by Gail Sattler
It was time to say good-bye, possibly forever.
Adelle stiffened her back to make herself as tall as possible. Since he wore his sneakers and she was in her fuzzy slippers, he stood an entire foot taller than her. She looked up at him and tried to keep her voice even as she spoke. “Phone me as soon as you get home, okay?”
“Sure.”
She had so much to say, but all they did was stand near the door and stare at each other.
Uncle Bob joined them, and picked up Dennis’s suitcase. “Min and I will figure a way to load this. We’ll also pack up some formula and diapers for you. You never know, right?” Uncle Bob and Aunt Min went outside, leaving Adelle and Dennis alone in the cabin to say their good-byes in private. One day she would thank them for it.
She reached up to play with the collar of his leather jacket, which didn’t need fixing; she just needed something to do with her hands. “It’s going to be a cold ride home. Make sure you drink lots of coffee when you get to the bus depot, okay?”
“Sure.” His hands covered hers, and he massaged her wrists with his thumbs, with her hands still resting on his shoulders. “Give Rachel a big hug and kiss for me.”
Her eyes burned, but she managed to blink it away. “Of course.”
The roar of the snowmobile’s motor began, the engine revved a couple of times, then ran smoothly.
Adelle forced herself to take her hands away, to start the withdrawal process. When she did, Dennis rammed his hands into his pockets.
She tried to clear the thickness out of her throat. “I think it’s time for you to go.”
“I know.”
This time she couldn’t stop her burning tears. She felt as though her heart was ripping in two. One tear overflowed and trickled down her cheek. “I’ll miss you,” she choked out.
His hand trembled as he reached up and wiped the tear away with his knuckles, then let his hand drop to his side. “This is so stupid. I can’t just leave you here and go home. There has to be a way to keep seeing each other. We have something special here I can’t explain, a rightness, even though we haven’t known each other long. I can’t let it end like this.” He rammed both hands into his pockets. “I’m not saying this lightly, I want you to come home with me. I need you, Adelle. I need you to be my. . .” His voice trailed off.
Adelle’s heart pounded. She’d never felt such a connection with any human being, ever. They’d only met days ago, but she’d shared things with him it had taken months to share with her best friend. Her words flowed naturally with Dennis. His responses weren’t condescending, he didn’t pretend to understand when he didn’t. He knew when she needed a suggestion, and when she just needed an ear.
Likewise, she could only guess at how he felt to lose the brother with whom he had been close all their lives. The combination of grief and the sudden shock of becoming an instant father was more than she could imagine, to say nothing of the sudden opening of his spiritual eyes concerning the heart of his fiancée, or rather, his now ex-fiancée. Yet, she could relate to him, and in the same way, she could give him suggestions when she thought he needed them, and she could tell the right time to keep quiet and listen when he needed to talk.
Adelle had never believed in love at first sight, yet she had no explanation for their instant bond. Was this love?
He’d kissed her twice, and it had been just like what she frequently read about in the Heartsong romance novels she subscribed to. Beyond the obvious attraction, they connected both on a spiritual level, and with a deep personal kinship. She didn’t want to be separated from him—she wondered what it would be like to stay with him forever, to be his friend, his lover, his soul mate. His wife.
Her breath caught in her throat. “You need me to be your. . .?”
He cleared his throat. “I need you to be my nanny.”
Fifteen
Dennis sat in the boarding area of the Kamloops District airport. He didn’t know how many hours had passed before he finally stopped shivering. He didn’t think he ever wanted to see that stupid leather jacket again. Rather than the bus depot, their first stop in Blue River was the co-op, a place Dennis could only compare to a modern version of an old country store. They had everything from hardware and tackle to foodstuffs and clothing all under one roof. There, he’d purchased a real winter jacket, boots, and padded gloves. Then they climbed back onto the snowmobile. At the door of the bus depot, they had exchanged addresses, said their good-byes, and Bob roared away on the snowmobile, back to the little mountain cabin. And Adelle.
The intercom buzzed and a garbled voice announced an arrival. The noise made Raymond murmur in his sleep, and Dennis sighed and stroked Raymond’s back. After an hour and a half on the snowmobile, then the grueling two and a half hour bus ride from Blue River to Kamloops, he now had an hour to wait for his short flight home, which gave him lots of time to think.
He thought he was an idiot.
At the last minute, in that one fleeting chance he had to tell Adelle that he loved her, that he wanted her to come home with him forever, he had panicked. He didn’t want her to be his nanny, his paid help. He wanted her to be his wife and all that went with it. When his mouth opened, in that one split second of hesitation, the wrong word had come out, and he would regret it for the rest of his life.
The shock on Adelle’s face when he said “nanny” instead of “wife” cut him to the core, but by then, it was too late. Bob had walked in the door and said they had to leave right away, and the moment was gone forever. Just like the snow angels.
She had said she’d think about it. A classic brush-off—exactly what he deserved.
By the time he landed at Vancouver, his nerves were shot. The takeoff had been hard on his ears, which was normal, but Raymond had screeched in agony. His cries broke his heart. Every woman on the plane had poured out their sympathy to the two of them once they were at cruising altitude. A few of them even offered to hold Raymond while he collected himself. His inexperience with babies had never been more obvious.
The landing was as bad as the takeoff, maybe worse. When the time came to disembark, everyone remained seated, waiting for him and his crying baby to deplane first. Hopefully Rick, his best friend, had gotten his message and would be there to drive him home. Otherwise, after he changed Raymond’s soggy diaper, he would simply call a cab. He’d never wanted to go home so desperately in his life.
With the diaper bag slung over his shoulder and a whimpering Raymond in his arms, Dennis headed straight for the luggage carrousel, wondering if the men’s washrooms had baby changing facilities.
His heart nearly stopped as he entered the arrival area.
Rick wasn’t waiting for him. Joanna was.
“Dennis! Over here!” She waved and ran toward him, her heels clicking on the floor.
Adelle would have worn more practical shoes.
“Joanna,” he muttered.
She leaned up to kiss him. He didn’t want her kiss. Whatever relationship they had was over. She no longer had the right to touch him, as far as he was concerned. However, he didn’t want to cause a scene in the middle of the busy Vancouver International Airport, so he turned his head so that the kiss land on his cheek. He would deal with her in a more private setting.
“So this is little Raymond. Can I hold him?”
“You sure you want to hold him? He needs to be changed.”
He could tell her smile was forced. “Of course I do.”
He was very close to telling her that if she wanted to hold him, then she could take him and change him while he waited for his one suitcase and the car seat to come down the luggage chute. He thought it would be poetic justice to let her change a wet baby, but he didn’t want to mislead her. In his present mood, he was close to telling her to go home and that he would take a cab.
“Where’s Rick? I thought Rick was going to come and get me.”
“Oh, I was with Rick when he listened to your message. I told him I would come and get you.”
The only reason he let Joanna carry Raymond was because he had his hands full. When they left the arrival area, he turned to the washrooms, and Joanna turned to the exit.
“Joanna!” he called out. “Where are you going? Remember, I just said he had to be changed.”
“Oh.”
Adelle wouldn’t have forgotten. She would have seen to the baby’s needs first.
Joanna returned, but didn’t offer to take the diaper bag. She just stood there, waiting.
Dennis laid the suitcase and car seat down, but left the diaper bag on his shoulder. “I’ll take him.”
As they shuffled Raymond back into his arms, the engagement ring scratched his hand. He gritted his teeth. She was still wearing it.
Without a word, he took care of Raymond and they left. He barely said two words in the car, but Joanna chattered non-stop. She talked about what her parents gave her for Christmas, she thanked him for the gifts he had given her, then continued on about items he considered gossip and really didn’t want to hear. He noticed she didn’t ask how he’d fared in the accident, what it had been like being stranded, or how he’d managed with a baby. She did pass on her regrets that his nice car was wrecked. He made a mental note to call the towing place he’d contracted in Blue River for a final bill once they dug the car out and hauled it to the holding yard until the insurance was finished with it. They were also going to pry open the trunk and ship home anything that was worth salvaging.
Dennis stared out the window as Joanna continued to yak. He wondered how in the world he’d ever thought he could be happily married to this woman. She was more like a sister to him than a friend because they’d grown up together, a poor reason to commit the rest of one’s life to someone.
As he walked in his front door, he looked at his ornate tree and all the gifts still beneath it. He was too tired to open them. With Raymond asleep in the car seat on the way home, he had allowed himself to relax, and the events of the past week had caught up to him, overloading his senses. He was exhausted and wanted nothing more than to fall into bed, but he couldn’t. He had a baby to look after, and his housekeeper wouldn’t be back until tomorrow. Fortunately Raymond was still asleep after the car ride, and Dennis wondered how long it would last.
He checked his watch. He’d given Raymond a bottle on the plane, which was two hours ago. After the day they’d had, Raymond would probably sleep for a while.
“See what I bought for Raymond?” In the middle of the living room sat a blue tricycle with a large red bow on it.
He hadn’t expected Joanna to buy anything for Raymond considering she had told him to put Raymond up for adoption.
“Joanna, he’s only one month old and can’t properly hold his head up by himself yet. He can’t sit by himself, and he certainly can’t use a tricycle! What he does need is a place to sleep. If you went to all the trouble to buy him something, knowing I wouldn’t have a chance to go shopping before I got home, don’t you think something more practical would have been a better choice for his first night in his new home? Like diapers? Or clothing? Or a crib?”
“I don’t know anything about cribs, but I found some really cute wallpaper.”
“Joanna, I think we have to talk.”
“And I asked around and got some recommendations for a nanny. You can start interviewing tomorrow.”
“Joanna, listen to me. You made yourself perfectly clear when you said you wouldn’t look after someone else’s child. You told me to make a choice between marrying you or keeping Raymond. I chose Raymond.”
“But. . .but. . .I might have been a little premature. I’ve decided to help you get a nanny for him.”
“In other words, I called you on it, and you lost. I’ve done a lot of thinking and you were right all along. There is no place in my life for both you and Raymond. The woman I marry should want to care for Raymond as part of our family, not as a burden. I’m sorry, Joanna, but it’s over between us. The wedding is off. Keep the ring. I don’t care what you do with it. I think you should go home.”
“Go home. . .” Joanna’s beautiful face transformed into an ugly scowl. “Well, that’s just fine!” She stomped to the Christmas tree, withdrew the gift that she’d set under it for him, and stomped to the door. “And you can find a nanny on your own.”
The door slammed behind her, the sound echoing in the large room.
Dennis sank to the couch, all the strength drained from him. He’d already found his perfect nanny, a woman who would also be his perfect wife. If she would have him.
Beside him on the floor, Raymond whimpered, then began to cry in earnest.
Dennis ran his hand over his face. Since Raymond was awake, he knew what he had to do. Sleep would come later. For now, he had a family to take care of, and unless Raymond was going to spend the night in the laundry basket, a trick that Adelle had told him about, he needed to go shopping.
❧
The phone rang.
Adelle stood at the window, staring at the mess in the snow in the middle of the clearing. The sun was starting to set, and it was the last time she would be able to see it as a real reminder that the past few days had really happened.
“Aren’t you going to get that, Dellie? You know it’s for you. And you know who it is.”
Part of her wanted to talk to him, part of her didn’t, but she answered it anyway.
“Hi Adelle. We’re home.”
“Did you have a nice flight?”
He let out a very strange, humorless laugh. “It was okay.”
“Are you and Raymond all settled now?”
“Yes, he’s now got a crib and a dresser and a changing table. You wouldn’t believe the assembly instructions on those things.”
She smiled. “Oh, yes I would.”
His smile came through in his voice. “Yeah. I guess you would.”
Silence hung over the line.
“Adelle, what I was trying to say before I left didn’t come out right. I really want you to come. I need you. For a lot of reasons.”
She gulped. “I told you I have to think about it.” She’d been thinking of nothing else since he left.
“And?”
“I don’t know.”
A cry echoed in the background. “I think I have to go. May I call you tomorrow?”
Adelle’s heart pounded in her chest. In other words, he wanted her to make a decision by tomorrow. Normally she didn’t like being pressured, but in this case, she knew getting it over with was the best thing. Then it wouldn’t be hanging over her head.
The crying became louder.
“Yes, call tomorrow. Good-bye, Dennis.”
“Good-bye, Adelle.”
She hung up quickly, and when she turned around both her aunt and uncle were watching her.
“What?”
“Did he ask you to go to Vancouver?”
“Yes.”
“Well?”
“I don’t know. I haven’t decided.”
“You know how you feel about him, Dellie. He seems like a good Christian man. Think he’s got money, too.”
“What’s inside a man’s heart is more important than his money.”
Uncle Bob grunted. “Easy for you to say.”
Adelle bit her bottom lip and turned to watch the last glow of the red sunset over the rumpled snow. Contrary to her uncle’s words, it hadn’t been easy for her to say. Unless she accepted Shawn’s parents’ terms for Rachel’s support, she would probably be in a desperate financial position even if she counted every penny and nothing unexpected happened, which she knew was completely unrealistic. She did need money.
“We saw you two kissing out in the snow.”
Adelle felt her cheeks grow as red as the sunset she was watching.
“Even after what happened, you tru
st him to touch you, ’cause unless we were mistaken, you weren’t exactly fighting him off. That says something to us, Dellie. What does it say to you?”
They were right. He had treated her gently, and with the utmost respect. What they had done, he had allowed to happen as she was ready.
Was she ready to take her chances and go to him as he had asked? And if she went, what would happen?
She continued to stare out into the darkness. She had fallen in love with a man who had asked her to be his nanny. If she did go, it would be a way to know for sure that this love was real, not an emotional overreaction to the unnatural situation they had found themselves in. She knew he felt some kind of affection for her, it was obvious in the way he treated her, and in the way he kissed her. But now that he was home, would he feel the same?
She was too scared to find out. But if she didn’t go, she would never know.
Adelle didn’t know which was worse.
She turned back to her aunt and uncle, who were still watching her. “I don’t know, I haven’t decided. I’m really tired, I think I’ll feed Rachel and go to bed.”
Sixteen
Dennis’s hand shook as he dialed the phone. The time was later than he wanted to call, but this time he didn’t want a crying baby in the background. He’d waited until Raymond was fed and sleeping soundly so he could convince Adelle to come without any distractions. If she said no, he didn’t know what he’d do.
He counted seven rings, and when Adelle finally answered, he exhaled a long breath.
“Hi, Adelle. How are you?” Dennis squeezed his eyes shut. He’d said, “How are you?” How lame could he be?
“Fine. And you?”
He didn’t want to plod through meaningless platitudes. He was so nervous he felt queasy. “We’re fine. Have you decided to come?”
“Well. . .”
He wanted to tell her that, even during the confusion of settling in with Raymond, his life was empty without her. On the other hand, while this was true, he didn’t want to chance her not believing him.
