time as her leading man was officially done.
I looked out my window. Crap. Her car was gone. Even Alice the loner had better things to do on a Friday night, apparently.
But whatever. I could wait. There was no way I would go one more day with this play hanging over my head.
Chapter Five
Alice
It might have been the worst night of my life. I know I was into theater and all, but I don’t think I was being too melodramatic.
Maybe just a little.
But still, it was a completely craptastic evening. Julian had bailed on our usual Friday night hangout, saying he’d already made plans.
Which was fine, he was allowed to have a life, even if I didn’t. But he’d been so vague about it. Plans…what kind of plans? But I didn’t pry.
In hindsight, I wished I had. I could have spared myself so much pain and humiliation.
Instead, I’d decided that rather than sit home alone, I’d go out by myself. This was something I used to do all the time. Like, All. The. Time. Even back when Brian and I had been inseparable I used to go to movies by myself, mainly because he had zero interest in the kind of films I liked.
And then, once we “broke up,” so to speak, my typical weekend included at least one solo movie outing, because I loved movies and also just to get out of my house and away from my family.
So for old times’ sake I decided to take myself out for a movie at the local indie movie house. It was a tiny theater with uncomfortable seats and stale popcorn, but they showed the stuff that the mainstream movie theater would never dare.
This weekend it was a foreign film by a director I loved. Score!
Yeah, not so much. I’d paid for my ticket, ordered my giant-sized stale popcorn and was heading into the theater to enjoy an artsy film. Basically, I was in my version of heaven.
Until I saw him. Or rather…them.
“Alice!” Julian must have spotted me at the same time I saw them because his face lit up with a grin as he headed toward me.
With his date.
My initial burst of joy at seeing him faded. Then came the rapid blow to the chest as I realized that the pretty girl walking beside him was his date. It felt like someone did a karate chop to my chest, the hurt was so intense.
I stood there frozen, my initial smile of recognition plastered on my face. It’s entirely possible I’d looked like The Joker.
Then they were at my side, Julian acting like it wasn’t at all weird to run into me here…with his date. “Hey! I didn’t know you were coming tonight,” he said.
He honestly looked excited to see me. Like this was a blast. Woo hoo, the gang was all here!
He half turned toward the pretty brunette at his side, placing a hand on her back in a sweet, protective gesture that made my heart go numb. “Al, do you remember Leila? She works at the Java Hut.”
I nodded, my frozen smile hurting my face. “Hi,” I said to her.
Did I remember the hottie who somehow inexplicably managed to make an apron look sexy?
Yeah, I remembered. Did I have any clue that he was interested in her or vice versa? No. Clearly not.
He looked past me. “Who are you with?”
I opened my mouth. Um, no one? No, I couldn’t say that. This whole situation was like some horrible experiment in humiliation. But beyond the humiliation was the pain of discovering that the guy I liked didn’t like me.
That made me want to cry.
Do not think about that. Do not think about that.
I blinked back that stinging sensation. I would not think about that, not yet. Besides, my silence was getting awkward. I still hadn’t answered the seemingly simple question: who was I here with?
I let out a weird little laugh and the words just sort of tumbled out like a burp. “Um, you don’t know him.”
Julian’s eyes widened with surprise. He’d probably assumed I was here with my sister or something. He knew better than anyone how few friends I had. You know, since he was the only one and all.
He leaned in and lowered his voice to an excited whisper. “You’re on a date?”
He was so pleased. Sooo ridiculously excited for me.
It kind of made me want to curl up and die. The fact that he clearly didn’t like me? That hurt. The fact that he clearly liked someone else instead? Yeah, that was salt on the wound.
But for him to be so very excited that I was dating someone who was not him?
Somehow that took the cake. That was the final nail in the coffin.
I nodded as I backed away. They’d been heading to the concessions stand so I jerked my head toward the theater. “He’s in there, so I’d better…”
I didn’t finish. The air went out of my lungs w
hile I was speaking as panic started to set in. What was I doing? Why was I lying? There was only one theater. They would go in there, see me sitting alone, and know I was lying.
Oh holy crap, why was I such an idiot?
“Yeah, no of course,” Julian said, nodding and grinning like we were in on some great, exciting secret. Like it was just the coolest thing in the world that we were best friends out on dates together.
Oh good God, I had to get out of there.
“See you later,” I managed, ignoring his shout that they’d find us after the movie. Maybe we could all go out for a coffee. Maybe—
I was in the theater before he could finish that last thought.
Maybe I’d be long gone by the time the movie was over. My eyes sought out the exit sign before I could think it through.
Act now, think later. That seemed to be my brain’s strategy as I hightailed it to the back door, my arms still clutching a bucket of stale popcorn. Nothing to see here, folks. Just going to take a quick stroll in the back alley with my popcorn here…
I was out. I didn’t stop to catch my breath or think anything through. I tossed my popcorn in a dumpster and circled the block to get to my car.
I just had to get home. Once I got home I could breathe.
And cry.
Crying would probably be involved. But I didn’t want to think about that. I refused to think about anything that had just happened or the aftermath that I’d have to deal with tomorrow when Julian asked me where the hell I’d gone.
What was I going to tell him? How was I going to explain my idiocy without humiliating myself even further? My moan sounded loud in the little car.
But that was nothing compared to my gasp of surprise as I turned off the car a few minutes later and opened my door only to find Brian Kirkland standing there, in my driveway, two feet away with his arms crossed over his chest.
He was frowning down at me and I swear to God, he looked like my dad after I’d just missed curfew.
“What the—”
“We need to talk,” he said.
“Uh...” My emotions were in a tailspin and my brain still hadn’t caught up. Had I missed something here? “Why?”
A Whole New League (Briarwood High Book 2) Page 4
