The thought of telling Patrizio was something she couldn’t even think about. He hadn’t been able to forgive her for sleeping with another man—how on earth would he forgive her for falling pregnant as a result of that one night of infidelity? How could he ever love her again, knowing she was carrying another man’s child?
He would never take her back permanently.
She couldn’t ask it of him.
She placed a hand on her stomach, her heart squeezing painfully. She had longed for a child with Patrizio; how cruel would it be if it turned out not to be his? She knew she would love it regardless—it was totally innocent in the wreckage she had made of her life—but it would haunt her for the rest of her days that her impetuous actions had led to yet another life being a casualty.
She reached past the testing kit in her bag for her phone and looked at it for a full thirty seconds, her forehead furrowed with indecision. Then, drawing in a breath that caught at her throat like a twig being swallowed, she slowly began dialling…
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
‘GARTH?’ Keira held the mobile closer to her ear to block out the noise of the students passing the studio. ‘It’s me—Keira.’
‘Oh…Hi, Keira,’ Garth said. ‘Um…I was going to call you. I wanted you to be the first to know my news.’
‘What news is that?’ she asked.
‘I’m moving to Canada. I’m getting married. I’m leaving in just over a month.’
‘Congratulations. Mum mentioned something about you seeing someone from abroad. I’m really happy for you.’
‘Yeah, well, thanks,’ he said and, clearing his throat, added, ‘I hear you got back with Patrizio.’
‘Yes,’ she said perhaps a little too brightly. ‘I’m very happy.’
‘That’s great, then…great.’
‘Garth, I was wondering if we could meet up some time to chat,’ she said. ‘Are you free in the next day or so?’
‘I’m pretty busy, what with planning the wedding and all…’
‘It’s really important,’ she said. ‘It’s about…about that night.’
‘Look, Keira, it’s best if we just forget about it. It happened, OK? I don’t want my fiancée to hear about it. I’ve put it behind me and so should you.’
‘I think I’m pregnant.’
‘That’s wonderful, Keira,’ he said. ‘That’s absolutely wonderful news. I’m happy for you. It’s what you’ve always wanted.’
‘Garth…you don’t understand…’ She gulped in a ragged breath. ‘It could be yours…’
There was a long pulsating silence.
‘Garth, did you hear me?’ she asked.
‘Yes…’he said, his voice sounding like a stranger’s. ‘Yes, I heard you.’
‘I don’t know what to do…I’m so scared…’
‘It can’t be mine, Keira.’
‘How can you be so sure?’ she asked.
‘How many weeks are you?’
‘I don’t know. I haven’t even done a test yet. I’ve been putting it off. I can’t bear the thought of telling Patrizio.’
‘You should see a doctor and have the dates confirmed,’ he said. ‘I am sure you will find that rules me out.’
There was another silence.
‘He hasn’t forgiven me, Garth. We’re not really back together. We’re only doing it because of Bruno and Jamie.’ She explained the situation between the two boys and added, ‘It’s killing me to have Patrizio back in my life with this horrible thing between us. I just need to understand how it happened.’
‘I told you what happened.’
‘Tell me again, bit by bit. I don’t care how embarrassing it is. I just need to know what led me to—’
‘I’m sorry, but I have to go. Mischa’s going to be phoning me any minute.’
‘Garth, please I—’
‘Stop it, Keira,’ he said, cutting her off again. ‘There’s no point in pursuing this. I have to go. Goodbye.’
Keira stared at the mobile, the dial tone sounding deafening in the accusing silence…
The house was quiet when she got home, which somehow made Keira feel even more desperately alone. Every room seemed to contain a hint of Patrizio’s aftershave, which made her heart contract to the point of pain when she thought of the final curtain coming down on their marriage. How would she survive it? How would she cope without seeing him every day? The last two months had shattered her both emotionally and physically; God only knew what would happen to her if he cut her from his life for good.
She went upstairs to the bedroom and, taking the pregnancy test kit out of her bag, looked at it for a long moment. She was torn between wanting to know for sure and wanting to pretend it wasn’t happening. It was cowardly of her, she knew, but she stuffed it in her underwear drawer, covering it haphazardly with piles of lace.
She let out a shaky breath and walked back to the bed, where she had dumped her bag, and took out her mobile. ‘Mum? Have you got a minute to talk?’ she asked once her mother had answered.
‘Oh, I’m glad you called, Keira,’ Robyn said in a bustling tone. ‘I tried to call you earlier but you were engaged. I’ve spoken to Patrizio and he’s accepted our invitation to dinner this evening.’
‘Well, it wouldn’t be the first time, I imagine,’ Keira said with a touch of pique.
‘I hope you’re not going to be petulant about our ongoing relationship with him.’ Her mother sighed. ‘He’s taken you back and you should be very grateful, although how long for is anyone’s guess.’
Keira felt her heart kick against her sternum. ‘What do you mean by that?’ she asked.
‘You know what you’re like, Keira, getting your knickers in a twist over nothing. I’m terrified you’re going to ruin things again with your willful, erratic behaviour.’
‘Thanks for the vote of confidence, Mum, it’s exactly what every insecure girl needs from her mother.’
‘You’re not insecure, you’re immature,’ Robyn said. ‘You’ve had everything that money could buy and still you’re not happy. For God’s sake, what else do you want from us?’
Keira felt tears at the backs of her eyes. ‘I want to be accepted for who I am,’ she said. ‘Is that so much to ask?’
‘You are talking rubbish again, Keira,’ her mother said dismissively. ‘Your father and I have done all we can to support you, but you seem incapable of being grateful.’
‘Do you love me, Mum?’ she asked.
‘What sort of question is that?’
‘It’s the sort of question insecure daughters need to ask occasionally.’
‘Keira, I am finding this conversation very upsetting,’ Robyn said. ‘Of course I love you; you’re my daughter.’
‘Does Dad love me?’
‘Keira, please, this is ridiculous—’
‘Does he?’
‘Of course he does.’
‘He’s never said it to me. Not once.’
‘He’s not the openly affectionate type,’ Robyn said. ‘You know that.’
‘He’s openly affectionate to Jamie.’
‘Yes, well, that’s probably a father and son bonding thing,’ her mother said. ‘Now, stop asking all these silly questions. We’ll see you tonight at seven.’
‘Mum?’
‘Keira, I have to check on the roast.’
‘Is a leg of lamb more important to you than your own daughter?’
Robyn let out a sigh. ‘Are you having trouble with Patrizio?’
‘No,’ she lied. ‘I just feel a bit emotional right now.’ And I think I’m pregnant and I don’t know who the father is, she added in wretched despair.
‘Patrizio’s a good man, Keira. Don’t get it wrong this time around. So many men wouldn’t have taken you back. There are very few marriages that survive when it’s the wife that strays. You should be very grateful, very grateful indeed.’
‘I am…I am grateful…’
‘See you tonight; the boys are coming too. Your father is picking the
m up from the boarding house on the way home,’ Robyn said, her tone losing its sharp edge as she added, ‘I’ve made your favourite dessert.’
She brushed at her eyes with the back of her hand. ‘Thanks, Mum,’ she said and went to say, I love you, but her mother had already hung up.
Keira let out a sigh as her eyes drifted back to the walk-in wardrobe. After another moment’s deliberation, she stood up and went back to the underwear drawer and took out the pregnancy testing kit and then, taking a deep breath, headed for the bathroom.
Patrizio found Keira in the lounge room, sitting on the edge of one of the sofas chewing at what was left of her nails. She dropped her hand from her mouth with a guilty flush and got to her feet. ‘Mum said she called you about dinner,’ she said. ‘The boys are coming too.’
‘Yes,’ he said, running his gaze over her frail-looking form. ‘But if you are not feeling up to it, we don’t have to go.’
Something flickered briefly in her eyes before she lowered them to stare at the floor. ‘I’m fine.’
He stepped towards her and put a hand on her shoulder, frowning when she flinched slightly. ‘What’s going on, Keira?’
Keira lifted her eyes to his. ‘Nothing’s going on. I’m just a little tired and run-down.’ And pregnant, she tacked on in silent desperation. The test kit with its lines of truth was upstairs on her sweater shelf this time, hidden under thick layers of wool where she hoped Marietta wouldn’t find it.
He held her gaze for endless moments, her heart beginning to flutter with fear that he would see for himself what she was so desperately trying to conceal. She needed more time to prepare herself mentally for his reaction to her news. She knew it was yet another example of her tendency to stall over things she found difficult to deal with, but this time she just couldn’t help it. Her baby’s future was at stake. She wanted to do everything possible to provide a safe and secure future for it, no matter what.
‘I bought you a car,’ he said into the thrumming silence. ‘It’s being delivered first thing in the morning.’
She tried to smile but her lips felt stiff and awkward. ‘Thank you…but you didn’t need to go to that sort of trouble. I’m used to using public transport.’
‘I would prefer you to use the car I have bought,’ he said. ‘I do not want the press wondering why my wife is hopping on and off trams while I have a luxury car and driver at my disposal.’
‘So it’s all about appearances then, is it?’ she asked with an edge of bitterness distorting her tone.
‘But of course,’ he said. ‘That is why we are continuing with this charade, is it not?’
‘It seems to me this has gone way past a charade,’ she said. ‘I don’t know what’s real and what’s false any more.’
He snatched up the keys he had not long put down. ‘Yes, well, that has been your problem from the start, has it not?’
She turned away in distress. ‘Stop it, Patrizio. Please just stop it. I can’t take any more of this. Not now.’
Patrizio felt a twinge of remorse pull at him deep inside. She was obviously exhausted and trying hard to keep on top of things. She was coming to the end of her academic year, which was stressful enough, and with the boys’ issues things had probably tipped her over. ‘I am sorry, Keira,’ he said. ‘It has been a lot to ask of you at this time but we have to try and maintain appearances for the boys’ sake.’
‘I know…I’m doing my best…’
He put his hands on her shoulders and took some measure of comfort that this time she didn’t flinch away. ‘I know you are, cara,’ he said gently. ‘You are doing a magnificent job of convincing everyone you are still in love with me.’
She slowly turned in his arms, her eyes not reaching the full distance to his. ‘We should go,’ she said in a husky tone. ‘Mum’s gone to a lot of trouble. I don’t want to disappoint her by turning up late.’
They were a little late arriving at her parents’ house but Jamie and Bruno had not long come in with Keira’s father, so they were still in the process of receiving drinks and putting school blazers to one side.
Jamie came over to Keira once everyone was organised and smiled at her warmly. ‘How cool is this? Mum and Dad haven’t had me home for a meal during the week in term time for months.’
‘Is boarding school so very bad?’ she asked with a concerned look.
Her brother shifted his gaze. ‘Not really,’ he said. ‘Things have been a bit rough lately but I think we’re gradually sorting it out.’
Keira’s gaze flicked to where Bruno was being spoken to by a heavily frowning Patrizio. ‘Bruno doesn’t look too happy to be here tonight,’ she observed.
‘Yes, well, he’s in the enemy camp so to speak,’ Jamie said. ‘I’m sorry about the stuff he said about you the other night. I wanted to punch his lights out.’
‘It will hopefully blow over now that Patrizio and I are back together.’
Jamie gave her a probing look. ‘It is for real, isn’t it, Kiki?’ he asked, using his childhood mispronunciation of her name for the first time in years. ‘I mean you’re not just staging this to get us through the exams or something, are you?’
Keira had a lot of trouble holding his intently focused gaze. ‘We’re still feeling our way but it’s very real,’ she said, her mind filling with images of her lovemaking with Patrizio. ‘We belong together, Jamie. It’s what we both want.’
‘I told Bruno it was genuine but he’s not convinced,’ he said.
‘What would convince him?’ she asked.
He shifted his lips back and forth in a musing pose. ‘I’m not sure,’ he said. ‘Have you thought about publicly restating your vows?’
Her eyes flicked back to Patrizio, her stomach tilting when she found he was looking at her. She forced her lips into a strained help-me smile before turning back to her brother. ‘We haven’t discussed it but maybe you should ask Patrizio.’
‘Ask me what?’ Patrizio asked as he slipped an arm around Keira’s waist.
Jamie faced him with an engaging smile. ‘I was wondering if you were going to make a public declaration of your recommitment, you know, like a renewal of wedding vows.’
Patrizio looked down at Keira. ‘What do you think, cara?’ he asked. ‘Do you fancy being my bride for the second time around?’
She moistened her lips. ‘I’m not sure it’s necessary to go to all that fuss for—’
‘I told you it’s not real,’ Bruno said with a sneer as he moved across the room to join them. ‘She won’t do it because as soon as she gets a chance she’s going to be off with her lover.’
‘Bruno, I have already warned you about speaking to your aunt—’
Bruno’s defiant glare cut off his uncle’s reprimand. ‘Why don’t you check her mobile phone?’ he suggested. ‘Scroll through the dialled or received calls and I can almost guarantee you’ll find she’s still in contact with him.’
Keira felt as if every drop of blood was draining out of her limbs to pool in her cheeks. Her tongue stuck like a sweaty sock to the roof of her mouth, and her stomach rolled in panic as her worried gaze went to her purse where her mobile phone lay concealed in silence, with all the evidence to convict her at the touch of a button.
‘You are wrong,’ Patrizio said as he drew Keira even closer. ‘I do not need to go to such devious lengths to check up on her. We have re-established trust and will now move forward, with the past in the past where it belongs.’
‘Once a tart, always a tart,’ Bruno said under his breath but loud enough for them to hear it.
‘Dinner is ready!’ Robyn said with cheery brightness. ‘Come on, boys, sit yourselves down and tuck in.’
Patrizio held Keira back as the boys went to the table. ‘It’s not working,’ he said in a harsh whisper. ‘We are going to have to try harder.’
‘What do you suggest we do?’ she asked, looking up at him worriedly.
He glanced towards the boys, who were accepting plates laden with roast lamb and ve
getables. ‘I do not know but we will have to do something and do it soon,’ he said and led her towards the table.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
KEIRA took her place beside Patrizio and made an effort to do justice to the meal her mother had prepared but it was hard going. Her stomach was still churning at the thought of telling Patrizio of her pregnancy. She couldn’t imagine how he would receive the news, certainly not with delight, that much was sure.
Every now and again she felt his thigh brush hers beneath the table and her nerves would start fizzing with reaction at the thought of being in his arms again, but for how long was, as her mother had hinted at earlier that day, anybody’s guess.
The boys were seated opposite each other and, while Jamie was clearly doing his best to ignore the acid burn of Bruno’s glare from time to time, he wasn’t so lucky when it came to avoiding his father’s questions as to why his grades had slipped so appallingly.
Keira hated seeing her brother’s shoulders begin to slump as their father continued his red wine–fuelled tirade and eventually she could stand it no longer and confronted him when he paused to take a breath. ‘Don’t you think it’s a little hypocritical of you to be so critical of Bruno’s bullying of Jamie when you are doing it to him yourself?’
‘What did you say?’ Kingsley glared at her.
Keira put her chin up. ‘You heard me, Dad. Stop going on at Jamie. You’re always chipping away at him; no wonder he finds it hard to stand up for himself when other people have a go at him. You’ve been systematically destroying his self-esteem like you have done to me for as long as I can remember.’
Patrizio’s hand came to hers where it was gripping the edge of the table. ‘Cara.’
She turned her angry expression his way. ‘Keep out of it, Patrizio,’ she said, slipping her hand out from under his. ‘This is between my father and me.’
‘You’re talking rubbish as usual,’ Kingsley said. ‘The boy needs toughening up. A bit of bullying doesn’t go astray now and again. I’ve had plenty of it in my time and it didn’t hurt me.’
Innocent Wife, Baby of Shame Page 11
