I stood up. My need to escape this conversation was larger than my utter exhaustion. “My boyfriend just died, Jason. You didn’t die, you abandoned me. I took six months to date anyone else. This is death. It’s a little disturbing that you won’t leave me alone.”
He jumped to his feet. “My Wolf is clawing at my insides. It has wanted nothing but to go find you and demand answers. Then I find out that everything is askew and it’s my father’s fault. So, you’ll have to excuse me if I’m not acting all kind and understanding about the death of the guy who took my girl. I am a Wolf. I never promised to be a gentleman.”
There was the problem. Jason had always been the kindest, gentlest, guy I’d ever known and even though I wasn’t entirely certain all of it had been real, I was rapidly deciding he hadn’t been lying when he claimed he’d not known he abandoned me.
And if that was true, I couldn’t continue to be angry at him. Even through my utter grief and disgust with myself, I could see that.
If I wasn’t angry with Jason, then a lot of the feelings I’d hidden in the depths of my soul were going to resurface—whether I wanted them to or not. Besides, I didn’t believe in happy endings.
“I know you were young when it all came crashing down, but do you remember if people actually had happy endings in the time you lived in?”
He ran a hand through his hair as he looked at me. It was a gesture I’d seen him do a hundred times and it never ceased to make my heart rate speed up.
“You’re totally going to ignore what I just said, aren’t you?”
I smiled and it startled me so badly I took a step back. Covering my mouth, I felt awful. How could I do that? My eyes filled with tears and I couldn’t blink them away as they fell down my cheeks unchecked. Kissing Jason wasn’t as much of a betrayal to Chad as smiling just two days after he’d been killed. I shouldn’t be even thinking about smiling. Not ever again.
“Oh, Rachel.” Jason’s gaze fell to the forest floor. “I keep hurting you. It’s not my intention, Pixie-Girl.”
“He’s just a big idiot, that’s all.”
I jumped as Jason swore. There was no mistaking Autumn’s voice. They must have been downwind for Jason to miss their approach and even then it was a tribute to how distracted he must have been.
Jason snarled at his sisters. “What are you two doing here?”
I had only heard Autumn, but apparently now that Jason was aware they were here, he could tell Luna had arrived as well. It didn’t surprise me. They were twins: gorgeous, blonde bookends who went everywhere together.
They both stepped out of the shadows of the forest.
Luna smiled at me. Out of the two of them, she was easier going. “We left. Did you think we’d stay with Dad after what he did?”
Autumn nodded. “Yeah, we thought we’d come team up with you.”
Jason shook his head. “Go home to Dad. I can’t watch out for the two of you right now. I have my hands full here.”
I might have groaned aloud. “Jason, you don’t have your hands full. Go home. I’ll find my own way.”
“I’m not leaving you, so you can get that thought out of your head right now.”
His last few words were punctuated by loud growls. I’d never seen Jason this close to the edge before. Maybe I’m stupid, because instead of wanting to run away it made me want to scratch out his eyes.
I clenched my hands. “Tone it down, Kenwood.”
He snarled, his eyes turning into their Wolf form.
Autumn gasped. “Ah, Rachel….”
I interrupted her. I didn’t want warnings about being afraid of Jason in his current state. In his actual fully transformed Wolf-form during a full moon, Jason Kenwood hadn’t laid a paw on me. I didn’t believe he would now. This was a show of temper, nothing more, and I wasn’t in the mood to tolerate it.
“Keep it up, Jason, and the first machete I get my hands on, I will cut off your head without looking back.”
I wouldn’t. I knew it. He knew it. Still, I stood there like a statue with my feet spread like I really might take him down in a fight if I had to. I’m not sure how long we stood there like that, me staring down a wild animal that wasn’t sure if he wanted to pounce, but eventually he nodded his head and turned his back on me.
The movement sent the girls into motion. Luna grabbed one of my arms and Autumn the other. They propelled me forward like my own legs didn’t work.
“Are you looking to get killed? I’ve never seen my brother like this before.” Autumn’s voice was a combination of horror and awe.
I loved Autumn and Luna, but I couldn’t help rolling my eyes. “He’s acting out.”
Luna laughed. “He’s not a child.”
“Could have fooled me. My boyfriend just died. Chad isn’t two days in his grave.” I made sure to shout my last sentence. Jason, even a distance behind us could hear every word we said, but I wanted to make a loud point. “Jason was acting like he has proprietary rights over me. He doesn’t. Not anymore.”
Luna looked over her shoulder and then back at me. “Seriously? Are you trying to get him riled up again? He might snap.”
“And then what?” I stopped and pulled myself out their hold. “He’ll kill me? He claims to be my mate. Do mates hurt one another? Is that how it works? Come to think of it, do mates leave one another sitting in the snow and not show up?”
Autumn exhaled loudly. “That was….”
I interrupted her. “Your father, I know. Jason has to decide if he’s grown up or not. It’s not really my problem. It no longer has anything to do with me.”
Maybe if I said it enough, I would believe it.
Luna’s gaze met mine. “You’re so hard now, so much tougher.”
“Death will do that to you.”
I moved forward. I was so sick of walking.
Autumn ran up next to me. “Tell me why we’re all trudging along in our human form when we could be on four legs doing this faster.”
Jason’s shout came from behind us. “Because she won’t let me carry her.”
I sighed. “We don’t have the harness.”
Luna looked between Jason and me. “You could hold on.”
I shook my head. “I don’t want to.”
If that was an immature answer, I didn’t care. I didn’t want to hold onto Jason like that. It was too…personal.
“Do you want to ride on me?”
“No.” Jason jogged to catch up to us. “If she rides on anyone, it’s me.”
I shrugged like I didn’t care. “Then we keep walking.”
Jason nodded. “Fine.”
Luna shook her head. “I don’t know which one of you is being more stubborn but I wish you’d cut it out. We have a chance here. The four of us could go out on our own, form our own pack. Maybe Autumn and I can pick up our own mates somewhere along the way and we can make our own rules.”
I didn’t want to be mean to Luna and Autumn. They’d never been anything but decent to me. Well, Autumn had once whacked me on the head, but we’d moved past that. Still, I couldn’t live in a fake existence. “No.”
“Why not, Rachel? Don’t you like us anymore?”
“I like you and Autumn just fine.”
Jason laughed. “It’s just me she’s not sure of.” He stopped walking. “Girls, could you go hunt us up some lunch. I want to talk to Rachel.”
Great. I thought we’d just gotten through ‘talking’ and it had ended with his growling. Was he already ready for another round?
Autumn nodded and within seconds she and Luna had all but vanished into the woods. It must be a Wolf thing, because I could never disappear like that. Plus, I had a feeling that ‘hunting’ up some lunch did not mean they were going to gather berries. No, it was more likely they would shift and bring us back some meat.
We stood in silence and I shifted from foot-to-foot.
“For a person who wanted to speak to me, you are certainly taking a long time getting going.”
He grinn
ed. “I like looking at you, Rachel.”
I shook my head. “Jason, I haven’t slept in a real bed in a week. I’ve been blown up, knocked around, and been running around in the woods. Not to mention I spent two straight days in a mine. Somehow, I can’t imagine that I look anything close to good right now.” Not to mention, I’d cried my eyes out several times and my ever present facial scar….
Even as I said it, my cheeks heated up at the way Jason stared at me. He took a step closer.
“I want you to forgive me.”
I glanced away. “I’m not angry.”
“You are.”
Crossing my arms over my chest, I made myself look back at him. He’d taken another step closer so I took a step back, which pushed me right up against a large tree trunk.
“I’m not.”
“Don’t be afraid.” He raised his hands. “I’m not doing anything but apologizing.”
“Liar.” I spit out the word. “You’re trying to intimidate me.”
“No.” He shook his head. “I’m not sure I could. You didn’t even back down when I took the Wolf out on you. This is just me, apologizing to you.”
His face was close to mine now. “Don’t kiss me, Jason.”
I didn’t want him to. It was pivotal that he not, because I wanted it too much.
“I’m not going to.”
Instead, he placed his head next to mine and sniffed my neck.
“Stop with the smelling thing.”
When he’d first met, I’d hated that he did that. Then I’d come to like it. A lot.
“I can’t.” He was silent for a second. “Forgive me.”
“I told you I’m not mad.” And I was getting a little bit tired of repeating myself.
“You’re lying. You are.”
I closed my eyes. “Jason, don’t do this to me.”
“Don’t do what, Rachel?” His voice was like a caress on my ear.
“Don’t knock down my walls right now. They’re all that I have to keep me upright.”
“If you fell, I would catch you.”
I opened my eyes to stare in his blue ones. They were so earnest, that I caught my breath. “You can’t.”
“Why not?”
“Because I have to go home.”
“I know you do. It doesn’t change anything.”
“Jason.” I pushed at his shoulders but he didn’t budge. “My boyfriend just died.”
“I know he did.” His voice was low. “I’m so sorry his loss is causing you pain. I swear by anything you believe in, Rachel, I’ll never let you down again. I’ll be one of the people you can depend on. Forever.”
“In this world, there’s no such thing as forever.”
“In our world, there will be.”
The first tear fell from my eyes before I could stop them. Before long I was so hysterical I couldn’t see clearly through my blurred vision. Jason’s arms came around me, pulling me tightly into his embrace. He smelled so good. I closed my eyes.
“Until you leave me in the snow again.”
“I won’t, Pixie-girl. I promise I’ll never leave you alone in the snow again. Or in the rain. Or in the sunshine. I’m always going to be there.”
I decided to believe him. I don’t think I ever really had a choice.
Chapter Fourteen
The fire crackled around us in the darkness. For the last two nights, I’d kept walking through almost the entire night. Now Jason stopped me, afraid I might pass out. So we were all huddled together around bright orange flames that we’d cooked dinner on earlier.... I had a pretty good feeling they’d only cooked the meat for my benefit, not needing it that way for themselves. Still, I appreciated the effort.
The twins seemed to be able to sleep anywhere and had conked out on the ground, happily snoring. I barely suppressed a grin. When he slept, Jason snored, too. It must be a family trait.
“You should be sleeping.”
“I can’t.” I rubbed the back of my neck at the throbbing pain that had started there. “I’m too wound up. Besides, I’m not convinced we’re safe having a fire. We’re going to bring every monster in the area to us.”
“They’d all be nuts to try anything. You are under the personal care of three Werewolves.”
“Fifteen Vampires could take you down.” And lately they’d been sending huge numbers after me.
“They could try.”
“Jason, don’t forget where I found you: unconscious in a Vampire temple. Clearly, you are fallible.”
“See the weird the thing is that they didn’t attack us. They must have drugged us somehow. I’m still not sure how it happened. We’d all eaten the same meal that night, shared a really large buck we’d taken down. Now, I’m wondering if it was drugged.”
That made sense to me. The Vampires under the direction of Isaac Icahn were immensely clever. If they’d wanted the Wolves, they’d have figured out how to get them.
“Even more reason to be vigilant then.”
I looked down at the venison we’d just consumed. Had it been drugged? Was Icahn going to destroy the entire food supply? Why was he after Jason and his Pack at all? I rubbed my head. It hurt. I really wished there was someone else to contemplate these questions and just tell me what to do sometimes. Shouldn’t adults have been doing that for me?
I felt fine. I was going to have to assume my dinner had been untainted.
“You want me to put out this lovely fire I labored for hours to build for us?”
I couldn’t see his eyes as they stared straight ahead at the leaping flames, but I knew they’d be riddled with amusement. That was the problem with rekindling a relationship with someone you knew really well. It’s so easy to get back into old routines when you should be changing behaviors instead.
“You took ten minutes to build it and I think Autumn did most of the work.”
He snickered. “Are you disparaging my survival skills?”
“I’m not making fun. I’m stating outright that without your sisters and me you wouldn’t live very long in your human form, not if you wanted to eat.”
He leaned back. “Then I guess it’s a good thing I can shift into my furry self whenever I want to.”
I looked up at the sky. The clouds hid the moon, and even the stars weren’t visible. The temperature had dropped considerably. It no longer felt like spring. It was like winter had reappeared over night.
“How close are we to a full moon?”
I’d made myself stop calculating moon phases as part of my ‘getting over Jason’ mentality.
“A couple of days.”
I digested that information. In a few days, Jason, Autumn, and Luna would no longer be able to control their changes at will. In fact, it was likely they wouldn’t even remember what they did during that night. Their Wolves would be entirely in control. Jason’s Wolf hadn’t hurt me during the one full moon shift we’d spent together, but I couldn’t count on Autumn and Luna to not harm me, especially because they had left their Alpha, Andon, behind.
“I need to be away from you guys when that happens.”
Jason’s silence to my statement made me look up from the flames. He stared at me in the darkness, his expression mostly hidden except for the glow in his eyes.
“I didn’t hurt you last time. I saved you.”
I motioned to his sisters with my chin. “I’m thinking of them.”
He ran a hand through his hair. “If I was old enough, just a few years older, I could control them as Alpha.”
“No point on dwelling on things we can’t change. You’re not a few years older. End of story.”
“Rachel.” He stood up and moved closer to me. He pressed his body close to mine, and his warmth was a gift. “I wonder if you can hear the sadness in your voice that I can when you talk these days.”
“Chad just….”
He interrupted me. “This has nothing to do with Chad. I heard it in your voice at the Temple, too.”
“Okay. I think we’ve covere
d this topic enough.”
I closed my eyes and placed my head on his shoulder, knowing the physical contact would stop this discussion. I was tired of having it.
“Sometimes I think if my mother had lived through the destruction and somehow still been around when we re-awakened, I might be better at navigating the strange array of your moods.”
I opened my eyes. I had no idea what to say to that statement. He was right. His mother hadn’t survived the destruction, not really. She was a Vampire. In fact, seeing her as a Vampire had been what awakened Andon, and therefore the rest of the pack, eleven years earlier. But no one knew that but Andon and me.
It placed me in an incredibly awkward position.
He continued. “What?”
It was hard to keep things to yourself when the Wolf next to you could scent it every time your mood changed.
“I don’t want to tell you.”
“Well that’s refreshing. At least you’re not trying to pretend there is nothing wrong.” He tapped my leg. “Why don’t you want to tell me?”
“Because it’s going to open a whole slew of problems that I don’t want to enter into now.” Or maybe ever.
I wondered if he could smell my unspoken addition to that statement. I hoped he could.
“Not good enough. I bring up my mother and you get incredibly tense. Why?”
I stared at him and wondered why I didn’t just tell him. His father had told me. Did that mean I had to spend the rest of my life keeping it secret? It’s not like Andon had been loyal to me.
But how did you tell someone his or her mother was a Vampire?
“Here’s the thing, Jason. I don’t know that it’s my story to tell.”
He cocked is head to the side. “You know I’m going to pester you about it until you tell me.”
He would, too. I could absolutely envision the scenario. He’d annoy me to death until I told him what he wanted to know.
“Life would really be easier if I could just cut off your head.”
Jason nodded, a grin crossing his face. “Yep, but you love me.”
“I haven’t said that I do.”
He leaned back. “I can smell it.”
“It occurs to me, Jason, that you could be playing me for a fool with all of this ‘I can smell’ it stuff you talk about. It’s not like I can confirm it for myself. You could be lying.”
The Warrior - Initiation Driven Subversive Redemption Justice Page 35
