by Belle Aurora
The low keening cry that escaped her after that was gut wrenching. Crying her heart out, she wept until she had no air left in her body, and as she took in a harsh breath and lifted her head, she wailed openly, clutching at her throat as if she were choking on what she was feeling, and it crushed my very soul.
The hall was filled with people, silent people, and I barely spared a glance to those looking on in shock. But when Julius filled the doorway and his wide eyes landed on me, blinking slowly, I’d never felt more like a piece of shit than when I watched my brother crack open and break for he was unbreakable.
Yes, I’d betrayed him. And, yes, he knew it immediately.
Julius stood there as Lexi cried. His lips parted and he blinked slowly, putting his hands crushingly to his head as if he was experiencing the worst migraine of his life. “No.” He shook his head, and then suddenly, he wasn’t shocked anymore. He was pissed, and he growled, “No.”
Yes. “Brother,” I uttered quietly and watched as his face turned thunderous.
I observed him fight himself at every turn. He stepped forward, then back, and forward again as if he didn’t know what to do with himself, his fist clenching then unclenching over and over again. It took him a while to get control over his emotions, but when he did, he snarled, “Outside. Now.”
I knew it was coming. I’d have done the same. I put my boy down with a sigh and followed Julius out the front door, sparing a small glance at my weeping woman.
The way she looked now, overcome and devastated?
I never wanted to see it again.
She was in no state to watch this shit unfold. I muttered to Happy, “Keep ‘em inside.”
In the hall, I passed a gaping Nikki, Dave, and Ana on the way out, while Manda simply shook her head in disappointment.
That was okay. I could deal with that.
I was used to being a disappointment.
Before I even made it out the door, I unzipped my hoodie and shrugged it off, rolling my shoulders as Julius paced on the front lawn, looking like a man possessed. When he caught me staring, his face crumpled and his eyes turned wild as he shook his head. “I know you didn’t do this. Not to me.” He pointed a shaking hand towards the house. “Not to her.”
Shit. He was taking this worse than I expected.
My voice was rough. “Had to, brother.”
He was finding it hard to speak. “Five years.” His breathing turned heavy. “Where the fuck you been?” His lip curled, but the words he spat were cracking, heartbroken. “I needed you.”
I know he did. That was why he needed to believe I was gone.
If Julius didn’t believe it, no one else would have.
“Spend the rest of my life makin’ it up to you,” I offered, conciliating. And I would. I hated that I hurt him, but it wasn’t optional.
Julius stilled and his blue eyes flashed. “Fuck you, Twitch.”
And when he lunged at me, I let him.
Stone-like fists clipped my cheek, white exploded behind my eyes, and I fell backwards onto the dewy grass. Roughly, he straddled my thighs and hit me again, harder this time. And I saw stars. He knocked me again, and I felt my nose crunch under his fist. Again and again, he hit me, and I lifted my arms in a poor attempt to deflect the blows because he was mad enough to cause some real damage and, as it were, Julius showed no sighs of slowing.
He knocked my arms out of the way, but I flung them up, over and over.
A solid punch knocked my shoulder, and I hissed through the pain. Julius gasped loudly, hastily, speaking through gritted teeth. “Where were you?” The next blow hit me in the chest, winding me, and he bellowed, “I needed you, motherfucker!” The hits slowed and then finally, the blows stopped altogether. Gripping the front of my tee, I felt my brother’s body quake as he cried out a tear-laced, “I needed you.” He sobbed through gritted teeth, “You piece of shit. I needed you.”
Breathing as well as I could through my broken nose, I watched him cry and reached up to grip his upper arm, but he shrugged me off violently, standing as quickly as he could. “Get the fuck off me!” Before I could register what was happening, he walked over to his wife, took her by the hand, and dragged her to their car. “Manda,” Julius barked.
When Manda rushed over and stepped into the back seat, the car took off with a screech.
As I elevated myself on my elbows, I spied Nikki and Dave leaving with my son. My heart wrenched and I stood, ready to object, but when Nikki turned to Happy, looking completely brokenhearted, and ground out, “If I were you, I wouldn’t come home tonight,” I knew it was probably better for A.J. not to be here for the chaos that would ensue.
“Daddy?” A.J. called out uncertainly, looking strangely at my position on the grass.
“It’s okay, bud,” I told him, panting and breathless. “I’ll see you real soon.”
Happy stood with his hands on his hips, exhaling slowly. He dipped his chin, looking down at his feet, then spoke quietly, “Could have given me a heads up.”
I could have, but I was done waiting.
Sorry.
My silence was all the apology he was going to get, and he knew it because he shook his head and walked inside. A long moment went by before I followed, but where Happy took off out into the backyard, I detoured to where my soul craved to be.
In her room.
I moved to stand in the open doorway and watched the broken woman rest against the wall, cold, unblinking. She looked like a shell of a person sitting so small where she was. All I wanted to do was go over, take her in my arms, and hold her a while.
When it all became too much and the discomfort hit me hard, I scratched at my jawline and shook my head because I wanted to apologize, but that was ludicrous.
So I held her eyes and prayed she’d hear the words unspoken.
Suddenly, she glared at me from across the room, a stray tear slipping past her guard. I felt her whispered words deep in my gut.
"I hate you."
And at that moment, she really did.
A sadness I never imagined I could feel settled its weight on my shoulders.
It was okay though.
She could never hate me as much as I hated myself.
I stepped out of her room and let her be. I’d done enough damage tonight. We’d start fresh in the morning.
Making my way out back, Happy paced deep into the yard while the little Goth watched.
“So you’re him,” she said, turning those bored eyes on me. “I didn’t expect you to be so young. I mean, you need a haircut and a shave, but I’m surprised.” She tilted her head. “How old are you?”
I was forty-one. “Old enough to know better.” Putting a finger to my nostril, I blew blood out of my nose and onto the porch. “Young enough to not give a fuck.”
“That needs to be set. Come here.” When I made no attempt to move, she rolled her eyes. “Or don’t. Whatever. Look like a troll. I don’t care.”
It did need to be set. I made the few steps over and sat in the chair at the outdoor setting. “You ever done this before?”
She put both her thumbs to the sides of my nose and pressed into my cheeks, looking unconcerned. “A time or two.” A moment before she set my nose, she uttered, “I’m Molly.”
Crack.
“Aw, fuck,” I groaned as my eyes watered uncontrollably and my nose began to bleed all over again. When she handed me tissue, I snatched them out of her hands and lifted my head to stop myself from bleeding on my tee. I couldn’t help but notice how blasé she was acting and had to say something about it. “You don’t seem so surprised to see me.”
With her back to me, she continued to watch Happy pace. She shrugged. “I was, but now I’m not.” She twisted, looking back at me. “Your son is not a liar.” When she settled her eyes on a still-pacing Happy, she let out a long, drawn out breath. “I should’ve known.” A while passed and we sat in easy silence. In the stillness of the night, Molly spoke the words I dreaded to hear. “She’s nev
er gonna forgive you.”
Maybe not.
But I planned to make her love me again or die trying.
“You live here, yeah?” Molly nodded and I went on. “Tomorrow, you and I are gonna have words on how easily I was able to get in and out of this house and do it undetected.”
Her brow creased, but she nodded once more.
Good.
We’d deal with it tomorrow.
Tonight, I would think on how to fix everything I’d fucked up.
Chapter Eleven
Twitch
It had been twenty-four hours and Lexi had yet to leave her bedroom, which was why I dropped in. I needed to make sure she was okay.
My son hadn’t been home in this time, but Molly assured me he’d be back the next day.
For everyone’s sake, he’d better be. If he wasn’t, I was going after him, and I told her as much. No one was keeping me from him.
It was after midnight, and as I lay next to the angel who’d stolen my heart, I spoke quietly so as to not spook her.
“Lexi,” I uttered, watching her back stiffen. “Angel.” I reached out to touch her but stopped partway, balling my hand into a fist before pulling away. “We need to talk.”
I watched her hug herself. She stayed that way, her body tightly constricted, a long while. Her voice was weak and her softly spoken words bruised me all over. “Go away.”
Okay.
I had all the time in the world.
I really hoped she understood that because I wasn’t going anywhere.
Not without her.
I went with Molly to pick up my son from school. When she blatantly refused to take me along, I told her I’d follow anyways, and I must have looked convincing enough because she caved rather quickly. I stayed in the car, waiting patiently as she collected him.
The second he saw me in the backseat, his face transformed into a huge grin. “Dad!” But then he focused on my swollen nose and the purple bruising under my eyes and his face fell. “Daddy?”
“I had a little accident, bud, but it’s okay.” I held my arms out to him and he climbed into the backseat with me, falling into me. I hugged him as long as I could before I buckled him in. As we drove, I explained, “Your mom’s not feeling well, so we’re gonna give her a break. I’m gonna come over a while, okay?”
My son’s face lit up. “You’re staying?”
Smiling hurt, but for him, I managed a small one. “Hell, yeah, I’m staying.”
For the first time in my life, I got to be a father to my son, and I don’t know who was more thrilled about it, me or him.
When we got back to the house and I walked into the kitchen, I rubbed my hands together. “So—” I peered down at the smaller, shorter, skinnier version of me. “—what do you eat?”
Molly let out a choked laugh and I spun on her, glaring. At the intensity of my scowl, she raised her hands in surrender and wiped the grin off her face, which was a good thing, ‘cause I didn’t have any problem kicking her ass.
A.J. looked to the girl. “Molly makes me a snack after school.”
“I’m making your snack today, bud,” I told him, discreetly throwing Molly the bird when she grinned hard at my son’s loyalty to her. “What do you normally have?”
“Almond butter apple sandwiches,” said A.J. and I blinked.
“Come again?” What the fuck was that?
Molly cut in with, “I can do it, really. It’s no problem. It’s kind of my job.”
I turned, biting the inside of my cheek. I could fucking do it. If she could do it and she was like—what?—thirteen, then I could make my goddamn son a shitty snack.
Oh, shit.
My heart was racing. I needed to calm down.
Closing my eyes, I breathed deep, letting it out slowly. “I’ll do it. Just show me where the stuff is.”
The girl must’ve sensed the irritability in me because she did as I asked and grabbed me an apple, a knife, and some shit called almond butter. “All you do is cut the apple long ways, cut out the seeds, and put a thick layer of almond butter on them before putting another piece of apple on the top. See? Almond butter apple sandwiches.”
Yeah, I got it. Seemed easy enough.
I started cutting the apple and Molly made a sound in her throat. “Not that way. Long ways, like this.” She held the apple on its side.
My exasperation raised a whole level. “Does it really matter which way I cut the stupid apple?”
“It does,” she said, smartass that she was. “Unless you want A.J. to be eating arsenic-laced apple seeds.” When my brow knitted, she let out a hushed, “You do not want that.”
Okay. Shit.
Was it hot in here?
Agitated as fuck, I scratched at the scruff on my jaw.
Who knew making a snack would be so hard?
After I finished the stupid fucking fruit sandwiches, I put ‘em on a plate and handed them to A.J., and the look he gave me, one of pure elation, made all the anxiety cease.
“They look just like Molly’s.” Then he gazed up at me, asking, “Can I go see Mum?”
I started, “I don’t think—”
But Molly cut me off. “Of course, little dude. Just remember, she’s not feeling well, okay? So use your indoor voice.”
And he was off, opening the door quietly and stepping through before shutting it just as softly behind him.
When I looked at Molly, she uttered, “She won’t mind, trust me. He comes before her. Always has.”
Of course he did. That was because she was a great mum. Nothing like mine, nothing like hers, just as I knew she would be.
And it gave me hope that maybe even somebody like me could be a good dad if I put my mind to it. With Lexi’s help, I’d learn.
***
Lexi
I was crushed, absolutely devastated at the realization of the duplicity of the last five years. I wasn’t coping. Not at all. Every time I thought it, my breath hitched and more tears than I even knew I harbored fell.
To make matters worse, my son had tried to tell me, over and over again, and not only had I not believed him, but I made him feel that he couldn’t talk to me about it anymore.
My eyes shut tight, I hugged myself under the covers as my guilt had my stomach dipping.
I was a horrible mother.
The door to my bedroom squeaked as it opened and I refused to open my eyes. I was being a coward, but looking into the soft brown hooded eyes of the man I loved was more than I could bear. It was a reminder of the lies and deceit, of the sheer heartbreak I felt, then and now, and I didn’t know whether I had it in me to deal with that at this very moment.
But then I heard his sweet voice. “Mummy, are you okay?”
Without a word, I lifted the covers and he slid under them. Something cold touched my arm, and I squinted through my hot, swollen eyes. “What have you got there?”
A.J. picked up an apple sandwich and bit into it. “Daddy made me a snack.”
My fragile heart cracked a little more. One more fracture and it would surely shatter into a thousand pieces.
“Oh, he did, did he?” I tried to keep my voice light, but it was harder than it sounded. “Is Molly out there too?”
“Yep,” he said, nibbling on his snack, and some of my tension fell away.
No way would Molly let A.J. go anywhere without her. I knew she would risk almost anything to keep him safe. Even from his father.
Speaking in low tones, A.J. asked, “Is it okay if Daddy stays a while?”
I thought about that and decided it was better to keep Twitch happy for the moment because it wouldn’t last long and an unhappy Twitch was not something to take lightly. I’d seen him upset. The memories still plagued me.
“Okay, baby, but just for tonight.” I would give myself today, but tomorrow, I came out swinging. “I need to speak to Molly, honey. Can you get her for me?”
“Okay. Feel better.” He kissed me with sticky lips and I loved him for knowing how mu
ch I needed it. The moment Molly came into the bedroom and shut the door, I whispered, “If he tries to take A.J., I want you to shoot him.”
No hesitation. “No problem.”
Good girl.
She left me be and I found sanctuary in the depths of my covers.
And now, back to my depression, for tomorrow, I’d come alive again.
***
Twitch
It was just after nine when I walked into my house to find Happy sitting at the table with Julius and Ana. I stalled a second, looking from brother to brother before I made my way in, lightly shutting the door behind me.
“You come to apologize?” I spoke directly to Julius, and when he glowered, I grinned. “Look at what you did to my face, Jay. I look like a beat-up sack of turds.”
Yeah, I didn’t know how to deal with this, so I did what I always did—became a wiseass.
But it was Ana who stood. She was so small, but the way she carried herself made her look even smaller. There was zero confidence in her stance, and I hated that because at one point, she was a different person. Her hands shook visibly as she opened her mouth to speak. Unfortunately, nothing came out, and from where I stood, it looked like perspiration lined her brow as she tried to focus on breathing.
My eyes met Julius’s. “What’s wrong with her?”
I wasn’t trying to be rude; I was just asking.
Julius held my eyes a moment then looked down at the table. “Ana has PTSD.” He didn’t look at me. “I don’t know why we’re here, but she wanted to come see you, so here we are.”
He sounded pissed, but he was here. That told me a bit about how much he loved his little sparrow. Interesting.
Without asking, I moved forward, closer to the woman, and looked into her face, overlooking the damaged eye and scars. “What’s up?”
Julius watched me closely, looking ready to pounce. That was when I heard her.
“Twitch, I need you to hold her still.”
I frowned down at her and muttered, “Huh?”
The fuck was she going on about?
“I hear it in my head sometimes.” Her voice was sluggish, quiet. “Manda said it that night, at Gio’s. You were there.” She took in a sudden breath before letting it out shakily. “I know you were. I was leaving, and you talked me back.”
