by Len Webster
It was hard to read his desperation.
It was also hard to see how much he wanted her.
But you don’t adore her.
Max flinched.
He didn’t adore her.
That was true.
He adored Josie.
But adoration wasn’t love.
Or it was, and he wasn’t willing to accept it.
Shaking his head, he opened another.
To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]
Subject: He’s married.
Her name is now Clara Louise Lawrence Parker.
Nolan James Parker’s wife.
And he loves her, Andrea.
He.
Chose.
Her.
Please don’t forget that.
You let him choose her.
And I chose you instead of him.
I’ll stop waiting for something that will never happen.
Goodbye, Andrea Wallace.
Unlike all his other emails, he hadn’t signed off with his name.
At the time, he couldn’t.
It had been just after Noel and Clara had been announced man and wife. He had slipped away long enough to send her one last email.
And like before, she had not replied.
She had only ever replied a few times to some of them.
Later that day, he had a moment on a bridge with a woman he adored through sickness and every assignment she had.
Max got out of his sent folder and returned to his inbox to find a surprising email.
To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]
Subject: Thank you.
Max,
Thank you for the soup.
And for taking care of me.
And for watching Gilmore Girls with not just me, but also with my roommate.
I have more to be thankful for, but now I’m a little dizzy, and I’m trusting Siri to make sure this email doesn’t embarrass me.
Thank you for tutoring me and caring about my education space space enter crap oh my God this is so stupid enter no enter new ford it Max just not that I’m really thankful for you Jesse
Max laughed at the mess Josie had sent him.
The bliss that consumed his chest was what he wanted to feel when he read emails.
Not the anger and resentment he felt just now as he had read the emails he had sent to Andrea.
Reaching over, he picked up his phone, unlocked it, and brought up his messages.
He couldn’t hide or even stop the smile on his face when he saw her name at the top of the screen.
Max knew this was right.
No matter how much his heart felt as if things with Andrea Wallace were unfinished.
Closure.
She never blessed him with it.
And this was him moving on without it.
Max: Jesse, please tell Josie that I will never use that email against her if she promises to never use Siri to email for her again. Also, I’m gonna have to discuss the importance of proofreading emails with her. It’s a skill she’ll need when she’s a lawyer.
After a few minutes of him staring at the ellipses on his screen, she actually sent a message.
Josie: She makes no promises about using Siri to write her emails to you ever again.
And that bliss overshadowed his guilt and reminded him that he was much happier being Josie’s friend than Andrea’s doormat.
Over a week later and feeling much better, Josie sat by her mother’s side. Her mother should have been released from the hospital two days ago, but Dr Frederickson decided to keep her. The first round of chemo had been a success, but it made her mother incredibly ill. She had vomited to the point of dehydration. Every time Josie thought she might feel better, she actually looked worse. And just when she thought her mother could actually battle her cancer strongly, her slow heart rate told her another story.
Josie knew her mother was lying about how she really felt.
And Josie was lying about how accepting she was of her mother’s health.
She was still furious with God and the universe for smiting her mother once more. And when she thought that way, she felt guilt blacken her heart. No one deserved cancer. And no one deserved it a second time.
“Josephine,” her mother said in a weak voice.
She glanced up from her laptop to find her mother tilting her head to face her. The half-smile her mother made only made Josie miss her full ones more. The warm ones she’d wear when Josie spoke about her future outside university and in a law firm.
“What are you working on?”
“It’s my contracts assignment. I’m writing a two-thousand-word memo of advice.”
That half-smile of hers stretched a fraction wider. Not completely full, but Josie saw it reach her mother’s eyes. “What is a memo of advice?”
“It’s like a letter intended for someone in-house in a law firm or a client. It’s supposed to address the issue one has with a contract. Right now, the issue I had to address was if the loophole in my case study could potentially cost my client millions. And the short answer is yes. I have to give him suggestions on how we can strengthen the client’s position and be persuasive in my arguments. You know—that I’m right and he’s wrong.”
Her mother pressed her hands on to the mattress and sat herself up properly. “And how are your persuasive skills?”
“Improving,” Josie said with a smile.
It was true.
Since Max had started tutoring her—well, through emails since he was busy actually practising law—she was able to juggle her workload and actually understand the content being taught. Max made it easier for her to understand what her professors neglected to properly teach. Her favourite tutor, Jason Silverman, complimented her on getting her act together. He asked if she’d heard back from any of the make-believe placement interviews she had, and Josie had told him no, rushing out of the tutorial to catch the tram from campus to the city. Then she ran to the hospital to be by her mother’s side.
“That’s good,” her mother said as she stared at the lilacs West had dropped off on his way to work this morning. “How is everything else going?”
It was the first time her mother had been well enough to actually hold a conversation without succumbing to her exhaustion.
“Good. Ally’s taken over at the bakery and is doing really well, so the pressure’s off Nadia’s shoulders. Ally approved Nadia’s request for a few more employees,” Josie commented.
“And how are Stella and West?”
Josie closed her laptop and set it on the table next to her. “Still love each other.”
Her mother nodded. “And how is your father? You never told me how dinner was between the both of you.”
She had hoped to avoid this because she knew she was about to disappoint her mother. She never meant to, but this time it wasn’t her fault. Her father was the one who stood her up. Josie thought back to that night. She had sat at that restaurant for ages until she found out her father hadn’t even left Canberra for Melbourne. She was about to leave when Maxwell Sheridan appeared and took her father’s place.
Max.
Max who messaged her every day and answered her stupid questions. She knew she got in the way of his actual clients, but he never complained. Not once.
It was crazy how much she missed actually seeing him.
It had been almost a week and a half since he left her apartment.
He’d taken care of her when she was sick.
Sat up and watched Gilmore Girls with her and her best friend.
Maxwell Sheridan became her better thing in life.
Through the storm, he was the light.
He had no idea how much she cared for him.
She knew it was insane.
But there was no point in denying the truth.
I like him honestly.
It was hard to decide if telli
ng him would become an issue for their friendship.
He had said he wanted to be her Luke.
For a moment, her heart had swelled.
But no one knew if Luke and Lorelai ended up together and happy.
The show was cancelled, and the truth was never revealed.
Maybe they could have what she thought Lorelai and Luke deserved outside the series being cancelled—a happily ever after.
Josie knew that right now, it wasn’t a priority. Her mother’s heath, university, and being Max’s friend meant more.
“Josephine, did something happen with your father?” her mother asked.
She blinked several times and realised she hadn’t answered her mother. Taking a deep breath, she knew she couldn’t lie to her. She always knew when Josie lied about her absent father. “He never showed up for dinner, so I left.”
Her mother winced. “He didn’t?”
Anger flashed in her blue eyes, and Josie shot out of her chair. She captured her mother’s cold left hand in hers and squeezed gently. “It’s okay, Mamma.”
Tears glazed over Emily Faulkner’s eyes, wounding Josie more harshly than her father ever could. “It’s not, Josephine.”
“I’m used to it.”
Her mother let out a struggled exhale. “But you shouldn’t. I know I haven’t been the best moth—”
“Stop that right now!” Josie demanded and pulled her hands free from her mother’s. “Don’t you say that.”
“But—”
“No!” Anger suddenly consumed her as tears began to form. She didn’t care that she had raised her voice at her mother or that the patients her mother shared a room with would hear. “Don’t you dare finish that sentence.”
“Josephine, it’s true.”
“It’s not,” she dismissed as those tears fell. She tried to hold back the next few, but they escaped. “You’re the greatest mother in the world.”
“I shouldn’t have pushed you to have a relationship with your father when it only made you resent him more.”
Josie shook her head as she reached up and brushed away her mother’s tears. “He did that on his own with his lies and his incessant need to disappoint. He’s actually quite good at it.”
“But as your mother, I should have …” She paused, and Josie noticed that she had balled her hands into tight fists. “I should have protected you from such disappointment.”
“It’s okay, Mamma.”
“No. You shouldn’t be this angry.”
“It’s not your fault.”
Her mother wrapped her fingers around her wrist. “Josephine, I love your father. And I admit that I let my love for him hurt you when he left us. I gave him the benefit of the doubt. But you have to make amends with him.”
Josie shook her head. “I can’t,” she cried. “I trust him for a second, and he’ll… he’ll let me down. And I don’t want to feel stupid by giving him the satisfaction that I believed in him.”
She tried to pull her arm free, but her mother tightened her grip. “You have to, Josephine.”
“I don’t want to! There’s no point.”
“There is!”
“THERE’S NOT!” she screamed and pulled her arm free. Josie saw her mother flinch in shock at her outburst. “He lives in Berlin! Or have you forgotten that? He has two other daughters!”
Her mother’s tears broke her heart. “You’re his daughter, too.”
“I’m not,” she said, shaking her head. “Do you want to know what hurts the most about having a diplomat as a father?”
“No.”
The heat that consumed her chest rose to burn her throat. “I have to see photos of him online. I have to see videos of him at his daughters’ recitals. You couldn’t have protected me from that. He watches them dance. Do you know how many times I invited him to see me dance? Do you have any idea how much it hurts to know that they have a dad? My dad. He was my dad first!”
Her mother’s lip trembled as she reached out and grasped Josie’s shaking hands. “They’re your sisters, too.” She tugged at Josie’s hands, and she sat on the bed, allowing her mother to console her. “You always wanted to be a big sister.”
Josie cried into her mother’s chest. “He never invited me to Germany to meet them. I’d never be their big sister. They probably don’t even know I exist.”
“I’m sure that’s not true,” her mother whispered as she rubbed circles on Josie’s back.
“I’m too scared to find out.”
“Oh, my sweet Josephine,” Emily whispered. “They’re your family.”
Josie shook her head. “No. You’re my family. You’re the only family I have ever needed,” she sobbed as she wrapped her arms around her frail mother. “I love you so much.”
She felt her mother’s chest heave as she cried and inhaled. “I will always love you, Josephine, but I won’t be around forever.”
“Don’t say that!” she begged. “Please don’t say that.”
“It’s true. And if that time comes sooner than expected, you have to try to be a part of their lives.”
“No,” she breathed.
“Please, Josephine. Promise that you will try someday. At least meet them. And if your father ever changes, give him a chance. He might not show it, but he loves you so much.”
“You’re all I need, Mamma.”
Her mother let out a low laugh that sounded as if it took so much energy to make. “No, Josephine, you need a lot more love in your life than just mine. You deserve more.”
She wanted to argue further with her mother, but Josie was tired of crying. She couldn’t imagine how much this confrontation took its toll on her mother’s cancer-stricken body.
So for now, Josie let it go.
To give her mother peace.
But she knew no promises could be made if she never intended to fulfil them.
Max: I have officially not seen you in fifteen days.
Josie: You talk to me every day.
Max: It’s actually not the same thing.
Josie: I’m in class right now.
Max: Which class is this? Legal practice and ethics or evidence.
Josie: Evidence.
Max: Did you get your contracts assignment handed in?
Josie: I did. Thank you for pointing out that my choice of wording in my argument needed to be a lot stronger. It definitely lacked a stronger stance. How is that case you were working on going?
Max: You need to be a bit more forceful in the tone you use in your memo of advices. You have another one coming up for evidence, right? Send me your draft, and I can look at it. And no, I won’t give you the correct answer. I’ll guide you through it.
“All right, everyone, don’t forget to read the Uniform Evidence Act. Your assignment is based on it,” Ruth, her evidence tutor, said. Just as Josie stood, Ruth walked over to her and handed her a piece of paper. “It’s my letter of support.”
She looked down at the paper and skimmed the page. “I didn’t ask for a recommendation,” Josie stated in shock as she looked up at her tutor.
Ruth smiled. “You’re the only student who hasn’t asked.”
“I was?”
“You were. I don’t know what’s happened to you in the last three weeks, but the old Josie’s back. The one who I put my money on as the next big lawyer in Melbourne. Have you applied for placements?”
Josie nodded. “I have a few interviews.”
“Let me know how they go. I talked to Jason, and he’s impressed with your progress. My door is always open if you need any help with your interviews or if you have any questions,” her tutor said.
“I’ll be sure to stop by if I do.”
Highly unlikely since I haven’t applied to any law firms.
Tucking the letter into her bag, she picked up her notebook and shoved it inside. She gave her tutor a smile of appreciation as she made her way out of the classroom. Once she was out in the hallway, her phone vibrated.
Max: Realised I didn’t
update you on the case. The firm’s representing him. I found the murder for hire contract in some carefully crafted emails. It took about eighty emails to find them. Some were harder than others. Some had only a few words or letters capitalised. We have some forensic accountants and cyber experts tracking down the money. This case is insane. It looks like she framed her husband. Not sure why people put so much effort into murder when divorce is quick these days.
Josie laughed as she made her way out of the law building. She finished her classes for the day and was excited to go home for a nap. She had visited her mother’s hospital room early this morning before her evidence lecture. Her mother was moved into a different ward, but after a fall out of her hospital bed, she had a hairline fracture in her arm and would be staying in the hospital for a while longer. It was hard for Josie to keep her cool. She knew her mother was better off in the hospital than on her own, but it wasn’t easy for Josie to watch her once brave and strong mother become a brittle version of the woman she had once admired.
Fuck cancer!
It was all Josie could do.
To curse cancer.
And to text Max back.
Josie: I have an essay for evidence. It’s due next week. Everything seems to be due the week after each other. You found the terms of the contract in her emails? I can see why you work at one of the best law firms in the country.
Max: Nepotism has me working for the best law firm in the country, Josephine. I happen to be the founder’s offspring.
Josie: Nepotism has its advantages.
Max: Not always. I had to prove I was a capable lawyer.
Josie: Speaking of being a capable lawyer, you shouldn’t be texting me on the job.
Max: They won’t fire me. I’d love to see them try. Is your class over?
Josie glanced up from her phone to find herself standing in the quad. She searched her surroundings and found a free bench. Approaching it, she sat down and continued her conversation with Max.
