by Amanda Renee
“I tried that in Italy but all she did was sit in the chair and stare at the wall. She refused to talk. When Carina shuts you out, you’re shut out. I haven’t found a way to get through to her yet. I hear her talk to the animals all the time, but I’m sure that’s because she can say what she wants to them and they won’t repeat it.”
“Talking to animals sounds like normal childhood behavior to me. Lord knows I did it.” Lane welcomed her willingness to confide in him about Carina, but he couldn’t help wondering why she wasn’t talking to Ella instead of him. “Learning your new job will take some time. You’re not going to want to hear it, but this is exactly why people apprentice for this position.”
Lucy sighed and shook her head.
“Hey, you asked.” He might want Lucy to give up her job, but not if it meant her giving up on herself. “Look at how long I’ve been doing this—and according to your cousin, I’m still not ready. It’s not going to be easy. I’m not saying you can’t do it—I’m just saying you need to focus on one particular task at a time. I don’t know what they taught you in school, but, honey, this job takes years to learn and decades to master. You can’t squeeze it into a couple of training sessions.”
“I should be angry at that statement,” Lucy said.
“But you’re not?”
“No. I hope you can be patient with me while I muddle through it.” She rested her hand on his. “I appreciate your help so far, even though I know how disappointed you are.” The warmth of her touch sent a lone shiver down his spine. “Now it’s your turn. What were you thinking about me before you showed up here? You sat in your truck awhile before you even got out.”
“I was hoping you hadn’t noticed.” Lane attempted to laugh. He wasn’t used to being nervous around women, let alone the woman who used to make him feel more comfortable than anyone else had. “I was thinking about us and what could have been.”
Lucy quickly rose and moved to the far corner of the porch. A minute of silence passed between them. “What we had is gone,” she said without facing him. “You and I have grown in opposite directions. You’re still doing what you love—what you know. I’ve faced a lot of uncertainty. As difficult as it’s been at times, I can’t imagine life without my daughter, and that’s something you never wanted.”
“Be fair. That was a long time ago. The last time you and I discussed kids, we were teenagers. Many of my friends have kids now, and yes, I’ve thought about it. I’ve thought about it a lot. If the situation presented itself, I would definitely consider it.” Lane stopped before he said more than he intended to. He crossed the porch to join her—close enough to sense her body tense but apparently not close enough to hear her breathe, making him wonder if she held her breath in anticipation of what he’d do next. “When I’m with you, I have difficulty breathing the same air you breathe. I can honestly say I’ve never gotten over you. And here you are, back in my life. You’re my boss and you’re the last person I need to get involved with, but I don’t know how to be around you and not want you.”
“We can’t,” Lucy whispered as she turned to face him.
Lane barely heard her words before their lips met. Her body instantly softened beneath his touch. Tugging her closer, he wrapped his arms tightly around her waist. Her lips parted slightly as he probed the recesses of her mouth with his tongue. She tasted exactly as he remembered. Sweet and warm, like farm-fresh honey. They broke their kiss and stared into each other’s eyes.
“My sweet Italian cowgirl, I’ve missed you.” Lane released her and took a step backward. His chest ached. He was torn between wanting to pull her closer and walking away forever. “You’re right. We can’t. I refuse to put myself through that pain again. You married another man and got pregnant while I waited for you. How do I forgive that?”
“Then why did you come here?” Lucy demanded. “Why did you kiss me?”
Lane hadn’t meant to hurt or confuse her. “I came because I hoped you had a reason that justified what you did. Something—anything—that would move us past it and maybe even allow us to start over.” In his heart, he knew her reasons wouldn’t change his mind. It was too late for them. “You haven’t told me why and now I honestly don’t want to know.”
“Don’t you think I know how hard it is to live with all the what-ifs? Or how hard it is to smile when all you keep thinking about is what you’ve lost and what will never be?” Lucy glanced at the front door and lowered her voice. “I may not have had a perfect marriage, but I don’t regret marrying Antonio for one second.”
“Wow!” Her words were a sucker punch to the gut. “I was looking for answers. Didn’t expect that one, though.”
“I wouldn’t have my daughter if it hadn’t been for him.” Lucy’s face reddened. “You can’t begin to imagine the bond that forms when you create a child with someone.”
“You’re right. I can’t,” Lane said. “You never gave us that chance. I loved you. And if we’re completely honest, I’ve loved only you. I would have done anything for you and if you had really wanted a family once we had established ourselves in Wyoming, I would have given it to you. You stole that opportunity from me. Now you’ve stolen my job.”
“You need to accept the past and realize I’m not leaving here, regardless of how unqualified you think I am. I will do whatever it takes to provide for my daughter and myself. We’re not looking for handouts, even though that’s exactly what you think Nicolino gave us. My cousin believes in me, and more important, I believe in me. While I’m busy proving you wrong, you need to keep your distance. We work together and that’s it. Don’t kiss me again.”
“That’s a promise I’ll take to the grave.” Lane stormed down the porch stairs. He heard the front door slam shut before he reached his truck. Score one for Lucy. She managed to get the best of him tonight, but that was the only point she’d win. She’d already taken too much from him; he refused to allow her to take his pride, too.
Chapter Four
“He kissed me. He’s not allowed to kiss me,” Lucy whispered across the kitchen table the following morning. She poured Ella a cup of coffee and set the pot between them. “I’m his boss. Besides, our past is...is just that—it’s in the past. And stop laughing at me.” She swatted Ella.
Ella ducked to the side, still giggling. “The lady doth protest too much.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Lucy prayed Carina hadn’t overheard them from her bedroom. It was bad enough the feel of Lane’s kiss still lingered on her lips... She didn’t need her daughter asking questions, too.
“If you don’t want a relationship with Lane, you won’t have one. It’s that simple.” Ella heaped a spoonful of sugar into her cup and gave it a quick stir. “The way you’re so animated about a kiss that happened twelve hours ago makes me think you’re more interested in him than you’re willing to admit.”
“Are you kidding? I can’t stand that man.” It wasn’t exactly a lie. It wasn’t exactly the truth, either. Sometime in the middle of the night, she’d confessed—to herself—that she still found Lane incredibly attractive. It hadn’t helped that he’d admitted she was the only woman he’d ever loved. Regardless of his declaration, a relationship was out of the question. Losing their son had been agonizing enough. Dating would be impossible with a secret of that magnitude between them. No—he could never know she’d married another man while carrying his child.
“You still haven’t forgiven yourself, have you?” Ella patted her arm.
“Forgiven yourself for what?” Carina questioned from the doorway.
Lucy quickly stood, knocking her coffee cup onto the floor, shattering it. “Watch out.” Lucy shooed Carina out of the way. “I don’t want you to cut your feet.”
“I’ll get it.” Ella grabbed a roll of paper towels from the counter to wipe up the mess. “Your mom and I were talking about her job. The first few days in a new place are always difficult—for everyone, including grown-ups.”
“I need to get out of these
clothes. Carina, will you please put your shoes on?” Lucy hurried to her bedroom and closed the door. A sob broke free. She slid down the wall, clutching her knees to her chest. She’d expected to relive some memories when she’d decided to move to Ramblewood, but Lane hadn’t been part of the equation. Seeing him had opened old wounds, leaving her raw and vulnerable.
She rose from the floor and changed out of her coffee-stained clothes. After splashing cold water on her face, she stared at her reflection in the mirror. She was a mother first and she had to do whatever it took to provide for her daughter. Okay, so some renewed feelings for Lane had developed. They were nostalgic, not romantic. They can’t be romantic. She wouldn’t allow it.
Lucy made her way back to the kitchen, relieved her daughter wasn’t there.
“She’s outside on the front porch,” Ella said. “Are you okay? You didn’t get burnt, did you?”
Lucy shook her head. “I can trust that you won’t discuss any part of my past with Lane at home or anywhere else, right? I’m afraid one of the kids might accidentally overhear a conversation and tell Carina. I shouldn’t have even mentioned it with Carina in the house. You and Nicolino are the only ones who—”
Ella pulled her into a quick hug. “Shh. Say no more. You have my word.”
“Thank you.” Lucy stepped away. “I’m going to head down to the stables shortly. I need to refamiliarize myself with Western riding and I’m hoping Carina will join me, although that’ll probably be one more thing that she’ll accuse me of changing.”
“But she loves to ride.”
“She loves dressage and competing—at least, she did. Without Antonio’s guidance, I’m afraid she won’t ride again. When the horses were seized, Carina lost the last connection she had with her father.” It was one more way her daughter felt Lucy had let her down. “There’s a box full of ribbons and trophies in her room that she refuses to acknowledge. When I have some extra cash, I’m hoping she’ll be open to lessons again. I have no idea how I’m ever going to pay for a horse, though. And she’ll definitely need new boots. The ones she insists on wearing are too tight, but she refuses to give them up because they were a gift from Antonio.”
Carina shouldn’t have had to give up anything. Kids shouldn’t have to make sacrifices because their parents screwed up. Lucy hated that she had depended on Antonio for their sole support. She’d earned her degree and should’ve put it to use long before his death.
“Lucy, if you need money, we’ll loan it to you—interest-free. Don’t worry about that.”
“Thank you, but that’s how we got in this situation—by relying on others. I’ve got this.”
And she did. At least, she would once she put Lane out of her mind.
* * *
NORMALLY, LANE LOVED having the weekend to himself. Today he hated it. He had nothing to keep his mind off last night—and that kiss. Every memory he’d succeeded in shoving to the far recesses of his mind had returned thanks to his stupidity. He remembered their long talks and dreams for the future. The first time they’d made love—they’d been each other’s firsts. The last kiss they’d shared. And the endless waiting to hear from Lucy, only to discover she’d found someone else. No—those memories needed to stay buried.
He’d already done his share of cleaning the bunkhouse and had paced the front porch twenty times before Rusty threw the newspaper at him.
“It didn’t take long for you to get all torn up over Lucy again,” the older man said. “The way I see it, you have two choices. Give her another chance or let it go for good. Either way, it won’t be an easy decision. That’s the trouble with cowgirls—they get under your skin like a bad tattoo. Even when you think you’re well rid of them, they still leave a trace behind.”
“Well, that was profound.” Lane laughed. He had to admit there was some truth to Rusty’s analogy, although he wouldn’t exactly compare Lucy to a bad tattoo and she hadn’t been a cowgirl for quite some time. “I think I might ride out and do some camping this weekend. I’m heading to the stables. You’re welcome to join me, if you don’t have anything else planned.”
“And disappoint the ladies in town tonight?” Rusty feigned offense at Lane’s suggestion. “You need some time alone to figure out what you want.”
That was the problem. He knew what he wanted, and she was off-limits.
The Bridle Dance Ranch offered free horse boarding to resident employees. Not that paying any fee would’ve deterred him from keeping his beloved Frankie nearby. Besides his father’s old turquoise 1967 Ford F100 pickup and the bare necessities, Frankie was all he owned—or rather, Frankie owned him. Lane had watched Frankie’s birth and had been responsible for much of his training. When the Langtrys put him up for sale, Lane couldn’t say goodbye, so he’d purchased him. A few days away with his trusty steed was exactly what he needed.
Minutes later, he heard Lucy shouting as he reached the stable entrance. Quickening his steps, he almost collided with Carina as she barreled down the walk.
He steadied her, double-checking she wasn’t hurt. “I’m so sorry. Are you okay?”
Carina shrugged him off and faced her mother. “It’s your fault.”
Lane stepped out of her way as the pint-size version of Lucy stormed past him.
“Carina! Come back here.” Lucy started to run after her daughter.
“Let her go.” Lane reached out to stop her. He didn’t need to know what was going on to understand Carina and Lucy needed a breather from each other. “She’s just going toward the rodeo school. There are a lot of kids her age there this time of day.”
Lucy glared at his hand wrapped around her upper arm and pulled away. He remembered when touching her didn’t result in her wishing him dead. He released her, noticing the deep lines of frustration etched on her forehead.
“I don’t need your help,” she muttered.
“Actually, you do.” Lane lowered his voice, guiding her away from the busy stable entrance and onto the grass, where they had a better view of the rodeo school. “Do you mind telling me what’s going on?”
Lucy pulled her hair back into a ponytail, wrapping it with a band from her wrist. Her formfitting cream-colored riding breeches had definitely attracted the attention of every red-blooded man in the vicinity. Paired with her English riding boots, she definitely hadn’t dressed for dusty cutting-horse riding.
“She misses our horses and her father. I thought while I brushed up on my Western skills that she might want to come along and try it, too. Once again, I was wrong. You should have heard her accusing me of trying to erase her father from our lives.”
“Maybe you’re trying too hard,” Lane said.
“What would you know about it?” Lucy snapped. “You don’t have kids.”
It was easy to see where Carina got her attitude. “I was a little older than her when I lost my father. Granted, I didn’t move to a new country, but it was hard enough. I rebelled against everything my mother asked me to do.” He saw in her face that Lucy was bracing herself for a lecture, which Lane had no intention of giving. “I’m just saying, it may be better to allow her to make some of the decisions instead of you making all of them.”
“I have been—at least, I’m trying to. I let her go shopping for school clothes without me.”
“Speaking of which—” Lane appreciatively skimmed the length of her body “—you may want to tweak your own wardrobe a bit. You’re attracting quite a bit of attention.” A little too much.
“Give me a break.” Lucy nervously looked around. “I spent the spare cash I had on my daughter. These are perfectly acceptable riding clothes. I realize I stand out, but there’s nothing I can do about it.”
“I’m sorry.” Lane officially felt like a first-class jerk. “I wasn’t thinking.” They both watched Carina standing on the bottom rail of the rodeo school’s fence. The small child’s attention was transfixed on the barrel racers rounding the corral. “I get this is difficult for both of you. I’m not busy today, so why
don’t you go on to your lessons and I’ll check on your daughter? Maybe you two just need a little space.”
“Oh, I need space, but not from my daughter,” Lucy ground out.
“After yesterday’s incident, I really don’t want to be around you, either.” Lane had had enough tension for one day. “I’m sorry I kissed you. I assure you the mistake won’t be repeated.” The woman infuriated him. So he’d kissed her. Big deal. All right—so it had been a big deal. He’d wanted that kiss and it had been everything he’d remembered and more. But he had the right to be mad, not her. She’d left him, not the other way around.
“Shh.” Lucy hushed him. “I don’t need everybody knowing our business.”
“Then don’t stand in the stable entrance yelling after your daughter and people won’t know your business,” Lane scoffed. “I’m sure I don’t need to remind you that everyone knows who you are, and you have an image to uphold. I won’t tell Carina anything about you and me. Why don’t you let me take her for the day? I’ll show her around the rodeo school and the hippotherapy center and then I’ll bring her back this afternoon. Maybe that’ll be enough time for the two of you to cool down. That is, if you trust me.”
Lucy eyed him reluctantly. “I’ve never had any reason not to trust you.” Her words hung in the air as though she’d intended to say more but hadn’t. She stepped out of the shadows into the morning sunlight, checking to ensure nobody was within earshot. “Maybe you’re right. But promise me you—”
“Relax.” Lane resisted the urge to tug her into his arms to comfort her, knowing it would cause World War III. “I already told you. I won’t say a word, but enough people on this ranch know you and I dated at one point, so you might want to have that discussion with your daughter before someone else does.”
