by Thornton, EJ
"Jeannie, stop being afraid!" Pearl said. "If you call the family and face this, it'll be easier than if you wait until it all catches up with you. Stop living in fear of your phone. You need the connection to your friends and family intact. You'll need them now more than you have in a long time. Quit being so proud. You know that you need them. You're strong enough, and help will be there when you need it, unless you alienate them. It will be all right, stop being afraid. Face your fears head on! I'm right here with you."
"This is silly!" Jeannie muttered to herself and turned around and plugged in the phone. She took a deep breath and pressed the play button on the messages. There was only one message from Anne about garage sales this weekend. Jeannie breathed a sigh of relief. She went back to cleaning the kitchen.
As she finished cleaning up, there was a knock on the door. It was Jeremi.
"Can I come in?" he asked timidly.
"Yes. I'm feeling much better now."
Jeremi gave Jeannie a quick hug. "What was wrong?"
"I had a really bad day," Jeannie told him and pulled away. "Everyone at my work knows I'm pregnant and now apparently so does everyone at the pub."
She sat down on the couch.
Jeremi was close behind. "I know," Jeremi said. Jeannie looked at him suspiciously. Jeremi shrugged his shoulders. "It out now. Scott must've told."
"Who told Scott?" Jeannie demanded and leaned back into the couch and stared at the ceiling. She let out a heavy sigh and so did he. Then there was a long moment of silence. They both seemed lost in their own thoughts.
Jeannie broke the silence. "Do you ever feel like you're being 'tested'?"
"Tested?" Jeremi asked, surprised.
"This feels like a test."
"What's being tested?" Jeremi asked.
"Maybe my character, my principles, you know, the things I always said I'd do. Now it's the moment of truth. I know, I'm rambling, but there is something important I need to understand here."
"Yeah, maybe I know what you mean." Jeremi picked it up where she'd left off. "It's like someone's up there watching us, waiting to see what we'll do. I know it's my dad. He's saying 'Son, get yourself together, you've got responsibilities now.'"
He was so close that I wanted to give him a signal that he was right. I made the power blink in the apartment. Jeremi jumped.
"What?" Jeannie asked.
"Did you see that?" Jeremi asked. "The lights flickered. That was Dad; I know it was."
Jeannie looked around the room. Her heart pounded and she breathed a little faster. I think Jeremi had spooked her. "Man, I've got chill bumps."
Neither one said anything for a little while. Eventually Jeannie yawned and Jeremi decided he needed to go and let her get to bed. After all, tomorrow she had to go back to work. They kissed goodnight and Jeremi left. An exhausted Jeannie made her way down the hallway, turned out lights as she passed them and plopped into the bed. She was asleep in a couple minutes.
George and I gave Pearl, Edwina and Marie the night off. "I suppose I'll have to get used to guarding the house sometime, it may as well be tonight."
They thanked us and went off together. George and I spent this night in Jeannie's apartment talking about the things angels need to do for their charges. Occasionally we checked on our sleeping girls.
Somewhere around midnight, Carole got up and went in to sleep with her mother. After another hour, Lynne got up and climbed in on the other side of the bed.
"Where's she going to put the baby?" I joked with George.
"On top!" he answered. We chuckled and kissed the girls and nudged them away from the edges of the bed, closer to the middle.
I wanted to get to know Jeannie better. I wanted to get inside her thoughts and discover why her family finding out about the baby upset her so much. I understood the things that Jack and Pearl had told me, but I had questions, a lot of questions. If I could talk to her, I thought I could help her.
"I want to meet her in a dream, like I did with Jeremi. Can I find a way to keep it from being as traumatic as it was for Jeremi. Can I do that?" I asked George.
"Relax, this one is easy. If she knew who you were, it would be harder. Since you never met, it will simply be a very vivid, memorable dream."
"Should I go back to the beach, like I did with Jeremi? Where's a special place that we can both share?"
"Walk with her around her work, like she does with Judie Plant that seed in her dream, that she's walking with Judie around her work," George suggested.
I took her hand and stroked it gently. I began describing the beautiful neighborhoods where she and Judie walked everyday. Suddenly, we were there. Jeannie talked, the way she always talked to Judie. I stepped up right beside her, where Judie would have been. She kept talking.
"It's beautiful out here at night, do you agree?" I asked her.
"It sure is," she said and looked over at me. "Do I know you?"
"I know you," I answered, testing to see if I could get away with being very vague.
"How do I know you?"
"Through Jeremi. We're close."
"Oh," Jeannie let it go. We walked a little farther.
"Tell me about Jeremi," I requested.
She smiled. "He's cute. He's the best singer I've ever met. He's easy to talk to. We have a lot in common." Then her smile disappeared. "But he drinks too much and that scares me."
"Why?" I asked, although I already knew the answer.
"Because of the girls and because of the baby. I know I can handle it, right now they are too young to understand about his drinking. When I think about the future, that thought really bothers me."
"Are you ashamed of him, that's why telling your family about the baby is so hard, because he drinks?" I asked. I thought I might have a handle on the situation.
"That has nothing to do with it," Jeannie answered strongly. She took the wind right out of my sails!
"Then why?"
"Each member of my family had a different opinion of what I should have done about my ex-husband once we split. Each one treated me like I was a little girl again and gave me orders on how to run my life, much the way they used to tell me to clean my room. Then each one was offended when I solved my own problems, on my own terms. I made them all mad because I was me. There are so many more facets to this situation. I know each one will have a different opinion again; it'll be the same thing. I'll offend each one again. I know what I need to do. And believe you me, none of them would advise me to do what I know I have to do. I know they'll all be disappointed in me--again."
Jeannie told me exactly what I wanted to know. I think this helped her specifically identify her fears, too.
"What do you wish they'd understand?" I asked her, in hopes she'd continue.
"That I feel like this is my destiny and this baby is meant to be and he will be incredible." Jeannie patted her stomach.
"Why do you say that?"
"Because, from the second I knew he was there, I've felt a determination, a strength coming from him. I've felt like this baby is using me to get here. That there's a much greater purpose for him coming into this world than just to be a part of my life. He's strong and special. I can really feel that."
"You seem sure it's a boy."
"From the second I knew he was there, it was like there was a voice that told me that," Jeannie said, sure of herself.
I chuckled to myself and thought about all the times a little voice had told her that exact thing.
"What do you think this baby's purpose is?"
"It's beyond me. I'll treat him the way I want to be treated and let him figure out his own destiny, but somehow, I just know it's going be important," she answered, then went silent. It seemed she was finished giving me answers. She began to look to me to answer some of her questions. Time to plant the seed.
"When was the last time you went to church, Jeannie?"
"Last Easter," she replied. "Regularly, you mean?" I nodded. "Oh, it's been a long time."
I took her hands and looked into her eyes, as deep as I could see. "When I feel like I'm in a situation that's bigger than I am, I turn to someone bigger than I am. If you want answers, ask God and then be quiet and listen to what comes to you."
She looked back into my eyes and indicated she understood.
"I should go now," I told her. I was back in her bedroom. I continued to stroke her hand. She tossed in her sleep and reached out. "Shhh. Stay asleep. Dream a sweet dream of your baby. Shhh." She settled back down and thankfully, stayed sound asleep. Thankfully, we avoided the jolt like Jeremi did, especially since the girls were right next to her in the bed.
George waited for me. "Did you have a nice talk?"
"Yes, we did."
"What did you learn?"
I quit stroking her hand. George and I went out to the living room to talk. I wanted to look at her family pictures more. There she was, in each one of these old family pictures. Someone was always holding her. I could see why she would be sensitive to standing on her own two feet.
"I learned she's very strong-willed and independent. But her family still thinks of her as a little girl. She can handle her problems independently. But she really has to work hard to prove to them that she can handle her own responsibilities. I think she really wants her family in her life, but on her terms. They really need to respect that she can make her own decisions and right now. I think she needs to set some reasonable boundaries with them. I get that, but it's hard for people to change in relationships, I also get that. This is going to be an adjustment for everyone."
"She'll come around and they'll come around, all in the fullness of time. After all, Jack is there to help all sides and Pearl will keep it from getting out of control. There will be some stress, and strain, there always is. They call 'em 'growing pains'. Jeannie needs some space right now. She needs to make her decisions herself and be at peace with those decisions, so she can stand up for them. She needs to attain that kind of inner strength to stand up for her choices and own that they are hers and hers alone."
What a productive night!
If I had been alive, I would never have been able to have such an enlightening conversation with her. I really looked forward to getting to know her and her family better in the coming years.
Chapter 18
A few minutes before the girls were due to wake up, Pearl, Edwina, and Marie, returned. We told them about the night and what had been accomplished. Jeannie's alarm clock rang and the snooze button was pushed, pushed, and pushed again. Morning arrived again at Jeannie's house.
When Jeannie got to work, she told Judie about the dream. Judie was intrigued and asked her when the last time was that she had gone to church. Judie was to play the organ next Sunday at a church close to Jeannie's apartment. They made plans to meet there.
That seed had sprouted; I prayed it landed in good soil.
The next few weeks gradually turned into months and Jeremi saw Jeannie frequently, practically every day and most nights. They grew very close. Jeannie had gone back to church, fairly regularly. Occasionally, Jeremi went with her. I considered that progress They were going in a good direction when they were together. His drinking got worse when they were apart, especially when he was alone. He now used beer to chase his brandies when he was at the pub. He used to only drink beer, with the occasional brandy. This escalation was frightening. The more he drank, the less Henry could get through to him. Henry was getting more and more frustrated about his lack of influence over Jeremi.
Unfortunately, any positive influence in his life filtered out when he drank and all sorts of negative influence freely flowed in. The people Jeremi associated with during these times were evidence of this. He sat at the bar and sometimes bemoaned the fact that he'd been thrust unexpectedly into fatherhood. His mates at the bar always put in their two cents' worth, none of which was flattering to Jeannie. According to them, she was either trying to trap him into marriage or find a way to get part of his paycheck for the next eighteen years or just plain stupid. They advised him to run away, to break up or find someone else. The girl who had called him "poor Jeremi" in the bathroom a few weeks before, frequently cozied up to him, if he was alone. Jeremi was always polite, but he knew in his heart that she was trouble and discouraged her. Unfortunately, she persisted.
Meanwhile, Jeannie went to church and acquired some baby supplies at garage sales with Anne. Jeannie's parents came for a quick visit to check out the situation. Their relationship had been strained, but it was healing for them to be together. Her parents left reasonably satisfied, but still quite concerned. Jeannie's girls now understood that Mommy was going to have a baby and were very excited. When Jeremi, or Jeannie's support team, was around her, she was optimistic about the situation. When Jeannie was alone, she worried a lot, mostly about Jeremi. He always seemed to be on her mind. Sometimes she would call the pub to try to find him. It depended on how much he had had to drink whether she got a warm reception or a brush off.
The bar cronies teased Jeremi about his "ball and chain" as soon as he hung up the phone, which simply amplified the pressure Jeremi was already under.
One very unfortunate night, toward the middle of her pregnancy, Jeannie was home alone. Her girls had gone to the house of one of their father's sisters for the night. Anne was out of town on vacation with her family. Jeannie called the pub to see if Jeremi was there. He was and had been there for quite some time and he was drunk. The "poor Jeremi" girl was also there and getting closer and closer to him. He took Jeannie's phone call. She could tell he was drunk, but she asked him if he wanted to go to a movie and out to dinner with her anyway. As he repeated the words, movie and dinner, the girl at the bar loudly ordered "Two more brandies here for Jeremi and me!" Jeannie heard what the girl had said, but covered that fact up with Jeremi. Jeannie planned to come to the pub to pick him up. They hung up.
Jeremi sat down again, after the routine jeers of the "ol' ball and chain" and quickly shot down the brandy the girl had bought him. He thanked her, then turned and talked to the man on the other side of him. That man left shortly thereafter. Jeremi turned to the only other person there to talk to, the girl. When she offered to buy him another drink, Jeremi agreed. These days, he never turned down a free drink.
Jeannie got ready and hurried to the pub. When she got to the door, she saw Jeremi and the girl talking and drinking together. The girl caught a glimpse of Jeannie at the door, but Jeremi was oblivious. The girl put her arm cozily on his upper thigh. As soon as Jeannie saw this, she started to hyperventilate. She refused to go into the pub. Pearl, George and I tried to get her to go in, but her emotions and pride were too strong.
Henry tried to get Jeremi to turn and see Jeannie, but he was too far gone. He pushed the girl's hand off his thigh, but Jeannie had already left before that happened.
She whipped around the corner of the building and tried to catch her breath--tears streamed down her face--from the shock of actually seeing what she had told Anne she feared most--seeing Jeremi with someone else. Pearl did everything in her power to hold her up, but she slid down the side of the building into a sitting position nonetheless.
It took several minutes, but Jeannie regained most of her composure. She made it to a pay phone and called the pub to tell Jeremi she'd changed her mind, without giving him a reason. Then she got into her car and drove away. She was in such a state that I really felt like I had to protect my charge. She sped away from the pub, right past her apartment. After a close call at a stop sign, Jeannie settled down, but she was crying.
"We've got to get her off the road and get some people around her," Pearl said.
"I think she's about to have a flat tire," George said. Jeannie pulled her car up to the stoplight, into the left lane and rolled over some broken glass that George had spread there. As she stopped, Jeannie heard a crunch and then a hissing noise. She rolled down her window and stuck her head out and could see that she had air rapidly escaping out of the left front tire.
&
nbsp; "There's a tire repair place up about a block, you need to get there," Pearl said.
Jeannie looked up and saw the tire sign. She muttered some very mean things about the tire and the timing of this problem. She pulled into the parking lot and right up to the garage stall. The fellow who worked there happened to be out having a cigarette when Jeannie pulled up. He heard the hissing coming from the tire and directed her into the repair bay. She stopped the car and got out. He jumped in and pulled the car into the stall and up onto the hoist. Jeannie stood on the outside and looked in, while he pulled a large piece of glass out of the tire with pliers. He informed her that she would need a patch and it would take just a few minutes. She took the news pretty well, considering. She went inside and sat down. Pearl coached her to take deep breaths and calm down. She picked up a magazine and tried to thumb through it, but her mind was obviously elsewhere.
"Is it all right if I talk to her?" I asked.
"By all means," Pearl answered.
There was a restroom in the lobby. I went in there to get ready. I decided to wear a short-sleeved cotton shirt and a pair of jeans. I thought the age I was was appropriate for the situation. So, I made the toilet flush loudly. Then I came out and sat in the waiting room a couple of chairs away from Jeannie.
"He looks familiar Jeannie." Pearl coached.
"You know him from somewhere, but where?" George added.
Jeannie looked at me, nodded hello with a faint smile. I returned the greeting. Jeannie tried to keep up the appearance of reading the magazine, but occasionally looked over at me. As soon as I looked up, she quickly looked back at her magazine.
"He looks familiar, but where do you know him from?" Pearl continued her coaching. About the fourth or fifth time this happened, Jeannie started to snicker and so did I.
"I'm sorry for staring, but you look really familiar," I said to her.
"I know. I mean, you do, too. Do you know how we know each other?"
"Do you come here often?"
I gave her an expectant look and then she got the joke. "Just every flat I get."
