by Jamie Carie
When Jake stood back up, Maddie looked up at him, feeling her heart swell with warmth. “Thank you, Jake. That was so thoughtful.”
“Did you see these beautiful flowers?” Gloria gushed. “I’ll just go put them in a vase and check the dinner. Simon, get Jake something to drink. Max, come help Grammy find some water for these gorgeous flowers.”
Maddie’s dad clapped Jake on the shoulder like they were old friends. “You want a beer?”
“Sure.” While he left to get it Jake took Maddie’s hand and held it out. “You look pretty,” he said, taking in the blue dress and apron she’d forgotten that she was still wearing.
Maddie looked up at him, a shy smile playing across her lips. “You look pretty good yourself.” The flirtatious tone to both their remarks made heat steel up Maddie’s cheeks.
Her dad came back in on that note, embarrassing her further. Here, she’d been afraid her parents were going to do something stupid and she was the one acting like a star-struck groupie. Her dad handed Jake the drink and motioned to the recliner and the football game playing across the big screen. “You a football fan?” Simon asked.
Jake nodded, taking a sip and sitting on the couch, probably not wanting to take what was obviously her father’s chair. “North Carolina’s playing today, right?”
The men talked and Maddie waved at Jake and went into the kitchen to hurry dinner along, sighing with relief. It looked as though things might go better than she thought.
The sweet potatoes looked wonderful, bubbling and oozing with brown sugar and butter in the oven next to the turkey. The homemade egg noodles bubbled in chicken broth on the stove. They were still a little tough, but smelled great and would be ready in another fifteen minutes. The mashed potatoes and gravy were the easy part, just heat up in the microwave toward the end, which left the stuffing on the stove and the rolls to bake at the last ten minutes. The marshmallow cranberry salad was in the fridge looking elegant in a beautiful cut-glass bowl.
Maddie’s mom edged closer to her, glancing around the corner to make sure they were alone, and rasped out in too loud a whisper, “You didn’t tell me he was so handsome. He looks better in person than on TV, doesn’t he?”
Maddie grinned, really looking at her mom’s face. Gloria was a petite woman, always thin, but now, as she’d gotten older, curvier, which her father assured everyone he liked better, with strawberry blond hair and a round face. “I know. He about took my breath away when I walked into the living room.” She reached for her glass of water, took a small sip and stared dreamily off into space.
“I just hope he doesn’t break your heart,” Gloria whispered.
Maddie patted her mom’s arm. “I’m guarding it. Believe me, I’m worried about the same thing.”
They set the table, filled the glasses, put the rolls in the oven and set the timer. Maddie wandered back into the living room to check on how Jake was doing.
Jake was sitting on the couch, his long arm stretched out across the back, Max squeezed in next to him, as close as the little boy could get, looking up at him with innate idol worship. Jake had Max’s favorite storybook in his hands and was reading it to him in a low voice, pointing at the pictures, smiling and nodding when Max got a picture right. They were so wrapped up in each other that they didn’t even notice Maddie at the door, glass suspended in her hand, tears forming.
Razor sharp, the truth sank through layers of physical attraction and infatuation. If she allowed these feelings for Jake to grow, allowed him into her heart and her home, it wouldn’t only be her heart that she was risking, but Max’s too. How could she possibly put her little boy through more pain? More loss? The agony of loving and losing.
And yet, watching them, so close and comfortable together, she found she couldn’t tear Max away. He…they deserved friends at least, didn’t they? She could resist the attraction. She could build in healthy boundaries for her and Max so that they could enjoy his company without falling in love with him.
“Daddy,” Max said, pointing to the dad in the picture. He then looked up at Jake with the most cherubic smile and stated with sweet simplicity, “You can be my new dad.”
Oh no, stop! Maddie rushed into the room, not knowing what to say.
Jake smiled at the panicked look on her face. “It’s okay,” he assured her. He ruffled Max’s hair and squeezed him in a tight hug. “Whoever gets to be your dad is one lucky man.” He kissed the top of Max’s curling hair and then pointed to the mom in the picture. “Who’s that?”
“The mommy,” Max said with assurance.
“She’s not as pretty as your mommy, is she?”
Max looked at Maddie, looked at her from a different perspective than he ever had before, and something flashed across those two-year-old eyes. He shook his head. “’Cause the lady in the story is not my mommy.”
Maddie inhaled sharply. Jake smiled a slow, admiring smile. “He’s a smart boy.”
Maddie blinked back the tears and did that nodding, shaking-her-head thing that she did when she was agreeing and confused. “I can’t believe he just said that.”
Jake got off the couch, seemingly unaffected by the fact that her father was there, eyes glued to the game. He walked over to her and gave her a kiss square on the mouth.
Maddie reared back. “What was that for?”
“I’m obeying the apron,” he said, a mischievous look in his eyes.
Maddie looked down at the “K♥ss the Cook” sign on her chest and laughed, turning pink. Lowering her voice and leaning toward him she teased back, “What if it had said ‘Marry the Cook?’ Would you have done that too?”
“I’m thinking about it,” he said, shocking her. “Maybe I just need a sign.”
Maddie didn’t know what to say to that. Everything with Jake was too right. She felt like she was swimming with the current when she was with him, so different than it had been with Brandon.
Gloria saved her from answering as she called out, “Dinner’s ready.”
Her dad took Max’s hand and led him into the dining room with a private wink toward Maddie.
Maddie reached for her apron strings to untie them, but Jake stopped her and turned her around. His knuckles brushed against the nape of her neck, sending goose bumps along the column of her spine, as he untied it for her. He slowly did the same at her waist, making them late walking into the dining room.
They gathered around the table, where her father said grace. He was exceptionally eloquent, thanking God for their family, for Maddie and Max living with them, for their guest and Maddie, again, had to fight back tears. What was wrong with her today?
~~~~~~
Jake sat across from Maddie, Max in his high chair beside her, and tried not to stare. Maddie as the housewife, the mother, the cook, the nurturer was even more appealing than the classy woman he saw at work. He couldn’t help it. He imagined them married. He imagined himself in the husband and father role. It was something he had never known he wanted…until now. He had never considered what it would be like to have a son. Had never known the jolt of protective joy that Max inspired when he’d cuddled up next to him and asked for a story. Never imagined the pride that would fill him as he filled his plate, knowing that she’d spent hours in the kitchen cooking it for him. He felt dazed, a little confused, like a fish lifted out of a comfortably warm fishbowl and set free into the sea, where there were colors and textures and wants and needs that had yet to be explored, that were core deep, that he hadn’t known he had been missing.
This must be what love feels like.
There was a surrendering to it. It was a choice and he suddenly knew that if he dove in, he was all in. There would be no turning back from this admission. The fishbowl would then feel closed and small and mean…without light or color. Like a choice between heaven and earth. He couldn’t get away from it. He had to decide right here, right now.
Something must have shown in the look he gave her across the table, because she stopped, her fork suspended tow
ard her mouth, and looked at him with that beautiful half-smile with a question in it.
He stared back, thoughtful, purposeful, knowing the path ahead. He would have to fight to win her heart. It would be a challenge, but he was never so eager to begin a battle. He knew battle. He knew reaching beyond the possible. He knew how to win a prize.
“It’s good.” His voice came out huskier than he intended. “The food, I mean,” he corrected himself, belatedly remembering their audience. “You’re a great cook, Maddie.”
Maddie compressed her lips together in a look of embarrassed pleasure at the compliment, took a deep breath and laughed a small laugh. “Internet recipes. Thank you.”
Simon nodded his agreement and looked to Gloria. “You girls did real good. Jake and Max and I are lucky men today.”
Max, with mashed potatoes smeared across his lips, lifted his plastic blue spoon high in the air in spontaneous agreement and they all looked at him and laughed.
After everyone finished, Jake volunteered to help Maddie wash the dishes, hoping to be alone with her in the kitchen.
“Max likes you,” she said softly, both pleased and uneasy with it. Jake could tell by the sparkle in her eyes and the tightness in her shoulders.
“I like Max.” Jake stepped up behind her at the kitchen sink and wrapped his arms around her. “This is the best Thanksgiving I’ve ever had. Thank you for inviting me.”
She turned her head to look up at him. “Really? You don’t get to go home much anymore?”
Jake let his hands glide from her arms to her shoulders and then down to her waist, watching the water from the sink running on the dirty dishes in a hot, steamy flow. “Sometimes I go back…but, you know after you leave home, it’s never the same. I guess I’m in that in between time…not really belonging there anymore and not really having a family of my own yet.”
Maddie gave him that same half-smile, but this time it was filled with confusion. “You want a family of your own?”
“I didn’t know I did…until I met you.” He leaned closer, kissing her neck, just behind her ear. She smelled so good, like brown sugar-laden sweet potatoes and perfume.
He felt her take an indrawn breath. “Jake—”
“Yeah…I know.”
He turned her and rested his hands at her waist, kissing her temple and then along the side of her cheek and back down and into her hair, feeling the moment razor sharp, not even wanting to kiss her lips yet.
The water made a thick steam that rose up and around them. She trembled in his arms. He whispered in her ear, “I know you’re scared but if you want to talk about it, if you want to cry on my shoulder, I want to be there for you.”
She lifted her face. She looked into his eyes and for a moment, a flash in time, the blue depths of her eyes were unguarded. He saw clearly her sorrow, a soul bereft, a spirit downtrodden, and it snatched his breath from him.
“You loved him so much, didn’t you?”
She pressed her lips together, trying not to cry, and then dropped her head on his chest and nodded. “I thought we would be together forever. I didn’t know. I didn’t understand what could happen.”
“No one could. No one could.” He pressed her to him, wanting to ease her pain, wanting to do something…anything.
“I think I’m falling in love with you, Maddie.” He paused, letting it sink into both of them. “I know it’s too soon. I know it doesn’t make sense and I know you don’t want it right now. But I’ll wait. I’ll be here when you’re ready.”
She lifted her head, the tears now real. “What if I’m never ready?” she said on a breath.
Jake smiled. “Someday you will be. Someday you will be healed enough to take a chance again.”
“I don’t know…”
“Shall I prove it to you?”
Her eyebrows drew together in a manner that he was recognizing as confused stubbornness. “How?”
“Kiss me.”
Her eyes widened.
He reached over and turned off the running faucet, his hand returning to her cheek, wiping off a tear with the pad of his thumb. “You kiss me.”
She was breathing too fast, slowly shaking her head, which made him smile. “You can do it.”
She leaned toward him, tentative in the initiative-taking. “How do men risk this?” she asked suddenly, smiling. “Even though you asked for it, I’m afraid you’re going to reject me.”
Jake laughed out loud and hoped it wouldn’t have her parents walking in. “I won’t reject you. I can hardly wait.”
Taking a deep breath, she leaned in again, up on her tiptoes. Jake barely helped by tilting down his head a little. This was her battle and she needed to conquer it and come to her own conclusions about it.
Her lips felt cool, a little dry and shy. They started to move across his, a slight opening, her mouth reaching out, exploratory, cautious. Jake resisted the urge to take over, only responding in kind.
She placed her hands awkwardly on his upper arms and stretched up a little further toward him. Tilting her head, she tried again, letting go a little more, slanting her lips across his. “Kiss me back,” he felt, more than heard her say against his lips, causing him to smile against her mouth.
“I am. This is your kiss. Make it what you want.” A couple of heartbeats, and then, “What do you want, Maddie?”
~~~~~~
It was that question again. Did she know? She should be good, do the right thing and send him packing. But that wasn’t what she wanted. She wanted him. She wanted to rush to the altar and marry him already. The basketball star that she never dreamed would notice her. The tall, dark and handsome man that he epitomized and that left her weak in the knees when she watched him move across the court or her office or her home. The sweetness he showed her when he looked at her with compassion and understanding. The man who sat with her son and read him a story…and seemed to love each second of it.
She wanted him.
~~~~~~
He felt the change against his mouth and then the catch in her breath as she allowed the feelings to flow through her and into the kiss. She melted into him, but stayed in control. She explored, tasting him, moving to touch places on his lips and in his mouth that had his head spinning. She contoured her lips in both wide and little movements that tasted him. She completely let go.
He was lost, rocked, spinning in a sensation that he’d never explored before. His heart pounded, his hands grew sweaty and the woman in his arms conquered him like he’d never imagined was possible from just a kiss. She engulfed him until he didn’t know where he ended and she began. It was unlike anything he’d ever experienced.
~~~~~~
Maddie pulled back, holding the back of her hand against her flushed, swollen lips, her eyes wide with disbelief. “What are you doing to me? What have you done?”
He let out a breathy laugh. “I…I’m not sure what I’m doing.” But his eyes said differently. His eyes said he would like to kiss her more and more and what that led to.
“I’m not one of those women, Jake. I’m not another star-struck fan that will just let you do anything and then…watch you walk away.”
She swallowed, looking up at him, her hand against his rock-solid chest. “I have a son.”
Jake nodded, his brow knitted together. “Do you really think that’s all I feel for you?” He backed away, turned toward the kitchen cabinets and ran his hand over his face. Then he pierced her with gray-green intensity. “Do you think I run after women like this? Read their sons stories and love their turkey dinner and go to their home and meet their parents, just…just to get her into bed? Is that all you take me for, Maddie?”
There was pain in his eyes and she felt it pierce her, reach slowly down into her heart and twist. “I’m sorry. I don’t think that. It’s just that…”
When she couldn’t finish, he nodded. “I know. You are a widow. You recently lost your husband and you’re scared.” He stepped closer and she could smell his cologne waft over h
er. “Tell me, Maddie, what can I do to show you that I’m here for the right reasons. How can I prove myself to you?”
Maddie tilted her head back and stared into his eyes. It would be so easy to give in, but she kind of liked being asked. “Well,” she said with a serious tone, “I am looking for a new church. You could visit a few with me? Just on the Sundays when you are in town?” She came into his arms, enjoying the feel of them wrap around her back. “It’s hard to go alone.”
“Church, huh?” He squeezed her tighter into his chest and leaned down to breathe into her ear. “You are good.”
Maddie kissed his neck, reveling in the feel of his smooth skin and the wonderful way he always smelled. “Oh no,” she assured in a whisper toward his ear, “not good enough.” She ran little kisses up to his mouth and then paused just an inch away from his lips. Breathing together for a moment, she laughed on a soft breath. “That’s why I need to go to church.”
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
Maddie was surprised how quickly Jake had agreed. Even more surprising, he insisted on picking them up that very next Sunday. She glanced down at Max, who was running around the living room, arms spread wide and pretending to be an airplane while reaching into the closet for their coats. Jake would arrive any minute.
Maddie checked her reflection one more time in the living room mirror while she shrugged into her coat. She was just getting Max’s hand through his coat sleeves when she heard the doorbell ring. “Hurry, Max.” She kissed his cheek as she pulled a fleece cap over his curls and lifted his hood, zipping the coat with practiced speed. “Our ride is here.”
She handed Max his mittens, hoping the task would occupy him for a few minutes, and rushed to the door. When she opened the door it was to a white world, the snow still coming down in pretty clumps. The sight of Jake, so bright and early and looking like God’s gift to women in dark slacks and a striped, royal blue button-up shirt under a dark wool coat that draped his broad shoulders perfectly, nearly took her breath away.
When she didn’t say anything, just stared, he smiled and clapped his gloved hands together. “Shocked I made it?” He looked down, gesturing toward his clothes. “Have I dressed appropriately?”
