Julian nodded. “Makes sense.” He gave me a teasing grin. “I mean, you did sound like you’d regressed a few years with that whole ‘he wants me to be someone I’m not’ speech.”
I laughed at his high-pitched impersonation of my voice. “Do I sound like that?”
He shrugged. “Sometimes. But my point is, judging by the way Brian is looking at you right now, I feel pretty confident in saying that he likes you just the way you are.”
My head shot up as that panicky feeling swept over me again as I sought him out at his table.
Our gazes locked. Julian was right, he’d been looking right at me. And in his eyes was everything I could ever hope to see from the guy I might very well love. The emotions there made it impossible to breathe.
Our gazes locked and held, and no one else in that crowded cafeteria mattered.
In fact, they didn’t exist in our little world.
He gave me a cute little lopsided grin—the one that made my heart rate speed up to the point where I felt dizzy. And Julian was right, I noted, as I gave Brian a shy smile in return. He wasn’t trying to hide the fact that he was staring at me like a lovesick puppy. And he’d never done anything to make me think that he wanted me to change.
It wasn’t like he’d asked me to give up the theater or change my clothes or my hair or my taste in music—he’d just asked me to be a part of his life like he was a part of mine.
One of his friends shoved his shoulder and Brian looked away, only turning back to flash me one last smile before moving to follow his friends who were heading out of the cafeteria.
Part of me wanted him to ditch his friends and come over to me. But that was a selfish wish. He’d already come to me…now it was my turn.
“You ready to get over your junior high angst and make nice with your boyfriend?” Julian asked. I could hear his laughter as he watched me watch Brian walk away. I had no doubt I looked just as lovesick. I may have swooned a little on the inside at hearing Julian refer to Brian as my boyfriend, so yeah, I was officially mooning over my former best friend.
“I’m ready,” I said with a sigh. Then I turned to him. “How do you think Leila feels about football games?”
Julian grinned. “I bet she loves them. You in the market for some wingmen?”
I nodded, nerves already turning my belly into a churning sea of fried food. “I think I’m going to need some.”
I stood up abruptly. If I waited around any longer to do what needed to be done, I might never do it.
“Where are you going?” Julian asked.
“I’ve got to see a man about a play,” I said. I couldn’t bring myself to explain. I knew he’d be happy for me, but that was the thing. I wasn’t exactly happy about being the lead. But I could do it.
For Brian and for the cast and crew who were pouring their hearts and soul into this production, I could step up and I could do it well. Did I like the spotlight? No. But Brian was helping me to see that maybe I’d been couched inside my comfort zone for too long. I mean, you only live once, right?
I found Mr. Brenner in his classroom grading papers. He looked up and smiled at the sight of me. “I’m guessing Brian talked you into it?”
I nodded. “I’ll do it.”
His smile grew. “Great news. I’ve been wondering when you’d figure out that you have the heart of an actor.”
I laughed at that. “Don’t get carried away, Mr. Brenner. I still don’t think acting is my calling, but I’ll do it for the sake of the show.”
And for Brian. But he didn’t have to know that.
He nodded but he looked unconvinced. “You’re studying playwriting next year, right?” I nodded. That was the plan.
“My advice? Don’t discount acting just yet, and you might want to take a look at directing, too. You’ve got a knack for it.”
Something in the back of my skull lit up in recognition at that statement, like a lightbulb had just flipped on. I’d never thought about directing before, but I had been pretty successful with Brian and I’d gotten a kick out of helping him give his best performance.
“Thanks,” I said, backing out of his classroom before I could give in to the nerves that were begging me to back out of this decision to star in a play.
Me. Starring in a play.
I clicked the door closed behind me and took a deep breath. It was done.
Well, it was partly done. I still had to talk to Brian and admit that I’d been wrong. Oh yeah, and then I had to go support him at his big game. And did I mention there’s a cool-kid party afterward?
I had the unnerving sensation that I was Dorothy about to step out of her house and into Oz. Though this particular Oz had drunken bros instead of flying monkeys, and perky cheerleaders instead of munchkins.
Other than that the analogy worked.
I took a deep breath as I headed toward my next class, mentally prepping myself for what was to come. Suddenly it seemed like making the decision to star in a play might be the easiest thing I’d done all day.
Chapter Twelve
Brian
The first half of the game was brutal. Neck and neck right up until halftime. I had my head in the game, but it was hard. Even when I was one hundred percent focused on the plays, something felt off.
I couldn’t shake the feeling that something was wrong. That everything was wrong. It was stupid, maybe, but it was that feeling I used to get as a kid when I’d wake up from a nightmare and the fear lingered. A bad dream hangover. That’s what I’d been experiencing all day and I knew without a doubt that this was a post-fight-with-Alice hangover. Not that we’d fought, really. And she’d smiled at me in the cafeteria when she’d caught me staring. That was a good sign, right? Although her smile had seemed forced. Sad, even.
Or maybe I’d just creeped her out by staring.
But how could I not stare? She was sitting with that dweeb again. The one she’d had a thing for. I’d tried not to be jealous, but I’d wanted to come over to her table, throw her over my shoulder, and carry her away from him like some sort of caveman. Okay, I might have also fantasized about punching him in the face while I did it.
But I’d been overreacting, obviously. I shouldn’t be jealous. I had to assume that she’d gotten over that crush, but then again…what did I know? Maybe I was the one she’d gotten over.
Maybe I’d scared her away with talk of hanging out with my friends. Maybe she’d decided that I wasn’t worth it, that she didn’t want to be a part of my world.
Was I okay with that? Yeah. I mean, I cared enough that I could make it work. I didn’t exactly relish the idea of living a double life, but I would do anything if it meant keeping her in my life.
I’d already lost Alice once, there was no way I could do it again. I couldn’t go back to being her enemy. Hell, I couldn’t even handle the thought of going back to being just friends. Not now when I knew what we could have between us.
This was a great realization, wonderful stuff. But really not helpful when I was trying to win a crucial playoff game. No matter how hard I tried to shove it all to the side, I couldn’t shake that hangover feeling that left me feeling off. Off my game, off center, just…off.
The world righted itself when Alex walked into the locker room at halftime and gave me that goofy grin of his. “Hey man, nice to see your girlfriend out there.”
I stared at him for a second. What now?
For a second I thought he was referring to Hayley. I’d seen her front and center, cheering us on along with some of her friends. But Alex knew we broke up so—
“Never thought I’d see Alice Kern at a football game,” my buddy Leroy laughed. He shook his head. “She’s cute man, but so not your type.”
I stared at them both with a gaping mouth. “Alice is out there?” Then I got belatedly annoyed. “How would you know what my type is?”
“Yeah, she’s out there. I saw her sitting up front with that friend of hers,” Alex said. He and Leroy seemed amused by my confusion.
<
br /> “Didn’t you know she was coming?” Leroy asked.
I shook my head.
“Probably wanted to surprise you,” Alex said, as if he knew anything about Alice. He grinned. “Tina does that kind of stuff all the time.”
I tried not to cringe. Tina was a drama queen to the nth degree. Her little “surprises” usually entailed Alex finding her hooking up with a kid from an opposing team. She and Alice should never be compared. They lived in different moral zip codes. As far as I was concerned, Alice was in a league of her own.
And, apparently, she was out there watching me play.
Alice Kern was at a football game.
Voluntarily.
“Dude, what’s wrong with you?” Alex asked as he passed by me to his locker.
“Did you take a hit to the head?” Leroy joked.
No, but I might as well have. I was stunned. Part of me wanted to take a look for myself, but the coach was already calling us into a huddle.
But Leroy wasn’t manipulative enough to make that up just to mess with me, and honestly Alex wasn’t smart enough. Alice was out there.
For me.
That off feeling shifted so quickly I found myself laughing like a moron.
“What’s so funny, Kirkland?” the coach barked.
I hustled over to the others. “Nothing, sir.”
I was focused. I was ready. Bring on the second half because I had a game to win for my girlfriend.
We won the game. I was happy, the team was ecstatic. But nothing compared to walking out of the locker room after the game and seeing my girl waiting for me.
Even knowing she was there, it was startling to see her among that crowd of cheerleaders and enthusiastic sports fans.
She was huddled in on herself, looking small and lost…until she spotted me. Then she lit up in a way that made my heart thud painfully in response. I wanted to run to her, I wanted to pull her into my arms and never let go.
But something made me hesitate as I drew near. Maybe it was her nervousness, or the way she was glancing around, too aware of the others around us and not wanting to call attention to herself.
I settled for stopping so close we were brushing against one another. “You’re here,” I said.
“I’m here.” Her smile was hesitant but sweet. “You looked good out there.”
I’m not gonna lie—my ego grew several sizes in a heartbeat. “Yeah?”
She laughed as I puffed out my chest. “Don’t let it go to your head, Kirkland. I don’t know the first thing about football so you might have sucked for all I know.”
I laughed. “Take my word for it, I did good out there.”
“I definitely would not take your word for it,” she teased, her eyes lit with laughter as we fell into familiar territory. She pretended to think it over. “But I guess the final score and the way people were chanting your name backs up your claims, so yeah. We’ll say you nailed it.”
I did a fist pump to make her laugh. Man, I loved her laugh. I could feel her tension ease as she leaned into me, not quite jumping into my arms with a passionate kiss, but more like rubbing up against me like a cat.
I freakin’ loved it.
I couldn’t hold out any longer. Wrapping my arms around her I pulled her in tight and felt her fit against me perfectly like a missing piece of my puzzle. God, I’d missed her.
Which was ridiculous because there’d only been a distance between us for one day. But one day was way too long now that I had her back in my life where she belonged.
“I’m glad you came.” I said it quietly, my mouth buried in her hair, ignoring the people around us who were talking loudly and laughing even louder. This was so not the place for this conversation. “Want to get out of here?”
She tilted her head up to smile at me. “I thought you’d never ask.”
I led the way through the crowd and to the parking lot. “Did you drive?”
She shook her head. “Julian drove us.”
Julian. I tried not to sneer, but a growl escaped. I wasn’t proud of it and Alice totally caught it. She stopped mid-step in the middle of the parking lot. “Are you jealous?”
I shoved my hands into my pockets as I turned to face her. This was starting to be our thing, I realized. Confrontations in the school’s parking lot.
I supposed every couple had to have a thing, I just wished ours didn’t include macadam.
Still, we were here. We were talking. And I couldn’t not be honest. Not with Alice…not with my best friend. “Should I be?”
She stared at me and for a heartbeat I thought she was going to be pissed. But instead she grinned. “You know, you’re pretty cute when you’re jealous.”
I groaned and rolled my eyes. I deserved that. I did have a tendency to say something very similar every time she was annoyed with me. I met her gaze. “Is that a no?”
Her smile grew bigger. “That’s a no. Julian and I talked and we’ve both realized that we are only ever going to be friends. There’s no spark there.”
I took a step closer, then another step. Then I was basically on top of her, so tantalizingly close that both of us were breathing quickly, waiting for someone to break the tension with a searing kiss. “Not like us then,” I said.
She shook her head, her gaze dropping to my mouth. “Not like us,” she agreed.
And then she was in my arms. Now that we had no audience, we took full advantage. I wrapped my arms around her and lifted her up off her feet so she was dangling in my grasp, her hands holding tight to my shoulders as she kissed me with all the desperate urgency I was feeling.
This felt right. This was where I belonged, it was where she belonged. Whether it made sense to anyone else, we belonged together.
When she pulled her head back for air, we were both gasping. We were also both grinning like idiots.
“Thanks for coming,” I said.
“Sorry it took me so long.”
I let her slide down so her feet hit the ground and we joined hands as we continued to my truck. I opened the door for her and helped her in. “Want to head to my house or yours?”
It was a running joke this past week whenever one of us was driving the other. You know, since we were neighbors and all.
I saw her draw in a deep breath as she thrust her hands into the pockets of her oversized sweater. She peeked up at me through some locks of hair that had fallen around her face. “Actually, I heard there was a party to celebrate your win. Maybe we should check it out.”
I stood there staring at her entirely too long. “You’re serious.”
She nodded and then pulled a hand out of her pocket and held it up in warning. “Don’t get used to it. I mean, I’m not suddenly going to become a party girl or anything, but these are your friends, which means I want to get to know them.”
I narrowed my eyes at her, trying to decipher just how much she hated this plan. She smiled back at me. “I’m serious,” she said. “You were right yesterday. You’ve been great about joining me in the theater world and I haven’t been meeting you halfway.” She licked her lips. “If we’re going to do this for real, we need to find a way to be together out there in the real world.”
She nodded toward the school as if that symbolized the real world. But I knew what she meant. If we were really going to be boyfriend-girlfriend, then we had to at least try to get along with one another’s friends.
I guess a little part of me just still couldn’t quite believe that she was doing this. For me. A nagging voice told me that we couldn’t ignore our past issues if we were going to move forward either, and I could still hear Alice’s accusations from all those years ago. I took a step closer so her knees brushed my chest.
Sitting up there in my truck put her at the perfect height for us to make eye contact. “I need you to know that I’m not trying to change you,” I said. “I’m not trying to make you be somebody you’re not or—”
“I know.” Leaning forward she wrapped her arms around my neck. “Back in
junior high, when you started getting muscles and playing sports—” She shrugged. “I was jealous.”
I arched one brow teasingly. “You wanted muscles?”
She laughed. “No, stupid. I was jealous that you had other friends. I was jealous that you wanted other friends. I felt like I wasn’t enough anymore.”
My throat closed up as old, raw emotions made it hard to breathe. I leaned forward and pressed my forehead to hers. “You were always enough, Alice.”
I heard her swallow and knew she was just as emotional. “I was scared back then,” she said, all of the snark gone from her voice. That alone made my heart ache. “I didn’t want to leave our little clubhouse of two. I didn’t want to leave our little bubble…and I didn’t want you to either.”
She pulled back so she was facing me, looking in my eyes. “But that was selfish of me, and I’m sorry.”
She was sorry. She was sorry? All these years I’d been pushing aside the guilt that I’d been feeling. “I should have been more patient,” I said. “I shouldn’t have tried to push so hard. I should have found a way to hold on to our friendship even if we were heading in different directions.”
She studied my face for a second, searching my eyes. Then she smiled. “So does that mean you forgive me?”
I laughed as relief eased a tension inside me that had been there for too many years. “Only if you forgive me.”
She gave a short nod like a genie granting a wish. “Done.”
“Done.”
She drew in another deep breath and nodded toward the driver’s side. “So what do you say, King Jock. Do you want to go mingle with your fans?”
I leaned in for one more kiss. “Only if you’re at my side.”
Chapter Thirteen
Alice
We slowed to a stop at the curb in front of Melody’s house. Funny, I’d been going to school with Melody since forever but I’d never once been to her house. We hadn’t even been friends back in grade school when everyone was friends with everyone.
A Whole New League (Briarwood High Book 2) Page 12
