"And now he's gone."
She nodded. "And now for the first time in my life I realize that maybe I don't want to spend the rest of my life working for Baker Enterprises."
"What do you want?" Beau's gaze penetrated her, as if seeking some answer she didn't possess.
She looked down at the tabletop and her fingers found the carved outline of a heart. "I don't know," she replied softly, knowing only that she was confused.
They ate in silence. For some reason, their conversation had unsettled Carolyn, brought forward all her self-doubts. Garrison had told her to hurry home, that the business needed her. However, she knew that wasn't true. Baker Enterprises ran on well-oiled wheels with Garrison at the helm. It didn't matter whether she was there or not.
Again her thoughts turned to her father. Who could have killed him? What motive could somebody have had to kill him? According to the police, Sam's motive was business related. Sam had wanted the corporation to go public, and Joseph had fought the move. There was no way Carolyn would ever believe that her brother had anything to do with the death of her father.
She shoved her sandwich away half-eaten, one hand automatically going to the charm that hung on a gold chain around her neck. She fingered the charm thoughtfully.
"Not hungry?" Beau asked, pulling her from her thoughts.
"Not really." She frowned.
"Pretty necklace," he observed, leaning across the table to look closer. "Looks like it's some kind of bird."
She smiled. "It is. It's a phoenix. Father gave this to me the day before he was killed."
Beau reached across the table and took the golden bird in his hand, scrutinizing it more closely. "There's something written on the back?"
She nodded absently. "Some symbols. I think it must be the artist's signature." As he dropped the charm, she continued, "I just can't stop thinking about Sam. Surely if he was staying in Mary and Bob's spare room, Mary would have known about it. Why didn't she call me? Why didn't she let me know?"
Beau shrugged. "If Sam is in danger, as you believe, then perhaps he convinced her not to call you for some reason."
Anger warmed Carolyn's cheeks. "But if he's in danger that's all the more reason to contact us and let us know he's okay." She slapped a hand down on the table. "If nothing else, he should get in touch with his wife. This silence—it's so selfish."
Beau finished his hamburger and leaned back, a frown furrowing his forehead. "But if he's in danger, perhaps he's purposefully staying away from his family so as not to draw the danger to them. To me, that's not selfish. It's selfless and the greatest love a person can ever have."
"What do you mean?"
Beau shrugged again. "Maybe what Sam wants more than anything in the world is to be with his wife and child, but he is denying himself what he wants most for their best interests. That's real love—the kind that hurts to protect somebody else." He stood and threw a couple dollars on the table. "Come on, we've still got a few places left to check in this area before I head to the office."
As he paid Wanda for their meal, he asked her if she'd heard of anyone named Sam Baker. "Sam Baker? Nope, name doesn't ring a bell." She handed him his change, then took the picture Carolyn held out. "Yeah, I have seen him."
"When?" Beau asked, as a surge of excitement coursed through Carolyn.
Wanda frowned. "Couple of weeks ago. The day after Bob and Mary Johnson had their accident. He was standing out front that morning when I got here."
"Did he say anything? Did he say where he was staying?" Questions bubbled out of Carolyn.
"Nope, didn't say much at all. I got the impression he was headed out of town."
"What gave you that impression?" Beau asked.
Wanda shrugged her broad shoulders. "He ordered the biggest cup of coffee I had, and he was carrying a knapsack. When he left here, he headed out toward the highway."
"You sure it was him?" Beau asked, directing her attention back to the photo.
"Positive." Wanda flashed a broad smile. "Not too many handsome hunks come in this place. When they do, I notice."
"Thanks, Wanda." Beau handed Carolyn back her photo and together they left the café.
"He's gone, isn't he?" Carolyn said dispiritedly.
"I can't be sure, but I'd say if what Wanda told us is correct, he was heading out of town." He touched her arm, as if to comfort her. "We still have other places we can check out, see if anyone else saw him."
Carolyn shook her head. "No, it would probably be a waste of time. If Sam was still here, the best hiding place would be in Bob and Mary's house. It was obvious nobody had been there for a while." She smiled sadly at Beau. "He's gone, and we'd just be hitting our heads against those brick walls."
They got into the car and headed back to Regina's house. "I'm sorry, Carolyn. I wish we could have found him for you."
She shrugged. "Sam isn't going to be found until he wants to be found." She turned in the seat to face Beau. "I really appreciate all your help, Beau."
They rode in silence, Carolyn realizing it was time to put thoughts of Sam behind her for the moment. There was nothing she could do about her father's murder or Sam's disappearance. She could only help Sam if and when he wanted her help. In the meantime, she had to sort out her own life, which suddenly seemed filled with confusion and self-doubt.
"No luck, huh?" Regina asked when they got to her house. They had told her when they'd dropped off the kids that they were seeking leads to help them find Carolyn's brother.
"We think he left town a couple of weeks ago," Carolyn said, nuzzling Brent in her arms.
"Let's get the kids loaded up," Beau said, grabbing the diaper bags. "I told the guys I'd be in to the station around noon."
"Why don't you go on?" Regina suggested. "I can take Carolyn and the boys home." She shoved Beau toward the front door. "I don't get a chance for girl talk very often."
Beau looked at Carolyn. "Okay with you?"
"Sure, it's fine," Carolyn agreed.
"Then I'll see you later tonight." With that, Beau left Regina's.
"How about a cup of coffee before I take you home?" Regina asked.
"Sure," Carolyn replied, following her into the kitchen. Regina placed Trent on the floor and Carolyn did the same with Brent. The two kids immediately headed for the collection of plastic cooking utensils and bowls Regina had put out to amuse them.
"How do you keep everything so neat?" Carolyn marveled as she sat down at the table. She'd noticed that the living room was orderly and uncluttered, and the kitchen sparkled with cleanliness and smelled faintly of lemon cleaner.
Regina laughed and set a cup of coffee before Carolyn, then joined her at the table. "You just got lucky in coming here on a Monday morning. Monday is cleaning day. Come back on Wednesday or Thursday and you'll see bedlam."
"I have bedlam every day," Carolyn said dryly. "I can't seem to get the house cleaned and entertain the kids all in the space of one day."
"Welcome to the world of mothering."
Carolyn smiled. "When I decided to come out here and get the twins, I had the idea that mothering was easy, instinctive. It's been a rude awakening."
"Parenting is the toughest job anyone will ever do, but it's the most rewarding."
Carolyn smiled at Trent, who had a pink plastic bowl on his head. "I love them," she said softly.
"I know." Regina reached across the table and touched her hand lightly. "I guess there is one good point to all this. No matter who the judge decides to give the boys to, the kids will thrive. Either you or Beau will do a wonderful job parenting." She looked at the twins. "They are very lucky little boys to have two people who care so much for them."
"It all would be so much easier if Beau wasn't Beau." Carolyn paused to sip her coffee as Regina laughed.
"He is a charming devil, isn't he?"
"I wanted to hate him. I came out here believing that I would hate him. And there are moments when I want to positively wring his neck, but in the end, he
makes me laugh."
Regina took a drink of coffee, then studied Carolyn over the top of her mug. "So, what are you going to do about it?"
Carolyn frowned. "About what?"
"About the fact that you're in love with Beau."
Shock riveted through Carolyn as heat filled her cheeks. "I'm not…That's ridiculous…." Un steadily she set her cup down, trying to fight the wave of emotions that surged through her. "I admit, I've grown very fond of Beau, and I admire the way he handles Trent and Brent. But, we come from different worlds. We both agreed that a marriage between us as a solution would be ridiculous. I have a life to go back to in New York. I'd be a fool to fall in love with Beau Randolf."
Regina merely smiled. At that moment Trent cried, rubbing his eyes, and that started Brent crying. "I'd better get you home. Looks like a couple of little pumpkins need a nap."
Carolyn nodded, grateful for the interruption of what had become an uncomfortable conversation. As they packed up the kids and headed for Beau's, she told herself how ridiculous it was to even consider that she might be in love with Beau.
Minutes later, with Trent and Brent down for a nap, Carolyn wandered the house, going over and over her conversation with Regina in her head.
Regina was right about one thing. No matter how the judge chose in the custody suit, the ultimate winners would be the boys. Carolyn had no doubt that Beau loved the babies every bit as much as she did. But she wanted them. She wanted to see their smiling faces every morning. She wanted to tuck them in each night and kiss their baby sweet ness. Was it so wrong for her to want to be the one who raised them? Was it so wrong to think that her financial position could make their lives better?
She jumped as she heard the familiar thunk of mail being deposited in the slot by the front door. She grabbed the envelopes, intent on placing them on the kitchen counter, as she did every day.
As she walked through the living room, her gaze was captured by the top piece of mail, and the official seal that adorned the return-address spot. It was from the court house and she knew it probably held the information about the date of the custody trial.
Her hand trembled as she set the envelopes on the counter. She would have to wait until Beau opened it to find out how much longer she would be here in Casey's Corners.
She sank down at the table, over whelmed as she realized she'd lied to Regina. She'd managed to do some thing in credibly stupid. She'd fallen in love with Beau Randolf.
Chapter 10
"Dammit, Waylon. I've told you again and again not to put the arrest forms in this file." Beau slammed the metal cabinet and turned to glare at the over weight deputy.
"Sorry, Beau." Waylon shifted un com fort ably in his wooden chair.
Beau swiped a hand through his hair, then stared at his friend. "No, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to yell at you." He sank down on the chair behind his desk and once again raked a hand through his hair. "It's this custody suit. It's making me crazy."
"Next Wednesday, right?"
Beau nodded. Five more days and the fate of the twins would be decided. Since the moment the letter had come four days before from the court informing him of the date, he and Carolyn had walked on egg shells with each other. Both were suddenly aware that within days, their lives would irrevocably change. Beau expelled a deep sigh. "It's crazy. I don't know whether I'm scared I will get custody or scared that I won't."
Waylon looked at him in surprise. "What are you talking about? You changing your mind about what's best for those boys?"
Beau grinned wryly. "Only every other minute." He tipped the chair up on its rear legs and leaned the back against the wall behind him. "Most of the time I know I can give those boys everything they need to grow up to be well-adjusted, productive adults. I love them more than anything or anyone I've ever loved in my life." He flushed, un accustomed to speaking of his feelings so freely.
"So why the doubts?" Waylon asked.
Again he raked a hand through his hair. "There are moments when I wonder if maybe I'm depriving them of a much better lifestyle. There's no getting around it, Waylon, Carolyn can give them things I can't afford."
"Yeah, but can she love them like you do?"
Waylon's words haunted Beau for the rest of the day. In truth, Beau didn't know how capable Carolyn was of giving love. She, herself, admitted she was the product of distant, uncaring parents. How could she give what she'd never had herself?
He didn't doubt the fact that Carolyn loved Trent and Brent as best she could, but was it enough?
These questions plagued him as he drove home and they followed him into the house, where the scent of tomato sauce was redolent in the air. "Carolyn?"
"In here," her voice drifted out from the kitchen. He stumbled over a plastic dump truck and kicked a ball from his path. As he entered the kitchen, Trent and Brent immediately crawled toward him.
"Hey, little rug rats."
Carolyn turned from the stove, her glasses fogged with the steam rising from a pot of boiling water. "This will be ready in just a minute," she said, then smiled proudly. "I'm cooking."
"So I see." He walked over to her and gently removed the steamed glasses, noting the attractive flush in her cheeks. He placed the glasses on the counter next to where she worked. "What exactly are you making?"
She held up a handful of spaghetti and dropped it into the pot. "I have to confess, I cheated on the sauce. It's jarred from the store, but it's a start."
"Yes, it is." He moved away from her, irritation winging through him. Next thing he knew, she'd be entering the Mother of the Year contest.
He sank down at the kitchen table, smiling as Brent crawled over to him and pulled himself up to a standing position, using Beau's knees for support. "Hey, little man, have you been good today?" Trent quickly joined his brother, competing for Beau's attention by jumping up and down and squealing with excitement. Beau laughed, finding it difficult to hang on to his foul mood with the kids' entertainment.
He looked up to see Carolyn watching him. He motioned to the pot. "You might want to stir that spaghetti, otherwise it tends to stick together."
She turned quickly, doing as he'd suggested. He noted how her hair shone in the waning evening sunlight that filtered in through the windows, then admired the snug fit of her jeans across her shapely derriere. "You're wearing jeans," he said in surprise.
Facing him once again, she smiled self-consciously. "I took the boys shopping today and bought them. Today seems to be the day for firsts—jeans and cooking."
"Careful, or your friends won't recognize you when you go back home."
Her smile quickly faded and she redirected her attention to the boiling pasta. Beau's irritation returned, unbidden and unwanted, but impossible to ignore. He played with the boys until she drained the spaghetti, then he stood. "Is there some thing I can do to help?"
"You can get the salad out of the refrigerator," she said as she placed the spaghetti in a bowl and added the sauce over the top.
He took out the salad, then placed the boys in their high chairs. By that time she had the spaghetti on the table, along with a loaf of hot, crispy garlic bread.
Supper was silent, the same tension evident that had been present since the arrival of the letter from the court. When Brent dropped his spoon, both Beau and Carolyn reached for it, bumping heads in the process.
"Sorry," Carolyn murmured. She sat back up, feeling like an eruption was imminent between them.
In the past couple of days, she'd tried to withdraw mentally and emotionally from Beau, needing to distance herself both for the court fight to come and for leaving Casey's Corners and Beau behind.
The realization that she loved him had only managed to twist her heart more desperately and heighten her tension when he was around. She'd like to think he was in love with her, but she knew better. He'd admitted to a certain physical attraction, but that was a long way from the love and commitment Carolyn had come to yearn for in her life.
He'd made it cl
ear he would fight her to the end for custody. How many of his kisses had been a form of subtle manipulation? A shrewd attempt to soften her up and get her to change her mind about seeking custody of the twins?
Since the letter had come and the date had been set, Beau had also with drawn. There had been no more soft glances, no more sweet kisses, no more jokes or camaraderie. Maybe she would have been better off not knowing the fullness of love, because she'd never realized before how much love could hurt.
After supper, they worked together to clear the table, falling into the easy routine they'd established when she'd first arrived.
It wasn't until the kids were in bed for the night that Carolyn decided to try to ease the strain that had been a constant barrier between her and Beau.
She sat down next to him on the sofa, where he was reading the evening paper. "Beau, we need to talk."
"Talk about what?" He didn't lower the paper.
"About the custody suit."
"What about it?"
Carolyn stared at the paper in frustration. How could she have a serious talk with him through newsprint? "Beau, would you please put the paper down?"
He folded it with meticulous care, then looked at her expectantly. His gaze was cold and distant, as it had been for the past couple of days.
"Beau, I don't want us to be enemies. No matter how the judge decides in this matter, I'd like to think we can still be friends."
"Sure, we can remain friends. You can write the boys here as often as you like."
Carolyn flushed. "You're so certain you're going to win?"
He studied her thoughtfully. "Tell me again why you want custody, Carolyn."
"Because they need me." She raised her chin. "I can give them things you can't."
"The same kinds of things your parents gave you?"
"I won't make the same mistakes my parents did. I know what was missing in my childhood, and I'll make certain Trent and Brent have those things." She leaned forward and placed a hand on his arm. "Beau, I know I have a lot to learn, but I'd be a good mother." She wasn't sure why it was so important that he believe in her abilities to be a good parent, but it was important to her. "I love them, Beau," she finished.
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