“Deal.” I accept her hand and we shake.
While she deals with the tire, I lean against the car and crane my neck to look at the stars. It’s only now that I’m stranded in the middle of nowhere with a bunch of monsters, a cat-vampire who is half-human, with chasers on our tail that I realize just how unhappy I am. Maybe I’ve lived too long. I’ve seen it all, I’ve done it all… Now I’m going with the flow, and the flow isn’t leading me down a good road.
“Then leave. Leave my body.”
I check to see if Lexi heard anything, but she’s busy humming to herself. Keeping my head down, I walk into the grassy field where a small pond was. I glance at the reflection in the water, a knot forming in my stomach when Sean glares back at me.
“Hey bud,” I say. “How… how are you?”
“I wouldn’t mind if you were a good person, you know. If you took over my body to change the world and rid it of evil. I’d be happy. But you’re incapable of compassion, and that makes me sick. You’re ruining me. You haven’t even called my family to let them know what happened. Years… and they don’t know what happened to me. Can’t you just let me see my family?”
“Just give me until I get Saffy to safety, okay? Then I promise, I’ll leave your body.”
Sean’s reflection blinks. “How can I trust you?”
“You can’t. I’m a monster. But I know eventually you’ll wear me down enough that I’ll be forced to leave. Let me do it on my own terms.”
Sean doesn’t respond. His reflection slowly morphs so that I’m staring at myself… and technically, talking to myself.
“Oi, Colt.” The Bakhtak appears by my side. “Talk to yourself often?”
The little runt has impeccable timing. “What do you want?”
“I’m leaving. Gonna zap out, see where the chasers are. I’ll keep you posted and report to St. Damian.”
“So you’re going to be our bitch?”
He sneers. “I prefer the term, messenger. Watch your tone, pussycat. I may be helping you out, but I’m not averse to giving you nightmares. You know how much trouble one nightmare can cause.”
“Thanks to you, yes, yes I do.” I check my sarcasm. “Get out of here. Cheers for your work so far.”
“I’ll be sure you make it up to me in the future.” He grins, then bows. “Smell you later.”
In an instant, he’s gone. Thank goodness. There’s only so long I can look at something that ugly.
It’s weird to think that I technically passed out while he vanished. It’s something I’d rather forget about.
“I did it!” Lexi screeches. She jigs around the car with her arms in the air. “I did it, I did it, I totally changed a tire! I did it, I did it!”
It’s a catchy jingle, but I still slap her over the head.
A motel is looking more and more appealing by the second.
The town is a dive, but the motel is even worse. We stay in the parking lot, stunned by the crooked sign, dead plants, and peeling paint.
“I don’t know about anyone else, but I’d still rather camp than stay here,” I say. I can’t imagine the amount of showers required to rub off the stench we’re sure to find in that motel.
“We’ll be safer in a motel,” Saffy says, her tone uncertain. “If we’re out in the middle of nowhere, we’re vulnerable.”
“Yeah!” Lexi says. “Plus, there’s all that wind garbage that we don’t need while we’re camping.”
“Wind garbage?” I mull over what she could possibly mean. It’s sort of turned into a game. “You mean tumbleweeds?”
She clicks her fingers. “That’s the one! You’re really good at this, Colt!”
I’m the first to work up the guts to leave the car. Lexi, Jax, and Saffy follow me into the lobby, which is predictably cramped, deteriorating and moldy. It’s saturated with creepy portraits of Native Americans staring vacantly at us. There’s nothing creepy about Native Americans, but twenty portraits of anyone looking so dead-eyed is enough to give anybody the heebie-jeebies.
We stand by the reception desk, but there’s no one around.
“Colt.” Lexi nudges me. “Ring the bell.”
“You ring the bell!”
“No, you do it!”
Sighing, I ring the bell. Almost instantly, a stooped-over old lady in a fur coat shuffles through the back door and creaks her ways behind the desk. She’s wearing way too much makeup and has diamond earrings, a diamond necklace, and a diamond bracelet. Something tells me she doesn’t need to be working here.
“How many rooms?” She speaks as if she’s bored with life.
“We need four beds please.”
“Double or single?”
“Four singles.”
“We only have double beds. Do you want two double beds?”
“You only have doubles? Then why did you ask me if we wanted singles?”
“Do you want two double beds?” She struggles to keep her eyes open.
This woman is totally inept at her job. Not to mention she has the worst attitude, as if somehow forgetting she is just a motel receptionist. And a crappy one at that.
“Same room, please,” I say, keen to save money.
“We only have double beds in separate rooms. Would you like two rooms?”
My face twists and my talons involuntarily poke through my skin. But I persevere through our strange conversation and force a smile. “Yes, please.”
She types something into a computer that is about twenty years old and hands me two keys. Wow. An actual key? I thought all motels had those swipey cards now.
“Thanks,” I say, but don’t mean it.
“Thank you!” Lexi says with a grin. She sounds like she actually means it.
We head down the corridor which I swear is on a slant. The carpet looks like dirt painted red.
“Our rooms aren’t even near one another,” I say. “One room is thirteen (of course) and the other is fifty-two. As if the damn place were overflowing with vic…um, occupants, yes.”
“Oh well.” Lexi snatches the key. “Jax and I will take fifty-two.”
“Wait. Lexi and I are in the same room?” Jax swallows hard. “The same bed?”
“Deal with it, cowboy,” Lexi says.
“It’s upstairs though,” I say. “You hate walking, especially upstairs.”
We stop at room thirteen as Lexi leans into whisper. “I know, but at least I’ll be in a room alone with Jax. He’s adorable, right? Right? My fingers are itching to tickle. Seriously, I need to be as far away from humans as possible.”
“Fair call. Even if you’re mistaking adorable for neurotic.”
“I’m not! Don’t you think I should make a move?”
“No, because this is my story. Sidekicks don’t have a romantic subplot, all right?” I unlock the door. “Goodnight. We leave at 7 a.m. Not a second later.”
“Yeah, yeah!” Lexi practically bounces up and down as she leads poor Jax down the corridor.
Saffy is on edge. She pushes past me, fumbles with the light by the door, and makes a beeline for the bed.
I close the door and sit on the side of the bed next to Saffy. Sheesh, this room stinks. And what is with that floral wallpaper? The cramped design is an insult.
“I just want to go to sleep,” Saffy says quietly, staring down at her hands.
“That’s fine,” I say, “but where are you planning on hitting the hay? I don’t sleep on the floor. This bed is, yeah, this is mine.”
And just like that, Saffy bursts into tears.
I stare at her, unsure what to do. “It’s okay, Saffy. I’ll give you a pillow to use while you’re on the floor.”
“I’m sorry,” she says. “I don’t want to cry. I’m just processing all of this. I’m a… monster. I’m not even sure how that’s possible. I hate myself.”
“You’ll get over it,” I say. “You don’t think of yourself as the bad guy when you are the bad guy. There’s always a way to justify what you do. That’s why I doubt th
ere’s a heaven and hell. Most people think they deserve to go to heaven.”
“I don’t. I’m disgusted with myself.” She lies down and curls into a ball. “And I’m even more disgusted that I allowed myself to like you. You’re… a monster.”
Talk about a backhanded compliment. It’s nice to be liked, but not if someone’s disgusted by it. “Thanks?” I stretch out next to her. Man, those green eyes. They’re hypnotic. “There’s no shame in liking me if you’re a monster too. I thought I was the last of my kind. I wonder if the monsters were always conflicted because your human side overpowered the monster scent, and yet, they couldn’t help but like you. You know that place we had dinner? It’s monster-haven. You’re drawn to us because you’re one of us.”
She is still pretty, even with her face scrunched up. Cheeks flushed, she wipes away her tears. “I don’t want to be this way.”
“There’s nothing you can do. Hey, you’ve never killed a human, and that’s all that matters, right? And you love cats. You’re still a good person.”
“I’m not a person though, am I?” Her lips quiver. “Hopefully a good sleep will help.”
“It always does. I can’t remember the last time I slept a solid twenty hours. I don’t know about half-vampire cats, but I know I sure love to sleep.”
She cracked a smile. “Sleep is nice.” Her blinks are heavy.
That repulsive, wonderful woman guilts me with her sweetness… again. “You know, we can share the bed if you like.”
“Uh-huh…” She’s barely listening. Sleep hits her fast and it’s not long before I find myself kneading into the rock-hard bed and drifting into dreamland.
“People need to mind their own business.”
– Most Hypocrites
nyone else would’ve slept through the attack. Anyone else would’ve slept peacefully through the bloodbath. But I’m not anyone. I’m Colt Harper, Esteemed Vampire Cat.
It happened in slow motion, as if Steve was in the room. I was dreaming about a huge cat scratching my belly when I heard someone shifting from camouflage mode to their visible form.
With cat-like reflexes (because, well, yeah), my eyes fling open and I roll to the side just as a massive axe comes crashing down, cutting into the bedding.
In sync, Saffy rolls to the other side of the bed. We stare at the monster on the far end of the poky room. His tentacles wriggle beneath his black balaclava, giving away his identity.
“Marv,” I say. “A switcher.”
“A what?” Saffy’s talons slide out slowly.
“Switchers.” I nod to our specimen. “Fugly sea creatures that can walk on land and camouflage themselves. Technically they’re all called Marv, so when they’re surface-side, they needn’t bother faking more than one ID set.”
“G’day, Colt.” Marv’s voice oozes out, muffled by the balaclava. “Good to see you, mate.”
“It would be good,” I say, “if you weren’t trying to kill us. What’s the deal?”
Marv yanks the axe out of the covers. “Sorry, mate. Nothing personal. In fact, I can let you go, but we have to kill the half-breed. Word’s gotten out. We can’t have something like this. It’s a sin against nature.”
“It’s not her fault, Marv. Can’t you look the other way? You don’t have to tell anybody we were even here.”
“Yeah, I kinda do.” He strokes his axe. “This is a motel for monsters. Everyone here knows about Pappy, or whatever her bloody name is. If I let you go, there will be someone just outside your door that’ll finish the job. It’s up to you, mate.”
Ugh. Mate. His accent is the only thing that lets him get away with that condescending word.
“So, you’re telling me,” I say slowly, “that unless you kill Saffy, I’ll have to fight my way out of here like a scene from The Matrix?”
“Wouldn’t be as cool as the movie, would it? There’s no guns, music or leather tights.”
“Leather’s not an ideal choice of attire. It squeaks and it sticks, so that’s fine. As for music, I can hum my own tune. And as for guns?” I smile. “I don’t need guns.”
Not giving him the chance to respond, I kick off the wall and leap at Marv. He swivels just in time, but I manage to graze his neck. There are no beats between my attacks. I kick his knee, and he drops, groaning in pain.
“Na na ner na, ner ner na na na na!” I sing, swiping at his wrist, cutting his hand off. He glares at me as it grows back, bigger than before.
He vanishes, camouflaging into the surroundings.
“Oh crap,” I say. “Saffy, listen up. This guy isn’t known for his light feet.”
“Okay,” she says, her eyes wide. She holds her breath, her eyes darting from wall to wall.
“OW!” Marv cries, and the dinette shakes.
“You all right, buddy?” I sneak closer. There it is, his outline, bent over the table.
“Yeah, mate. Stubbed my toe.”
“Ouch! That hurts, eh?” I say, then swipe my talon at his neck. His camouflage switches off, and his head rolls to the floor. “But that probably hurt more.”
Saffy stares, horrified beyond belief. “You… he… we have to hide it!”
“Relax. Switchers can survive a beheading. It’ll just slow him down for a while.” I take her by the hand. “You heard him. This motel is crawling with monsters. We need to scooch.”
I check the windows, but for some absurd reason, they have bars on them. Figures. I could bend them easily enough, but I don’t feel like breaking a nail for it. I pull Saffy along and into the corridor which is suspiciously empty. Where is that swarm of monsters ready to pounce?
“What if there are more switchers around and they’re camouflaging against the walls?” Saffy whispers.
“Don’t be stupid,” I say, maybe a touch insensitively, but hey, I’m not a Girl Scout leader. “We’d’ve heard one of them cough or something by now.”
Someone coughs, and my heart skips a beat. There comes that sound again. The sound of a giant snake shedding its skin, as various monsters drop their camouflage mode. I glance over my shoulder and gulp at the two dozen switchers in black, all wielding various pointy things.
“Saffy? How fast can you run?”
“Like the wind.”
“Right. Run.”
We tear through the corridor, ducking when one throws a flippin’ ninja star at us; a weapon I thought only existed in the movies. It thuds into the wall and plaster showers us as we pass.
I don’t anticipate or even hear another switcher swipe at me, but he pins me against a door as the others rush past, yelling obscenities as they chase after Saffy.
“Howdy, Colt.” His salmon-breath seeps through the balaclava. Mmm. Fish. I’m half-tempted to lick him.
“Run, Saffy!” I shout, but she’s already turned the corner as several switchers take off after her.
“Sorry to do this to you.” He raises his sword in the air. “You accomplished a lot in your life. It’s just a shame you chose the wrong form to weasel into.”
My heart beats as fast as a hummingbird’s, but everything else slows down. I tense up, my mind reeling with afterlife concepts. Where would I get another form? Would Saffy like it? What if I miss a chance to wriggle out of this form before they kill me? That’d be it. Is there an afterlife for me? Are there cats and fish pies?
As various unanswered questions blare through my mind, the door behind me opens and I’m forced forward. I clumsily knock the switcher onto the floor and he grunts in disgust. I don’t hesitate. In his shock, his grip around his sword loosens. I grab it, lament the fact I don’t have a cool catchphrase, and silently decapitate him.
I turn around, surprised to see a flushed Lexi and twitchy Jax in the doorway.
“What happened?” Jax’s eyes are as big as tennis balls. “Are you okay?”
“This motel is full of switchers who want Saffy dead,” I say.
“Which way did she go?” Lexi accusingly glares at an empty wall.
I point to th
e end of the corridor. “She turned right.”
We hurry through the motel, mindful of every door we pass. Who knows how many monsters are inside, waiting to slice us to pieces.
There’s no way Saffy will be okay. There’s no hiding from switchers. They work best in a pack, and they’re highly skilled. I cringe at the thought of Saffy bloodied and lifeless. Usually seeing a human suffering gives me pleasant chills, but this only makes me sick to my stomach.
We burst into the cramped lobby, where I’m stunned by the display.
“Oh crap…” Saffy stands on the reception desk, talons drawn, blood splattering her clothes. Teeth chattering, she retracts her talons.
Dozens of switchers are stacked in a neat pile, each one beheaded and flopped onto one another. Their blood smears the walls, which kinda makes the place look a little nicer.
Lexi’s jaw drops. “How? How did you do that?”
“That’s a good question.” Not only did she single-handedly take out dozens of switchers, but she did it in record time. Not even I could do that.
“Um…” she stares at the carnage. “I just did… it just… happened.”
I offer my hand to help her down from the desk. She reluctantly takes it, unable to tear her gaze away from the gory pile.
“So you don’t know how you did it? You haven’t got blood on your fangs or… or your talons. Just your clothes. How did you manage to kill them without using your fangs?”
She bites her lip, darting her eyes to the left. “I… I must’ve blacked out?”
“That’s what murderers say as an excuse in court.” Lexi scrunches her nose. “Are you sure you never knew you were a vampire cat?”
“What?” Saffy pales, like she’s just shoved her face in a bag of flour. “How would—”
“Come on,” I say, “they won’t stay dead for long. We’re checking out.”
We’re checking out. Not the coolest catchphrase, but I’ll take it for now.
“I’m gonna find myself a damn catchphrase if it kills me.”
– Colt Harper: Esteemed Vampire Cat.
uh,” Jax says absentmindedly, staring at the car. “Like… I’m not that shocked. When you think about it, it seems like the smart thing to do.”
Colt Harper: Esteemed Vampire Cat Page 10
