by Tasha Black
Everyone trailed out and he followed.
But he heard a noise in the kitchen on his way to the stairs.
Trinity.
He went in and sure enough, there she was, slipping an ice cream sandwich out of the freezer.
“Hello,” he said softly, so as not to startle her.
She gave him a guilty smile.
“You’re hungry?” he asked.
“I knew I wouldn’t be able to sleep,” she said. “Did they call the police yet?”
“No, but Anka didn’t find anything, so they’re going to let her try again in the morning and then call.”
She frowned and he loved that her thoughts were so aligned with his.
“Are there two of those?” he asked, indicating the ice cream treat.
“What?” she asked. “Oh. No, this is the last one. Take it.”
“No, no,” he said. “I’m not really hungry, I just wanted to keep you company.”
“Seriously, please take it,” she said. “I need to talk to you anyway, and I don’t want my mouth full of ice cream.”
She sounded somber and her eyes were wide. He felt something catch in his throat and he couldn’t answer.
He accepted the wax wrapped packet she pressed into his palm, but didn’t open it.
“Hawkeye, you’re… Well, you’re an amazing person,” she said. “The woman who has you for a mate is going to be one lucky girl. But that woman is not going to be me.”
She paused, as if waiting for him to say something.
He bit his tongue to avoid asking a question, or begging her to change her mind.
“There’s so much I want to do with my life, and I can’t do it with you,” she said.
Though he could tell that she thought it was an explanation, he was more confused than ever.
“I care about you a lot,” she went on. “And I want you to be happy - really happy - even if that means I have to know you’re with someone else.”
Her voice broke on the last two words and he was horrified to realize that he had never loved her more than at this moment.
She took a deep breath.
“After I finish this file digitizing project for the academy I’m going to go away,” she said. “That will make it easier for you.”
Then she turned and slipped out of the room.
The ice cream was melting in his hand, leaving a sticky trail down his arm.
He sent it a cooling thought and it froze solid again.
He only wished he had a power sufficient to fix his melting heart.
19
Trinity
Trinity awoke early the next morning, before her alarm. She was greeted with a feeling of chest-aching sadness and for a moment she didn’t remember why.
But as soon as her feet hit the floor it all came back. She had told Hawkeye she was leaving when the job was done, that they would never be together…
When the project was over she would never see him again.
The hollow feeling threatened to overwhelm her.
The best thing to do is work.
She threw on her clothes quickly, went downstairs, grabbed one of Veronica’s protein bars out of the cupboard, and headed over to the chapel. The last thing she wanted was to run into anyone.
Last night’s storm had left its mark on the morning. The birds were singing in the rhododendrons, and even the normally dusty grass in the K-9 pen was emerald green.
Trinity strode past it all quickly, not wanting to dwell on the beauty of her life in this place.
It was odd to enter the old chapel alone, but with any luck Hawkeye wouldn’t be here for another hour at least. Or maybe he wouldn’t come at all.
In any case she would get as much work done as she could.
The project was nearly completed, that much was genuinely good. Wherever she went from here, she certainly hoped she would never scan this much again.
Thank goodness for Hawkeye’s hard work, or she would have twice as much left ahead of her.
She pictured him smiling down at her, the light from the windows making his eyes twinkle.
A wave of loss drowned her heart.
How can you love him? You barely know him.
But the little voice in her head had nothing on her heart.
She threw herself into scanning, trying to numb herself with the rhythm of the work.
She had finally begun to feel a measure of peace when the door opened and Hawkeye stepped into the room.
His big body was silhouetted against the bright windows, so that she couldn’t see his expression, only the set of his wide shoulders.
“Good morning, Trinity. You got here early,” he observed.
His voice was warm and kind, and she felt utterly ashamed for what she was about to do.
“I want to finish up,” she said coldly.
“I’ll help,” he said, taking his place at his own oak desk.
She kept her lips buttoned, knowing that if she allowed herself to be friendly, things would fall back into place between them.
And that was dangerous. Because she wasn’t sure she could push him away again.
Just finish the project and move on, Trinity.
As the sun rose outside the windows, she imagined Veronica and Lobo going out to the kennels together to feed the K-9s. She imagined Brooke and Conan heading downstairs to teach a quick martial arts class before combat training at the academy began for the day.
And she tried to imagine what Hawkeye might be doing in the mornings when she was gone. Would he be alone? Or was there another woman whose routine he would come to share?
He was an incredible person. He wouldn’t be alone for long.
The thought was both comforting and shatteringly painful.
“I respect your decision,” he said, his deep voice breaking the silence and her train of thought.
“What?” she asked.
“I want you to know that I respect your decision,” he repeated. “I don’t like it. And if anyone else tried to take you away from me I’d fight them like an animal. But if it’s what you want, I respect your decision.”
“I-I…”
But Trinity was saved from having to respond by the sound of the door opening again.
Rex‘s curly head peeked around the corner.
“Hey, Trinity,” he said. “Hey, Hawkeye.”
“What’s up, Rex?” Trinity asked quickly, hoping the admin didn’t sense the tension in the air from the conversation he’d just interrupted.
“Oh, I wanted to let you know that they’re going to be fumigating the chapel tomorrow,” he said. “You’ll have to stay out for twenty-four hours.”
“What? Why?” Trinity asked. “We’re almost done with this project. Can’t you put it off a week?”
“Sorry, Trinity,” Rex replied. “Cleaning staff saw roaches in here the other night. Captain Henderson hates bugs.”
“Roaches, really?” Trinity asked, horrified. She’d never seen any bugs in the chapel.
Rex shrugged. “Just stay out for twenty-four hours starting tomorrow.”
“Okay,” Trinity sighed. “Thanks for letting us know.”
“You must be getting close to finishing, huh?” Rex asked sympathetically, eyeing up the boxes around them.
“Yeah,” Trinity said. “We’ve really only got about the last eight years of records left to go.”
“Very cool,” Rex said, nodding. “Well, good luck with it.”
“Thanks,” she said.
He waved and headed out the way he had come in.
Trinity took a deep breath and prepared herself to face a few more hours alone with Hawkeye.
20
Trinity
Trinity spent the next day in a haze.
She and Hawkeye had worked late into the night trying to get as much accomplished as they could before the fumigation, so she’d wound up sleeping late.
When she woke up, she found that he had slipped a note under her door.
Tr
inity,
These past few weeks you have taught me more about being human than any movie I could ever watch. I’ve learned to laugh and to understand love and friendship. I’ve also learned about generosity and selfishness.
I can see that you are hurting, and it is hard for you to work with me right now. I don’t ever want to make you hurt, Trinity.
But selfishly, though I respect your decision, I want you to think it over for just a little while.
If you will leave a list of file names for the remaining documents I will finish the digitizing project so that you can get away and take some time for yourself.
And when I’m done with the project, you can come back. This place is your home and it’s not right for you to be run out.
If the time away changes your mind, I will be here waiting for you.
And if you still don’t want to be with me, then I will go back to Stargazer.
Yours,
Hawkeye
She read it twice more and would have read it a third time if tears hadn’t blurred her eyes.
Then, before she could overthink things, she began to pack.
She might have a life here, but she couldn’t let him go back to that lab. There was no way she would sentence him to a life un-lived, and that was what he would have if he returned.
The day seemed to move in slow motion. She hadn’t realized how much stuff she had, how many memories had happened in her time at the academy. She’d moved in with nothing but a suitcase and a backpack and a hope that it wouldn’t be boring.
Trinity peeled a strip of photo-booth pictures off the wall and gazed at herself with her two best friends, cheeks pressed together, eyes crossed and grinning. There had been so many good times.
She slipped down to the old admin building to grab some boxes, and was relieved not to run into anyone.
At noon, she grabbed an ice cream sandwich and ate it on the fire escape. The metal rails felt like a skeleton around her. She had never noticed how austere their favorite hangout actually was. It always felt warm and inviting out here when she had a friend or two by her side.
Or Hawkeye. It was beautiful out here that night with Hawkeye.
She scrambled back inside when her thoughts turned back to him and dashed up to her room to continue her task.
When everything was packed, she cleaned until the suite was sparkling.
She had a few boxes and of course her old suitcase and backpack to load into the car, but that could wait until later. She couldn’t bear to bump into anyone and have to explain and say good-bye.
She waited on her bed and watched the sky turn pink, then deep blue, and finally fade into darkness.
Then she sat at her desk and grabbed the pen and paper that were the only two items she hadn’t packed.
Dear Hawkeye,
Thank you for your letter. You have a generous heart (and that has nothing to do with anything I’ve ever taught you). I will never, ever forget you.
Thank you for finishing the project. I’ll have file names ready for you to start tomorrow.
But I can’t let you go back to Stargazer.
I’m leaving in the morning, and I am not coming back. Take good care of my friends, and take good care of yourself.
Love,
Trinity
She folded it once and stood.
Now there was nothing to do but pace the room until she felt like she might be ready to get a little sleep. In the morning, she could go to the chapel and enter in file names for Hawkeye. Hopefully she’d go early enough that he wouldn’t be there and she could get out without seeing him again.
But pacing the floor wasn’t enough, not when her throat was sore with all the tears she hadn’t cried.
Without giving herself time to chicken out, she slipped out of her room and slid her note under Hawkeye’s door.
Then she headed down the stairs and out the back door.
A real walk would do the trick.
It had been drizzling on and off all day, and the humid air felt good in her burning lungs.
She went behind the kennels, just in case Veronica or Lobo decided to visit with the K-9s.
The new academy loomed in the darkness ahead.
When she turned the corner to see the chapel the moonlight on the boxwood labyrinth nearly took her breath away.
She turned to the chapel, wishing she could go in and ready everything now.
A note was affixed to the door.
Fumigation completed. No occupancy until: 6pm tonight
She stared at the sign.
There was a technician’s number in the corner. On a whim, she tried it.
He picked up on the first ring.
“Safe Exterminating, Patrick here,” he said.
“Um, this is Trinity, from the police academy,” she said. “I’m at the old chapel, I think you fumigated today. Is it safe to go in?”
“Oh, yeah, sure,” he replied. “Didn’t I leave the sticker?”
“Yes, you did,” she assured him. “But the admin here seemed to think it needed twenty-four hours”
“Oh, no,” he said. “This was just a quick spray for potato bugs. You probably could have been there all day, honestly, but we like to be cautious.”
“Thanks,” Trinity said.
“Anytime.”
She slipped her phone back into her pocket and pulled out her key.
The chapel was totally dark, and there was a weird smell, but she figured that must have been the spray for the bugs.
She didn’t dare turn on a light for fear that someone would wonder why she was here so late in the evening. The last thing she wanted was to talk to anyone.
All she had to do was use the low light on her phone to examine the last couple stacks of boxes and then type up a couple hundred file names on the computer. It would take an hour, two tops.
And then she could pack up her stuff and drive away, hopefully without bumping into anyone.
As soon as she entered the room, the smell grew stronger. She was wondering if maybe the exterminator had been wrong about going back in, when she heard the sound of shuffling feet in the darkness.
“Hello,” she called out, holding her phone up for light.
Suddenly there was a large, masked man rushing toward her from the darkness. She stepped aside, but they still made contact as he rushed past. Her phone spun through the air and skittered across the marble floor, along with something else - something hollow and metallic - that must have come from the intruder.
“Run,” the man said in a muffled voice. “Run.”
She heard the sound of a door crashing open and a hiss as it clicked shut.
The door to the outside didn’t make that noise.
That was the interior door to the rest of the new academy.
On instinct, she followed him.
She reached the door but it was locked. Of course, that was a security feature. You needed a keycard to enter the doors leading to the dorm. And she didn’t have her lanyard on tonight.
Something acrid began to sting her lungs.
Smoke.
She spun around, hoping to make it back to the door and get outside.
But all she could see were flames, spreading far too fast.
The smell on the way in clicked into place.
Not bug spray.
Kerosene.
Like from the space heaters they sometimes used in the drafty rooms of the old buildings.
Sirens sounded in the distance as Trinity took it in.
How did anyone even know so fast? She hadn’t called for help.
The floor was starting to burn, catching the tapestries hanging from the walls.
Heat pressed in on her as the chapel filled with light from the flames that licked the beams of the ceiling. She was thankful for the height of the room. Most of the smoke was too high to really affect her.
But she was almost completely encircled by flames.
It was too late now to reach the exit door and get bac
k outside. And the one behind her was locked.
There was a crash as the door from outside was flung open hard.
“Trinity,” the familiar voice came from the doorway.
“Hawkeye, no,” she screamed. “Don’t come in here.”
But he was already coming straight for her, walking steadily as if there weren’t a chest-high wall of flames between them.
21
Hawkeye
Hawkeye reeled at the sight of his mate trapped in the growing inferno.
For a moment, he worried that his fear and anger might block off his gift.
Then he felt it, gathering under his skin, the silken whisper of it eager to thread its way out of him.
He exhaled and felt the moisture in the air crystallize in the path of his breath as the cold spread from him, shearing its way through the flames that imprisoned his love.
“H-Hawkeye?” she whimpered.
At the sound of her voice, he pushed harder and felt a blast of icy cold scream out of his pores.
The wall of flame hissed and was gone, replaced with a shiver of steam.
For a moment he watched her, a millisecond extending into an eternity as he waited to see if his gift had scared her.
He had always been a little jealous of his brothers, thinking his gift was good for nothing more than freezing ice cream or chilling tea. Now he saw it for what it was. It had saved his love. And even if she thought he was some kind of freak, he had never been more thankful for it.
Trinity took one step forward, then threw herself into his arms, sobbing against him.
He bent down and scooped her up easily.
She slipped her arms around his neck, burying her face in his chest as he carried her through the smoldering room to the door that led to the boxwood labyrinth.
He cradled her, luxuriating in the feel of her in his arms.
Soon she would begin to ask questions, and after that he was afraid he would never see her again.
He had read her note. He knew why she had come here.
“How did you find me?” she asked.
