by Kelly Oram
I took her hands in mine and squeezed them. She squeezed back and gave me another tragic smile. “I missed you, too.” She glanced across the parking lot to where her parents and birth mom were waiting for her, trying—and failing—to look like they weren’t watching us. “I think my parents and I are going to have dinner with my birth mom tonight.” She paused, torn by indecision. “If you’d like to join us, I’m sure they wouldn’t mind.”
I almost accepted the offer. I wanted to more than anything. I was shocked she’d invited me, and touched that she was willing to include me even if she did seem unsure about it. But she needed privacy while getting to know her birth mom, so, as much as it killed me, I turned her down. “I don’t want to interfere with that. That should be a family thing.”
Val’s tiny sigh of relief was bittersweet. “Thanks.” She took a big breath. “I still can’t really wrap my head around it. My birth mom.” She closed her arms around herself as if the idea made her insecure. “She says I have a younger half-brother, too.”
“Wow.”
Val nodded. “Yeah. Wow. I mean I’m happy but…it’s a lot to take in. I think I’m going to need some time to sort out my feelings about everything.”
I didn’t like seeing her so flustered. “I’m sorry they blindsided you like that. And I’m sorry they threw me into the mix on top of it. I couldn’t have made it any easier dropping another song on you.”
I was too nervous to smile. Did she like the song? She still hadn’t said anything about it. Was she upset about seeing me again?
Val shook her head. “I’m glad you were here. It was good seeing you again. I’m sorry we don’t have more time to catch up.”
I finally realized what her sadness was about—she was saying good-bye. She wasn’t planning to keep in touch after this. I had to do something.
“How long are you in town?”
Val’s smile fell again. “I fly back early tomorrow morning. I’ve got work.”
My gut twisted. She was leaving in the morning, and from the way she said it, she definitely considered this the end. Hey, it was so good to see you again, Kyle. It’s been fun, but my life doesn’t include you anymore, so good-bye, Kyle.
Not knowing what else to do, I pulled one of the remaining CDs out of my bag and scribbled a note on it. I signed it “For the world’s greatest muse. Eternally in your debt, Kyle Hamilton.” Then I wrote, “Call me!” and put my cell number below it. I underlined it several times.
“I mean it,” I said as she read the inscription. “Call me.”
Val nodded, but I had my doubts that she would call. She looked back toward her family and gave me one last miserable smile. “I should go.”
When she turned to leave, my heart pretty much stopped. “Val, wait!”
I grabbed her and crushed her to me in a hug that was likely to suffocate her. I didn’t know what was wrong with me, but I just couldn’t let her go. I squeezed and squeezed as if that could somehow magically convince her not to walk away from me.
The second our bodies connected, my heart pounded in my chest and my entire body ached. I was alive again, tingling all over with reckless, passionate energy. Having her in my arms like this was right. It was what I needed. She was the part of me that had been missing for so long. I’d loved Adrianna and would have been happy with her, but she’d never made me feel like this. Like I could do anything. Like I deserved everything. Like I was complete, and life just couldn’t get any better.
Val’s chest heaved against mine, her heart pounding, too. I could feel it.
“Val.” It came out a strangled whisper.
I didn’t lose control. When I kissed her, it was deliberate. I wasn’t letting her walk away from me without making sure she understood that things were not finished between us. I threw my mouth on hers as if both of our lives depended on it. And you know what? She. Kissed. Me. Back. Our lips touched and we exploded. We were gasoline and fire. We were years of suppressed desire finally being unleashed. We were hunger, passion, and need.
We were epic.
Val broke away first, gasping for breath. “I should go.”
My arms tightened around her waist. “You should stay.”
“I have to go.”
She sounded tortured enough that I knew I’d gotten to her. Our kiss would stay with her long after she walked away from me. Good. She just needed one more for good measure. Okay, maybe it was me who needed one more.
I pushed a strand of her hair that had fallen from its twist behind her ear and lowered my lips to hers again. I kissed her gently this time, reveling in her sweetness now that the passion was out of the way. This kiss was different—more. It was an expression of all the quieter emotions in us; feelings neither of us would acknowledge that refused to stay silent any longer. It was soft and tender. I felt it all the way to my bones.
When I pulled back, her eyes fluttered open as if she were waking from a dream. It made me want to kiss her all over again. “Fine. You have to go,” I said, running my fingertips across her cheek. “But this isn’t good-bye. I’m not letting you walk away this time.”
“Kyle…”
“No. I made that mistake once. I won’t do it again. Good night, Val. Have a good time with your parents. I’ll talk to you soon.”
I walked away before she could argue.
The Not Everybody’s Doing It Foundation rented out an office the size of a Crackerjack box in a strip mall in Pasadena that had seen better days. I felt depressed just looking at the place, and that was before I worked up the nerve to go inside.
I still wasn’t sure I was doing the right thing—my managers thought I was crazy—but I didn’t know how else to get Val’s attention.
It had been over a week since the Connie Parker Show taping, and she’d never called. I wasn’t surprised. I’d been too caught up in the moment to recognize that kiss for what it was until hours later when I was unable to sleep. She’d kissed me all right, but I was pretty sure that for her that kiss had been something we’d never quite managed four years ago: closure.
At first, I was hurt when she didn’t call. How could she want closure after that kiss? How could she stay away? Then I got angry. I didn’t deserve to be blown off. Finally, I decided to just get determined. There was no way the connection I felt between us was one-sided. I’ve been with way too many women in my life not to know that chemistry like ours was real—a tangible, undeniable energy. Hell no. She felt it. I knew she did. And I was going to make her admit it.
Phase one of The Plan was on the other side of the dingy window I sat parked in front of. I tugged my baseball cap low over my eyes and headed inside before someone recognized me. I didn’t need to get mobbed before I was ready to answer questions about what I was doing at an organization that promotes abstinence.
The office looked even smaller on the inside, packed, as it was, with boxes of leaflets and brochures on everything from STD awareness, to avoiding teen pregnancy, to celebrating virtue.
There was an entire table in the front window devoted to V is for Virgin and Val’s abstinence challenge. There was a computer there so that people could browse the website and sign up for the challenge. Above the desk and all over the walls there were pictures of people with their name and their pledge to abstain from sex.
I sort of understood now—a little—why someone would make the choice to wait to have sex, but why did all these people look so damn happy about it? I might be abstaining from meaningless casual sex now, but I wasn’t jumping for joy over my newfound celibacy. In fact, it pretty much sucked.
“Kyle Hamilton?”
I managed not to jump at the unexpected voice, but I still felt like an idiot just for being here. “Uh, yeah.” I took my hat off and ran my fingers through my hair. “I guess I need to speak to the person in charge?”
“That would be Darla. She’s already gone for the day. Is there anything I can help you with?”
I was about to say no and use this as an excuse to leave when
I recognized the woman standing in front of me. “You were at the taping last week.”
She nodded. “I was there.”
The woman, whose belly looked as if it were ready to burst, looked me over with a mixture of wariness and amusement that could only mean she knew me. Well, knew me by reputation, and not just my celebrity status. I’d bet money that this woman knew Val personally, and therefore knew my history with Val.
“Have we met?” We probably had, and I felt stupid again for not knowing who she was.
The woman smirked. “I don’t know that we’ve ever been formally introduced, but we’ve met on several occasions, yes.” She held out a fat, swollen hand. “I’m Robin. I’ve known Val since high school.”
A vague recollection of a younger, less pregnant girl with soft brown hair and a light smattering of freckles hunched over a computer jumped into my mind. “That’s right. You were her friend who did all of her website stuff.”
Shock washed over the woman, but she quickly smirked to cover it up. “I’m surprised you remember.”
She might not be as feisty as Cara or Val, but I could see why she was her friend. “Contrary to what Val might have told you,” I teased, “I am capable of paying attention to more than just myself.”
She raised a questioning brow that made me laugh. Busted. “It happens on rare occasions,” I admitted. “When it’s important.”
“If you say so.” She still seemed skeptical.
She suddenly hunched over and grabbed her stomach as she forced out a long, slow breath.
When I realized what was happening, I panicked. “Are you having a baby?”
I don’t know why she thought my question was so funny, but she laughed, waving off my concern as I helped her into a nearby chair. “Should I call an ambulance or something?”
She laughed again. “It’s fine, Kyle, just a mild contraction. I’ve been on my feet too much today.”
“Don’t contractions mean it’s time to have a baby? I can drive you to the hospital, if you need. Is there, like, a baby daddy you need me to call?”
“You mean my husband?” She kicked off her shoes and rubbed her feet—which looked twice the size they should have. “Relax,” she said. “This baby’s not coming for almost two months, I promise. Mild contractions are completely normal once you’re in the third trimester.”
I pointed to her ankles. “That doesn’t look normal. I really think I should take you to a doctor.”
She laughed at my horrified gaze and finally loosened up. The edge of wariness she’d had since I walked in dissolved into something I could almost mistake for affection. “I can understand what she sees in you,” she said suddenly.
The burst of pride I felt at her praise was unexpected. I generally didn’t care what anyone thought of me, but this woman was a friend of Val’s. Her approval meant something. And maybe if I could win her over, she would help me with Val.
“So what can the Not Everybody’s Doing It Foundation do for you, Kyle?”
I startled at the question. The whole pregnant-woman-having-contractions scare made me forget all about where I was and what I was doing here.
“Have you finally come to take Val’s challenge? Here to pledge your abstinence?”
If that’s what it took…
I pulled my shoulders back and puffed out my chest. I refused to let this woman see how nervous I was about this. “As a matter of fact, I am.” I dangled my bracelet for Robin to see. “I wasn’t lying last week. I’ve already been abstinent for eight months. I thought Val would like it if I made it official.”
Robin blinked and pulled a pair of flip-flops from a drawer in her desk. She bent over to try and put them on. She couldn’t reach very well, so I squatted down and slipped them over her feet for her.
“Well, aren’t you just full of surprises,” she said.
“See, I can be a nice guy. You shouldn’t be so skeptical.”
“Thank you for the help with my sandals, but I was actually talking about you pledging the abstinence challenge. Do you really want to do it?”
She held her hand out to me as if she literally needed my help to get out of her chair. Actually, she probably did. “Are you sure you should get up? I think you should rest.”
My concern amused her. “Five o’clock,” she said, smothering a laugh. “Quitting time. I was just getting ready to leave when you walked in.”
“Oh. Sorry.” I helped her out of her chair, surprised that I was disappointed I wouldn’t get to explain my plan to her.
She walked with me to the door, and as she turned out the lights she asked her question again. “Do you really want to sign up for the abstinence challenge?”
I shrugged. “Why not? I’ve already given up casual sex, and I think signing up for the challenge would make Val happy, so…”
“So you’d go on record—officially—and tell your fans that you’re doing the V is for Virgin abstinence challenge just to make Val happy?”
“Yes.” Robin held the door for me and then locked it after we were both outside. “I would do that for Val. She deserves it. Here’s the thing, though. If I’m going to do this—officially—then I’m going to do it all the way. I want the whole freaking world to know that Kyle Hamilton’s not doing it. I want to be a spokesperson for you guys, like Val was.”
Robin stopped walking so abruptly that she stumbled out of balance. The momentum of her giant belly nearly made her fall over. “Are you kidding me?” she asked when I grabbed her by the shoulder to steady her.
Robin’s was basically the same reaction I got from my managers when I’d revealed the plan to them earlier today. I decided to give her the same argument I’d given them. “I have to do a press tour to promote my new album, and people are going to ask anyway, so I thought I could sort of combine the two things.”
“You want to promote the Not Everybody’s Doing It Foundation on your press tour for your new album?”
Ok, it sounded ridiculous when she said it like that. “Val’s the reason I wrote my new song and it’s about waiting for her. She’s the reason I started writing again, the reason I decided to put out a solo album. I almost have to explain it. Plus, I’ve already agreed to donate a portion of my record sales to The Not Everybody’s Doing It Foundation, like Val did with her jewelry, so I’ll have to bring that up in interviews anyway. I may as well be an official spokesperson, right?”
Robin leaned her hand against the brick wall of the building and gaped at me with wide eyes. “Holy crap, you’re serious,” she breathed.
“Would you please sit down before you hurt something?” Was it possible to shock someone into labor? “Maybe I should talk to someone else about this. You’re in shock. I don’t want to make you have a baby on the sidewalk.”
“I’m fine,” Robin promised, still dazed. “I just can’t believe it. With your fame and your reputation, and especially your history with Val, do you know how much press you would get? Do you know the kind of good you could do? How many lives you could touch by doing this?”
Ugh, this was the part I was least looking forward to. I didn’t want her gratitude, or anyone’s. I didn’t want people to make me out to be some kind of saint. I wasn’t good like that. I wasn’t like Val. I might be doing something good, but my motives were hardly pure.
“Look, don’t get all mushy, okay? Don’t mistake me for a do-gooder. I don’t really care if I touch people’s lives. I’m doing this for Val, not anyone else. It’s completely selfish. I’ll leave all the caring and making-a-difference stuff to you guys.”
I was officially uncomfortable and wanted more than anything to be far from that office and away from Robin’s speculating eyes. I pulled one of my manager’s cards out of my wallet and handed it over. “My managers are ready to work with you guys to set something up. You just need to have whoever’s in charge contact them at this number. They’ll be waiting for the call.”
Robin took the card as if it were the Crown Jewels of England. Once she got o
ver her shock, she put the card in her purse and looked up at me with another calculating expression. “Walk with me,” she said.
“What?”
“You and I need to talk, and there’s a Taco Bell a block down the street calling my name.” She rubbed her belly and the smile on her face didn’t match her next sentence. “This little devil-munchkin is determined to turn me into a hippopotamus before he arrives.”
I laughed but didn’t follow her. I was appalled at the thought of her walking anywhere. Seriously, pregnancy looked awful. I was so glad I’d been born a guy. “Fine, but I’ll drive. I’m not letting you walk anywhere like that.”
Robin laughed and changed course for my car. As I helped her into the passenger seat, she grinned up at me. “You’ll make a good father someday.”
“I hope so. Someday.”
. . . . .
Between the two of us, we pretty much ordered the entire menu at Taco Bell. I’d managed to make it to the table without being recognized and Robin managed to make it without needing an ambulance, so we were both in good spirits as we started in on our mound of food.
“So what did you want to talk about?” I asked, once I’d eaten enough to politely hold a conversation between bites.
Robin put down her nachos and gave me a hard look. “Are you in love with Val?”
The question made me choke on my burrito. I coughed a minute and took a long sip of soda before I answered. “No. Of course not. That’s crazy.”
Robin sat back and crossed her arms over her chest. “Is it?”
Why was my heart suddenly pounding in my chest? I wanted to shake some sense into Robin and force her to stop asking me about this. Val and I definitely had a connection, but how could I love her? “I hardly know her,” I said. “I haven’t seen her in four years and I barely knew her back then.”
“Then why go through all this?”
“Because I want to know her. Val and I have a connection that’s worth exploring. This is the only way she’ll give me a chance.”
Robin studied me for a minute. I’m not sure what she was trying to find, or what she thought she knew, but the look in her eyes scared me. She stared me down with a determination I hadn’t seen in anyone except for maybe myself and Val.
