by Lee Kilraine
“Let me guess. You watched my butt when I ran?”
Coach Wraithe looked only a little embarrassed. “It was right there in front of us. It was inspirational. Speaking of inspirational, have you ever thought of coaching? We sure could use a girls’ cross-country and track coach.”
“I have coached a little, but honestly, well, let’s just say that today’s faceplant”—Delaney gestured up toward her injured nose and face—“is pretty representational of my life lately. I don’t think I’m the person to be guiding young girls anymore.”
“Well, the faceplant was impressive, but it was the ‘never say quit’ thirty minutes of running afterward that was really impressive.”
Delaney shook her head. “I can’t—”
“Look at the time. Delaney, we’re late. You know if my Seamus doesn’t eat every six hours, his blood sugar levels drop. Coach, always good to see you. You don’t mind if you and Delaney discuss this later, do you? Come on, Delaney.” Mama Cates hurried her up the sidewalk toward the car.
“Mama C, there’s nothing to discuss with him later. My life is a mess.”
“No. Your face is a mess. Your life is a work in progress.”
Chapter Twenty-five
Your life is a work in progress. Yeah, she got that, except she’d felt stuck for so long now. And it hadn’t started with the explosion. No, a ton of her baggage circled back to her childhood and her parents.
Growing up, she’d had so many questions and so much confusion about how love worked. She could never understand how it was possible for a parent not to love their child. For years, she had been sure it was her fault. Eventually it was just a fact of life. She’d pushed all her hopes and wishes and needs deep into the dark empty spaces of her heart and gotten on with life.
By the time high school arrived, she was focused on two things: protecting and raising Greer and finding a way out once Greer was out of their dad’s reach. Hell. It wasn’t like she was the first person raised by dysfunctional parents, but maybe it was time to stop giving them so much space in her head. It might be too late for healing, but maybe she could have closure.
Her time spent with Quinn’s family over the last week, living within the circle of love and true affection in the Cates family, was like living within her deepest fantasies from childhood. And for the first time in her life, she didn’t have to be strong by herself. She could lean on someone. She could lean on Quinn. The feel of Quinn’s strong body surrounding her on the bridge, shielding and supporting, was embedded in each cell of her body. Everyone needs help, Delaney. All you have to do is ask. Maybe it was time to ask.
She pulled out her phone and called Quinn. He answered on the first ring.
“What’s wrong?”
“Whoa. What?”
“You’ve never called me before. With everything going on, I figured something else must have come up. What’s up?”
Delaney huffed out a breath. “I need help, and I’m asking you.”
“You got it. Where are you?”
She hadn’t realized her body had contracted and tensed, ready for rejection, until every muscle in her body relaxed like a sigh on Quinn’s response. “I’m at Greer’s. Don’t you even want to know what it is?”
“Nope. I’m in. I’ll be right there.”
Delaney hadn’t visited Hickory Hill Cemetery since the first day she got her driver’s license at sixteen. She had wanted to share the big milestone in her life with her mother, but just like when her mother had been alive, Delaney had walked away empty-handed. Today was different though. She wasn’t looking for anything from them. Today was her chance to finally say what had been in her heart all these years.
Quinn parked his truck on the gravel path closest to her parents’ grave markers. He sat in the quiet of the cab waiting for her to make a move. Five minutes ago, she had been sure she needed to do this, but now all she was sure of was she was close to tossing her cookies. Her insides twisted, leaving her breathless while her hands shook in her lap. Glancing down at her shaking hands only reinforced why she needed to face this. She refused to let them have any more influence on her life.
“You don’t have to do this.” Quinn’s deep voice cut into her turbulent thoughts.
“I think I do.” She clenched her fists tight to stop their shaking, then got out of the truck and walked around and across to the graves. The sun was setting behind an old hickory tree, evening shadows tiptoeing in around them. Two stark markers rested flush with the ground. No “loving mother” or “beloved father” cluttered up the smooth granite. Just her parents’ names and the years they lived had been carved into each.
“I didn’t come home for his funeral. I feel like I let Greer down, but I couldn’t do it.”
“Greer was fine. She understood. Everyone understood.” Quinn stood back behind her, giving her some space. “You want me to wait in the truck?”
Delaney shook her head and turned around to look into his face. “No. I need you.”
“You got me.” He stood like a sentry guarding the perimeter ten feet behind her.
She turned back around to the graves, unable to stop the tremor radiating up through her body. “Quinn? Could you stand behind me like you did the other day on the bridge? Please?”
Leaves crunched under his boots as he moved behind her. He lined his body up against hers, letting her lean against his strength and take from it. His heat seeped in, thawing the frozen lump that had formed in her chest and relaxing the taut muscles in her throat so she could say what she’d held inside forever.
“Mama, so many days I wished you’d been strong enough to protect us. I knew . . . I knew how hard it was. I knew you just couldn’t. But I still wished you could have, I don’t know, tried harder. Just once, I wanted you to be the strong one, the one to step in front of Daddy and protect Greer. So I didn’t have to.”
She shook her head, pushing that thought away. “I’m sorry. That’s not why I came here. But before I get to that, I should get one more thing out in the air. I understand that you were just barely able to save yourself from Daddy. I see that now. You were just existing. Just hanging on. I know what that feels like now, but I think we could have helped you, Mama. Like the way Greer and Quinn have helped me. We loved you and if you could have loved us back, I think it might have helped.”
“But you didn’t love us. If you did, I never saw it. I never felt it. And I don’t understand that. I couldn’t figure out why my mama didn’t brush my hair, or take me shopping, or bake me a cake like all the other mamas did for their little girls. I used to wonder if maybe there was something wrong with me, you know? Was I colicky? Was I moody? Too quiet? Too loud? Maybe there was. But how could you not love Greer? Greer was so easy to love.”
Quinn wrapped his arms tight around her and it gave her the strength to go on. She turned her gaze to the other marker.
“Daddy, you were a mean son of a bitch. On those days when you told me I ruined all your plans and you wished I’d never been born—some days I used to wish that too. And I hate you for that. But today I want to tell you I survived in spite of you. In spite of you both. I’m strong. Stronger than you ever were. I think I’m finally happy.”
She wiped away the tear that had escaped down her cheek to the edge of her mouth and grabbed Quinn’s hands tight, and he grabbed right back. It felt so . . . damn . . . good to not be facing this alone. She pulled air into her lungs, ready to finish what she’d started.
“Early in my life, it was like you dug a deep pit and tossed me and Greer in. And all my life I’ve been clawing and scraping my way out of that dark place. I think I finally made it out. I’m standing up on firm ground. I’m standing in the sunshine now, Daddy.
“I’m taking all my memories of you—the cruelty, the screaming, the horrible names you called us, all of it—and I’m throwing it all in that hole I climbed out of and burying them all away. I didn’t come home to bury you for your funeral because it hurt too much. Eight years ago, deep dow
n I was still wishing things had been different and the little girl in me still hoped for a miracle. Crazy, right?
“I had this dream that you’d stop in your tracks, turn, and look at us the way most dads’ eyes light up when they see their children. You’d open your arms big and wide for us to run into and catch us up in a bear hug. You’d swing us all around in a circle while you planted wild daddy kisses all over our cheeks. I’m not giving you that power over me anymore. I’m burying you today. And all the ugly memories with you. Good-bye, Daddy.”
And then she spun around within the protective circle of Quinn’s body and sobbed against his chest, her arms wrapped tight around his neck like he was a safety buoy in stormy seas. He felt so good to hang on to.
He loved her. If he had had any doubts, they disappeared with each word that crossed Delaney’s lips. His chest tightened as he stood with his arms wrapped around her. He was in awe of her strength, but also damn glad she had finally leaned on him, since, to her mind, he had blown the only other time she’d asked him for help.
“Do you have a case of déjà vu?” Her sobs now settled to sniffles, Delaney pulled back from the circle of his arms, her face tear-streaked and blotchy. “I’m sorry for slobbering all over you again. This is where we started.”
He bent down to look directly into her eyes. “How are you feeling?”
“Empty.”
He reached out for her hands and squeezed. “Are you done here?”
Her face wobbled a bit and her eyes started tearing up again, but she clenched her jaw and gave him a nod.
“Let’s go.” The sun was down now, tucked behind the horizon, and around them, the sky was bleeding into midnight blue. He led her across to his truck and helped her in on the driver’s side, climbing in after her. As soon as they were buckled in, he drove farther out of town, over to Copper Lake.
“What happened to your face?” Quinn glanced down at Delaney as her head rested on his shoulder, a feeling he could become addicted to. “Please tell me you and Barbara weren’t hanging out again.”
“I fell. Does it look bad?”
“It looks like it hurts. No more falling.” He pulled into the field next to the lake and parked under the wide open sky, which was filled with so many stars it was as if someone had tossed them across the heavens like in a game of jacks. It was a school night, so they had the field to themselves. Except for the time of year, this was pretty much how it had been the last time they’d been up here together. The time she’d asked him for help. The time she’d asked him to make love to her and he’d turned her down.
Delaney sat up and glanced around, still looking turned all inside out. “Whoa, we’ve been here before.”
“Hey, it helped the last time I held you in my arms.”
“What?” Her head turned up to his in the shadowed interior. The moon shone brightly down, but couldn’t reach inside the dim cab of the truck. “Are you talking about a do-over?”
Was she trying to make it hard for him to play the gentleman? He exited the truck, sliding Delaney out his side and grabbing a wool blanket from the back seat of his extended cab. Holding her hand, he walked them around to the bed of the truck, lowered the gate, and rolled out the blanket. “I thought we could just lie here under the stars and let the world slide by.”
He placed his hands around her slim waist and lifted her onto the tailgate before jumping up himself. They stretched out next to each other, his arm behind her with her head on his shoulder. She was about as relaxed as a store mannequin.
Her hand reached across his body and clutched at his. “Do you ever wonder what might have happened if things had been different?”
“You mean if your parents were different?”
She rolled into him, tucking her face onto his chest. “God no, I stopped torturing myself with that years ago. I mean if you’d said yes in the back seat of your car.”
“Oh, that. Hell, yes, I’ve imagined that a million different times. But, my gut tells me it would’ve been ‘good-bye, Quinn’ after the first night if I’d said yes, instead of holding you in my arms that whole week.” He lifted his hand and stroked it through her long blond hair, loving the silken feel between his fingers. “You know, I don’t think I was even a blip on your radar back then. How did you pick me to ask?”
“Well, Greer trusted you, so I thought maybe I could. And, um . . . I heard you were pretty good.”
“You heard I was good in bed? How the hell did you hear that?”
“It’s Climax. How do you think I heard? People talk. Girls especially.”
“Huh. Funny, I never heard any talk about you and Trey.”
She shrugged against him. “Nothing to talk about.”
“What? You and Trey didn’t . . . ?”
“Nope.”
He groaned and pinched the bridge of his nose with his free hand. “Are you saying I would have been your first?”
“Yep.”
“You did not just tell me that.” He threw his forearm across his eyes while he digested that news. After counting to ten, he uncovered his eyes and stared up at the pinpricked sky. The silence between them drew out as he sucked in a lungful of cool fall air. “There’s not a chance you’re still waiting for me, is there?”
“Nope.”
“It’s official. I am an idiot. And I could have gone my whole life not knowing that.” He stroked his fingers up her arm in silence.
“Quinn? About that do-over . . .” Delaney rolled her body toward his, lifting her head to gaze into his eyes. “How about another truce? Make love to me. Please?”
Chapter Twenty-six
“Damn, Delaney, it took you long enough. I was afraid you weren’t going to ask.” And then he rolled her body all the way on top of his, cupped his hands around her head, and kissed her. He took it slow, pressing his lips to hers in a long, plundering kiss. A gentle nibble on her bottom lip before sliding his tongue into her sweet mouth. As his lips worshipped hers, he ran a hand along the soft skin of her neck, across her shoulder, and down her rib cage. He grinned under her lips at her moan when he brushed his hand by her breast before moving past. “Relax, Laney. I’ll get there.”
As slow as molasses in the winter, he stripped her out of her top, kissing each inch of skin he exposed. Next went her bra, as he worshipped her breasts in the moonlight. When her hips ground against his, he rolled her under him and helped her remove her jeans.
“Hurry, Quinn.”
He got side-tracked, letting his mouth and hands caress along the way. Planting a kiss on newly exposed hip bone, he refocused on her jeans. When her pant leg stuck on her prosthetic, he kissed along her thigh while he tried tugging the jeans from a different angle. They didn’t move an inch. He only had one other option, but he didn’t want her self-conscious so he distracted her with his mouth and hands first before he said, “Laney, I think I need to take your foot off to get you naked.”
“Quinn, I’d let you remove my arms if it means you’ll put your hands and mouth back on me.”
He grinned up at her as he fumbled with her prosthesis. “I can’t get it off. Is there a strap to unhook?”
Delaney sat up to help. “No, you just have to press the button—”
“You have no patience. I’ll get to that, but we need to take care of this first.”
She laughed and brushed his hands aside to take care of it. “I got it.”
“Wait, show me. I’ll need to know for next time.”
Her body froze. Damn, he shouldn’t have said that. Leaning into her, he kissed her deep, playing his tongue along hers until her hands were gripping him tight again and her eyes glazed over with desire. He did not want her overthinking this, coming up with a no. He needed to get her back to horizontal and do things to her that had her crying yes, yes, yes.
“There’s a release button on the side. Yeah, push that in. Hold it down and pull off the prosthesis. Then roll down the gel liner.”
“Got it,” he said, placing it carefully to
the side. Then he turned back and took care of her jeans, panties, and his own clothes quicker than a pit stop at the Indy 500. “All right, gorgeous woman, now I’ll take care of that other button.”
He touched her everywhere, needing to so badly while he made her moan, and whimper, and pant. He made her lose her breath and took her so high she screamed with the descent. They lay twined together under their own private light show in the back of his truck like they were the only two people in the world.
“I want to be inside you. Deep.”
“Yes.”
He pressed into her, amazed at how good she felt. How good they felt together. Slow but firm strokes fanned the desire swirling in his gut.
“Never stop,” she whispered in his ear. “Make this last forever.”
He tried. He honest to God tried. But the sweet glide of his body into hers took them both so high and close to the edge, he knew he’d be lucky if he lasted five minutes. Closing his eyes, he paused, then slowed his thrusts down even more. A slow move into her heat, pausing there as he bent to suck her nipple into his mouth. Her fingers tugged his hair as he moved his hips against her, grazing her in just the right places until her fingers scratched down his back. Nerve endings shot electricity through his limbs, and he thrust harder and faster while he held tight to his own urges.
“Quinn!” she groaned as she came and sighed like she’d seen heaven.
Her sigh tipped him over the edge and he followed her, riding the same wave, ripping swift and powerful through his body and soul. Wrapping her tight in his arms, he rolled her back on top, where she lay sprawled out on his chest, relaxed and grinning.
“Wow.”
“You can say that again.” Quinn ran his hands along her back and perfect ass, memorizing every curve and sinew of her lean body. “Was that okay? That we took your prosthesis off? I mean, we’re just figuring all this out.”
Delaney looked down at their legs. “Honestly, it didn’t bother me. Not with that thing you were doing with your hand. And your mouth.”
