by Nicole Helm
“Look, I can’t defend every police officer that ever existed. It’s like every other profession—there are good ones, there are bitter ones. Compassionate ones, and ones who’ve been hardened and emptied or never had any compassion to begin with. But trust me when I say, I don’t treat any case as a foregone conclusion. I don’t assume things about any case. That’s shoddy police work, and I don’t engage in it, no matter how tempting a case might make it.”
“I keep forgetting you’re Mr. Conventional-by the Book,” she said with the hint of a smile, but her sadness lingered at the edges.
“I have a sister of my own. She’s done some really stupid things that I didn’t approve of, but blame is different than being stupid.”
Natalie looked away, shaking her head. “I don’t want to talk about her. I don’t...” She cleared her throat as though she was struggling with emotion, and he realized he was probably being an insensitive dick here, pressing her on something that hurt.
“I just miss her. It hurts to miss her, and it hurts to be the only one who believes that she is still out there.”
“In my professional opinion, after listening to what Herman had to say, you have every reason to believe she’s still alive.”
“You don’t think it’s a long shot?”
He sighed, rubbing his hands over his face. He was walking into dangerous territory here. Comforting her when he didn’t know anything concrete wasn’t just wrong, but it was against his nature. But comforting her was exactly what he wanted to do. “I can’t promise that anyone has your sister. I can’t promise that she’s alive, and I can’t promise you anything to do with this case. But I think you have every reason to hope for all of those things. There’s enough evidence to create the possibility.”
Natalie visibly swallowed, still looking away from him. She wiped the tears from her cheeks with the backs of her hands, and it was only then that he realized she’d been crying. Again he marveled at her strength, and it took everything in him to fight the impulse to offer her physical comfort.
He got to his feet and crossed to his computer. “Let’s make some notes. You and me together. We’ll dissect the common denominators between your sister’s case and the trafficking case.”
“You know, I think I’d rather do the hand-to-hand combat thing,” she said, her voice raspy.
“Yeah?”
“I’ve examined every detail of her case over and over and over. I can’t imagine we’d find something that no one else has found. Not when Stevens knows and is looking into it too. Quite frankly, I can’t stand sitting around not doing anything anymore. I’m so tired of being shut up in here. The only time I feel like I’m in any kind of control is when you’re teaching me how to shoot. So show me some self-defense. Show me something that feels like I’m doing something.”
As much as it surprised him to agree with her, he completely understood. There was only so much reading and trying to tie things together you could do before you started feeling useless and worthless and actionless.
So, he nodded at the furniture in the way. “Let’s clear out the living room.”
* * *
NATALIE FELT EDGY. It irritated her that part of it had to do with seeing Vaughn do push-ups without a shirt on. She had stood there watching him for way, way too long. Way longer than was even remotely appropriate. She hadn’t just watched, she had ogled. But how could she not ogle him when he was shirtless doing push-ups in the living room? What was she supposed to do with that?
His arms had been mesmerizing. Just perfectly sculpted muscle vaguely glistening with sweat. She never would’ve considered a sweaty muscley guy a turn-on before, but holy cow.
Ho-ly. Cow. She felt jittery and off-kilter and kind of achy. Her one and only boyfriend had been so long ago, and she had barely thought about missing out on sex. It hadn’t been a big hole in her life not to have it.
But watching Vaughn do push-ups sharply and clearly reminded her what was so great about it, and even though it was stupid, she had a feeling Vaughn would be better at it than Casey had been. Vaughn was so much bigger and stronger and gruffer and...
And then he’d started talking about cases and her sister, and on top of the achy, longing feeling, he brought up all her vulnerabilities. Talking about Gabby’s case made her sad and lonely. She was a little too close to suggesting that there were a lot of ways to get rid of sad and lonely, and hand-to-hand combat wasn’t one of them.
Instead, she needed to focus on feeling like... Like she had some kind of power. Like she could be strong enough to fight off any threat leveled at her. Because she knew they could only stay here for so long. If no one figured out who The Stallion was, or who’d burned down her house, she’d be in danger when they had to go back.
That scared her, but not as much as it should. She had the sneaking suspicion that even if she had to go back to Austin, Vaughn would keep her safe no matter what.
And you know that is a stupid thought.
“All right.” Vaughn looked around the living room that he’d cleared. He did a quick tour of the space as if measuring it. Then he fisted his hands on his hips and looked at her.
His gaze did a cursory up-and-down as though he were measuring her up. It didn’t feel sexual in the least, at least until his eyes lingered on her chest. She was wearing one of his sister’s shirts, which was unerringly far too tight for her in that area. She didn’t think he minded that. If he did mind, it was for a completely different reason than not liking it.
“So.” He cleared his throat. “The most dangerous attacks are the ones you don’t see coming. There’s a certain mindfulness that you have to employ when you know you’re walking into a dangerous situation. And—”
“And unfortunately my life is currently a dangerous situation 24/7?”
“Natalie.” He crossed to her and rested his hands on her shoulders. “You are safe with me,” he said, those gray-blue eyes nearly mesmerizing and the calm certainty in his voice even more reassuring. “Know that. My job is to protect you, and you can ask my ex-wife, I take my job far too seriously.”
“You have an ex-wife?”
His gaze left hers and his hands did too. “Yes,” he muttered as though he hadn’t meant to share that piece of information about himself.
She hated the idea of him being married before, which was stupid, but she liked that he had given her the information against his will. That meant that maybe he had these same feelings irritating the crap out of him. All this conflicted energy. All this longing she knew she couldn’t indulge in.
“Come stand in the middle of the room,” he ordered.
She’d gotten to the point where she knew that when he was ordering her around, it was because he was a little off-kilter himself.
She definitely liked that too. But she obeyed and came to stand in the center of the room.
“I’m going to come from behind. I’ll wrap my arms around your upper body. And then I’ll talk you through getting out of the hold.”
“All right.”
She stood there, bracing herself for his touch. He did just as he said he was going to do, his muscled arm coming around over her shoulders and keeping her arms almost completely immobile. Though his grip was tight, it wasn’t at all harsh. It was gentle. And because she was all too antsy, and all too eager to lean into that grip, she sighed.
“You know I don’t think a bad guy is going to hold me nicely.”
“I’m not going to hurt you while I’m trying to demonstrate how to get out of a hold.”
“How can I learn if there isn’t some sort of reality to it?”
“First, you’re going to learn the strategy. Then, we’ll try with a little more reality to it. You need to learn some patience.”
“You’ll be shocked to know you’re not the first person to tell me that.”
&n
bsp; He chuckled, and his mouth was so close to her ear that his breath tickled over the sides of her neck. They really needed to find out who The Stallion was, because she wasn’t sure how much longer she was going to keep herself from throwing herself at Vaughn. She knew she shouldn’t, hell, couldn’t, and yet it was bubbling inside her like something beyond her ability to control.
“Okay, so the first step when someone has you in a hold like this is to catch them off guard. If they’ve left your legs mobile, then that’s what you use. If you can get your elbow free, that’s what you use. You’re always going to want to use the sharpest part of your body and hit the most vulnerable part of theirs.”
“So what you’re saying is, I should kick him in the crotch?”
“Yes, actually, that is exactly what I’m saying.”
It was her turn to laugh. “That’s not exactly the type of thing I would expect you to suggest I do.”
“When it comes to keeping yourself safe, you do whatever it takes. Keep in mind that I have a sister. I’ve taught her how to do this. I’m taking the same approach as when I taught her.”
“You’re taking the same approach with me that you took with your sister?”
It was too leading of a question, and she wished it back in her mouth the minute it had come out. But she didn’t know how to sidestep the silence that surrounded them. She didn’t know how to make it go away. Some silly part of her wanted to know, though. Did he think of her as a sister? As someone he would never think of sexually?
“The same approach...” He seemed to consider this carefully, and she had no business thinking that meant something. Of course it didn’t mean anything. She was a lunatic reading into things. Per usual. Wasn’t that her pattern?
“I guess not the same approach exactly,” he said at last, some odd softness to his voice.
Her breath caught at the admission, and his arm around her loosened, just the tiniest bit. If she hadn’t been looking for it, she might’ve missed it. But he had definitely given her more space.
“Vaughn...” What exactly was she going to say? Look at me sexually! Please! She was really losing it.
“If someone is holding you like this,” he began, sounding uneven and uncertain. Who knew she could make Vaughn Cooper uncertain? It might be the highlight of her year.
“Let me restate the fact that a bad guy grabbing me by surprise would not be holding me like this.”
“Would you like me to hold you rougher? Because I can certainly oblige.” There was an edge to his voice, a warning, or maybe it was a promise. She couldn’t decide.
Nor could she stop the little shiver that went through her. Because even though he probably didn’t mean that sexually, it sure sounded sexual. She shouldn’t poke at that. She shouldn’t poke at him. But somehow her brain and her mouth couldn’t get on the same page.
“I think you have to start over because I lost track of what you were talking about.”
This time his grasp tightened instead of loosened, but she didn’t think it was because he was trying to be a bad guy. In fact, she hoped for a completely different reason. No matter how much she shouldn’t.
Chapter Ten
Vaughn was getting in over his head. He had lost track of what the hell he was doing in the first place. But he really lost track of what the hell Natalie was doing, because this was all starting to sound way more flirtatious than it should.
He tried to focus on the task at hand. With his arms around her. Why was he standing here? Because the minute he lost track of the reason, was the minute he started making mistakes. And he couldn’t afford mistakes. No matter how good they smelled. No matter how they shivered in his arms when he said something far, far, far too suggestive.
“One of the important things to remember is that you want to stay as still as possible if someone grabs you.” He forced himself to focus. To concentrate. To lecture.
She was quiet for a long humming second. “So, some strange man grabs me from behind, and I’m supposed to be calm?”
“You’re supposed to try. The more you practice this, the better off you’ll be. It becomes habit. When something becomes a habit, then you can deal with things instinctually.”
“So we’re going to stand here with you holding me all day?”
“Well, if you’d stop talking and questioning everything I do, maybe we could get somewhere, Ms. Torres.”
She chuckled at that, and he found that he wanted to laugh too. God knew why.
“You always revert to Ms. Torres when you’re irritated with me.”
“I’m irritated with you a lot.”
“I know.” But she said it cheerfully, as though it didn’t bother her at all.
He sighed. Not sure why the back-and-forth banter gave him that stupidly light feeling again. The feeling he hadn’t had in too many years. It revealed too much about how he’d lost himself, a fact he’d been ignoring for a while. And, more, he hated what it told him about Natalie, the effect she had on him, that it might not be some easily controllable thing.
Ha! He could control whatever he chose to. “So rule number one, what was it?”
She sighed. “Rule number one is try to stay still even though that is the opposite of any normal reaction to someone grabbing me from behind.”
“Wonderful. Love the attitude,” he muttered, trying to shift behind her without...rubbing. “Rule number two is, you want to analyze the situation as best as your mind allows. You want to try to figure out where the weakness is. You want to know what parts of your body have the freedom to move and inflict the most amount of damage. Obviously, if they’ve grabbed you from behind, you can’t utilize your sight. So, unless they’re armed, you want to lean back against them and try to discern the areas that are going to be vulnerable.”
“So... You want me to lean back into you?”
Oh, hell. No. “Well, we don’t necessarily have to practice that part.”
“Shouldn’t we practice the whole thing? You know the whole the more you practice, the more instinctual it becomes?”
She sounded far too pleased with herself, and he was quickly realizing how badly he’d lost control of this entire situation. It wasn’t the fact that he’d initiated this stupid idea, the fact that however many minutes later he still had his arms around Natalie, it was the fact that she was goading him. She was... Hell, she was instigating.
Do not be charmed by that. Do not give into that.
But he must be going a little cabin crazy, because he wasn’t sure how much longer he could listen to the sane, rational voice in his head. At some point, he was going to lose this battle. He was almost sure of it.
“Fine. Lean back into me.” Yes, he was definitely losing this battle.
She did as he told her, and he tried to keep himself from softening too much into it. Because he wasn’t a soft guy, and he prided himself on his ability to keep things professional.
So, he held himself tense and hard against the soft enticing curves of her body now leaning into him.
“How do I know if something is vulnerable?”
Her voice was a little ragged and a little whispery, and he smiled at that. Because, thank God, she wasn’t messing with him without having any sort of reaction of her own.
“What’s your first instinct?” he asked, his nose all too close to being buried in her thick curls.
She laughed. “I’m a woman who lives in a not totally nice area, Vaughn. Trust me, my first instinct is to go for the family jewels.”
“That is the correct instinct, but you have to make sure you can get a shot. If you panic, you lose the chance of hitting a really nasty blow.”
“Are you suggesting I test out a really nasty blow on you?”
“No, not at all. We can practice that move without you doing any damage.”
&
nbsp; “You trust me to practice without doing any damage? Because not so long ago you didn’t trust me at all.”
It was said casually, but he had the feeling there was more to it. Much like the discussion about why he was protecting her and it being only because it was his job. There was something more she was looking for, and there was something more he should not in one million years give her.
“I let you fire my gun, Natalie. I trust you.”
He could feel her take a deep breath, because her back shifted against his chest. This was the danger. That they affected each other, not just physically, but in the things they talked about. In the faith and the trust that they afforded each other. This was dangerous. They were already in a dangerous situation, though, and they didn’t need to add any more danger to it.
“So if someone was holding me like this, I would just reach my leg back between their legs and kick, right?”
Thank God she was focusing on the task at hand. If they could both make each other do that, maybe they’d get through this. “Yes, that’s part of it. But you also want to see if you can inflict damage at the same time elsewhere. So you want to get an idea if your elbows are free. The way I’ve got you held right now, as long as you’re not wiggling and struggling, you can get in a good elbow to the gut. If you struggle, they’re going to tighten their grasp or they’re going to bring their other hand around and hold your arms still, as well.”
He demonstrated, which was of course also a mistake, because now both of his arms were around her, and though it was from behind, he was essentially hugging her. No matter how many times he told her what she could do to inflict damage, he was still holding her in a tight embrace.
All this sensation waged a war on his sanity that he hadn’t faced...maybe ever. It had always been so easy to remain in control. Except with Natalie.
“So,” he said, his voice sounding rusty and ill used in his own ears. “You want to try to lift up your leg and use your elbow at the same time. I want you to practice it, and I want you to put a little force behind it, but not too much. Especially down low.”
