by Sylvie Kurtz
Nina was right. He had to finish what he’d started.
As he reached the white gate, Kevin started running toward the highway. He had to get back to her. Fast.
THERE WAS NO TIME for thinking, no time for planning. Ellen worked on adrenaline and instinct. As soon as she walked back into the ranch house after checking on the horses, she tore the kitchen apart for Dr. Warner’s card and placed a call to him. The horses were getting worse. They was no time to waste.
How much of what Garth had told her was true? Truth for Garth had boundaries that shifted to suit his purposes. Dr. Warner had the answers. Would he share them?
“I need to talk to you,” she said without preamble.
A long silence greeted her. She heard the thumping of her heart, her pulse beating in her ears, her breaths ragged with raw emotion.
Finally, Dr. Warner’s resigned voice said, “I can’t leave right now.”
“I’ll come to you.”
He gave her an address. As she stepped to the truck, Blue danced around her, tail wagging, begging for attention. He was a blatant reminder of Kevin’s betrayal and she couldn’t bear to look at his scarred hide.
“Not your fault,” she told the dog. Fighting a fresh crop of tears, she gave him a distracted pat on the head and sent him back toward the barn. “Later.”
She’d deal with Kevin later, too. She swiped at the moisture in her eyes and started the engine. Only when she reached the main road did she realize she’d taken Kevin’s truck instead of switching to her own car. The cab smelled of horses and sweet hay—of him. Reminders of him were scattered here and there. One of the black T-shirts he favored, stained and discarded. An Indian blanket crumpled behind the seats. In the holder, an empty coffee cup with the imprint of his lips.
Something squeezed her heart. How could you lie to me? How could you love me and pretend you were dead? How could you pretend we were nothing more than strangers? She tightened her grip on the steering wheel and forced her attention on the road.
Later. She’d deal with Kevin later. For now, she had to think of the horses. Half of them had developed a fever. Their heads hung low as if holding them up required more energy than they possessed. As if eating was more trouble than it was worth, they’d barely touched their breakfast.
Checking the scrap of paper, she slowed in front of the long one-story building that looked like a Spanish mission house. White walls and a red tile roof sat in the shadows of tall trees and a carpet of well-tended gardens. By the front door, a small fountain gurgled, caught rays of sun and spilled rainbows onto the brick walkway. A discreet sign read, Arco Iris Hospice.
She double-checked the address. It was the correct one.
The truck’s engine rumbled under her feet. Her palms grew sweaty. Shivers raised goose bumps along her spine. A hospice. She’d thought she was heading to a veterinary clinic. Why was Dr. Warner at a hospice?
Her heart thundered in her chest. Had Garth called him? Was this a trap? He’d worked for Garth. He was responsible for the drug that had caged her in her own body. If she walked through those doors, would she find herself a prisoner again?
He was also the one responsible for the horses’ condition. He knew what he’d done. He knew how to help them.
For an instant, she wished for Kevin’s support. Then she remembered his betrayal. She could handle this alone. She was strong enough.
She exhaled long and slow. “Stay focused. For the horses.” She knew who Dr. Warner was, what he’d done, what kind of man he’d worked for. She’d keep up her guard. If she could stay together after Kevin’s betrayal, she could handle anything.
Grasping her purse, she exited the truck and ignored the thudding weight dropping to her stomach. She clutched at the bag as if it were a weapon and strode through the arched wooden doors at the entrance. The reception area with its lush vegetation and fountain gave the impression of a vacation resort. The scent of coconut oil and gardenias wafted on the paddled waves of slow-moving ceiling fans.
She licked her lips, swallowed hard and forced herself to walk calmly to the round island that served as a welcome desk. A woman with the liveliness of a cruise-ship recreation director pointed her down one of the three halls spoking from the hub of the front desk.
Memories pecked at her as she slowly made her way down the hall. Her helplessness, her silent cries and her endless fear beat down on her like bat wings in the night. Garth’s face, his drawling croon, his sharp needle in the crook of her elbow joined the fray. She tightened her grip on her purse, quickened her steps and shaded her eyes with a hand as if that would keep away the echoes of her ghosts. She focused instead on the remembered rainbows of hope that had whirled in the crystal horses on her dresser, on her present mission. For the horses, for the horses, she kept telling herself, for the horses.
Taking a deep breath, she hesitated in front of room 322. Stiffly, she knocked on the door. Immediately, it opened and Dr. Warner greeted her with a nod and a hello. Behind him, a woman slept on a bed. Her sallow skin draped over sharp bones. Skeletal arms rested on a pale blue blanket. A peach kerchief covered an otherwise bald head.
“My wife,” he said, seeing the focus of her attention.
Something clicked in her mind. “Lillian Harmon?”
He nodded and gestured to an easy chair in the corner. “What can I do for you?”
Still unsure of where Dr. Warner’s allegiance lay, she remained standing. “I want to know about the horses. What’s wrong with them?”
He sat on the edge of the hospital bed. Reaching an arm around his dying wife’s shoulders, he cradled her gently. The deep lines grooving his forehead, bracketing his eyes, dragging down the corners of his mouth made him look older than he was.
“Greed,” he said, and his voice sounded dead. “But it wasn’t always like that. Lilly and I, we had a real dream once. We were going to make a difference.”
“I’m not here to judge,” Ellen said. “I just want to help the horses. I saw Garth today. He told me about the genetic engineering of the oats.”
Dr. Warner nodded, then he rested the side of his head against Lilly’s. “Feed them the oats I sent, that’s a start. They need the extra iron and B12 vitamin to stabilize the hemoglobin production.”
“I need to know what’s wrong with them.”
His eyes went blurry. “We were just starting out and needed money to pay back our student loans. Garth, well, he’s got charisma. When he talked, he made you believe. We all seemed to want the same thing, share the same vision. He was giving us everything we wanted, so we agreed.”
His voice faded, but Ellen didn’t prod him.
“At first the research was exciting,” he continued. A faraway smile spread over his face, giving him back youth. Light sparked in his eyes at the memories he pictured. His voice brimmed with passion. “We truly believed we were doing something worthwhile. What we discovered with the horses could eventually be applied to agriculture and farm stock and solve the hunger problem worldwide. Think of it! No more pictures of starving children in Africa on the evening news. No more bleating of half-starved cows. Can you see what drove us?”
She nodded, but doubted he noticed.
His forehead suddenly pinched and a hitch of raw pain tore from his throat. “Then things started going wrong.”
“Wrong, how?”
He didn’t seem to hear her.
“When the situation started to get uncomfortable,” he said, “we wanted to stop the experiments, but Garth reminded us that we were no longer in a position to walk away.”
“You were his prisoner.” Just as she’d been. Legs trembling, she sank into the easy chair, then perched on its edge.
“He threatened me with blackmail.” Dr. Warner pressed a tender kiss on his wife’s temple. “I wouldn’t have cared, except that, the week before, Lilly was diagnosed with cancer and I had to keep my job in order to pay for her treatments.”
“Then Garth went to jail.” Elbows planted on knees,
Ellen leaned forward. “Is that when you started working for the Bancrofts?”
“It was Lilly’s only chance for survival.” Lilly’s face contorted with pain in her sleep. Gently, he soothed and rocked her until her face slackened again. “But I have nothing left to lose now. She’s dying.”
The look he gave her bore sadness of such depth, Ellen wanted to cry.
He glanced at the clock on the dresser. “It’s almost time for her next treatment. Give me a couple of hours and meet me at my office.” He reached for the wallet in his pocket and handed her a card. “I’ll give you what I have. Who knows, maybe you can find a way to keep those horses alive.”
“Thank you,” she said, but he’d already forgotten she was there. Lilly was the only inhabitant of his world.
WHEN KEVIN ARRIVED at the ranch, the sun was kissing the horizon, making the sky blush orange, and Ellen was tidying up after a late feed. He’d gotten lucky and managed to hitch a ride from outside Ashbrook to the end of Ellen’s road. Finding her at home doing ordinary chores was a relief. He’d half feared seeing her crumpled on the side of the road because of her blurry vision or her uncooperative muscles. His admiration for her resilience went up a notch.
Blue spotted him first and galloped to meet him. Kevin greeted the dog with an all over good pet and sought to order his thoughts.
Ellen stiffened at his entrance into the barn, and the movements of her broom on the concrete aisle became choppy. He loved her. Always would. But a strange confusion, a cross between panic and helplessness, filled him now and he didn’t quite know how to deal with it—how to deal with her.
Colorado and Nina’s ranch seemed a faraway blur. Ellen and her scraggly rescue ranch were more real than anything he’d lived through in longer than he could remember. He was at home here—as if he belonged. The past two weeks with her had felt…right.
But they couldn’t pretend nothing had happened; that he was simply a ranch hand to her ranch owner. Though Kyle no longer existed, he stood between them.
She stowed the broom in the tack room, then walked by him as if he wasn’t there.
“You have every right to be mad at me,” Kevin said, following her into the twilight.
She stopped in her tracks and spun on her heels. “Mad at you? I’m not mad at you. I’m furious. I trusted you.”
His burst of anger at the jail had slashed the fragile bonds they’d woven over the past two weeks. After all she’d gone through, she’d risked opening herself to him and he’d rewarded her with betrayal.
“I couldn’t tell you, Ellen. I—”
“Of course not, Kyle.” The coldness hardening her eyes cut him. “Why should anything have changed? You didn’t trust me then, either.”
A fresh flame fanned his anger to life and dulled the edge of his guilt. He tamped down his temper and gave her the truth. “I didn’t want to hurt you.”
She scoffed. “Well, that plan sure worked wonders.” Both her fists pressed against her chest. “It feels like you cut my heart right out of my body and stomped on it.”
“You’re the one who insisted I make love to you.” He raked a hand through his hair and took a calming breath. “All I wanted to do was protect you.”
“By lying to me? By pretending you were someone else? How was that supposed to protect me?”
She stood stiff, both fists hard at her sides. He reached for her, wrapped his arms around her rigid body and held her tightly. Please, Ellen, please. He placed one cheek against hers, felt his heart hum and whispered, “You knew. Part of you had to know. If you didn’t, you never would have trusted me.”
Hands braced against his chest, she said nothing, but he felt her shiver.
“You needed help to keep the horses. It was my way of saying I was sorry.”
“Sorry!” She backed out of his embrace. The sound keening out of her tore at his gut. “I don’t need your pity. After all the lies, I need the truth.”
“You’re building something good here, Ellen. I didn’t want to ruin it with memories of a past best forgotten.”
“I’ve never forgotten,” she whispered, shaking her head. “You were with me all those years. You and the horses.”
He scanned the ranch with its cozy house, quaint barn and fenced fields. “I’d give my life to make your dream come true.”
She shook her head. “Kevin…Kyle…”
“Kevin. I’m Kevin. Kyle died in that river.”
She stared at him, blinked, opened her mouth, then closed it again. She flipped her braid to her back, then rubbed the watch on her wrist. “What happened? All those years ago, what really happened?”
The worst of the damage was already done. She deserved the truth. He gestured to the fence, perched on the top rail. Hesitatingly, she joined him, keeping the post between them. Blue settled at their feet, his worried gaze ping-ponging from one to the other.
“The river was running fast,” Kevin said, looking over her shoulder at the setting sun. A thin wound of red knifed the horizon as the rest of the sky deepened to navy. Just as it had sixteen years ago. “Kent was fighting me. I couldn’t control our path. He was holding on to that damn branch and wouldn’t let go.”
“In the end, that branch saved him.”
Kevin nodded. “I know.”
“Then what?”
“We were heading straight for a bunch of boulders. I pushed him away but couldn’t avoid the rocks.” His only thought had been to save his brother. He was the good one, the one worth saving.
She reached toward his face, then pulled her hand back. “The scars, that’s where they come from?”
“I smashed just about every bone in my body. My jaw was wired shut for a year. I wanted to die. Thought I deserved to die, but Nina, she wouldn’t let me.”
“Nina?”
“Nina Rainwater. My adoptive grandmother. She’s the one who found me.” He shook his head. “She used my anger to make me fight for my recovery. Then with the horses, she taught me how to control it.” He shrugged and gave a weak smile. “Well, mostly. She called me a work-in-progress.”
Ellen’s forehead knitted. She wrung her fingers in her lap and seemed to fight for words. “Why didn’t you come back?”
“How could I? I thought I’d killed Kent.” He trapped her chin in one hand. “Look at my face, Ellen. I thought I was doing you a favor.”
Her frown deepened. Her gray-green eyes swirled with pain. “Your looks wouldn’t have mattered to me. It wasn’t the shiny cowboy I was in love with. It was the gentle boy beneath the show I fell for.”
Letting his hand drop back to the rail, he closed his eyes against the rawness of emotions playing on her face. “You wouldn’t have wanted to have been saddled with a murderer. You had plans. You were going to be a vet. I couldn’t take those things away from you.”
“None of those things mattered. Just your love. That’s the only thing I really wanted. You made me feel…special.”
Touched by her simple admission, he swallowed hard.
“What we had, didn’t it mean anything to you?” she asked, her voice cracking.
It meant everything. “I was young. I was scared. I loved you so much, it terrified me.” He looked away, saw the first star of the evening wink at him. “I thought if you knew how much I loved you, you’d be taken from me, too. I had to put some space and some time between us to see if my feelings were strong enough to…”
“To what?”
He stared at her deep and hard. “To stand being caged. That’s why I had to take that summer job.”
“I understood, you know. I just needed reassurance. I was afraid, too.”
“I never meant for any of this to happen.”
She hopped off the fence rail. “I could have handled the truth then. I could have handled the truth now.”
“I know.” He slipped off the fence and shoved his hands in his pockets. “When I heard about the horses, I just wanted to keep you safe.”
“What about what I needed?”
“To find your feet. I did hear you, Ellen. But by then…” He shrugged and kicked at a stone. Blue scampered after it. “The lie was already there.”
“I can hold my own.” She glanced at her watch, fumbled with the band. “I’ve got to go.”
An edge of nerves shot down his spine. “Where are we going?”
She planted her fists on her hips and faced him like a gunslinger at a duel. “We’re not going anywhere. I’ve got an appointment with Dr. Warner.”
“You can’t go there alone.”
“Why not?” Her mouth twisted in a sardonic grin. “Because I’m too weak? Just like you thought I was too weak to know the truth about you?”
Her barb hit right on target, making him wince. “Okay, you’ve made your point. But this isn’t negotiable, Ellen. I have to know you’re safe.”
“You’re right,” she said crisply, gaze narrowing. “It isn’t negotiable. This is my ranch and I make the decisions here.” Her scowl flashed a warning not to pursue his stand.
He wanted to give her the rest of the truth still lodged inside him. To tell her he loved her still. That he admired her strength of spirit, her resilience. That he could think of nothing better than to spend the rest of his days next to her, working the ranch, the rest of his nights in her arms, loving her. But she wasn’t ready for any of it.
She still had to prove her own strength to herself—even if it meant walking into danger. He knew he’d lost her trust. Rebuilding it would take time he didn’t have. He simply couldn’t let her walk into danger alone.
“Wait till morning,” he said, desperately reaching for a compromise she could live with. “The judge is due out then. We’ll talk to him.”
“They’re getting worse, Kevin. Tomorrow might be too late.”
“One night. What difference can it make?”
Ellen never got a chance to answer his question. From the barn came a loud thump, as if a load of feed sacks had fallen from the back of a truck, then the wild thrashings of hooves against a stall wall.
They both ran into the barn. Blue charged ahead and whimpered at Titan’s stall. Titan had fallen in his stall and couldn’t get up. His big heart seemed to want to beat right out of his body. Each pump bulged his chest. His eyes rolled frantically. The membranes were pale, the whites yellow.
