by Kara Liane
Really, I need time to analyze this. I need time to be on my own again and sort this all out. I was fine with him staying for dinner, but this can’t be an all-the-time type thing. We need to press the pause button, then rewind, and try to start fresh. I would say we moved too fast, yet there were times I wanted it sped up. Now we’re going to have a kid together, so I have to figure out how I want to proceed.
Alexi manages to talk to me one-on-one to check in with me. It works out to my advantage because he gets to go into brother mode, and I squirrel away information from him. I slyly ask him who he and Caylan use for their OBGYN. I prefer to go off referrals from friends and not always the ones insurance recommends. Needless to say, I’ll be calling Monday to schedule an appointment with their doctor, who will hopefully take me on as a new patient.
I also tell Alexi that I’m coming back to work on Monday. He can see he won’t win the battle of trying to convince me otherwise. I need to get back to a routine. Then I’ll feel more like me. Alexi starts talking about the latest toy Em is into, and before we know it, Anthony comes out and tells us he’s a father.
I guessed right! It’s a baby girl for this amazing couple. She’s seven pounds, three ounces, and twenty inches long. Both mom and baby are doing well. The newborn has red hair like her mama and light brown eyes like her father. They’re naming her Leia Lucky Parker. I adore how they made her middle name Lucky. Shanna’s engagement ring is a green diamond four-leaf clover, which is perfect for being an Irish girl. Plus, we all got a kick out of the fact they chose a Star Wars-themed first name until we remembered today’s date—yes, the fourth will be with us!
We all give our round of hugs, congratulations, and some of us shed happy tears. It’s a wonderful experience adding to our group. It keeps expanding each year, and it makes my heart so full that we keep growing our family.
We can come back tomorrow to see Shanna and the baby, so we all head out for the evening. Caleb drives the kids and me back to my house, and my kiddos immediately head inside to bed. I’m still in the car with him because I don’t want him to follow. We have to do this here in private.
“I don’t want you to come in,” I say firmly.
A wave of pain and disappointment washes over his face, but he nods his understanding.
“Caleb, it’s been a really long day. Too much has happened, and so much has already been talked about. I’m going back to work on Monday, though. I think we need to start over again, in a way, and get back to what we had when we were just friends. I certainly want you in my life, but I need time to figure some things out. I only hope you can respect that,” I tack on the request at the end.
“Liz…,” he breathes. “I’ll be here in whatever capacity you need me to be. Don’t shut me out completely, please. I’d love to be your friend. I think you need a friend right now, and I want to be the one who’s there for you and the kids. I can do slow, even though my past actions suggest otherwise. Let me know when I can see you again, and I’ll be here,” he promises.
He takes my left hand that is resting in my lap and kisses it softly across the knuckles. I hear him mumble something about lilacs, then he releases it.
“Goodnight,” I tell him.
He tells me “goodnight,” and I exit his car.
***
May 15, 2018
My ultrasound is today. I’m sitting in the waiting room ready for them to call me to the back. I told Alexi I had a doctor’s appointment, so it wasn’t a lie. However, he thinks I’m being seen because I’ve been so fatigued. Once the bump eventually comes, there will be no hiding it. I hope to share my surprise with everyone well before a baby bump is present.
The OBGYN had me come in last week to do bloodwork, and she confirmed my pregnancy. Due to my maternal age, they wanted me to have an ultrasound done even this early on. I swore to myself that after today I’d tell Caleb.
It may sound awful to some, but I decided the night we went to the hospital for Shanna that I didn’t want to tell Caleb until I was sure things are progressing in this pregnancy. I’m considered high-risk because of my age; I find it laughable that somehow my age is always involved—story of my life, it seems. After seeing how excited Caleb was about Shanna’s baby, I can’t risk breaking his heart if there’s already a major complication this early on; especially if I won’t make it out of my first trimester.
Once I know today that everything is okay, then I plan to tell him. I’m eight and a half weeks along, so the time seems to be going fast. I’ve been doing a lot better since we had the major talk. I went to therapy a few times over the years, and before William chose to drink, I even confided in him on several occasions. Despite the times I’ve talked about my past with a few select others, I guess I never healed from those old wounds. Talking to Caleb about it did help. It’s like the ghosts were finally laid to rest. I believe I can have a healthy and happy future, and I’m trying to accept that I’m deserving of it. I’d like to think my parents would be proud of the woman I’ve become.
After another ten minutes of waiting, I’m called back by the tech. She performs a transvaginal ultrasound on me, and I can’t wait to hear the heartbeat; that whooshing sound is the best noise on the planet. However, I can’t see the monitor yet since it’s facing toward her. She’s doing the scan, and I see her face change. It’s not a look of panic or alarm, but of surprise.
Immediately, I’m concerned and ask her, “Is everything okay?”
“Oh, yes, everything’s fine,” she tries to assure me, but I’m not so easily convinced.
I see her tap a button on the wall. We have a similar paging system at Alexi’s clinic. That button pages the doctor to come in immediately. Now I’m incredibly concerned and close my eyes. God, please don’t let anything be wrong with my child. If there’s an issue, I will love him or her no matter what, though.
I concentrate on breathing deeply. I know there’s no point in asking the tech any more questions because this is a matter for the doctor to tend to. I’m praying with everything I have. Finally, the door opens and in walks Dr. Lisa Miller.
I look at the tech, then to the doctor, back to the tech, and back to my OBGYN. Dr. Miller’s face lights up looking at the image of my baby on the screen. She’s beaming. I’m so confused. And at this early stage, my poor little peanut doesn’t even resemble the classic shape of a baby because he or she is still forming. But so much love fills my chest for the little one. I’m about to explode if someone doesn’t tell me what’s going on!
“Look at them!” Dr. Miller says with wonder as she turns the screen my way.
Did she just say them?
Chapter 25: Freezing Hot
Liezel
The next day I’m still walking around in a stupefied state.
Twins!
I’m having twins!
To top it off, Caylan is currently in labor, so there’s even more excitement going on. We’re all once again headed to the hospital, well, minus Shanna, as she’s staying home with her newborn daughter. Anthony said he’d be by when he knew for sure she was ready to push. Luckily, none of us live too terribly far from the hospital. Since it’s during the workday, Alexi brought in a former colleague of his to cover his clinic for him while on paternity leave, and we have per diem nurses we call in for me.
I don’t know how I’m going to tell Caleb that not only is he going to be a father, but he’s also going to have two at once! This will be such a shock. Believe me, I never expected to have five kids, but now I’m so in love with the idea. I won’t know until the second trimester what the genders are. It doesn’t matter if we’re having two of the same, or one of each. I’m so excited! I can try and be patient, but I’m anxious to know if they’re fraternal or identical. The doctor suspects fraternal because she believes they’re di-di twins, meaning diamniotic and dizygotic.
Dr. Miller informed me that the babies—oh my God, it’s plural—are developing normally, and from all my bloodwork panels and various testing, everything
looks great so far. I have to do some genetic testing because of my age just to be sure, but I’m not concerned. I’m a healthy, fit woman, and I’ve been taking my prenatal vitamins since the day I saw those two pink lines.
And, boy, do I feel guilty now that Caleb missed the first ultrasound with me. I feel like I deprived him of the most special moment. I’m trying not to beat myself up over it because I could never have predicted we’d have twins—you could have knocked me over with a feather.
But I’ll admit, it’s still a dick move to have not included him, even if we were only having a singleton. I hope he’ll understand my reasoning when he finds out. I really didn’t want to get his hopes up if something was wrong. It sounds logical to me, but maybe it won’t to him. I sigh aloud, and a headache is forming at my temples just thinking about it.
On a positive note, have I mentioned Caleb has been texting me every day? It’s sweet one-liners, but much appreciated. I know he’s trying. He’s being a good friend. I do respond to him. I haven’t worked up the courage to invite him over again, but I suppose I need to do that sooner rather than later. I’ll see him at the hospital when we get to welcome Caylan’s new baby into the world, but I think it’s important he and I have some alone time…as friends.
***
Later that night, an eight-pound, one-ounce, twenty-two-inch baby boy comes screaming into the world. We’re all shocked Caylan carried him considering how tiny she is. She’s lucky this wasn’t her first because nothing would’ve been the same down there again, if you know what I’m saying.
The proud parents name him Zane Valentino Graham. I love that Emeline was born on Valentine’s Day and her middle name is Valentine. So, they did a variation for his middle name. He’s absolutely precious. We got to quickly go back to her room and visit. Caylan looked radiant, and you’d never know she just delivered. Zane’s dark hair and blue eyes made him look so striking. For a baby, he sure needs to walk the runway. God, if I was a social media person I would’ve been tweeting it out to every inhabitant of this planet!
Em was so disinterested in her baby brother, and we all got a kick out of it. Fred and Milly cried, and even Brent was incredibly choked up while holding his new nephew. He doesn’t seem to have a phobia anymore like he did when Em was born—thanks to Everly changing him in ways we’ll never comprehend.
After our quick visit with everyone at the hospital, Caleb asked if he could take the kids and me out for ice cream. That’s harmless and innocent enough, so I agreed. We ended up having a great time. It seemed like how it used to be between Caleb and me in the beginning—joking around non-stop, the laughter so infectious. It felt good to experience these moments again.
This time, I actually do invite him back to the house. We drove in separate cars, so he meets me at my place. The kids retire to their rooms for the evening. We end up hanging out downstairs on the couch and talk. It isn’t awkward at all.
“So…any new cookie recipes you’re dying to try out on this willing taste-tester?” He asks with the goofiest grin.
I start giggling at his expression. He looks kooky the way his face is contorted.
“Now how can I disappoint that face if I say no?” I ask, stifling my laugh.
“My thoughts exactly,” he responds while winking at me in an adorable fashion.
We all know I love Caleb. But this playful side of him is so addicting. I thought I’d never have another addiction of any sort, but this one is the healthy kind, I must say. Of course, Alpha Caleb in the bedroom is a whole different addiction, but I can’t go there, or I’ll completely forget about making cookies.
He follows me into the kitchen and sits on the stool. Since we’ve done this a few times before, we assume our positions to commence with the treat making. I haven’t been sick lately, so I hope as I’m about to head into the second trimester, the nausea will once and for all subside. I feel pretty great tonight.
I take out all my ingredients and line them up on the counter. I think I’m going to do mint chocolate chip cookies. He loves that flavor of ice cream, so I might as well spoil him with the cookie version. He’s watching me closely as I assemble everything, and then I announce to him what I’m making.
He’s like a little kid bouncing on his stool. I love his enthusiasm, but it’s only freaking cookies! He cracks me up, though. I let him do the mixing once I measure everything out. I go to preheat the oven and grease a baking sheet. He’s having fun turning the batter the precise shade of green with the food coloring.
We finally get them portioned out on the sheet and then place them in the oven. Wow, the smell that wafts out is heavenly as it hits me in the face. My salivary glands are going crazy. He sniffs appreciatively at the air, and we both sigh, waiting for the moment we’ll get to devour the ooey, gooey, minty, chocolatey goodness—ha, ha, try saying that five times fast!
“Would you like milk with your cookies,” I ask sweetly.
“Is there any other way to eat chocolate chip cookies?” He retorts.
“Touché! Well, I have regular milk or soy. You can thank Addison and Gil for turning us on to the soy. Although, I’ve never tried dipping cookies in it, so that would probably taste weird,” I scrunch up my nose, thinking it may be a strange concoction.
“Is there anything else I can dip my cookie in?” He questions with an arched brow, and his voice is all gravelly as it drops low.
My back is to him as I’m staring into the side-by-side refrigerator and freezer unit. He’s still seated on the stool, but I suddenly feel him come up behind me. His heat and nearness have my body reacting instantly. God, I’ve missed him. I can’t deny how unbelievably attracted I am to him. That didn’t wane in the slightest, no matter how mad I was at him. My head, heart, and body may all be at odds with one another, but as a woman, I still feel and react.
I know my cheeks are suffused with a red tint, and I start feeling warm and tingly all over. My skin comes alive as his body beckons mine, wanting to cradle me in his big frame. If I lean back, I’ll be in his embrace. I’ll be infused with his strength and warmth. It’s so tempting!
I cock my head to the side, and his breath tickles me as he rasps close to my ear, “You have some flour on you.”
This is reminiscent of our first time baking.
I suck in a breath and swallow as I ask, “Where?”
“Right…here…,” he says as his fingers trail over a small area on my neck.
Then I feel his warm, wet tongue trace the same path his fingers did, and I moan. Now I do fall back against him. My nipples are hard little points since my chest is practically in the freezer, and then I have the heat from behind me. His erection digs into my back, and I gently sway my hips and ass to rub against it, driving him crazy to return the favor. He moves his hands down my sides to rest them on my hips. I want so badly for him to grab my breasts.
“Sweetness…,” is what escapes his lips while he’s still licking my neck.
This time, I don’t balk at the name.
This time, I am his sweetness.
***
Caleb
Fuuuuccckkkk!
I’ve never been this hard. It seems like I say that every time I’m with her. But it just gets harder each time, as strange as that may sound. My dick has grown infinitely stiffer for her as time has gone by. I slipped just now by saying sweetness, but she didn’t correct me or stop me; so, I’m going to press my advantage while I’m ahead—can I fit any more innuendos in there?
As she keeps rubbing her ass across my groin, I dig my fingers into her hips. I’m so worried I’ll leave marks. At least she doesn’t seem as delicate as she was the last few weeks. I finally see her color coming back, and she’s filling out a little more. She must be doing better with eating or something.
I swipe my tongue at the soft skin right under her ear, and she almost collapses. Oh yeah, I hit a spot. I’m there to catch her. I sweep her up into my arms and kick the doors to the fridge closed with my foot.
I walk
into the living room, lay her gently on the couch, and come down on top of her. However, I hold my weight off of her as best as I can so as not to crush her delicate frame.
I know what we’re doing is wrong because I’m moving too fast…again. I know this is wrong because we’re not alone in the house. It’s all so wrong, but yet it’s all so right.
Our lips connect, and I suck her tongue into my mouth. Her moans caress my ears, and I groan right back as her eyes flutter closed. I palm one of her perfect breasts, rubbing through her shirt as her beautiful rosy nipples stab the fabric. I know if I reach down between her legs, she’ll be incredibly wet for me.
I didn’t dream of doing anything like this with her tonight, so I don’t even have a damn condom on me! Figures. I’ll have to settle for eating at her sweet cunt for tonight, if she’ll let me. Obviously, that’s no hardship. I want to be in her in some way—I’ll take anything. That’s how desperate I am to be with her. This is what we do as human beings; we need this connection.
I need my fill of her. I need a shot of her. I can’t keep carrying on for weeks and days without having some kind of relief. I’d never admit to her that I’m a junkie of sorts. It sounds all kinds of fucked up given what she revealed. Yet, that unshakeable, unbreakable bond she was referring to is what I feel for her.
“I don’t have a condom,” I whisper as I kiss my way down her body.
“It’s okay. We don’t need one anyway,” she says, all breathy.
I chuckle because that doesn’t make any sense, and she’s asking for trouble with forgoing protection. Not that getting her pregnant would be trouble, but considering we’re supposed to be taking this slow, it would shoot that plan to shit if I end up putting a bun in the oven tonight.
