by Melle Amade
“It’s better than nothing?” Though it still doesn’t sound good.
Willem rakes a hand through his hair, his jaw tight. “Well, nothing’s going to happen if you don’t get ready.”
I tiptoe to him and press my lips softly against his chin before I sneak out the door and down the stairs before anyone notices I was there.
7
“Do you think I should have worn my hair down?” Hanneke grips my elbow as we move down the castle hallway. Music and light stream from the Great Hall where the Matching celebrations have already begun.
“You look beautiful.” My smile is tight as I close my hand over her trembling fingers. Mais and Katrina lead the way, composed and comfortable as always, like it’s just another family dinner we’re going to, instead of the night we’ll be divided amongst the other eagle families.
“I know I’m not as beautiful as you,” she says, “but I just want to look my best. In case- in case I’m chosen.”
“The Matching is determined by the Order’s politics and has nothing to do with us.” I wish my words were lies, even though they’re not. “Whatever happens, it has nothing to do with how your hair is.”
“Hurry,” Katrina’s shrill voice pulls us forward. I duck my head, grab my skirts, and dash towards the light. We arrive breathlessly at my sisters’ sides.
“I heard a rumor you were seen slipping from Willem’s room this morning.” Mais elbows me gently as giggles tumble from her.
“This castle is rife with rumors,” I mutter.
“You should be careful.” Katrina cocks an eyebrow at me. “Willem may be your brother-in-law shortly.”
My skin goes cold as a chill settles around me. She’s right. I need to brace myself for whatever the Order has in store for us.
The music and lights of the Great Hall are exactly the opposite of my mood. Eagles, Ravensgaard and Berzerken fill up the space. A roaring fire lights up the cavernous fireplace at one end of the hall. Even though the air has lost its deep winter chill, the fireplace brings heat and life inside the castle. A group of eight musicians play baroque instruments in the corner. The harpsichord, lute, and violin fill the air with sweet, merry tunes as my slippers cross the threshold.
The Matching ball has begun, and the dancers are already in full swing.
Hanneke grips my hands, her face torn between a wide smile and complete terror. “You know your steps well,” I say, but she isn’t listening to me. Her eyes follow Willem, who is already on the floor with his sister, covering his tracks.
“He’s splendid,” she says.
I sigh. It’s the same thought I had. He turns at the precise moment with the music, his broad shoulders strong. His smile is magnanimous as he lifts his sister and spins her around and places her gently back down.
“Let’s you and I dance.” I pull Hanneke on the ballroom floor.
“Really?” She hesitates, glancing self-consciously around the hall.
“What do we care?” I ask. “This is our house.”
Hanneke grins and nods, following me out. Katrina gives us a reproving look. I just smile and offer her a wink. The music is light and beautiful and uplifting and I hate it. We whirl around the room; it helps me to forget the horror of my rabbit stole. The revulsion of the fox hunt.
The dancers turn and Willem moves in as my partner. My eyes dip into the gold gleam of his gaze as our hands touch. Our steps move in time with the music. His dancing is beautiful as we quick step down the line of dancers, until we reach the end of the line and break apart, moving in opposite directions. But when I glance over my shoulder through the throng of dancers, he is still gazing at me. My skin burns and I miss a step. Fortunately, my clumsy feet can’t be seen beneath my voluminous white skirt.
The music dwindles as El Oso gathers everyone’s attention. He’s standing on a raised floor behind a table laden with food. It’s the spot usually occupied by my father.
I gravitate to my sisters, who stand in front of my parents.
This is it.
This moment will lay the foundation for the rest of our lives. We will all go our separate ways, and one of us will go to America.
Hanneke and I intertwine our fingers. At this moment, I need her as much as she needs me.
“It’s going to be okay,” I murmur, hoping I’m right. But how can it be? After this night, everyone will be betrothed… except one.
My eyes land on Willem as he stands next to his sister. They are both cool as ice, no nerves in sight. Either it’s their trained veneer or they know something. If Willem or his father have any influence with El Oso, I hope tonight is the night it works.
El Oso’s eyes slowly encompass the room, his head moving like a buoy bobbing on the North Sea.
“The Order has stood in Council for hundreds of years,” his voice intones. It is rich and thick and deceptively gentle. “Whenever possible, we have worked to ensure pure blood lines and appropriate issue from the members of the Order. We help to discern what will be the most effective Matching for the offspring. To support this, we use pedigrees, which are managed and organized under the leadership of Lord Van Arend.”
He nods his head towards Willem’s father, who in turn motions towards a couple who have traveled with them, a young man and woman already matched. I believe they’re coyotes.
“It has been many years since a Matching of this status has been held, and it is an honor and a privilege to meet with the many families of the Order to continue to protect and provide for our community. But tonight, we are honoring our hosts and one of the greatest providers to the Order and the shifter community, the eagle clan, led by the Van Arends.”
Applause erupts across the room. Hanneke and I don’t move.
“He’s going to start,” says Hanneke.
“He better.” The knots in my stomach are growing and tightening. It’s hard to breathe. As much as I pretend I don’t care, my life will be decided in the next few minutes.
“We had made the proclamation that if one of these women won the hunt, they would be able to make their choice of suitors,” El Oso says, his eyes peering at me. “However, although it was said that Agi Oranje won the hunt, she did not capture the intended prey, the fox. Despite the apparent capture of another rabbit, Agi forfeits her right to select a suitor.” I’m not sure if I am reading too much into his look, but there is a sharpness in his gaze that makes me wary.
“Mais of Muiderslot, daughter of Count Oranje, please step forward.” El Oso gazes at my family.
Mais doesn’t hesitate; she doesn’t look back. She is ready for this regardless of whom they deliver her to. She is willing to accept her destiny.
My mother’s chin is lowered, her face encased in a false smile, and she is watching El Oso and waiting for the proclamation of the Matching. Mais gets her strength from Mom.
Hanneke’s fingers tremble in mine.
“Don’t worry,” I say. “They won’t name Willem’s match first. He’s the Heir. They will save him for last.”
I glance at Rolf, Giancarlo, and Pierre. Giancarlo has a look of distaste on his face, and it’s clear that if the Order has determined that he is the best match for Mais, then they don’t know what they’re doing.
Rolf, the German, with his ruddy skin and ample belly is the one I hope they chose for her. He holds a turkey leg in his hand, which his mother tries to wrestle from him, while his father smooths out his collar. Mais will enjoy smoothing out his rough edges.
“Mais Oranje, you have been matched with Count Rolf,” El Oso reads the proclamation.
Rolf seems caught completely by surprise, but Mais lets out a squeal. His mother cleans Rolf’s hands off and pushes him out of the crowd and to the center where Mais curtsies and smiles at him. We all applaud. It is a good match, and I’m thrilled for my sister. When she rises, she has already has the air of the German’s wife, jovial and proper.
Annalise, Willem’s sister, is called next.
“Why must they call the women out?” Ha
nneke whispers nervously.
I shrug silently in agreement. Why are we made to parade in front of the establishment? Annalise doesn’t walk, though, she glides. She is dignified, the epitome of untouchable beauty. And as I look between Giancarlo and Pierre, it is Giancarlo who is smiling at her as if wondering what lies beneath her prim, beautiful exterior.
“Annalise of Muiderkring West, Daughter of Lord Van Arend,” El Oso reads from the scroll. “You are matched with Pierre of the Eagles of Lyon.”
Pierre immediately bows, smiles, and steps forward. Giancarlo frowns and looks like he’s about to say something, nonetheless folds his arms across his chest like a petulant child instead.
There is no doubt who Katrina will go to. She steps forward, her lips drawn tightly together. I’m sure Giancarlo was her last choice, even though it’s futile to make one.
As Giancarlo walks towards her, his gaze flicks towards me, his mouth tugged in a downward smile. He shrugs and gives me a wink. My eyes widen.
“Did you see that?” whispers Hanneke.
“It doesn’t mean anything,” I say. “Except that he’s a jerk.” And that jerk is matched with our sister.
Then there is just Hanneke and myself. And Willem.
Hanneke and I put our arms around each other. This is the moment. The matched all stand to the side. They do not touch. Instead, they are two by two. Giancarlo and Katrina. Mais and Rolf. Annalise and Pierre, who look down their noses at the rest of the congregation.
“One of us will marry the Heir.” Hanneke’s grip on my fingers tighten. I pry them slightly loose. I don’t want to let go.
It must be me they have matched Willem with. There’s no way they could pass me up for a sixteen-year-old child.
“The other will stay here and care for our parents.” I say, willing myself to accept my possible fate. My blood feels like sludge in my veins. The feelings I have for Willem are real, yet I can’t let them show.
“Agi Oranje,” El Oso announces, and I am swept forward, elated, into the tide of fate.
“It is you,” Hanneke whispers, but her eyes glisten with tears.
Willem smiles as we step towards each other and my heart soars.
He is mine.
“Hanneke Oranje, please step forward,” El Oso continues. My gaze flies to El Oso and then to my parents who are pushing Hanneke forward. Willem’s steps falter, and he stands halfway between his family and me as Hanneke catches up to me.
My sister runs to me and grips my hand. I stare into her eyes. We both take a deep breath and walk forward. I can’t stop my eyes from going to Willem. The smile is gone from his face. He is staring at El Oso, his hands stiff at his sides, his shoulders erect and unmoving.
“It is no secret,” says El Oso, “that this is the time when Lord Van Arend and the entire seat of Muiderkring West shall be determined, for no man rules alone. He rules with a woman by his side and, thus, it was with extreme focus and concern that we measured the Matching for Lord Willem.”
My skin itches with scrutiny. Why must we stand exposed? One of us will be matched. One will not. I keep my eyes trained on El Oso. I try to call calmness from the tangled cells of my body.
“Willem Van Arend, please step forward,” El Oso says. Willem answers the Order’s command and stands next to me. Hanneke’s fingers dig into mine. El Oso wastes no more time. “It has been determined Willem Van Arend, and you have been matched with Hanneke Oranje.”
Hanneke lets out a scream of delight, and her hands fly to her mouth. She pulls away from me and looks to Willem almost as if she will run into his arms. I step back and out of the way, wanting to disappear.
Willem bows to El Oso. I cannot see his face or his eyes. He accepts Hanneke as his match. My face burns with shame.
We are all at the mercy of the Order.
“Should any of these Matchings not occur within the next moon, or should any of the matched females expire before they provide issue,” El Oso says, “then Agi Oranje shall be the replacement Matching for any of the said eagles.”
I am the substitute broodmare.
Hanneke gazes at Willem with tears of excitement. I know I can’t take this moment away from her. Away from my other sisters. We always knew one of us would not be matched.
And it is me.
I nod to El Oso, curtsy to Willem, and pull Hanneke to me in a big hug. I blink back my tears. “You will make a fabulous Lady of Muiderkring West,” I whisper in her ear.
Then I back away, pull up my skirts, and push through the crowd rushing forward to congratulate Willem and my sister on their Matching.
8
His words rattle inside my head like a steel blade shattering glass. “I am hoping…”
That’s what he said. But his hope was useless.
The shadows of the garden hedge hide me from the lights and excitement of the Matching. Cold wind sweeps up the gravel alleyways of the maze. There was always a chance I would not be matched, and it never bothered me. Until today. Until this moment.
I have lost him forever to my little sister.
Above the lilting chords of the music, wings whisper on the wind.
“Agi,” Willem’s voice penetrates the gloom as he alights from the sky and shifts into human form. My name sounds like a declaration on his lips.
The moon tips over the edges of the hedge, lighting up the gold in his eyes.
I open my mouth to say something, but can’t.
The words cracking in my head and threatening to escape are simple, clear, and true. They are in his eyes before I can say them. He is braver than I.
“Agi.” His body is still, eyes blaze. “I want you.”
I bite my lips to keep my words inside because I want him too. I would leave my country, my family, everything to be with him. My fingers grip my wrists to stop myself from reaching for him.
“You are matched with my sister.” The words whisper like a draft of frozen air between us. “You cannot have me. You are chosen for my sister,” I repeat because in this moment I need all the strength I can get.
“I am not married,” he says. “I am free.”
“You are insane,” I say. “None of us are free.”
“Do you want me—”
“No!” I cover my ears and turn away. There are no options. “You are matched with my sister. You cannot choose me.”
He pulls my wrists down and turns me to face him. His face is inches from mine. “You don’t understand,” he says.
The desperate fox shifter flashes to my mind. I understand very well. We live in a dangerous society that we don’t even completely understand. El Oso may not kill the Heir, but he is not to be trifled with. “He knows that we know about the fox and this is my punishment.”
“Even if I married your sister, I would still choose you.” Willem continues as if I have not spoken. “You are part of me, and I know you feel it.” He says all the words I should not be hearing; all the words I can’t respond to.
“No,” I breathe.
“You cannot mean that,” he says. His grip on my wrists tightens as if he will never let go. “You cannot want your sister married to someone who does not want her.”
My heart cracks as I think of Hanneke’s face when El Oso announced her Matching. My sweet Hanneke, who thinks that once you are matched everyone lives happily ever after. She thinks she will be swept away by her prince to his beautiful manor in the West. My little sister who has yet to see that her prince is in love with me.
His breath is gentle against my cheek. His skin radiates heat like the sun. I lean into the warmth and press my forehead against his chin. He dips down and kisses the worried crease in my brow. My breath weakens.
“Tell me you don’t feel it,” he demands.
For all the earth, I wish I could lie. But he’s not an idiot. He knows.
“I want you, too,” the words crumble from my mouth.
His lips are on mine, rushing to put me back together again. He presses against me, and I stumble fro
m the force, but I don’t care because I’m losing myself in the movement of his lips on mine. I don’t care where we fall.
While his lips block out the world, my heart knows this will be the only kiss I ever have from him. The last moment we will share. So, I give my mouth to him with all the love and joy and tears within me. I pour my heart into him, so he will never be cold.
He pulls back, breathlessly smiling, an imagined future in his eyes.
It’s over. Our kiss is over.
He traces my lips with his finger. “Don’t look so sad,” he says. “Don’t worry for Hanneke. We will find her someone else. And if we can’t, she can take care of our children and be one of our family.”
I blink up at him. We have separated and are traveling down different roads already.
“She shouldn’t have to spend her lifemarried to a man who doesn’t love her,” he says.
I nod stiffly.
“I love you,” he says.
A slight smile lifts my mouth, for I’m glad I have heard those words, but I dare not say them back or kiss him again. If I do, I don’t think I will ever stop.
“I will tell my father,” Willem says. “I refuse Hanneke completely and if I cannot have you I will not have anyone.”
“Don’t tell him yet,” I say. “Let it be our secret.”
Doubt edges his face.
“Just for a moment,” I soothe. “I want to be there when you tell him.”
Willem frowns. “I don’t know. It might be better if I tell my father on my own. Then he can speak to El Oso. Then all repercussions will be on my father and me. Not you.”
“I want to stand by your side through everything.” I use the truth to manipulate him. “I want to be with you. Promise me. Promise me you won’t tell anyone of your feelings for me without me there.”
He cocks his head, looking at me with a smile. Joy soars across his face, knowing I want to be by his side.
“Promise me,” I insist. “You will never tell anyone of this conversation unless I am in the room with you.”
He laughs, elated and convinced. “Yes. Yes, I promise.”
