I shook my head and reached for his hand. “I won’t lie and say getting dressed up to go hang out with a bunch of other couples is the ideal way to spend tonight, but I know how much it means to you. You’ve always supported me, now it’s time to repay the favor.”
Gabe knocked on Seth’s door to let him know we were taking off. Seth rushed out, his tie still hanging loose around his neck. Gabe’s pet project had made a complete transformation in the past month. Gone was the awkward kid who seemed as out of place as a nun in a strip club, replaced by your average college student still growing into his gangly limbs. “Lookin’ good, man.”
He beamed at my compliment and the look in Gabe’s eyes promised I’d be rewarded later. It’d been tough to see the two of them growing closer since we came back from winter break. And yeah, even though I knew Gabe loved me and Seth wasn’t at all his type, I couldn’t help the jealousy I felt knowing the two of them were hanging out whenever Gabe wasn’t at work and I was at school.
It was a cool enough night I suggested taking the Jeep, but Gabe insisted we stroll across campus. It could’ve been romantic, except I was still tense, checking over my shoulder to make sure no one was taking pictures of us to blast online. And every time I did that, I noticed Seth hanging back, looking every bit the third wheel who’d rather be anywhere but hanging out with a pair of lovebirds.
The front windows of Port Java came into view and took my breath away. The sills were lined with tealights in every color of the rainbow. Beyond, I could see they’d carried the theme through to the tables and decorations. It almost looked like a unicorn had puked all over campus’s favorite coffee shop. Almost. Somehow, they’d taken what could’ve been cheap and tacky and turned it into warm and romantic.
We stopped at the table inside the entrance to check in. I zoned out while Gabe chatted with Jayden, trying to tamp down my apprehension. We’d been together for months now, but I was still trying to hold the closet door shut. Why? Maybe Gabe and my dad were right and it was time to come out to the moms. Not at the end of the semester like I’d planned, but over a short weekend, preferably late Sunday afternoon when we could make our escape before the dust even cleared from the bombshell. I pulled the cell phone out of my pocket and sent a quick text to Dad, asking if they had any plans this weekend. I needed to do this now, because hiding like this had tapped me out. I should be ecstatic that my boyfriend wanted to spend a romantic evening with me, but I couldn’t do that as long as I was hiding the truth from everyone except our classmates.
“You good?” Gabe asked as he led me to the counter. Rather than the typical coffee menu, tonight Levi had put together a selection of virgin cocktails. Most likely, some of the attendees had brought their own alcohol to dump in. Gabe fist bumped Jayden as they congratulated one another for a job well done. And they had done great; there had to already be over sixty people here, and dinner wasn’t going to be served for another hour.
Gabe pulled me to his side, draping an arm over my shoulder. “Jayden, this is my boyfriend, Trevor.”
Jayden quirked an eyebrow and I shifted uncomfortably under his scrutiny. I wondered if he knew all about my issues and had already deemed me unworthy of Gabe’s affection. When he spoke, his words were carefully measured and wooden. “Thanks for coming out tonight.”
“No problem.” I wasn’t sure what else to say, so I excused myself to find Seth. He sat in a dark corner, his eyes glued to something in the distance. Following his gaze, I realized he was fascinated by the man refilling the drink station. I couldn’t blame him; the guy was beautiful. Not ruggedly handsome, not cute, just one hundred percent classic beauty. Had to give it to the kid, he had good taste in men. Now, he needed to find the balls to approach the guy.
Yeah, as if I had any room to talk about who needed to work up some courage.
“Hey, you should go over and introduce yourself,” I suggested as I pulled out the chair across from him. Sitting beside him would’ve made it easier to be heard over the music, but I didn’t want anyone to get the impression he and I were a couple. Not that I’d be offended if they thought we were together, but it wouldn’t do much for Gabe’s “Find Seth a Man” campaign.
“No point.” Seth sighed. “A guy that good looking probably has either a steady boyfriend or he’s the type to have a different hook-up every night of the week. Either way, not something I want to get messed up with.”
“And what if he’s as lonely and miserable as you are?” I pressed. He sure as heck didn’t look happy to be here, but maybe that was because he was stuck working.
“Pretty sure that’s not possible.” Ugh, it sucked playing the good friend to someone who obviously wanted nothing more than to throw himself a pity party.
“Gabe said you were trying to reinvent yourself this semester,” I said, trying a new tactic. Seth cocked his head to the side before nodding. “Okay, then why not work half as hard on changing the inside as you have the outside?”
“What do you mean?”
“Look, I’m not going to sit here and tell you I have it all figured out, because I don’t. But I do know guys like someone who’s confident. They don’t want to have to constantly reassure their partner that they’re good enough.” Kind of like Gabe has to do with me.
“Is that something else that’s in the boyfriend manual Gabe keeps saying he’ll let me borrow so I understand this stuff?” Now it was my turn to look confused. “Sorry, inside joke.”
“Trust me, if there’s a manual, Gabe hasn’t read it.”
“Seems to me he’s doing a pretty good job at the boyfriend gig.” Seth’s chest puffed out as he defended my boyfriend.
I shook my head, trying to figure out how to backtrack out of the corner I’d gotten myself into. “I’m not trying to say he’s not. He’s better than I deserve most days. But the thing is, he didn’t learn that from any manual. We were both lucky to have some pretty great parents in our lives. They taught both of us how to be good partners.”
“Then why are you so scared of coming out to them?” There was no accusation in his question, only curiosity. My so-called dilemma had to seem strange to him since he really couldn’t come out. He was from one of those families you read about but didn’t think actually existed. He hadn’t shared much about his childhood, but he had told us that he’d grown up on a compound in the middle of nowhere, sheltered from the evils of the outside world. Groups like that typically viewed being gay pretty high on the list of evils. Now that he’d confronted me about why I was still guarding our secret so closely, I felt silly. But maybe Seth had given me an opening to test out the truth and see what sort of reaction I’d get. Gabe trusted him, and I trusted Gabe. I could do this.
“How much has Gabe told you about us?” I asked. I knew, without a doubt, that he didn’t know the extent of our relationship because Gabe had repeatedly promised me the sticking point would be strictly between us unless I felt comfortable sharing.
“Not much, I guess.” Seth’s gaze drifted again to the man behind the counter. If we got through this chat without me passing out, I was going to make an effort to help him work up the nerve to step out of his comfort zone. “I know you guys have been friends forever, which is part of why it’s so strange to me that you won’t admit you’re in love with him. If I had a guy like Gabe, I’m not sure I’d be able to keep quiet.”
“It’s not easy, that’s for sure,” I admitted. “The thing is, when Gabe says we’ve been friends forever, he means it. It’s not some figure of speech because we’ve been buddies for years. We met, so to speak, the day I was born. Of course, neither of us remember that far back, but our moms were pregnant together, and we were practically raised like brothers with all four parents sharing the responsibilities.”
“You mean they were… what’s the word?” He stared off as though trying to grasp the term he was looking for out of thin air, snapping his fingers when he remembered the word. “Were they one of those polyamorous couples?”
I busted
out laughing, because that might’ve been the most absurd assumption I’d ever heard. The hurt on Seth’s face stopped me cold. “Sorry, I guess I can see why you might think that from what I said, but give me a minute and I think you’ll understand why I reacted the way I did.”
“Okay.” He seemed to shrink in on himself and I wondered how much I’d just damaged his fragile attempt to be more outgoing.
“So no, they weren’t like that. But they were close. Still are. Our parents bought houses on the same block, and all through school, it wasn’t strange for Gabe and me to turn up at the other’s house randomly. When we got a little older, if we weren’t home by dark, whichever mom was missing a kid would call the other to make sure we were both accounted for. In a lot of ways, I think that made it easier for both sets of parents to still have their own relationships, because there was a built-in babysitter.
“Eventually, things started to change. I’d been thinking about Gabe in ways I knew I shouldn’t for a while, but I never dared say anything to him about it.” I swirled the straw in my drink, remembering those terrifying months when I worried he’d figure out I was crushing on him and he’d hate me. Never, not once, did I imagine he’d come out to me and tell me he understood if I didn’t want to hang out with him anymore.
“It makes sense if you think about it,” Seth interrupted. “You were two halves of a whole since you were babies. Everyone says you’re supposed to be best friends with your partner, so it stands to reason that best friends could fall in love with one another.”
It was a valid point, one I’d made many times over the years when trying to reconcile how this had happened. But knowing how it happened didn’t change the fact it shouldn’t have happened. I took a deep breath and held it, ready to share my deepest secret with someone who hovered somewhere between an acquaintance and a friend.
“Yeah, but our situation is crazy complicated.”
“Probably not as much as you think,” Seth countered.
“Yeah?” My eyes narrowed as I got ready to detonate the bomb. “What about the fact that his grandma and my grandpa are married?”
“So, your moms are sisters? Or your dads are brothers? Which is it?” He fidgeted on his chair but didn’t seem completely repulsed. “That’d be the easier way to say it. Or say you’re cousins. Why get all cryptic about it?”
“Does it really matter who’s related to who? And yeah, we’re cousins, but not the way you think. I mean, technically, we’re only cousins by marriage.” Now that it was out in the open, I found myself trying to defend our relationship. What was it Gabe had said? Oh yeah, it wasn’t wrong because there was no genetic bond and it wasn’t like we were a het couple looking to pop out a bunch of kids.
“No, but I’m trying to understand,” Seth responded. “I’m trying to be a friend, because you seem like you need someone to talk to who won’t judge you.”
“Thanks.” Funny how I was the one who was constantly surrounded by people, but I’d managed to isolate myself in the crowd because I feared anyone getting too close to the truth. “So, my grandpa married Gabe’s grandma when our moms were teenagers. As much as our grandparents worried they wouldn’t like having to share a room, the two of them instantly became best friends. Grandma says she’s pretty sure they made a pact to never do anything alone, because they got engaged about the same time, married, and then got pregnant within a few weeks of one another.”
“And because they’re close, you’re worried they’ll think you’re doing something wrong,” Seth guessed. My shoulders sagged and I felt like a huge weight had been lifted. Literally, I felt lighter now that I wasn’t dragging this secret around with me.
“Yeah, pretty much,” I confessed.
“You want some unsolicited advice?”
“Are you going to keep it to yourself if I say no?” On second thought, this was Seth; yeah, he’d totally shut up if I told him I didn’t want to hear his opinion. “Sorry, go ahead.”
“They love you. Will it be easy for them to accept this new dynamic? Probably not. But from what Gabe’s told me about both of your families, they don’t believe in love with strings. You need to be honest with them before hiding destroys what could be that forever type of love everyone hopes to find.”
I leaned back in my seat and thought about what he’d said. Yes, I’d already resigned myself to telling everyone back home that I was in love with Gabe, but the way Seth put it solidified my decision. It was something I needed to do as much for my relationship with my mom as for how I felt about Gabe. Tomorrow morning, we’d head back for a quick visit and by the time we headed to class on Monday, everything would be revealed.
“You know, for a guy who says he doesn’t know about functional families and relationships, you’re pretty good at the advice stuff.”
“Yeah, well there wasn’t much to do at home, so I read a lot of self-help books. That’s probably where my fascination with the human mind came from.”
I stood, wanting to find Gabe and let him know we couldn’t stay out too late tonight. “Well, keep at it. And try to apply some of the theories you read about to your own life. Maybe start by going up to get another drink and introduce yourself to the guy you’ve been eye fucking all night.”
“I haven’t been—”
“Yeah, you have.” I chuckled and patted him on the back. “You’re a good guy, Seth. It’s easy to see how you and Gabe got to be friends. Maybe we’ll have to find time when all three of us can hang out.”
Seth followed me to the counter, where I grabbed a drink for myself and one for Gabe, who was still deep in conversation with Jayden and Levi. I didn’t want to interrupt, but dammit, tonight was supposed to be a night out with my boyfriend and I wasn’t going to spend the whole time trying to make new friends.
“Have you given any more thought to my offer,” Levi asked. I froze, wanting to hear what they were talking about, wondering why Gabe hadn’t said anything to me about any offers.
“Yeah, but I don’t know, man.” He sounded tired. “It’s a great opportunity, but what would I do about housing?”
My blood ran cold. He was moving out? When did he plan on telling me? I resisted the urge to shove my way between them and yank him out of the coffee shop because it was blatantly obvious there was yet another long overdue conversation we needed to have.
“I’ve got the spare bedroom,” Jayden told him. “I told you it’s yours if you need it.”
The fruit juice and soda from my first drink rose in my throat. I tried to keep my calm long enough to get out of the building because I didn’t want to make a scene when Gabe was obviously so happy. Once I was safely outside, I broke into a sprint, which wasn’t easy in dress shoes.
I made it to the field next to our building before my knees buckled and I fell to the ground. Tears streamed down my face, and I didn’t give a damn who heard my shattered sobs. Somehow, right when I worked up the courage to come out for Gabe, he was working on plans to leave.
18
Gabe
I was officially the world’s worst boyfriend. I’d begged Trevor to accompany me to this party, then I’d gotten sucked into talking to Levi and Jayden. They’d become close friends as we planned the anti-Valentines dinner, and over long nights of planning, I’d confessed to them my doubts about my future at UNCW. Jayden was quick to agree that taking some time off might be for the best if I had no clue what I wanted to do, and he was sort of the resident expert since he had a completely useless degree hanging on the wall to show for his years at the school. Together, they’d come up with the idea that I could work for Levi, helping him manage Port Java since I was obviously a bit of a coffee snob and knew every drink on the menu.
There were no good solutions to my problems, but this was the best so far. I would still be close to Trevor, we’d have actual privacy for once in our lives, and he wouldn’t have to worry about abandoning me because he was buried in work. Now, I needed to figure out a way to convince him this was a good move fo
r both of us.
I excused myself when Jayden ducked into the kitchen to answer a few last-minute questions for the caterers we’d brought in for the night. I scanned the crowd, wondering if Trevor had met up with some students he knew from class. I hoped he had; maybe that’d help him see that we could be out, like normal college kids, and no one would think twice. Yes, we’d still have to be careful about how much we shared, but we’d both known going into this that we’d never be able to be completely open about ourselves. It was a sacrifice I would willingly make for the rest of my life as long as Trevor was by my side.
A few people I’d met over the winter stopped me to say hello and thank me for helping organize the party. I took a few seconds to speak with each of them, but anxiety grew the deeper I got into the building because there weren’t that many hiding spots and I still didn’t see any sign of the mop of unruly, overgrown waves I loved tangling my fingers in as Trevor and I kissed. On my second sweep around, I noticed Seth talking to Jesse, the newest employee who’d offered to work tonight. The poor kid looked ready to crawl out of his skin, but I was proud of him for doing something other than propping up the wall. I didn’t want to interrupt, but my concern was quickly spiraling into panic. Deep in my gut, I felt like something major had shifted, and it wasn’t anything good.
“Hey, can I talk to you for a minute?” I asked Seth after waiting patiently for a lull in Seth and Jesse’s conversation.
Jesse told Seth to find him later and got back to work. Seth watched him walk away, then turned back to me. “Hey, what’s up?”
“Have you seen Trevor? Last I knew, he was headed your way, but now I can’t find him.”
Seth shook his head and started looking around the room as if he’d see my missing boyfriend. “No, last I knew, he was coming back to find you.”
“Well shit.” I patted down my pockets, realizing too late that I’d forgotten my phone back in the room. As I cursed under my breath, Seth handed over his own phone. I dialed the number I’d memorized when we were thirteen and both got phones for our birthdays. The damn thing rang twice and went to voicemail. What in the hell had I done for him to hit the fuck you button on me? Maybe he didn’t realize it was me or he’d bumped the button by mistake. I dialed back, only to get the same result. Okay then, so it definitely hadn’t been an accident.
Inseparable (Port Java Book 1) Page 14
