Innocent Wife, Baby of Shame

by MELANIE MILBURNE

  He took a step towards her, his hand going to the satin-softness of her arm, his fingers curling around her wrist like a bracelet. ‘Is there any chance—any chance at all—that Merrick lied to you about what happened that night?’ he asked, wondering for the first time why he hadn’t asked her this before.

  Keira blinked back tears as she lifted her gaze to his. ‘I don’t know…Why would he do that?’

  His thumb stroked back and forth over her thudding pulse. ‘We married within a matter of weeks of meeting. He might have felt cast aside or something. It can happen in close relationships—one party resents the new-found happiness of the other.’

  She gnawed at her lips as she thought of those rumpled sheets and her naked body lying amongst them.

  ‘Cara?’ he prompted.

  ‘No…’ Her voice was not even audible.

  ‘I can’t hear you, Keira.’

  She compressed her lips even tighter as the tears filled her eyes as she met his gaze. ‘I’m sorry…but I don’t think he was lying.’

  His hand fell away from her wrist. ‘So we are back to square one,’ he said heavily.

  ‘Only if you choose not to forgive me,’ she said in a small voice.

  He scraped a hand through his hair as he put some distance between them. ‘I wish I could, but it is just too close to home,’ he said, leaning one hand against the wall, his head hanging down as if in defeat.

  Keira frowned at the hollowness of his tone. ‘What do you mean?’

  He turned and straightened with a grim look. ‘Do you remember I told you my father was injured in a car accident several years before he died?’

  ‘Yes, of course I remember. It was so sad. I don’t know how he coped with being permanently disabled. It must have been truly devastating.’

  ‘Yes, well, he coped with it a whole lot better than my mother.’

  Keira unconsciously held her breath. Patrizio had rarely spoken of his parents; he seemed to avoid the subject whenever she had raised it but she had assumed it was because he felt so helpless over his father’s disability and his death from cancer a few years later.

  ‘My mother had several affairs with other men after my father’s accident,’ he said. ‘She didn’t bother hiding it. I think in a way she was proud of it. It disgusted me to see her cavorting with whoever was available while my father sat strapped in his chair, unable to even feed himself.’

  Keira felt her heart tighten at the thought of how his father must have suffered. It made Patrizio’s anger towards her all the more understandable. He must have felt as betrayed as his father had done and, with the frenzied activity of the press violating his privacy over the last two months, just as helpless.

  ‘I wish you had told me all this before,’ she said.

  ‘What difference would it have made?’ he asked. ‘Would it have stopped you behaving the way you did?’

  Keira had no answer. Guilt and regret were her constant companions and had been ever since that night. What she had done was beyond belief. She had never thought herself capable of such wanton behaviour.

  ‘Go to bed, Keira,’ he said after a short but tense silence. ‘You have shadows upon shadows under your eyes. You look like you haven’t slept properly for weeks.’

  Eight weeks, she thought as he moved towards the door, but she didn’t say it out loud. What would be the point? He didn’t want to hear how she had cried her heart out for the mistake she had made. He wanted her to pay for it indefinitely, by reminding her at every opportunity of what she had thrown away. That was why he was determined to divorce her. Forgiveness wasn’t a word he had in his vocabulary.

  ‘Are you coming to bed now too?’ she asked instead.

  He turned and raked her with his eyes. ‘Not satisfied yet, Keira?’

  She straightened her shoulders, what little pride she had left glittering in her gaze as she forced herself to meet his. ‘I will never be satisfied until you look at me with respect instead of hatred and loathing in your eyes,’ she said.

  His mouth tilted sardonically. ‘Then you will be waiting a very long time, tesoro mio.’

  ‘Don’t insult me by calling me that when you don’t mean it,’ she threw back angrily. ‘I am not your treasure. I am more like your trash.’

  His eyes roved over her mercilessly again. ‘I could not have put it better myself,’ he said and, with a mocking smile, moved through the door, closing it gently but firmly behind him.

  CHAPTER TWELVE

  KEIRA didn’t think she was capable of sleep in her emotional turmoil but somehow she finally drifted off. She woke just as the sun was sending golden fingers of light through the curtains, casting a warm glow over Patrizio, lying beside her, his features calm and relaxed in sleep.

  She ached to reach out and touch him as she had done so many times in the past. One fingertip tiptoeing down his body was all it would take to have him turning towards her, fully erect, his dark eyes glinting as she closed her hand around him.

  She moistened her mouth as she thought of how she had tasted him, the salty musk of his skin filling her senses, rocking her to the core of her being when he’d responded so passionately in the past.

  She opened and closed her fingers lying so close to his thigh. It was so tempting, so very tempting, to reach out and touch him, to feel the surge of his blood as he reacted to her intimate caress…

  Keira blinked in shock when he suddenly captured her hand and brought it to his groin, his eyes still closed, his sleepy groan of pleasure as her fingers instinctively explored him making her stomach tilt sideways.

  ‘Yes, cara,’ he said in a gravelly tone. ‘That is just the way I like it.’

  Her throat went dry as she felt him leap under her touch, his thickening flesh already hard against the softness of her hand. Acting on an impulse she couldn’t control even if she had wanted to, she moved down his body with her mouth pressing soft-as-air kisses on to each of his dark pebbly nipples, down the length of his sternum, poking her tongue into the hairy indentation of his belly button before going lower. She felt him suck in his breath, his abdomen taut with anticipation as her tongue slid along his shaft, rolling over the most sensitive point in tantalising little cat-like licks until she finally closed her mouth over him. She felt him buck in response, his rasping groan coming from deep within him as she took him to paradise and swallowed the evidence.

  He gave a languorous stretch before he captured her gaze with his. ‘I am starting to think that six months’ instead of six weeks’ reconciliation would be very tempting,’ he said with a taunting smile. ‘What do you say, Keira? Do you want to have a little affair with me before we get a divorce?’

  Keira knew she had betrayed herself by worshipping his body the way she had. It upset her that within seconds of her caresses he was mentioning their divorce, as if to remind her of her precarious place in his life. Any involvement they had would have legal papers signed at the end of it and she had better not forget it.

  She gave him a withering look. ‘You have got to be joking.’

  He placed his hand on the silky skin of her shoulder to stop her rolling away. ‘Think about it, cara,’ he said. ‘We are so good together, you know we are. You make me crazy with desire, just looking at me the way you are doing right now.’

  ‘I’m not looking at you…like that…’

  ‘Yes, you are,’ he said, forcing her chin up. ‘You look at me so hungrily, as if you could never get enough of me.’

  ‘You’re imagining it.’

  He brushed the tip of his tongue across the tight seam of her lips, raising his head to lock gazes with her again. ‘You think I am imagining the tremble of your body?’ he asked, cupping her breast.

  ‘I—I’m not trembling…’

  ‘Do you think I am imagining the way you keep running your tongue over your lips in anticipation of my kiss?’

  ‘I don’t do that,’ she said, having just done it.

  He smiled and moved his weight over her, trapping her
beneath him. ‘Am I imagining the silk of your inner thighs, cara? The way you open them for me so I can do this?’

  Oh, God, Keira thought as his long fingers entered her. She had no hope of denying what she felt for him when he did that. She melted, her whole body sinking into the mattress as he replaced his fingers with his thickened length, the first deep thrust filling her completely, making her cry out in pleasure.

  ‘Am I imagining you writhing beneath me as you are now, Keira?’ he asked as he increased his pace.

  ‘No…’ she gasped as he stroked her to enhance her pleasure. ‘No…no…’

  ‘So it is true, is it not? That you want me desperately, all the time, in any place, in any position, right, Keira?’

  ‘Yes…oh, yes…’

  She tensed as he held her over the precipice, dangling her there until she began to beg. ‘Please…oh, please…now!’

  He pushed her over with another deep thrust, the rolling waves of release tossing her about like a rag doll until she was totally limp in his arms. She felt his shuddering explosion inside her, the muscles on his back taut as a bow as he emptied himself, the scent of sexual intimacy filling her nostrils.

  The silence settled in the room like dust motes after a hot breeze had blown through an opened door.

  Keira could hear the sound of her heart beating, the roar of her blood making her feel light-headed. Again she felt as if she had betrayed herself to him. It would no doubt please him to know she still had feelings for him; it would make his victory complete to cast her from him when they finally divorced.

  An aching sadness filled her as if it were being drip-fed into her bloodstream, making her body feel heavy and lethargic with grief at how her life had turned out. Patrizio was within touching distance, she still had the essence of him in her most feminine place, and yet he was a world away from her in terms of bitterness and hate.

  The mattress shifted beneath his weight as he got up. ‘I have to get to work,’ he said. ‘Do you need a lift to college?’

  She pulled the sheets up over her nakedness. ‘No,’ she said, avoiding his eyes. ‘I can make my own way by tram.’

  ‘What happened to your car?’ he asked.

  ‘I had to sell it.’

  Patrizio frowned. ‘Why?’

  She gave a little shrug of one shoulder. ‘I needed the money for paint and canvases.’

  ‘I can organise a car for you,’ he said after a short pause. ‘Would you like me to do that?’

  She shook her head, still not looking at him. He moved back towards the bed and, leaning down, hitched up her chin so she had to look into his eyes. ‘I will make sure a car is delivered to you as soon as possible,’ he said. ‘You can have it as long as you want.’

  ‘I don’t want you to do that, Patrizio,’ she said. ‘It doesn’t seem right.’

  He straightened from the bed. ‘Consider it payment for services rendered,’ he said with an up and down sweep of his gaze over her body.

  Her violet-blue eyes glittered with sparks of anger. ‘That’s disgusting.’

  He lifted one brow. ‘But accurate, no?’

  ‘No,’ she said, tightening her hands into fists. ‘I didn’t sleep with you for any other reason than…than…’

  ‘Than what, Keira?’ he asked. ‘Old times’ sake?’

  She ran her tongue over her lips, the slight tremble of her chin making Patrizio wonder if she had been as affected by him as he was by her. His body still tingled where she had touched him, the scent of her skin was on his and the sweet taste of her lips was indelibly imprinted on his.

  A short-term affair should just about do it, he thought. It would get her out of his system once and for all. He would leave when he felt it was time to quit. He would dictate the terms this time around; he wouldn’t leave himself vulnerable to her betrayal again.

  ‘Why did you sleep with me, Keira?’ he asked into the ticking silence.

  ‘You know why,’ she said so softly that he almost didn’t hear it.

  ‘Because you just could not help yourself, right?’ he said with a derisive twist to his mouth. ‘Because you are a highly sensual woman who is always on the lookout for a playmate, right?’

  ‘No, that’s not what I meant at all.’

  He made a move towards the en suite bathroom. ‘I am happy to keep you occupied for the next six weeks, a couple of months even if you are agreeable, but after that we are getting divorced as planned.’

  ‘I’m not sleeping with you again,’ she said with a determined jut of her chin. ‘We were supposed to be pretending to be reconciled, remember?’

  He gave her a cool little smile. ‘We are pretending, yes, but why not have our cake and eat it too?’

  She folded her arms across her breasts. ‘This cake is not for sale.’

  ‘Every cake is for sale, Keira,’ he said, raking her with his gaze. ‘Even yours.’

  Keira responded by throwing the sheets over her head, but the sound of his mocking laugh as he went into the en suite bathroom taunted her long after he had left for the office.

  ‘How are you going with your exhibition?’ Harriet Fuller, one of the other Masters students, asked at college later that day.

  ‘I’m not quite finished,’ Keira confessed, brushing a curl away from her face as she looked up from the painting she was working on.

  Harriet peered over her shoulder. ‘Not bad,’ she said. ‘You like your strong colours, don’t you?’

  ‘You think it’s too much?’

  Harriet tapped her lips. ‘No, not really. It’s distinctive, eye-catching, if you like.’

  Keira chewed on the end of the brush for a moment before confessing, ‘I just hope someone likes it enough to buy it or one of the others.’

  ‘Yeah, well, that’s the dream, isn’t it?’ Harriet said with a wistful smile. ‘All of us here want to make a living from our art but it’s hardly likely to happen. We have to die first to become famous.’

  Keira sighed as she put her brush down. ‘Yes, I guess you’re right.’

  ‘I saw that thing in the paper the other day,’ Harriet said. ‘Is it true? Are you back with your husband, Patrizio?’

  ‘Yes…yes, it’s true,’ Keira answered and, shifting her gaze back to her painting, added, ‘it’s early days yet, though…’

  ‘So this is sort of a trial reconciliation?’ Harriet asked.

  ‘We’re just taking it one day at a time.’

  ‘I bet your parents are pleased,’ Harriet said.

  ‘Yeah…they are…’

  ‘Are you OK, Keira?’ Harriet asked with a frown. ‘You seem a bit spaced out.’

  ‘I’m fine, just tired. It’s a busy time of year.’

  ‘I guess that gorgeous husband of yours is keeping you up all hours, huh?’

  Keira tried to smile but it made her face feel strange. ‘Something like that…’

  ‘I’d better get moving,’ Harriet said. ‘Good luck with the portfolio.’

  ‘Thanks.’

  ‘And good luck with your marriage. He’s a good man, Keira. Believe me, they’re pretty hard to come by these days.’

  Keira picked up her brush again and inwardly sighed. Patrizio had been the nicest man she’d ever met until the day he’d found her in bed with Garth. After that he had turned into someone else entirely.

  A stranger.

  An angry and bitter stranger who wanted her to have an affair with him before they eventually divorced.

  Could she do it?

  Could she risk what little self-respect she’d mustered over the last two months in the fragile hope of making him fall in love with her all over again? He was still fiercely attracted to her, which was some sort of compensation to her shattered pride, she supposed. But he only wanted her to share his bed, nothing else. It was hard not to feel a little short-changed. She knew it was a lot to ask for a man, and a proud Italian one at that, to overlook a misdemeanour such as hers. She even wondered if she would be able to do it herself if the boot had
been on the other foot as she had initially suspected. The thought of him sharing his body with other women had tortured her from day one of their marriage. Her inbuilt insecurity had nibbled away at her, making her react in an entirely immature and foolish way, when instead she should have confronted him with the issue in a calm and rational manner.

  What clear vision one had via the retrospect-scope, Keira thought wryly. But what would turning back the clock achieve when she didn’t even remember what had happened that night?

  The memory was locked somewhere deep in her brain—perhaps she had locked it out to escape responsibility for her actions. Suppression of memories was a tricky subject; there were convincing arguments on both sides. What if she had shut down that memory because it was too painful to confront the truth of her infidelity?

  But then another thought slipped into her head. She tried to quickly push it aside, not wanting to think for a moment that Garth would wilfully destroy her reputation and marriage, but still the thought lingered like a fog, clouding her brain until she wasn’t sure what to think any more. Yes, she had confided in Garth many times in the early months of her marriage, speaking of her doubts of Patrizio remaining faithful when he was away such a lot but Garth had always been supportive and reassuring. She had no reason to believe that he would betray her when for so long he had been her closest friend.

  But Garth was no longer her closest confidante, she reminded herself with a deep pang of regret. He was virtually a stranger now; she hadn’t seen or heard from him in weeks.

  But if what she suspected was true, he would have to be told, Keira thought with another wave of sickening panic. He had the right to know that he was one of two possible candidates if it turned out she was indeed pregnant.

  The testing kit was still in her handbag; she hadn’t yet summoned up the courage to use it. She knew she was doing her usual procrastination routine but every time she put her hand in her bag for something she felt as if she were physically touching her guilt and shame.