I looked over at Aunt Shirley zipping up her camo parka. The purple in her shaved head glared back at me. “No promises.”
I shoved Aunt Shirley into the Falcon and headed back to my place. I definitely deserved a huge glass of wine with dinner… or the whole dang bottle!
“What’s for dinner? I’m starving.” We hadn’t even made it inside the house before Aunt Shirley started making demands. “Finding a dead body always takes it out of me.”
“I’m sure,” I said dryly.
My phone beeped and I read the text message. It was from Garrett. He was going to stop by and grab a bite to eat with us before heading back to the station to relieve Officer Ryan. While I was happy he was coming over, I had to wonder if he had an ulterior motive.
Fifteen minutes later Garrett parked his police-issued vehicle in the driveway and was greeted promptly by Miss Molly. He gave her a few scratches before she turned her nose up and walked away.
“Will I have better luck with you?” he teased.
I wrapped my arms around his neck and let him know he would indeed.
“I only have about half an hour before I need to get back,” he grinned. “Save that for later.”
I blushed and sashayed into the kitchen to heat up tomato soup and start preparations for grilled cheese sandwiches. Garrett shredded cheese to put in the tomato soup.
Aunt Shirley was busy in my room unpacking her suitcase and makeup travel case. The fact her makeup bag was larger than her suitcase was no surprise. She firmly believed you weren’t put together unless you had your makeup on—especially your lipstick.
“Please tell me you’ll have this solved quickly,” I pleaded. “I don’t know how many days I can live with her.”
Garrett put down the grater and wrapped his arms around me. He brushed a curl off my cheek. “I promise to have this wrapped up quickly.”
He ran his thumb over my bottom lip and I shivered. I leaned up on my tiptoes and kissed him fully on the mouth.
“Get a room you two,” Aunt Shirley said as she walked into the open kitchen.
I groaned and grabbed hold of Garrett’s shirt, not wanting to let him go. “We can’t get a room,” I said. “You’re in it!”
Garrett chuckled and rested his lips on my forehead.
“Don’t burn my sandwich.” Aunt Shirley leaned against the counter bar that separated my kitchen and living room. “And I’m cold. I’d like some hot tea.”
“I’ll get it,” Garrett said. He put the platter of shredded cheese on the table and grabbed a coffee cup out of the cupboard. He filled it with water and popped it in the microwave to heat.
“Ya know,” Aunt Shirley said to Garrett, “you ain’t getting any younger, Ace. You want kids someday?”
Garrett reeled back like he’d been slapped. “Excuse me?”
I was proud of him for ignoring the Ace remark.
“I said, you wanting kids someday? It’s an easy question.”
“Maybe,” Garrett hedged, stealing a look at me.
“Well,” Aunt Shirley continued, “I ain’t no doctor, but I think it’s safe to say you shouldn’t be standing so close to the microwave. I read on the Internet they have these little radioactive waves or something like that that kills off swimmers. And seeing as how you’re so old, you might need to save all the swimmers you can so you can at least father one kid.”
Garrett’s face went from red to pink to red again. I tried not to laugh, but I couldn’t help it.
He turned and glared at me. “It’s not funny. And I’ll have you know,” he went on, pointing his finger at Aunt Shirley, “that my swimmers are just fine, thank you.”
I couldn’t help it, I laughed so hard I snorted. I’d been so stressed the whole day that it felt great to just let loose. Tears were falling from my eyes. “I so needed that.”
Garrett’s mouth twitched as he tried not to smile. “Glad me and my swimmers could help.”
I flipped the last sandwich as Garrett finished setting the table. As we all sat down to eat, I begrudgingly had to admit it actually felt nice having Aunt Shirley there. Of course, she was stuffing her mouth with grilled cheese so she couldn’t talk, which I’m sure helped a lot.
“By the way,” Garrett said nonchalantly, “nearly every person I spoke with has Ray Manning and Aunt Shirley fighting in the halls on a couple different occasions this week. Some reported hearing her threaten to kill him. Maybe even kill him five different ways.”
Aunt Shirley laughed loudly at Garrett’s revelation. “You don’t really think I poisoned that guy, do you?”
“No,” Garrett said. “Just making conversation.”
Aunt Shirley cackled. “Me use poison? Nope. If I were gonna kill that blowhard Manning, I’d have sewed his mouth shut so he couldn’t yell at me as I beat him to death with his stupid cane.”
“I didn’t hear a word,” Garrett said and continued eating his grilled cheese sandwich.
* * *
I’d just finished putting the final touches on my Manning submission to Hank when Aunt Shirley walked into the room the next morning. She was wearing black pants with a red sweater. That was all perfectly fine if you ignored the clash of shocking purple hair.
What wasn’t perfectly fine was the fact the red sweater had a huge heart on it, and the inside of the heart was filled with about one hundred tiny rhinestones. When she walked into the room, the light reflected off her rhinestones and I nearly went blind.
Aunt Shirley did a twirl. “You like? It’s my dressy Valentine’s Day sweater I ordered for myself. I knew Old Man Jenkins would love it.”
“You can’t wear that to church,” I said and rubbed my eyes. “You can’t wear that anywhere for that matter.”
“And why not?”
“Why not? Because it just blinded me! You look like a freaking disco ball! When Pastor Tim gets up to preach you’ll blind him, he’ll fall off the platform, hit his head on the altar, get a concussion, and you will single-handedly be responsible for him not coming to our church. And then Mom will be so mad—at both of us!”
Aunt Shirley snorted. “Won’t happen. Now let’s go before all the good seats are taken.”
I sighed as we threw on our coats and hopped in the Falcon. We made it to church in less than five minutes. Unfortunately, the church was already packed by the time we made our way through the front door. This was sure to be one of the most important Sundays since Pastor Williams announced his resignation a few days after his wife was arrested for murder. Our church was finally healed enough to hire a new pastor.
I personally liked Pastor Tim and his family. He was young, had two kids, and he let us use his first name when we addressed him.
The bad thing about being right on time for church means you have to sit in the first three rows of pews. The early birds get the back of the church. Luckily Mom and Paige had saved us spots in the middle. By the time we sat down the first song had already started.
I took off my coat at the end of the song and laid it over the back of the pew and sat down. Aunt Shirley did the same. Our church superintendent was in attendance for the counting of the votes after church. He made the introductions of Pastor Tim and his family before handing the pulpit over to Pastor Tim.
“I better take notes,” Aunt Shirley whispered and reached next to her for her purse. Unfortunately, the sudden movement caused the rhinestones in her sweater to catch the lights. And catch Pastor Tim’s eyes.
“Omigod,” I hissed. “Stop moving! I told you this would happen.”
Pastor Tim shook his head as if to clear it and started his sermon again.
“Found it.” Aunt Shirley swung back around and caused Pastor Tim to be blinded once again.
“Stop moving!” I whispered louder. “You’re blinding the pastor!”
“Who is?” Aunt Shirley demanded and twisted around in her seat to look over her right shoulder and then twisted again to look over her left shoulder. Each rotation hit Pastor Tim in the face—along wit
h the choir sitting behind him, and a few unfortunate front-row members who’d turned around in their pews to see what was going on.
Cries of pain rang out throughout the church.
“Throw a coat over her,” Mom hissed. “She’s going to blind the whole church!”
I grabbed my coat off the back of the pew, threw it around Aunt Shirley, and tied the sleeves behind her neck.
The little Blackstone boy, who was about five, turned around in his pew and smiled shyly at Aunt Shirley. His two front teeth were missing. “You thparkle like an angel,” he whispered. There was no denying the awe in his voice.
“Thank you,” Aunt Shirley whispered back. She put her fingers to her lips. “But shhh, I’m supposed to be in disguise.”
I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry at her response.
The rest of the service went off without a hitch. Pastor Tim was able to get back on track and finish his sermon, and I hoped like heck the little debacle didn’t keep him from leading our church. I was half afraid he’d back out if he thought he had to deal with Aunt Shirley every Sunday.
After the vote, the congregation filed out of the church and into the parking lot. I zipped my coat and wrapped my scarf securely around my neck. The wind had picked up and I was getting cold.
I was talking with Mom and Paige when Garrett pulled up next to the Falcon. Aunt Shirley excused herself from the group of older ladies she was talking with to come over and join us.
Garrett rolled down his window. “Hey, I know I was supposed to try and stop by for Sunday lunch, but I’m going to head on over to the Manor and talk with both Lucy Stevenson and Sheri Daniels.”
“Why?” I asked. “Did you find out something?”
Garrett leveled his gaze at me and frowned. “You know I’m not telling you anything.”
I shrugged and gave him my best innocent smile. “You know I was only teasing.”
Not!
“Sorry you can’t make it, Garrett,” Mom said then turned to me. “But you two are coming over, right?”
I was about to nod my head when Aunt Shirley grabbed her stomach, bent over, and started moaning. “I don’t think I can right now. I seem to be having some stomach issues.”
“Oh great,” I mumbled. “Can’t she go home with you, Mom?”
“No!” Aunt Shirley cried. “I need to go to your house. I feel comfortable there.”
I rolled my eyes at Garrett and he laughed. “Well, I think that’s my cue to leave. Do you want me to stop by after work or do you want to come out to the house?”
Sunday nights I usually spent at Garrett’s house. We’d pop popcorn and catch up on our DVR’d shows for the week. “I’ll come on out around six.”
Garrett said goodbye and pointed his truck in the direction of the Manor.
“Well, Paige,” Mom said, “it looks like it’s just you, me, and Martin for lunch.”
“Actually,” Aunt Shirley said, “I need Paige. I have something sexy for her for Valentine’s Day. Might help with giving me a baby to bounce on my knee soon.”
Paige’s face turned red. “I don’t even want to know.”
Aunt Shirley turned to Mom. “Sorry, Janine, we’ll need to take a rain check.”
Mom frowned. “Okay. Guess it’s just me and Martin for lunch.”
We waved goodbye to Mom with a promise to call later to let her know how Aunt Shirley was feeling. I felt guilty for lying. One look at Aunt Shirley and I knew she was perfectly fine.
“This is what we’re gonna do,” Aunt Shirley said once we all got in the Falcon. “While Garrett is talking with Lucy and Sheri, we’re going to be looking through Sheri’s house for stolen goods.”
“Uh, no we’re not,” I said. “I’m not breaking into anyone’s house.”
“Don’t be a sissy,” Aunt Shirley snorted. “I used to do this stuff all the time when I was a private investigator. And the best part about doing this during winter…we all have gloves with us, so we won’t be leaving fingerprints.”
“What makes you think she’s keeping stolen goods at her house?” I asked.
Aunt Shirley rolled her eyes. “You amateur. Do you really think she’s going to leave that kind of evidence hanging around the Manor? And at this point, everyone is a suspect until we eliminate them. And I think right now until we can prove otherwise, we have to believe that the person with the stolen goods is also the killer that murdered Manning.”
“Why did I have to come along?” Paige asked from the backseat.
“Misery loves company,” I said.
CHAPTER 15
* * *
“I still can’t believe you were able to get Sheri’s address so quickly,” Paige said from the backseat of the Falcon.
Aunt Shirley turned and smirked at Paige. “Old Man Jenkins retired from the post office, and she was on his route. He said she used to get packages that were unmarked and looked like those naughty packages you can get in the mail. But I’m thinking now maybe it was like a poison-of-the-month club she was involved in.”
I laughed. “That’s quite a far-reaching speculation.”
Aunt Shirley grinned. “Yeah, even for me.”
“And he just offered to tell you where she lived?” Paige asked.
“Well, when I told him I couldn’t come back to the Manor until I proved Sheri was the murderer, he gave me her address.”
I shook my head at Aunt Shirley’s response. “Wait. So now suddenly you want to go back to the Manor?”
Aunt Shirley shrugged. “I don’t know. I kinda feel like you’re smothering me a little. I miss having my own space.”
My mouth dropped open. “I’m smothering you? Are you serious?”
“Don’t go gettin’ all offended. Jeez. You can be so sensitive sometimes.”
I could feel my eyes cross. I was afraid I’d word vomit a plethora of things I couldn’t take back, so I focused on keeping my mouth shut.
Paige leaned forward from the backseat. “I thought we weren’t sure Sheri was the murderer or even if there is a murder.”
I decided to latch onto that statement. “I’m not convinced. Nor do I think for one minute she’s stealing from residents.”
“Like I said, this is the best way to eliminate suspects,” countered Aunt Shirley. “Turn here. It shouldn’t be but a couple miles up this road. Old Man Jenkins said it’s a purple house with black shutters.”
“What is she a witch?” I snorted.
I turned onto the gravel road. I admit I was nervous about breaking in. It wouldn’t be my first time to break into a house with Aunt Shirley, but I wasn’t sure what to expect out here. I’d think this far out in the country Sheri would have dogs for protection, which could mean we were all in big trouble.
Her house wasn’t hard to miss. It actually was purple with black shutters. I turned into her short driveway and cut the engine. I listened for barking but didn’t hear any.
“Paige, you keep a lookout for anything suspicious,” Aunt Shirley directed and tossed her a referee’s whistle she’d plucked out of her purse.
Paige caught the whistle and grinned. “Got it.”
I said a quick prayer and exited the Falcon. I pulled on my gloves and walked with Aunt Shirley up to the front of the house. So far everything looked quiet.
“Let’s look under the mat for a key before we use a credit card,” Aunt Shirley said. The last time we broke into a house, we used the old credit card trick.
Luck was with us, and I pulled out a key from under the mat. I gently pushed open the front door and motioned for Aunt Shirley to follow.
Sheri’s house was pretty much a standard ranch-style layout. The front door opened into the living room. We walked through it and into the dining room. An archway to the right led to the kitchen, while an archway to the left led to a darkened hallway.
Aunt Shirley and I quietly made our way down the narrow hallway. I opened the first door on the right and walked into Sheri’s office.
Aunt Shirley grunted
. “You seem to be on a roll today. First you find a key so you don’t have to break in, and now you found the office on the first try. I say we buy a lottery ticket after this.”
I smiled. “I’ll take this half. You take that half.” I walked over to a file cabinet and tugged it open. Not even locked. Obviously Sheri wasn’t concerned about anyone getting into her files.
The first file contained everyday receipts she was obviously storing up for tax season. I quickly leafed through the files but didn’t see anything suspicious. Nothing labeled ‘Money From Stolen Goods’ or anything like that.
“Nothing here,” Aunt Shirley said. “I say we find her bedroom and go through her stuff.”
I stared at her. “I’m pretty sure she’s not keeping extra dentures or wallets or Viagra pills in her bedroom. I’m not looking through her stuff.”
Aunt Shirley huffed. “If we don’t turn over every stone, we can’t really eliminate her.”
I sighed. “Fine. But let’s make it quick before we get caught.”
I closed the office door behind me and headed toward the other door down the hall. We’d only made it a few steps before we heard Paige’s whistle going off with so much fierceness you’d have thought a tornado was coming.
“Let’s go!” I grabbed Aunt Shirley’s parka and started dragging her down the hallway toward the front door.
“We can’t go yet. We haven’t checked her room or anything.”
I threw my hands up in the air. “Are you insane? I know you hear Paige yelling and blowing the whistle. Obviously something is wrong!”
“Paige has a tendency to overreact. I bet it’s just a swarm of bees or something.”
I pursed my lips at her. “Get out now or I leave you here.”
Aunt Shirley huffed and pushed me forward. “Fine. But for the record, I’m totally against this.”
“For the record, I couldn’t care less.”
We quickly walked back through the house exactly as we came, careful not to touch anything. I opened the front door and saw Paige hanging out the back window of the Falcon, blowing the whistle as hard as she could. I looked up the road but couldn’t see anyone coming.
Old Fashioned Murder (A Ryli Sinclair Cozy Mystery Book 3) Page 9
