Keira stared at him in dismay. ‘But I have to see him alone! He would never agree to talk about that night with someone else present. He is really embarrassed about it, as I am too. It would be unthinkable to have someone listen in to such intimate details.’ Particularly the intimate details of her pregnancy, she tacked on in mental anguish.
‘If I do not accompany you then you do not go.’
‘You can’t dictate like that to me, Patrizio,’ she said. ‘I won’t stand for it.’
The set to his mouth reeked of intransigence. ‘You are my wife, Keira. I will not have you in another man’s apartment without a chaperon present.’
She swung away from him in fury. ‘I can’t believe I’m hearing this,’ she said. ‘And I’m not your wife, remember? I am your soon-to-be ex-wife.’
His hand snaked out and turned her back to face him. ‘You are my wife, Keira, and I intend for you to stay that way until such time as I am tired of you being so.’
Keira stared at him in outrage. ‘What did you say?’
His eyes glinted with determination. ‘I have decided our marriage will continue until I want it to finish.’
‘You think you can force me to stay with you indefinitely?’ she asked incredulously.
His sardonic smile answered for him.
‘You’re out of your mind,’ she said, trying to pull away without success. ‘This is total madness.’
‘Perhaps it is, but it is very enjoyable madness, is it not?’ he asked as he brought her closer. ‘We might not be in love with each other but we are certainly still in lust with each other.’
‘What is your mistress going to say when she hears you’re staying with me for an indefinite period?’ she asked with a pointed glare.
‘She will have to accept it,’ he returned smoothly.
‘You don’t give a toss for her or any other woman’s feelings, do you? You think what you want is all that matters.’
‘I want you, Keira, and yes—at this point in time that is all that matters to me.’
‘You expect me to simply fit in with your plans like some sort of puppet?’ she asked.
‘I expect you to do what you think is in the best interests of the boys,’ he said. ‘They have five weeks left of school but then they have the difficult task of choosing which career path to follow. This seems to be more of an issue for your brother than my nephew. However, I believe if we stay together for as long as possible it will help them make the right choices.’
She looked at him through narrowed eyes. ‘Why do I get the feeling you are milking this situation for all it’s worth?’
He met her look with unwavering calm. ‘I am merely doing what I can to make sure everyone gets what they want.’
She pursed her mouth. ‘Yes, well, I can see you’ve made certain you’re at the top of that list,’ she said. ‘You get exactly what you want—a chance to pay me back for being unfaithful.’
‘Can you blame me for that?’ he asked with an embittered glare. ‘You threw our future away.’
‘I wouldn’t have done it if I had felt more secure in our relationship,’ she argued.
‘That is a preposterous thing to say,’ he threw back angrily. ‘I was working hard to build a solid base for our future. You should have realised that instead of acting like a spoilt child. I worshipped you, Keira. You were my whole life.’
Tears shone in her eyes. ‘You were my life too…I loved you so much…’ She took a gulping breath and added softly and brokenly, ‘I still love you…’
His hands fell away from her as if she had burned him, his expression becoming mask-like. ‘Then you have rather a strange way of showing it, agreeing to meet with your lover without my knowledge,’ he said.
She lifted her tortured gaze to his. ‘Do you feel anything for me, Patrizio? Anything at all, in spite of what I did?’
It was a moment or two before he answered and it was not the answer she had hoped for.
‘If you are holding out for a declaration of love then you are going to be disappointed,’ he said. ‘I no longer have such feelings towards any woman and most particularly not for you. Ever since I found you had been unfaithful, all my relationships have been affairs of the body, not the heart. Thank you for the valuable lesson; fool that I am, I should have learned it long ago from my mother’s example. She used my father in the way you did me. I stupidly thought it would never happen to me. I was wrong.’
Keira felt her spirits sink under the weight of her crushed hopes. ‘I realise how bitter you are and I would be the same if the situation was reversed,’ she said. ‘But can’t you find it in yourself to forgive me?’
His eyes hardened. ‘No, I cannot.’
She swallowed the lump of pain in her throat. ‘I guess there’s no point in going on with this, then…’
‘Is that why you gave yourself to me so willingly?’ he asked after a taut pause. ‘In an attempt to lure me back into your life on a more permanent basis?’
She looked at him in shock. ‘No, of course not! I didn’t want to see you any more than you wanted to see me and if it hadn’t been for the boys I wouldn’t have agreed to it.’
His dark gaze became suspicious. ‘Did you cook this up with them?’
‘What are you talking about?’
He gave a derisive laugh. ‘Do not play the innocent with me, Keira. I am surprised I didn’t guess it before now.’
‘Guess what?’
His expression was full of contempt. ‘You were not happy with how the divorce proceedings were going,’ he said. ‘So you decided to engineer a situation that would force us together long enough for me to recall how good we were together in an effort to soften me up when it came to pay out time.’
‘That’s not true! I didn’t do anything of the sort!’
‘I must admit I’m impressed with how you got Bruno onside,’ he went on. ‘He’s certainly playing the role of the arrogant bully rather well, is he not?’
‘I knew nothing about the boys’ feud until my mother called,’ she said. ‘Jamie mentioned nothing to me and I’d only been speaking to him a day or two before.’
‘Oh, come on, Keira,’ he derided her. ‘You expect me to believe that after tonight’s little performance?’
She looked at him in confusion. ‘What performance?’
‘Bruno knew too much,’ he said. ‘He knew you had been in recent contact with Merrick; why else would he have mentioned your phone and then brought it to you with a message from your lover?’
‘He must have guessed or something. He probably heard my phone beeping with a message in my purse and wanted to cause trouble.’
‘He used to be very close to you,’ Patrizio said. ‘He spoke so highly of you until your affair. Up until then, he thought you were the best thing that had happened to me.’
Keira bent her head in shame. ‘I know…’
‘So you deny orchestrating the feud between the boys?’ he said after he’d let another tense silence pass.
She brought her eyes back to his. ‘Yes, of course I’m denying it. I was as surprised as you to find out they weren’t getting on any more.’
He held her look for interminable seconds.
‘I didn’t do it, Patrizio,’ she said. ‘Why would I ask Bruno to insult me the way he has done? What good would that do if I had hopes of us getting back together permanently?’
‘You think they have cooked it up themselves?’ he asked with a frown.
She lowered her gaze again and chewed at her lip for a moment. ‘I’m not sure…it’s possible, I suppose…I know Jamie’s been concerned about me lately.’
‘Concerned? Why?’
She brought her eyes back to his briefly, before lowering them again. ‘I’ve found it a bit hard to get on top of things lately. Finishing my thesis was hard and I was so ill after I got the flu I stayed in bed for ten days. I think Jamie thought it was depression more than anything.’
‘And was it?’ The tone of his voice had softened slightly.
Keira looked into his coal-black eyes and longed to tell him of how for weeks she had wanted to call him and beg him to take her back. She had even gone as far as dialling his number right up until the very last digit before her courage had failed her.
‘Keira?’ he prompted.
‘A little bit, I guess,’ she confessed, looking away again. ‘A lot, actually…’
He let out a heavy sigh and raked a hand through his hair. ‘I wish I had handled things differently.’
Her eyes flew back to his. ‘What do you mean?’
‘I don’t think I knew you well enough back then,’ he said. ‘I rushed into marriage with you without stopping to think of how things would be for you with me away such a lot. I didn’t realise how insecure it would make you feel. I think, in retrospect, we should have spent more time getting to know one another, like we are doing now.’
‘Now?’ she asked, blinking at him in surprise. ‘You think we’re getting to know each other now, the way things are?’
‘Yes,’ he answered. ‘I have learned a lot about you lately.’
She swallowed again. ‘L-like what?’
He held her gaze for a pulsing moment. ‘You are not as wilful and rebellious as you make out. It is all a front to hide the very vulnerable, frightened person you really are inside. You kick out before someone else gets the chance to hurt you first.’
Keira captured her bottom lip and stayed silent.
‘We have three weeks until the boys’ exams,’ he said. ‘You also have your studies to complete, which I can see now has been rather difficult under the circumstances, so that is why I am proposing that we spend these next three weeks doing what we should have done when we first met. Learning to live together.’
She moistened her mouth with a nervous flicker of her tongue. ‘How do you propose we do that?’ she asked.
‘Come here and I will show you,’ he said, his dark eyes pulling her like a magnet.
Keira stepped towards him, her heart jumping as she felt his arms go around her, pulling her into his hard, solid warmth. She drew in an unsteady breath as his mouth came down on hers, the first touch of his lips sending her into a maelstrom of feeling.
He sought for entry and she gave it, her tongue flicking tentatively against his, heat exploding inside her at that first intimate contact. His hands went from her waist to cup her bottom, holding her tight against him, the hard ridge of his erection reminding her of the passion that still flared so heatedly between them. He no longer loved her but he desired her, which was the only compensation she could claim. It wasn’t enough but it was better than nothing, which up until a few weeks ago was all she’d had. Almost two months of stark loneliness, the long arduous days without any contact with him apart from their lawyers. The long drawn-out divorce proceedings had been an attempt on her part to prolong the inevitable. She had wanted him to come storming round to confront her about her outrageous demands. She had longed to see him face to face, to tell him how sorry she was for what had happened, but he had never given her an opportunity.
Until now…
Patrizio lifted his mouth from hers. ‘I think we should finish this in bed,’ he said. ‘Or do you have another preference?’
I would prefer it if you would love me, Keira thought as she shook her head. ‘No, just being with you anywhere is enough.’
He looked down at her for endless moments, his dark eyes probing hers. ‘You really do still love me, cara?’
She gave him a smile touched with sadness. ‘Yes, I really do.’
‘Then you will cancel your appointment with Merrick,’ he said and, reaching for her purse, handed her the mobile phone. ‘Text him now. Tell him you are not going to see him. Ever.’
Keira hesitated.
‘Do it, Keira,’ he commanded. ‘If the press hears of you seeing your lover again it will blow our charade out of the water. Do it.’
She typed in the message and sent it, her expression still mutinous. ‘Satisfied now?’ she asked.
‘Not completely,’ he said as he scooped her up in his arms. ‘But then the night is still young.’
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
PATRIZIO looked up from the morning paper when Keira came into the kitchen three weeks later. ‘Are you not feeling well, cara?’ he asked. ‘You look pale and washed out.’
She gave him a quick on-off smile. ‘I’m never very good in the morning, you know that.’
He rose from the stool and, cupping her face in his hands, pressed a kiss to her forehead. ‘Look after yourself,’ he said. ‘You only have this week to get through before it will all be over.’
Keira felt her stomach clench in panic. ‘W-what will be over?’ she asked.
He smiled ironically. ‘Have you forgotten about your final exhibition?’
‘Oh…that…’
He tipped up her chin and searched her gaze. ‘What is wrong? For the last few days you have seemed preoccupied. Have I done something to upset you?’
‘No more than usual.’ Actually that was unfair, Keira thought. The last three weeks he had been lovely towards her. She had almost fooled herself that he was falling in love with her again but if he was he hadn’t said so. She had desperately wanted some clue to what he was feeling so she could tell him about her pregnancy but she was reluctant to destroy the fragile truce that had developed between them.
One of his brows slanted upwards. ‘What is that supposed to mean?’ he asked.
She pressed her lips together, frightened she was going to cry. ‘I just want you to love me,’ she said. ‘Is that so much to ask?’
He stepped away from her, his expression closing over. ‘Yes, it is.’
‘Doesn’t anything we’ve shared over the last three weeks mean anything to you?’ she asked in desperation. ‘We’ve been so happy together, you know we have.’
‘Stop it, Keira,’ he said. ‘You know how this is going to work this time around.’
‘But I don’t want a divorce. How can you be so cruel?’ She began to cry. ‘Can’t you see what this is doing to me?’
‘You are emotional and highly stressed because of the exhibition,’ he said. ‘You will get over it.’
‘Damn it! I’m emotional because I’m pregnant.’
Keira hadn’t intended to tell him quite so bluntly. She saw the shock flash like lightning over his face and she bent her head, unable to hold his searing gaze.
‘How many weeks are you?’ he asked.
‘I don’t know for sure, but I haven’t had a proper period for…for at least three months…’
The silence was so thick she could taste it when she ran her tongue across her dry lips.
‘Is it mine?’ The three words were like arrows through her heart.
She swallowed convulsively and dragged her eyes back to his. ‘I’m…I’m not sure…but I think it’s yours…’ Please God, let it be his, she prayed.
She watched as his expression underwent various fleeting changes: disbelief, cynicism and then a flicker of uncertainty, which he immediately masked.
‘Is there any way of finding out for sure?’ he asked.
She compressed her lips, trying to stop the tears that were burning at the back of her throat. ‘Yes…I read up about it. An amniocentesis test is where they take a sample of amniotic fluid to establish paternity; it’s also used to screen for problems with the baby, but there’s a slight risk of miscarriage.’
He shoved a hand through his hair as he paced the room agitatedly. ‘I will not have that on my head,’ he bit out. ‘If you had a miscarriage as a result of me insisting we find out who the father is, I will never forgive myself.’
He stopped pacing and swung back to look at her. ‘What are you going to do?’
She looked at him worriedly. ‘What do you mean, what am I going to do?’
‘Are you going to have it or get rid of it?’ he asked.
She swallowed deeply. ‘You’re…you’re not suggesting I…I…terminate?’
‘That is u
ltimately your decision, of course.’
‘I don’t want to do that…’ she said. ‘Please don’t ask me to.’
‘I am not going to ask you to do anything of the sort.’
‘But you don’t want this baby, do you?’ she asked. ‘Even if it turned out to be yours, you wouldn’t want it, would you?’
‘How long have you known you were pregnant?’ he asked.
She bit her lip. ‘I suspected it the week we started living together again, but I only did the test three weeks ago.’
He looked at her for a long time before responding. ‘You have planned this rather well, haven’t you, Keira? A brief reconciliation and then a declaration of undying love and the somewhat belated announcement of your pregnancy to force my hand to keep you in my life permanently.’
‘I didn’t plan any of this.’
‘I must say I find that very hard to believe,’ he said. ‘Why didn’t you tell me you were pregnant as soon as you found out? You’ve had plenty of opportunities to do so.’
‘I was worried about how you would react.’
‘Burying your head in the sand is not the way to handle a situation like this, Keira. You must have known you were pregnant long before we began our reconciliation.’
‘I put it down to being ill with the flu,’ she said. ‘I sort of lost track of where I was in my cycle. That must be how I fell pregnant in the first place. I know we used condoms when I forgot to take my pills regularly but everyone knows they’re not foolproof. We skated on thin ice plenty of times, if you remember.’
Patrizio did remember. How could he forget how she had felt in the shower, her body all lathered with soap, his body probing her from behind, so tempted to fill her with his pumping release but pulling back just in time? God, his belly was crawling with desire, here and now, just thinking about it. She had turned around in the shower stall and taken matters into her own hands and mouth.
His eyes went to her mouth, his groin thickening as he imagined her soft pouting lips surrounding him, her violet-blue gaze sultry as she…
He gave himself a mental shake. She had probably done the very same with Garth Merrick, taking him any way she could to feed her insatiable desire for pleasure. He could see it in her eyes now, that hungry look that smouldered there almost constantly.
Innocent Wife, Baby of Shame Page 13
