His voice cracked, and he stopped to take a deep breath. Naomi’s heart thumped against her ribs as she waited for him to continue. When he finally did, his voice was low and husky, and she had to strain to hear the words as he forced them out.
“I can’t keep going on as we were before. It’s not enough for me to steal a few hours with you now and then. It’s too painful, loving you as I do but not being able to have you.”
Naomi leaned into him and grasped him around the waist. “You can have me, Aidan. You could even move in with me if you want. Or if you want, I’ll move in with you. I don’t care what anyone else thinks about our relationship. I’m not ashamed. I love you and want to be with you. I just can’t marry you.”
“I can’t, Naomi.” He met her eye and shook his head gently. “I just can’t. I can’t see you anymore … not like this.”
Naomi’s eyes filled with tears, and they flowed freely down her cheeks. “Are you punishing me because I won’t agree to marry you?”
Aidan laughed bitterly, tilting his head back and looking at the moon shining overhead as he released a long sigh of regret. Finally, he met her gaze once more and brushed the tears off her cheeks with the pads of his thumbs.
“No, Naomi. I’m not punishing you. I can’t change who I am any more than you can. I do care what others think. I want you as my wife. I refuse to have you only as my mistress, always skulking in the shadows. It’s hard enough for me to accept that we have to end this. Please don’t make it any harder for me than it already is. If you don’t want me as your husband, please … just let me go.”
She stood staring up at him for several long moments. She felt her heart was breaking in her chest. The hardest thing Naomi had ever done was to pull back from his embrace.
She gave him one last lingering look then entered her cabin, not looking behind her as she shut the door. She listened as he mounted his horse and rode away, plodding slowly toward his home. When she could no longer hear him, she crumpled to the floor.
Galahad nudged her, licking the tears off her face. She buried her face against his neck and cried her heart out.
*****
For the next two weeks, Naomi endured a personal hell. It was far worse than when her parents had died, worse even than when Richard had died. The loneliness she felt this time was self-imposed and bone-deep.
She was so tempted to go to Aidan and beg him to take her back. She thought about accepting his marriage proposal. Even the risk of him rejecting her once he knew she could never bear him any children wouldn’t be any more painful than what she was already experiencing.
The only thing that stopped her was the knowledge that he probably wouldn’t reject her. He would look into her eyes and tell her it didn’t matter, that he still wanted her as his wife. Then, as the years went by, she would see resentment growing in his beautiful brown eyes. He deserved better than what she could give him.
Like Richard, he would probably never blame her in so many words. But sooner or later, he would wish he had married someone else … someone who could give him children. The fear of being Aidan’s wife and slowly watching his love for her die was enough to keep her from going to him.
After two long weeks, Naomi was running out of supplies. She dreaded going into town. She didn’t want to see people and have them ask her lots of questions, but neither could she sit at home and starve. She was running low on feed for the animals too, and she needed several essentials such as flour, corn meal, salt, and coffee. She would have to go.
She dressed carefully, selecting a gown of light blue with darker blue flowers printed on it. The scooped bodice lovingly conformed to her bosom and waist, and a white silk insert rose to button primly at her neck. She had a matching bonnet, and when she was fully dressed, she nodded at her reflection. She looked like the very image of a proper young widow.
She hitched her horse to her wagon, whistled for Galahad, and waited while he settled in the wagon bed. The town was a few miles away, and she made good time. She parked in front of the general store, climbed down, and squared her shoulders before heading inside.
It wasn’t as bad as she had anticipated. Mr. and Mrs. Thompson were warm and friendly, as usual. They didn’t pry overly much, and she was glad they didn’t ask about her and Aidan. She thought she would likely burst into tears if they had.
She bought the required items, and Mr. Thompson helped her load them into her wagon. She thanked him, and he returned to the warm interior of his store.
She stopped at the feed store and was relieved that Louisa was nowhere to be seen. She bought several bags of feed and bales of hay. Watching Mr. Templeton load them into the wagon, she was reminded of Aidan doing that same thing.
She was appalled at how fragile her composure was. She barely managed to finish the transaction without crying.
Naomi was about to climb onto her wagon for the return ride home when she spied Aidan. He was standing on the opposite side of the street, about a block away, and he was deep in conversation with a beautiful young woman.
Even from a distance, Naomi could see the woman flirting shamelessly with him, stroking his arm and smiling up at him. She was dressed in an emerald green velvet dress, cut low across her breasts to show a scandalous amount of cleavage.
Naomi’s heart constricted as she watched him talking and laughing. He was facing partially away from her, but she could tell by his body language that he was anything but disinterested in his feminine companion. In fact, it was obvious that he was ogling the woman’s bosom.
He grinned as he leaned in close and whispered something in the woman’s ear. He trailed one finger along the neckline of her dress, pausing when he reached the deep valley in the center. Whatever he whispered made her giggle, and she stroked his chest in encouragement. It was positively indecent!
Tears of pain and rage welled in Naomi’s eyes. She was about to turn away when the other woman brushed a kiss on Aidan’s cheek and walked away, leaving him to grin at her swaying hips as he watched her leave.
Naomi’s control snapped, and she marched toward him, barely able to see where she was going through her streaming tears. When she reached him, she yanked his arm around to face her and pummeled his chest with her fists.
“You cad! I can’t believe I thought for even an instant that you truly loved me!” Her sobs were growing ever more hysterical as she beat against his chest, furious that her blows were not having much effect on him. “I’m so glad I didn’t fall for your lies. Thank heavens I didn’t marry you!”
He grabbed her arms to keep her from inflicting any real damage and held her slightly away from him. “Well, ma’am, I’m guessing that you must be Mrs. Tisdale.”
The sound of his voice, slightly different from the one she expected to hear made Naomi freeze in her tracks. She gasped and finally looked at his face, close-up. His features were nearly identical to Aidan’s, but even through her tears, she could tell that this man was a stranger to her.
“You’re not Aidan,” she accused with a frown.
He grinned and released her arms. “That’s a fact, ma’am. I’m his younger brother, Liam McKenzie.”
The horror of what she had just done dawned on her, and Naomi’s face flooded with bright color. “Oh, I’m so sorry. I saw you from down the street, and I thought…” She trailed off, realizing that he already knew what she thought. Then, her expression turned even more mortified. “Oh please, Mr. McKenzie. Please promise me you won’t mention this to Aidan. I couldn’t bear it if he knew.”
Liam cocked his head thoughtfully to one side as he studied her. “Hmmm, I’ll have to think about that one. I was just about to head home. Are you going to be in town long?”
Naomi wiped the last of her tears away and shook her head. “No, I just came in for a few supplies. I’m finished buying what I needed.”
“Alright,” Liam said with a grin. He offered her his arm, and she took it tentatively. “Why don’t we round up our horses and ride home together?”
He helped her onto her wagon and mounted his horse. They steered their horses toward home, with him riding alongside her wagon. Once they had left the town far behind, he turned to her with a puzzled frown.
“Would I be wrong in assuming that you are in love with my brother?”
Naomi shot him a startled glance. “No,” she murmured. “Why do you ask?”
“Well, you said back there in town that Aidan had asked you to marry him.”
Naomi blushed and looked away. “That’s right.”
They plodded along a few moments before Liam continued. “Well, maybe I’m missing something here, but you just said you love Aidan, and I know for sure that Aidan loves you or he wouldn’t have asked you to marry him. I’m just wondering why two people who love each other would rather be miserable and apart than to be together.” He looked at her expectantly, waiting for her answer.
Naomi gave him a lame shrug. “It’s complicated.”
“Then explain it to me. We’ve got time before we get to your place.”
“I would rather not talk about it. I have a good reason for refusing Aidan’s proposal.”
“Does he know what that reason is?”
Naomi hesitated but then shook her head. “I tried to tell him once, but he misunderstood what I meant.”
“Hmmm,” Liam murmured thoughtfully. “Well, all I know is that Aidan has been miserable for the past few weeks. I’m worried about him.”
Naomi searched his face, her eyes full of concern. “Why? Is something wrong with him?”
“I’ve never seen him like this. He barely talks to Brian and me. He walks around like he’s in a daze all day, not really interested in anything. He barely eats, hardly sleeps, and he doesn’t look well at all. To tell you the truth, I think you’ve broken his heart.”
Naomi blinked back her tears. “He’ll get over it. Someday, he’ll meet a pretty young lady and forget all about me.”
Liam pulled his horse to a stop and waited until she stopped too. He didn’t continue until she met his eye.
“I wouldn’t bet on that, if I were you. Aidan has never been the fickle sort. Once he gives his heart to someone, its forever. He’s not going to get over you, Mrs. Tisdale, so unless you want him to go through the rest of his life being unhappy, you had better think of a way to patch things up with Aidan.”
Naomi looked away, biting her bottom lip as she considered what he had told her. Finally, she looked at Liam again. “Tell me something, Mr. McKenzie. If you truly loved someone, but you knew if you married him, you could never give him the one thing that would make him happy, would you still marry him?”
Liam thought about it for a few moments before answering. “Mrs. Tisdale, I think the one thing that would make Aidan happy is to marry you. I’m so convinced that I would bet my bottom dollar I’m right. He loves you and he needs you.”
They urged their horses into a walk and several moments of silence went by, as Naomi considered his words. Liam leaned close to her and caught her eye once more.
“I think the least you could do is explain your reason to Aidan and let him decide. He’s a smart man. He’ll make the right decision if you are honest with him.”
“Maybe you’re right,” she murmured, nibbling her bottom lip thoughtfully. “Maybe I should at least explain to him.” She thought for a few more minutes and then looked at Liam. “Are you going to tell him about what happened today?”
“Not if you go to the dance with me this Saturday.” Seeing her startled expression, Liam laughed. “Don’t worry. I’m not trying to seduce you or anything. Aidan will be there, and I think seeing him at the dance might give the two of you a chance to patch things up.”
“What about that pretty young lady I saw you with today? Don’t you want to take her to the dance?” Liam blushed, and Naomi smiled at his sheepish expression. “What?”
“I can’t take her to the dance, ma’am. She was one of the saloon girls from Harvey’s. She was just trying to drum up a little business.”
Realizing her blunder, Naomi burst out laughing. It was the first real laughter since she had ended her relationship with Aidan. Liam watched her with a grin. They reached the turnoff to her house, and once again, they stopped their horses.
“So what do you say? Will you go to the dance with me this Saturday?”
“Won’t Aidan be angry with you for bringing me?”
Liam’s eyes twinkled with mischief. “He’ll be furious. He’ll be ready to wring my neck. He’ll be eaten up with jealousy. Shall I pick you up at six o’clock?”
His grin was infectious, and Naomi returned it with a nod. “Yes, Mr. McKenzie, I will go to the dance with you. And if Aidan will still speak to me, I’ll explain to him why I’ve been refusing his proposals.”
Chapter Eleven
There were two days between Naomi’s meeting with Liam and the Saturday dance. During those days, Naomi thought of little other than what she would say when she saw Aidan again. She was full of hope, full of dread, full of fear. Still, she had made up her mind to get everything out in the open, once and for all.
She was still terrified that Aidan would marry her and then regret it later. If that happened, she would bear the pain when the time came. What she couldn’t bear was the thought that her refusal to marry him was making Aidan unhappy.
Naomi prepared carefully for the dance. She pressed her favorite dress of teal satin with small cap sleeves that sat just off her shoulders. The rounded neckline was cut low in both the front and back, showing off her long slender neck and lovely shoulder blades. The dress was cinched tightly at her waist, and the full skirt was trimmed with yards of delicate French lace. The color complemented her ivory complexion, bringing a blush of pink to her cheeks. She dressed her hair into a sedate knot at her crown, but left tiny ringlets to dance coyly around her ears.
Liam arrived promptly at six o’clock, and when he saw her, he released a slow whistle of approval. His grin was boyish when he met her eye.
“You look ravishing, Mrs. Tisdale. I have no doubt you are going to knock Aidan’s senses for a loop.”
Naomi laughed with pleasure. “Thank you, Mr. McKenzie. You look quite handsome yourself.”
Liam was dressed in his Sunday best, a somber blue coat and slacks, a crisp white shirt, and a tie. He wore a pair of black, polished boots and a black hat.
“I bet all the girls at the dance will be sick with jealousy when they see you with me at the dance,” Naomi said with a grin. She let him help her with her wool shawl, and she pulled her cabin door closed.
“Don’t you worry about them, Mrs. Tisdale,” Liam said, as he helped her onto the seat of his wagon. He jumped up to join her, and they started toward town.
“If I were you, I would be concerned about Aidan. He’s not going to take kindly to me poaching on his preserves.” Liam faced her with a playful wink. “I’m not worried for myself. I can outrun him. But I don’t know about you. Are you sure you are up to handling his temper? I wouldn’t want to be on the receiving end when Aidan gets really mad.”
Naomi swallowed hard. She had only seen Aidan get really mad once, and he had nearly killed a man. She felt the first twinges of uncertainty about their plan. She took a deep breath and gave Liam a shaky smile.
“I’m willing to risk it. Besides, Aidan probably deserves to be mad at me. I haven’t been totally honest with him, but I’m going to remedy that tonight. Provided I can get him to talk to me, that is. He may not want to have anything to do with me after the way I’ve hurt him.”
Liam smiled and gave her a nod of approval before turning back to the horses. “Oh, I don’t doubt for a second that he’ll talk to you. When he sees you in that dress, he’s going to want to keep every other man from talking to you. He’s likely to throw you over his shoulder and kidnap you.”
Naomi giggled at the thought. “That would be fine with me.”
Liam laughed with her, and they enjoyed the rest of the drive into town.
*****
Aidan and Brian rode their horses to the dance. Aidan hadn’t wanted to attend, but Brian and Liam had cajoled and nagged him until he had reluctantly agreed to go. He knew they wouldn’t give him a moment’s peace unless he went to the dance.
He didn’t plan to stay long. The thought of being surrounded by flirting, simpering young ladies, all intent on snaring him as their husband, made his gut clench with dread. He would put in a brief appearance and then head home, leaving his brothers to enjoy the remainder of the night.
There wasn’t much chance of Aidan finding any enjoyment in this night or any other. He couldn’t get his mind off of Naomi. Ever since she had visited him, even his bedroom had ceased to be a haven. Every time he entered it, he was assailed by visions of her, naked and wanton, whimpering in his arms, begging him to take her. He had cursed himself for a fool at least a thousand times.
Maybe he was wrong to have ended things with her. Perhaps he should take whatever she offered him and be happy to get it. At least then, he would have her some of the time. But the thought of making love to her, always wondering whether she truly loved him or was just using him to appease her loneliness, was too painful for him to accept.
The sound of Brian whistling a cheerful tune brought Aidan’s attention back to the present. He eyed his brother speculatively, wondering yet again why he was behaving strangely.
Both Brian and Liam were up to something, but Aidan didn’t know what. He had seen them earlier in the evening with their heads together, whispering to each other. When he had appeared, they acted as if nothing was going on, but he knew better. Then, Liam had left early, to pick up his date for the dance.
Aidan’s brow furrowed as he faced Brian. “You seem awfully cheerful.”
Brian shrugged and gave him a sidelong glance. “I was just thinking about Liam. He’s a lucky devil, taking the prettiest girl in town to the dance. I guess you and I will have to settle for the leftovers.”
Aidan’s frown grew deeper, realizing he didn’t know which girl Liam was escorting. “Who is Liam taking to the dance?”
Second Chances: Aidan's Bride (The McKenzie Series #1) Page 19
