"I'm fine," she mumbled.
"You scared me," he stated while taking a seat on the edge of the bed. "Don't do that again." Demand, threat, or words of love? His tone said one thing but he had meant it in another.
"Why was he here?" she asked ignoring his order.
He sighed. Might as well get this part out of the way. "I didn't know what else to do. The doctor said you would wake up when you were ready but after 20 hours of no response-"
"What! 20 hours?"
"You fainted yesterday," he told her calmly. "I had thought you had fallen into a coma. I figured Dacea might be able to help since he is your Mate." The last word sat heavy in the air.
She flashed him a glare. "Why? He obviously didn't want to be here."
"Actually, he was upset when he found out how long you had been out. Upset about how you ended up in this position too." He had hoped that would have brightened her up, but it had the opposite effect. Hailey's brows drew together into a frown.
"He makes my head hurt." Those brown eyes flicked up to his pleading with him to take away the pain. "Can we not talk about him?"
"Fine, but he wanted me to tell you to be well." Her pout was back as she went back to staring at the blanket. "Look, you know how I feel about him. But I also want you to be happy. Therefore, I will tell you how I see this whole debacle." Silas put a finger under her chin and tilted her head up until she was looking at him. He wanted to make sure she was listening.
"I don't think you should lose hope just yet. He is fighting an inner battle just as you are. Dacea and I have known each other all our lives. As you know he has a temper, but only for the things he really cares for. Hailey, I know he loves you. Just let him work this out of his system and then you two can kiss and make up."
"Hope. That is your answer?"
He tilted his head slightly at her tone. "It is."
"Why should I hope for something that is doomed?" she asked plainly. "What would going back solve? We'd be happy for what? Five minutes before some new drama puts us at odds. I'm tired of fighting all the time. Loving Dak is the hardest thing I've ever done. It's like loving a frickin' mountain. He's stubborn and unyielding to the point that I just want to beat my fists against him but that would do nothing but make me bleed. I can't take being built up again just to have him tell me how I'm supposed to live, feel or love."
She gave a short humorless laugh and shook her head. "Hope is one of the worst promises I could give myself. Because if I allow myself to hope for him to come around, and it doesn't happen...I will be broken. Dak is hard headed, inflexible and has arrogance coming out his ass. He is my Mate, and God help me, but I love him for all his faults, even if he can't love me for mine."
While Silas listened he reached over and brushed his thumbs over each of her cheeks clearing away the tears. She batted his hands away and with a clear voice she continued, "If I walk away now, I can keep what little is left of me together. I can hold on to the cracked pieces that haven't completely shattered and go on living. It might not be the best life, but it will be under my own terms."
He should have been happy at her declaration. Silas could have his sister without Dacea's interference. They could leave tonight and travel, go wherever she wanted for as long as she wanted. They could connect. But he could either have the Hailey that was full of pop culture trivia and was always good for a smile with her infectious laugh. Or he could have the reserved Hailey who watches the clouds pass by from the window of her room, never granting more than a brief comment to the mundane. He could have one or the other, but she couldn't be both.
Silas may not have spent much time with her yet, but he knew who his sister was.
"Hailey," he put his hands on her shoulders and tilted his head to the side trying to catch her gaze. "There is always reason to hope."
*****
She felt fine but yet everyone was fussing over her like she was dying. All she wanted to do was take a shower in peace but so far there had been at least one, if not two, guards in her room. No longer did they stand outside of the door. Nope, she now had the pleasure of their company all of the time.
"I just don't understand why I can't take a shower by myself? I promise not die while I'm in there."
Silas had left an hour earlier but was now back and stared down at her with a single raised eyebrow. It said everything that he had not. No. Hell no. You just woke up, give it some fucking time. Fuck no.
She groaned and fell back into the pillows.
"Pleeease! I smell like a bag lady."
He crossed his arms and sighed. "Fine, but the bathroom door stays open." Without uncrossing his arms he tilted his wrist and looked at his watch. "You have 15 minutes."
The guard was leaving while she scrambled to get out of bed. The sheets had tangled around her legs and she kicked wildly to free them. Silas pulled out his phone and sat in the chair he had cleared of clothes earlier. In the confusion she hadn't noticed that her room was now in some semblance of order. He must have done some anxiety cleaning while she was out.
Silver lining: at least now she knew how to get him to clean up after her.
Hailey stumbled a bit out of the bed. Silas was about to jump up to help her but she held up her hands to stop him. "I'm good. They just forgot how to work for a second." Before he could say anything else she had dashed into the bathroom. Hailey undressed well away from the open door and sighed contently as the first splatters of hot water hit her face.
Why had she waited so long to do this? Good God, it felt wonderful. Hailey imagined the last four days being washed down the drain in a swirl of bubbles. After each minute she felt more and more like herself.
"So what do you plan on doing?" Silas's voice sounded from the other side of the shower curtain.
She squealed and dropped the shampoo bottle. "Don't you dare open that curtain! And don't sneak up on me in the shower. I've threatened to get Boo a little bell and will not hesitate to do the same for you."
"I'm sorry. I thought you heard me come in."
She bent to pick up the bottle of now half empty shampoo. "What did you ask?"
"What your plan was."
"Oh, that." Her fingers massaged her sudsy hair. "I went to find you to talk about that when..."
"I'm sorry."
"It's fine. It's my own fault for barging in where I don't belong. As far as what I'm going to do...I don't know. It doesn't matter anyway because I'm still in this war whether I want to be or not. The meeting with Silver is going to suck wild monkey balls."
"Do you want to continue to be active in the war?"
She didn't answer because that was the problem. She wasn't sure.
"I'd say you don't have to go but you really do. Casper would want to meet you more than hear Dacea ramble on about 'for the good of the species' crap. You are going to be the deciding factor."
"So, no pressure, right?" Hailey leaned back and let the water drowned her thoughts.
"You'll be fine," he said honestly which gave her a small amount of confidence.
"Why can't you come along instead of Dak?"
"Because I am an asshole and don't play well with others."
She laughed, "You really don't." Hailey had conditioned, soaped and scrubbed. She was done but not ready to get out of the shower. "What would you do if you were me?"
He didn't answer right away. So she took the silence to enjoy the water pulsing on her head. "If I had a Mate, I wouldn't let her go. We are only given one Mate. That means you fight for her when you find her." Hailey wiped the water from her eyes and stepped from under the spray so she could hear him better.
"I think Dacea is a fool for what he has done. I think you need to stop running and decide what you want and fully commit to it."
He was talking about the Mating ceremony. If she was to choose to fight for Dak, she needed to go all in. Hailey had much to think about. But his comment struck something in her that needed investigating.
"Do you ever want to find her? Your
Mate?"
"We aren't talking about me."
"But-"
"Hailey. Stop." She did but only because his voice was really deep and commanding. Opening her mouth again just wasn't an option after a shut down like that.
She turned off the water and rung out her hair. A towel and robe appeared over top of the shower rod. When she pulled back the curtain she was bundled up. Silas leaned against the counter. He had unbuttoned the top few buttons of his shirt and rolled up his shirt sleeves. He smiled at her, completing the look of contentment.
"You look like you again," he commented as she stepped out of the tub.
"I feel like me again." Hailey stepped into him and laid her wet head onto his chest. He gathered her and held on just as tight. "Thank you," she told him.
Chapter Fifteen
Hailey stood on the front step of Silas's porch. Between her hat and scarf there was only a small bit of her face exposed to the harsh gusts of wind. It was Christmas Eve and she was spending it with Dak, just not in the capacity she had dreamed of. Their first Christmas together was supposed to be special. It was the one that they would compare all other Christmas's to. It would still be that, but now in a different way. Christmas would now always remind her of what she once had and lost.
On top of everything, it didn't even feel like Christmas. Silas wasn't exactly Mr. Holiday. He didn't have a tree or any kind of decorations and he didn't believe in holiday music. Hailey's favorite part of the season was the Christmas tree. She loved to sit out late at night with only the tree lit. The soft glow of the little white lights always held a touch of magic. It was impossible not to feel like a kid again in the presence of a decorated tree at midnight on Christmas.
This year, she would just have to do without a lot of things.
A familiar black car turned the corner and began down the street. She slowly descended the long driveway and headed out of the gate. There was no use in dragging this out. Silas was watching from his office. She didn't have to look to know that he was standing in front of the window with a scowl on his face. He had offered to stand with her but that felt too much like a parent waiting with their child for the school bus on the first day of first grade.
The car slowed in front of her. The sleek black of the Mercedes gave her a distorted view of herself. Bundled and layered to the point of hilarity. She was in jeans and only because Silas insisted she not wear sweatpants. Her hat, scarf, and gloves were all a rich emerald green and paired well with her pale skin and dark mahogany hair that was wiping wildly around her head.
The car stopped. All in all she didn't look half bad for living off of cheeseballs and Ben & Jerry's for the better part of a week. Her eyes were the only thing she couldn't fake. They gave away her carefully executed smile by plainly reflecting how she felt on the inside. Miserable, depressed, lonely, she could have her pick because they all described her current state.
The driver was halfway out of his door when she told him not to bother. Hailey could handle opening a car door by herself. It was what was on the other side that she would need help with. Inside Dak sat with his phone in hand. He had a dark gray pea coat on with the collar flipped up to fight the wind. It was very British and not at all sexy as hell. She took note of his hair, his smell, the divot he got in between his eyebrows when he was thinking. In that brief moment as she stood there, she memorized everything because it could very well be the last time she saw him.
Dak flicked his eyes up to her then right back to his phone. In a bored tone he muttered, "Are you planning on joining me or will you just be standing there all day?"
"I was just seeing how my legs liked staying in one spot. It's still in beta testing, nothing to worry about." Hailey slid into the seat beside him and closed the door. She knew he was looking at her, just as she knew his left hand was tapping the seat in his nervous twitch. But she didn't look back at him.
The car began to move. She looked over the lawn to the far right windows of the house. Sure enough, Silas was watching. She waved and smiled a little. He probably couldn't see her through the tinted glass but it made her feel better to be doing something.
It was only a twenty minute drive and for that she praised every god and goddess she could name. Casper was staying at an Inn right outside Valley Forge. Of course, those were the only words Dak had spoken to her. Twenty minutes dragged on to feel more like sixty by the time they had gotten there. When they turned up the drive toward the Inn she was itching to get out of the seat.
"Hailey," Dak spoke formally and briskly like he was briefing her on her next mission. "I don't expect this meeting will go in our favor but Casper has been known to surprise from time to time. We have to be on a united front if we are going to sell this. Just follow my lead and let me talk. This will be over soon enough." The last part he added in a mumble.
Before she could respond he had his door open and was getting out. Who's running now? she mused. Hailey was about to get out of her own side when Dak offered his hand.
It took her by surprise and at the same time it was exactly as she expected. He wanted to look like a happy couple, that's what his united front comment was about. There was not hesitation. She laid her hand in his and let him help her from the car. His hand curled around her gloved fingers. It was warm. She wished more than anything that she could feel his skin. Stupid gloves, she cursed.
It was the first time they had touched in a week. As he held her hand Hailey decided that she wasn't going to act. No, she was going to just let herself be herself with him. All of the touches and smiles they had missed were going to be made up in this next hour. It would probably not help their situation, but she missed him. If she was going to fight for him then she needed to start immediately.
If she was going to fight.
The choice still hadn't been made. Not officially, anyway. Was this her deciding? He tucked her hand through his arm and rested it on the crook of his elbow. She stared at their connection and then slowly moved her eyes up to his. He was smiling at her. It made her want to cry. She missed that look.
"Don't forget to smile, Hailey. We have an audience."
Right, he was acting. Not real.
She smiled anyway. He nodded in approval and walked them around the car and to the door. They were greeted by the Inn's manager, Shawn. He showed them into the empty dining room. They were in between meals at the moment which lent to a bit of privacy. Shawn had left them as they sat at a small circular table with four chairs and returned with a tray of coffee and single mug of hot chocolate that had an overflow of mini marshmallows. Hailey's face lit up.
"I took a chance and guessed you might like a cup of this," he said while putting the mug in front of her. She smiled wide and thanked him. Hot chocolate was just what she needed. He sent her a wink followed by, "Anytime Sweetheart," and left.
Before she could take a sip of the gooey hot chocolate, Dak swiped it away.
"Hey!" Hailey frowned at him and pointed to her mug. "I wanted that."
"Well, we can't all get what we want, Sweetheart," he growled.
Oh shit. The guy had been flirting with her and she hadn't even noticed. Although, she wanted to point out that technically they weren't together. So if she wanted to flirt he had no right to get pissy. But Hailey didn't want to make waves, especially if she was going to stick around and try to fight for him.
Was she going to stick around?
Whenever she stopped thinking about it and just acted, she went in that direction. It seemed her gut had already made up its mind. She just had to jump on the bandwagon.
"Can I have it back if I promise to tell him it tasted like shit?"
His lips twitched holding back a smile. After a moment he slid the drink slowly back to her. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that."
"It's ok."
Hailey was busy enjoying her first sip of heaven when Dacea abruptly stood. The Silver dragon had entered the room. He was just as quiet as Boo and Silas. She almost told him she was going to buy
him a bell to wear until she looked at him. He was older, much older than any other dragon she had met. Casper looked like he was in his mid 70's but she knew he was probably a few centuries old. He had gray hair that almost looked silver in the dining room lighting. He shook Dacea's hand and offered a greeting. She reached for a napkin to wipe the stickiness off of her fingers. The hot chocolate had spilled onto her hands when she first picked it up.
Dacea cleared his throat. Hailey stopped her scrubbing and looked up to find him frowning at her and Casper smiling. "Sorry, I'd shake your hand but I'm sticky."
"No worries my dear." He rested his hands on her shoulders and kissed each of her checks. Hailey felt oddly comforted by his smile.
"Let's sit." Casper held out his hand to the table. He helped Hailey by sliding in her seat when she sat down. Dak watched their interaction with a sharp eye. His face looked neutral but that just meant he was raging inside. The Silver dragon took the seat beside Hailey and poured himself a cup of coffee from the tray. Dak shook his head when Casper offered to pour him a cup.
"Dacea, it is good to have you back, truly. This world was a little bleaker without your guidance."
"Thank you." His hand covered Hailey's on the table. "I owe my thanks to this one here. She did all the hard work." For a brief moment she closed her eyes, savoring the words. His sincerity was startling but more than welcome.
"Yes well, you lucked out. This is a woman who many would kill to have as their Mate. Such loyalty in her," he said proudly. Although, she had no idea why. Hailey wasn't going to argue though since he was complimenting her. "I can't say I have met many Mates who would accompany their dragon to such a meeting."
Dak nodded. A change came over him as Casper talked her up and sent her compliment after compliment. Hailey was blushing something fierce as he did. And Dak slipped out of the moment and removed his hand from hers when she wasn’t paying attention. When he spoke again, his voice was harder. "I'm going to get right to the point. What is your stance?"
The Hailey Holloway Complete Series Page 45
