by Mia Kayla
"Pregnant?" Karen drew closer to the table. She blinked and clasped her hands together. "Yes!" She shouted as though her favorite team had just made a touchdown. "Oh my goodness!" The cry of joy broke from her lips, and she fixed her gaze at the ceiling, raising her clasped hands. "Thank you, Jesus."
The next few seconds happened speedy fast. She stood, rushed around the table, and threw her arms around me. Her small frame clutched me tight with an embrace filled with such emotion that I stifled a cry in my throat.
Dad's smile widened and placed his hand on Kent's shoulder to congratulate him.
Mom framed my face. Her scent of cinnamon and warmth exuded from her every pore. "I'm so happy for you. For both of you and for us." She kissed my forehead before her hands flew to my stomach. "Hey, baby." When her eyes lined with unshed happy tears, I swallowed hard, willing myself not to fall apart.
She released me and glanced at her husband. "Jack...we're going to have a baby." Her face heightened in animation as though she had just met Santa Claus and he'd given her the best present in the world.
Dad reached for her hand and smiled as a look of adoration filled his face. "Sit down, honey. Give Beth some room to breathe."
She laughed and shook her head. "Of course." After she sat down, she lifted her napkin to the corner of her eyes. "Gosh, it's been almost two years and with our struggles with having babies, I thought maybe...because some fertility issues are hereditary, but I thought you and Kent may have been having problems, too."
His eyebrows pulled together, his face serious. "Mother, we weren't even trying to have children. I doubt you would call that struggling."
And there it was——Kent's honesty. Or should I say, rude honesty.
His mom’s mouth slipped slightly ajar, the smile no longer present on her beautiful features. I couldn't even bear to look at my husband.
My eyes locked eyes with Dad's. His jaw tensed as he probably realized that was the reason we had been fighting earlier today.
Dad's nostrils flared as he flipped toward his son. "Kent, don't be a jerk. You know how many people want to have a kid but can't?"
My gaze flickered toward his direction.
"What did I say?” He cocked his head then scratched at his temple. “I didn't mean to sound insensitive."
Total fail there, insensitive husband of mine.
Dad slammed his fist on the table. "Well, you were acting like your typical spoiled self."
Kent turned toward his mother, trying to redeem himself. "Mother, you said that you struggled for years. I'm just saying we didn't have a problem. If anything, it was a surprise."
I let out a long, jagged breath. Would this child know she wasn't wanted just as I had known growing up? Irritation rose within me, and I dropped my napkin on the table. My stomach was churning again. Who knew if it was from the hormones or the aggravation toward my husband. "Yep, a surprise. Or more an inconvenience, isn't it, Kent?"
My normal filter was long gone as another wave of nausea hit when the waiter passed with someone else's meal. Mom's face blanched, while Dad’s eyes stayed glued intently on Kent. I'd had enough.
"Sorry." I stood and stormed toward the bathroom, not looking behind me.
My heels clip-clopped against the marble floor as I pushed open the door and shuffled into the handicapped stall, hovering over the toilet, waiting for the next wave of nausea to hit me, but nothing came. Only an extreme wave of anguish hit, wreaking havoc on my emotional state. I backed up against the stall wall, staring intently at the white tile below me, wondering where I could go from here.
I didn't know how long I stared blankly at the floor when I heard Mom's voice break me from my trance. "Beth, honey? Are you in here?"
”Yes." I straightened and exited the stall. "Sorry. I... was getting queasy out there, but I’m feeling much better now." I forced a smile and headed to the sink to wash my hands.
Her eyebrows pulled together as she studied me through the mirror. When I was done and I had dried off, she took my hands in hers. "You don't have to pretend or feel like you need to handle this all yourself. I'm a mother, dear. I’ve been in your shoes."
Peering into her loved-filled eyes broke me, and the first of my tears fell down my face. "It's just so hard. I'm tired all the time and everything I eat comes right back out."
Her arms flew around me, holding me to her breast. "Oh, honey." Mom held me closer as the day's pent-up anxiety rushed out of me.
"I'm afraid the baby is not getting what it needs." I swiped at my falling tears. "And I don't know what I can do to help it."
Her hand rubbed up and down my back as I cried against her. I didn't realize how much I had needed this, how much I had needed to talk to someone who understood. This was all I had wanted from Kent, for him to hold me and tell me everything was going to be okay. Instead, I was getting that from his mother. I basked in the comfort of her arms and wept loudly, letting everything out.
"Beth, I was throwing up throughout my whole pregnancy. I had Hyperemesis Gravidarum and had to be on an IV for liquids most of the time so I wouldn't get dehydrated. After all that trying to conceive, and then being sick throughout the pregnancy, I'd thought the world didn't want us to have children. That husband of yours had given me problems before he was a tiny embryo in my uterus."
I snuggled closer, feeling a weightlessness in her arms. I didn't realize how good it felt to be able to relate to someone. I didn't know I had all these pent up emotions. "Mom..." I sniffed. "He doesn't want the baby." Fresh tears burst from my eyes as I laid more of my problems out on the table.
She laughed. "Did he outright say that?"
I shook my head, no. But I didn't have to be a genius to read between the lines.
She kissed the top of my head. "But guess what? At one point, he didn't think marriage was for him, either. These Plack men, Kent in particular, don’t know what they want until it's right in front of them. It takes them a long time to realize what's good for them. Look at Jack. I've been telling him to retire already. Kent is ready and has everything under control. But do you think he’ll listen to me? Nope." Her hold tightened and with one hand she stroked my hair with affection. "Give him some time, Beth. Kent is a selfish man. You know this. What he doesn't want to do is share you. But..." She pulled back and cupped my face. The same warm chestnut eyes that Kent had stared back down at me. "You wait. Once he handles the fact that you are having his baby, his child, his love will multiply twofold. This is good for him because, if there's one thing having a child teaches you, it's to be unselfish." She framed my shoulders. "And watching your husband turn into a father is one of the most beautiful things you'll ever experience."
I sniffled. "But what if he never comes around?"
She shook her head as a small smile touched her lips. "It’s not ‘if’, honey. It’s ‘when’. It's just a matter of time. And yes, I gave him a good scolding out there. Just give him a little time for this to sink in. I swear he's just shell-shocked. Once he gets his mind locked onto something, it takes him awhile to switch directions." She huffed under her breath. "These men and their stubborn ways."
After a beat, she released me. "You ready? We'll get you some crackers and regular broth soup. None of this fancy seafood and meat stuff."
I nodded and smiled up at my mother-in-law. Her eyes held such wisdom, and my heart wanted to believe her words and that everything would work out in the end.
I had to believe it. It was all I had.
Kent:
"What the hell is wrong with you?" My father's voice boomed throughout the restaurant. Usually calm-natured, the beast was out and his whole focus was directed on me. He didn't care that he had everyone's attention. When did he care? I guess in that aspect, we were more the same than not.
"Father, calm down."
His nostrils flared. Wrong move on my part.
"You told her that, didn't you? You said you didn't want your own flesh and blood."
My posture turned rigid."Is that
what you think of me? I would never..."
"So how did she get that idea? Did she make it up herself?" His tone raised with each word, causing a murmur throughout the room.
I ran one hand down my face and let out a shaky breath. "Fine..." One word was all it took to ignite my father's anger.
‘Fine’ was my admission that I was wrong. But instead of cutting me some slack, he pushed the dagger further into my chest.
"Do you know what she's going through? How much her body is changing? You understand she's growing another human life in her. Not any human life, but your blood." The pounding of his fist on the table caused our wine glasses to shake. "You think it's an easy thing? Do you?"
I shut my mouth. My father was never the type to hear me out. No, I never thought being pregnant was an easy thing. Yes, I was an insensitive jackass that had no filter and acted on impulse.
Did I believe that the excuse that I wasn't doing it on purpose was sufficient? Hell no. I knew that wasn't good enough. I was a grown ass adult. But every time I thought of the child growing inside of my wife, it only reminded me of what I lacked, which was everything that was needed to raise a child——patience, maturity, and the list went on. I wanted to talk to her about the baby without her being angry at me all the time, but everything that came out of my mouth recently seemed to infuriate her.
"Are you going to say anything?"
I opened my mouth to speak, but he went on with his lecture. "Has she even seen a doctor?"
I shifted in my seat. "Shit." Who knows if she'd seen a doctor. She hadn't answered my question when I asked her earlier.
My father slammed both palms on the table. "Shit? So you don't know? You haven't made an appointment? Or maybe she's been without you?"
I gritted my teeth, feeling like a teenager that stayed out way past curfew. Anything I said at this point wouldn't have mattered.
He went on and on, his mouth like a machine gun, firing bullets straight at me. When I was a teenager, I was able to tune him out and block out the noise, but not today. Maybe it was because everything he said was the absolute truth.
My mother appeared from the corner of my eye, and I stood to pull out Beth's chair. Her eyes flickered from my father to me, and she didn't have to be Sherlock Holmes to know what had just gone down. She knew how my father was.
When dinner finished, we said our awkward goodbyes to my parents. Mom held Beth a little longer than expected. My mother was everything wholesome and right in the world, and soon after their embrace, Beth wiped the corner of her eye.
"I'll call you," she whispered before giving Beth's hand one more reassuring squeeze.
I couldn’t deny I felt a little jealous. I should’ve been the one consoling her. That was my job.
I don't know what kept me from doing so. Pride? Or maybe the risk of rejection since she was constantly angry?
Mom gave me a knowing stare and threw her arms around me next. "You're the boy I raised you to be. No matter what you think about yourself. You're just a little older now. That's all." She gave me one tight squeeze before letting me go.
Father gave me a tip of his chin. I guess from him, that was acknowledgment enough.
I retrieved Beth's jacket from the front and slipped her arms into it, breathing in her scent of apples. I missed her. I missed us.
We walked through the revolving doors, and I left briefly to retrieve our car from the valet. When I glanced toward Beth, her eyes were closed as she lifted her head to the sky, maybe she was sending a silent prayer to Nana, the grandmother who had raised her and left the earth too soon.
I wanted to take a picture of this moment, because it spoke volumes. The way her eyebrows scrunched together, the way her lips pulled downward in an almost frown, the way she looked like a standing contradiction, peaceful yet I knew she was tormented inside.
"Beth," I called out, my fingers extending.
Her shoulders tensed, and seeing her reaction to just the sound of my voice was like a drop-kick to the shins. It stung. The Bentley pulled up against the curve, and I opened the door, taking the brief scent of her once more before she stepped into the car.
An awkward silence filled the air, only intensifying the soreness in my lungs, the tightness in my chest, and the unease inside of me.
I needed the silence broken. "You feeling okay?"
Wasn't that the question of the day?
"Yes, thank you." The forced politeness in her tone was as if she was answering a stranger’s question.
I tore my eyes from her and focused on the traffic in front of me. The pleasantries were unlike us. This wasn't our relationship. It was like we were both walking on eggshells, not wanting to say something to get into another fight. I didn't know what was worse, fighting and yelling to get things off of our chest, or not fighting at all and pretending to be people we weren't.
When we pulled into our garage, I rushed to open her door. When she stepped out, I followed her in silence to the elevator. Tension built around us. You could almost taste it.
I stared at her profile, wanting to hold her.
My hand dug into my pocket for my keys, and I inserted our key into the lock and turned. I trailed behind Beth in silence, lingering behind her like the stalker I truly was.
"Let me hang up your jacket."
She slipped out of her jacket and handed it to me. I wanted this over. I wanted the tension to be done, gone, and never to return again.
"I wish you hadn't told your parents the way you did." She couldn’t bare to look at me as she spoke and all I wanted to see were her eyes, the eyes I was so familiar with.
And just when I thought it couldn't get any worse. I gulped. "I'm sorry." Sorry seemed to be my favorite word lately. I didn't know if there were rules to these things.
"I wish you had asked me first.” She peered up at me, the hurt evident on her face. “I wanted us to surprise them in a special way."
I let out an audible breath as my shoulders sagged, defeated. The word was at the tip of my tongue but didn't need to be said for the millionth time. Time lapsed as we stared at each other in silence.
When I didn't move or say anything further, she broke eye contact and turned toward our bedroom. "I'm going to get ready for bed." Her voice stayed evenly calm, but that didn't curb the mess happening inside of me.
Beth:
Kent had been soundly sleeping when I left him. I had taken the morning off of work to meet Caroline before I had to run off to see my OBGYN. After giving it much thought, I wanted to go by myself to the baby's first doctor's appointment. With Kent's negativity, I didn't want his pessimistic mood to taint my first meeting with Little Em.
I pulled my jacket closer around my neck. One minute I was hot, the next I was cold.
The baby stirred in his stroller as we sat in a corner booth at Clavish Cafe. I smiled, taking his cuteness in. Chase fussed a little before Caroline placed a pacifier in his mouth to calm him.
"He likes that thing, huh?"
She laughed. "Oh the binky? Yeah, I have emergency ones in my purse right now. Can't leave home without his silencer."
As I stared at the baby with the clearest blue eyes, I wondered what brand the pacifier was. How did Caroline know that Chase liked that particular kind? My hands wrung together, and I realized there were so many things that I needed to learn about being a mother, even something as simple as what kind of pacifier the baby preferred.
I smiled at her in awe. Caroline had it all together, and I only hoped I could be as organized when my little munchkin popped out. "How do you do it all? You know, with working and taking care of the baby, and let’s not mention the husband who you say doesn't like to clean or cook."
Her eyes lit up, and she intently glanced down at Chase who was busy with his binky. "Gosh, I don't know. Sometimes there are days where I feel like crying. Like I'm so overwhelmed by the amount of work I need to accomplish, but that's when Jeff tells me...he reminds me to take a step back. He'll say 'breathe, baby'." The paci
fell from Chase's mouth and Caroline bent down to pop it back in. She peered up at me. "I've never had a more important job than this, raising this child. You're going to realize the same thing when you start a family. That nothing else matters except this living being that you're in charge of, and at the end of the day, nothing’s perfect, but you do the best that you can."
One hand flew to my belly, and I bit the inside of my cheek. Deep emotion coursed through me, the kind that would have tears falling any second. Though I hadn't met Little Em yet, I knew the baby was a part of me, and I loved him or her, though it was only a little embryo in my belly.
"Are you and Kent going to start soon so my Chase can have a little playmate?" Her eyes danced with excitement.
I averted my gaze. Damn hormones.
"What's wrong?" Her hand landed on top of mine.
"I'm pregnant." As fast as the words flew out of my mouth, tiny tears shot out of my eyes.
"Really?" Her eyes widened as shock, surprise, and pure joy crossed her features. "Oh my! Yes! Congrats!" She shot up off her chair and bombarded me with a full-on hug.
Spectators at the restaurant glanced toward her because of her over-the-top reaction. I was excited but nervous. I had no idea how to raise this child, and the possibility of raising it alone scared the crap out of me.
She pulled back and studied my face. "Beth, what's wrong? This is happy news."
More tears, harder this time. "It's just a surprise. For me and more for...Kent."
Her face turned sympathetic as she reached for my hand and sat down. She handed me her cloth napkin, and I blew my nose, trying to stop the tears. My hormones were all out of whack, and I was an emotional, blubbering mess lately.
"Oh, Beth. It's okay. Remember, I was just there. This is a good surprise. The best kind that comes in the cutest package." Her eyes sparkled and her lips broke out into an encouraging smile.
"God, when I told him..." Short, broken huffs left my mouth. "He was shocked, but I never expected him to react the way that he did." I shook my head. "And now it's all shit at home. Utter shit. We're walking on eggshells all the time.”
