by Millie Gray
‘How come, Mammy?’
‘Just that: Nancy’s affliction is his fault.’
Even more bewildered now, all Duncan could do was blow rhythmically out through his mouth.
‘You can huff and puff all you like, my boy, but your faither’s obsession with having beetroot with everything – even his beer – made his sperm the same damn colour as a beetroot! Then there’s Jane stretching herself to six feet. I mean, where’s she gonnae get a man to take her on? Even if she can change the electric light bulb without standing on a chair . . .’
Duncan knew it was pointless to challenge his mother. It was pointless to try to reason as to why his mother looked at things the way she did.
Truth be told, he already knew.
*
Jessie’s Story
Jessie’s father had died when she was just twelve years old – and he was thirty-three. Her mother, Maggie, had then sarcastically proclaimed that his early demise was due to his unwillingness to get out of his bed and toil longer than fourteen hours a day in all weathers for a mere pittance. To be truthful, when he was well enough to work, the few bawbees he earned couldn’t even purchase his family nourishing food and a warm, watertight shelter.
The foregoing being true, Maggie’s erstwhile husband’s demise meant that she had no choice but to become the family’s breadwinner. In addition to providing for herself, she had to support her three young daughters. The thought of the entire burden landing on her shoulders was just too much for Maggie. She therefore petitioned the Leith School Board, asking them to release Jessie, her eldest, from school. In her application she stated that her reason for this request was that Jessie would be required to keep the house while Maggie herself went out to work to support the family. What actually happened was that Maggie immediately took Jessie along to the Roperie and got her a job. Maggie’s contribution to the family’s woes then became seeking comfort from Red Biddy, the poorer of Leith’s preferred anaesthetics.
Tired and weary, young Jessie would come home at night to find her sisters, ten-year-old Agnes and nine-year-old Susie, waiting for her. She would rustle up something for them to eat, while their mother spent more and more time in the jug bar. Undeterred, Jessie grew determined that she and her sisters would pull through. By sheer guts and determination, she found the strength to survive in the harsh, cruel workplace to which her mother had sentenced her.
Time passed slowly, but eventually Agnes and Susie came of working age. Her sisters were, in Jessie’s opinion, too fine and delicate to work at the bleak and brutal Bath Street rope works; those rope works where you learned quickly or your life was intolerable. Indeed, holding on to her principles was the reason why Jessie had become such a feared virago. Yes, many a louse of a man learned to his physical detriment that he shouldn’t try coaxing handsome Jessie, or any of her less-able pals, to have a dinner-time tumble in the hemp bales. This being the case, Agnes was found work in Duncan’s of Edinburgh chocolate factory and Susie at Crawford’s Biscuits.
As the years passed, Maggie steadily drank herself to death. Jessie then decided it was time to find a healthy man to marry. One of her requirements being that he would come home to her and hand over his wage packet unopened!
She wasn’t really thinking of this solution to her problems as she trudged into work one particular day, but as she passed the dispatch bay two men hollered, ‘Look out, missus.’ Maggie turned to find a thick rolled-up rope mooring hawser bouncing off the loading platform.
Grabbing the arm of her young lassie companion, she hurtled herself and Nessie out of the path of the careering monster. Breathless and terrified, both of them landed in a thankful heap in the side-door entrance to the main offices. By that time the two men had scampered down from the platform and the taller of the two helped Nessie to her feet. The second man then tried to assist Jessie.
‘You some sort of an idiot?’ she screamed at the man.
‘It wasnae my fault,’ he protested.
‘Suppose you will be saying Nessie and me shouldnae have come into work this morning,’ she replied, roughly pushing the man’s hands off her chest, where they had wandered.
Once upright she realised she towered five inches above the man – a man she knew, albeit from a distance, because he worked in the dispatch area rather than the actual factory unit where she worked.
‘Look, I’m sorry,’ the man continued, ‘and to make it up to you, could I buy you a drink after work?’
‘A drink? You want to buy me, a strict teetotaller, a drink? Huh. And what would your wife have to say about that?’
‘I havnae got one. Naw, naw, I have to bide in the Lodging House because I am all alone.’
Dougal Armstrong was not alone for long after that. He was just what Jessie was looking for: a man she could mould into her way of thinking. The bonus for Dougal was he got a home, was fed and was allowed to father Jessie’s three children.
And so life was easier for Jessie until Dougal tripped and fell, hitting his head on the pavement kerb. After his unfortunate demise Jessie was back to fending not for her sisters, now they had flown the coop, but for her three offspring as well as herself.
*
Duncan looked at his mother with sympathy. Jessie just shrugged and sighed. Today, yet again, she had been kicked in the teeth. The galling thing was this time it was her adored only son, Duncan, who had caused the hurt. Duncan who, by marrying that silly slip of a girl, had robbed her – robbed her of his own apprentice’s wage packet (often boosted by overtime).
Oh yes, up until now she’d relied on Duncan to bring in more than the two girls could earn together. She’d have to think of something, and fast, to keep the wolf from the door. Now was the time to make more of that wee money lending venture of hers.
FOUR
‘Where in the name of heavens have you been?’ Kirsten’s normally soft-spoken mother shrieked, ‘And what exactly have you been up to, my girl?’
‘Mum, I . . .’
But all Kirsten could do was push the door to, throw herself down on a chair and weep.
Next, her mother surprised Kirsten by saying, ‘Before you start, you’d just left today when Harriet arrived looking for you. And know what? She knew nothing about going for a swim or anything else. So sit up, dry your eyes and out with it.’
‘Mum, please don’t be angry.’ She drew in a long breath before uttering, ‘I got . . . I got . . . married to Duncan Armstrong today.’
This shocking confession took the wind right out of Aileen’s sails. ‘You what?’ she yelled. She dropped herself down on the couch. Acid tears burned her eyes. ‘Oh no, please don’t say you are . . .’
‘No, Mum, I’m not, but I thought I was. Then when – and it was only yesterday or maybe the day before – I found out I had made a mistake . . .’
‘A mistake, you say. The mistake, missy, is what you did that had you thinking you were with child.’ Aileen breathed in deeply. ‘Don’t you know that fornication is a sin in God’s eyes? While we are at it, I’m not keen on it either.’
Before Aileen could go on, running footsteps stopped at her door. The door was then flung open and Duncan entered.
‘And what, might I say, do you think you’re doing coming into my house after the disgrace that you have brought down on us?’ Aileen greeted Duncan with disdain.
‘Look,’ he started, on the defensive, ‘Kirsten and me love each other. Okay, she did con me into doing, as I thought, the right thing by her.’ He stopped to run his hands through his hair. ‘But please, don’t be too hard on her; it’s just that as she loves me so much she just . . .’
‘Loves you so much – do either of you know what love is all about? You can take it from me that you don’t. Believe me, you have confused love with lust! Love is when you would do anything – even sin so hard that you forego your place in Heaven – just to help your loved ones!’
Her chest now heaving with wracking sobs Kirsten could only mumble, ‘Mum, I am . . . I am so very
sorry to have made such a mess for everybody. I never meant anybody to get . . . to get hurt. Mum, please try and understand that I just wanted to love Duncan – to be his wife.’ Complete exhaustion had now overtaken her and her pleading cries were reduced to a pitiful whimper.
Instinctively Duncan moved to take Kirsten into his arms. ‘There, there, love. Don’t cry. I love you and we will get out of this hole we dug for ourselves and make a go of things.’
Looking at the two bits of bairns, as Aileen now saw them, she thought of her dream of Kirsten floating down the aisle in a sea of virginal white tulle. She would have to find another dream now. Nonetheless, there was a bright side to everything perhaps. She looked again at the two lovers. Compassion and pity mingled in her heart for them.
‘Come on now, Kirsten,’ she urged, as she pressed a handkerchief into her hand. ‘Dry your tears. Believe me, this time next year when you are cradling your baby in your arms we will all be smiling.’
‘Mum, you haven’t listened – I am not pregnant!’
‘Not today, right enough, but in a few weeks you will be. So let’s forget what’s gone before and welcome the future.’
Kirsten should have been astounded. However, this was Aileen all over. Yes, she quickly accepted whatever problems the day brought and was not crushed by them. Tonight, she would put clean, fresh sheets on Kirsten’s bed and then these two ‘lovebirds’ would climb into bed and start their lives as man and wife.
FIVE
Aileen was right. Kirsten and Duncan blossomed just by being together. In a little more than a year Kirsten gave birth to a beautiful daughter, Bea, and the following year baby Jane – named for her aunt – arrived. Jane’s arrival coincided with Duncan finishing his first year as a fully trained fitter engineer.
Kirsten and Duncan then sat down to work out what would be the best way for him to earn the most he could, now that he was experienced and certified in that role. Their plan was to save enough so they could get a home of their own. With some reluctance, they agreed that for them to become independent, Duncan signing up as a fifth engineering officer with one of the Leith shipping companies was the most sensible thing to do.
And so their first priority was to scrape together enough money to buy the uniform. Once it was purchased, and Duncan donned it, Kirsten almost swooned. Surely she was the luckiest woman alive to be married to such a handsome, dashing officer! However, when she discovered that his first trip was to be with the Ben Line shipping company her delight turned to misgivings and then to rising unease when she realised that the Ben Line, whose offices were based in town, up at North St David Street, dealt in long-haul tours of duty. Indeed, they could last up to two years.
As the realisation sank in, Kirsten was overtaken by a deep melancholy. She just could not cope with the thought of her and Duncan being parted for that length of time. She was so distraught, in fact, that she nearly got down on her knees to beg Duncan to seek employment with the Leith shipping companies that sailed weekly to and from the Continent.
When Kirsten tearfully pointed out that up to two years could pass before they were together again, Duncan gave the impression that he too was gutted. The truth was the romantic idea of being carefree again, while sailing the seven seas, had captured the young man’s imagination. Leaving the home, which they still shared with Mr and Mrs Mowat, now had an overpowering appeal for him. This was partly because his two bairns, who were still in nappies, slept in a cot wedged up at the end of the bed. The room he and Kirsten were lucky to have was so small it was claustrophobic. To add to all this pressure, Kirsten was continually going on about how hard her life was. Daily she pointed out that she hated living in such cramped conditions. Her nagging made Duncan feel inadequate and these feelings of being a failure ran especially high when she moaned on and on about how short of money they were. As a result, marital bliss was blissful no more for Duncan. Oh yes, he couldn’t wait to set out for a new life on the ocean waves.
*
In fact, Duncan’s first trip did last nearly two years. During this time he was promoted to fourth engineering officer – quite an accomplishment. When he returned, Kirsten and he naturally started to enjoy something of a second honeymoon. But just one week into their renewed love affair, a telegram boy arrived at the door with an urgent message for Duncan.
Aileen was just about to pass the envelope to Duncan when Kirsten sprang forward and snatched it from her bewildered grasp.
Ripping open the envelope she dragged out the message and read the contents. ‘Duncan,’ she whimpered, her eyes wild, ‘it says, it says, it says here that as agreed you have to rejoin your ship in three days’ time.’
‘Yeah,’ he replied as he tried fruitlessly to encircle Kirsten into his arms, ‘I was going to tell you but with all that has been going on I sort of . . . forgot.’
‘Forgot! Do you expect me to believe that you forgot to tell me that in three days’ time you are leaving me and the girls again!’ Kirsten wailed as she turned towards her mother. ‘Mum, what should I do?’
Her mother simply replied, ‘Well, dear, it is a good drying day so between the two of us we can get all his clothes washed, dried and ironed.’ Aileen then turned to look from the window. ‘Look, isn’t that just dandy our good God has sent us a bit of sunshine along with a breeze.’
Kirsten stared at her mother in disbelief. But then she should have known that, being born and bred in the Shetland Isles, she would think nothing of Duncan going back to sea so soon. Shetland people were mariners: the sea was not only in their blood; she also became their mistress.
Grasping the opportunity that Aileen had afforded him, Duncan sprang forward and this time he managed to wrestle Kirsten into his arms. ‘Kirsten, darling,’ he pleaded, ‘try and understand that they are making me up to third engineer. Do you hear: third engineer? I was just so bowled over when the chief told me.’
‘Bowled over,’ she wept. ‘You might have been, but I am gutted! Surely another three days is not all I am going to have of you. And Bea and Jane are just getting to know their daddy again.’
But her tears were for nothing – and their second honeymoon was washed away at the scrubbing board.
All Kirsten could do was grit her teeth as she and Aileen made Duncan’s uniform immaculate again. For the rest of the week she seethed at her husband’s ill-concealed delight at being seaward-bound again, and he left with things between them far from on an even keel.
*
Fortunately, Duncan’s second trip lasted only fifteen months. And when he did get home, his pockets were full of money.
Immediately some of this money was used to sweeten a clerk in Michie’s, the housing factor in Constitution Street, to let them jump the queue. This piece of bribery saw Kirsten, Duncan and their two children move into a ground-floor flat in Balfour Street.
The house they were allocated was on the left-hand side of the street when entering from Leith Walk. The houses on that side were, in Kirsten’s opinion, much larger. That is if you could call a living room with a recess, two bedrooms, a cupboard for your cooker and a toilet spacious accommodation. All the same, it was a small mercy to be grateful for.
It was no surprise that having a bedroom all to themselves rekindled Duncan’s ardour. And so Kirsten was pregnant again in no time at all.
Immediately she was sure that another baby was on the way she went over and sat on Duncan’s knee. While idly running her fingers through his hair she wheedled, ‘Darling, you do realise that when our new baby is born I will struggle to cope. What I mean is, I will need you at home to help me. Darling, I don’t manage so well when you’re not with me.’ She felt Duncan’s body grow tense. ‘Nothing else for it, darling,’ she continued, as she played the helpless woman, ‘other than for you to put an end to your love affair with long-haul sea voyages.’ He grimaced. ‘Sweetheart,’ she continued as she nibbled his ear, ‘really, you now have to concentrate on little old me and our children.’
Downhearted, a re
luctant Duncan accepted that his escape voyages were over. He shook his head as he conceded that his place must now be at home. There was no doubt that he loved Kirsten as much as he could love anyone – and he accepted that three children would be more than a handful for her. And the result of his capitulation was that he then took himself down to Granton, where the Newhaven-Granton fishing fleet was based. Luckily, although not a bowtow, a trawler skipper who could see that Duncan’s engineering capabilities were of value to him took him on. Kirsten was delighted. After all, everybody knew that trawler men earned good money.
In Duncan’s case, that money turned out to be very hard earned, but more than sufficient for their needs. Kirsten squirrelled away any surplus to modernise her home – her ‘wee palace’, as she saw it. She even had a bathroom installed in the walk-in windowed cupboard using the adjacent living-room recess. This grand modernisation, many thought, was a sign that Kirsten was getting above herself. Even her mother accused her of having delusions of grandeur. But Kirsten didn’t care what anyone thought. She had a vision of how her home could be. And her feeling of ‘to hang with the lot of you’ was especially strong when she was soaking – actually purring – in the bath. Indeed, nothing relaxed her more than when the sensuous aroma of a Radox cube was wafting out of the open bathroom window.
Five months pregnant, Kirsten was soothing herself in the warm, scented water and allowing her thoughts to wander. She thought how when she had reached the end of her pregnancies with Bea and Jane she had become acutely aware that Duncan found her bulging figure off-putting. In fact, he was quite repulsed. Splashing the soft water on her swollen abdomen she came to the understanding that unlike some men he did not see her swollen tummy, feet and ankles as proof of his virility. No, Duncan preferred it when other men envied him because Kirsten was slim, attractive and vivacious.
