by J. P. Rice
They had showed up unexpectedly at my front door, although I welcomed the visit. The overwhelming scent of a cheap pine tree air freshener and cigar butts pervaded my nostrils as I got comfortable.
“If it isn’t my favorite pugnacious Pittsburgher,” said Aka Manah. Despite the raised roof on the Hummer, Aka Manah barely fit in the vehicle. He wasn’t quite as tall and wide as the Jersey Devil, but he had the body of a human topped with a bull’s skull featuring twisting antlers extending from his temples and stretching two feet above his head.
The demon had a golden amulet set into the forehead of his yellowing skull. Decked out in a pinstriped suit, he always dressed classy. His mysterious yellow eyes with black slashes stared at me, waiting for an answer.
“Aahh. My perfidious demon acquaintances. You guys don’t look too happy.” I directed my attention at Aka Manah. “Does that shrew Xanthippe have you down, Socrates?”
“What the hell does that even mean? No need to get riled up. My greeting was not malicious in nature,” replied Aka Manah.
“You’re the one who purported to be Socrates. You need to study your characters better if you don’t know what that means.”
“It was good enough to fool your stupid ass. So what’s that say about you?” Aka Manah asked snidely.
“Doesn’t sound good for either of us, I suppose.” I shifted my attention to the other demon. “If it isn’t the shit stain on society known as the Jersey Devil. What’s wrong J.D.? You miss the Manticore?”
“I don’t miss anyone. Enough of this shit-talking nonsense.” He turned to Aka Manah. “You want to do this or you want me to?”
The Jersey Devil was half demon, half dragon, with reptilian scales and red splotches covering his enormous body. Although sitting down, he walked upright like a human. His dark eyes had burning coal for irises and three silver horns sprouted out of the top of his head. He had a cartoonish jaw, much wider than a human’s. Wearing nothing but a brown loincloth, he shifted around trying to get comfortable, but his huge body didn’t seem like it would allow it.
Aka Manah remained silent and gestured with his open hand for the Jersey Devil to take the honors. The Jersey Devil hacked away, trying to clear his throat. Finally satisfied, he said, “We believe you may have something that belongs to us.”
Perfect. It was time to make a deal, but I didn’t want to give up my hand too early. “Really, and what might that be?”
Thunder rumbled lazily in the distance as if two giant boulders were chafing against each other. As I peeked out the tinted window, the dark cumulonimbus clouds meshed into each other and blotted out the sun. A Blawnox Police squad car pulled up behind the limo.
“Looks like we have company, boys,” I said, pointing out the back window.
“Oh shit,” exclaimed the Jersey Devil.
The two demons fell over each other as they rushed to alert the driver. They fumbled with the door switches, searching for the button to lower the clear partition. As he scrambled, Aka Manah said, “We can’t draw any unwarranted attention considering we don’t exactly have proper identification and we will have to kill some of them.”
The Jersey Devil finally found the button and lowered the partition. The demon screamed at the driver to circle the block. I hadn’t even thought about how bad this would make me look if we got picked up. Hanging out in the back of a limo with two high-ranking demons wouldn’t make my friends on the various police forces very happy.
The driver pulled out onto the road, and thankfully, the squad car stayed put. As we drove down Freeport Road, the Jersey Devil got back on task. “A female associate of ours made a stop in Pittsburgh. We have reason to believe that she might have been in contact with you.”
I wanted to play with them to get some answers as to why they were bugging my office. “Why would I have come in contact with a demon? If you can’t tell from my demeanor, I don’t like demons very much.”
The Jersey Devil scratched his chin as Aka Manah sat in silence. The former said, “We have that precious knife that you want so badly. We are prepared to offer a trade.”
Bingo. “I can’t trade what I don’t have, but why is this demon so important to you?”
Aka Manah spoke up, “She’s of no importance really. We need to be sure that she isn’t disseminating all of the Red Cavern’s secrets to the wrong people. Someone like that could put us in great danger. We just need to get her back to make sure we are safe.” The demon casually added, “And then we can punish her. Stupid woman. We should have never sent her.”
Something tugged at my heartstrings. “You’re...you’re going to punish her?” I eyeballed the Jersey Devil, “Did you get punished for failing on your mission? What if she isn’t out there giving up all your so-called secrets?”
Aka Manah said, “Doesn’t matter. She’s a worthless woman and she failed on her mission.”
My point remained the same. “So. The Jersey Devil failed at his attempt to raise hell on earth.”
The demon I’d referenced took umbrage with my statement, sitting up so that his head scraped the roof of the vehicle. “We came here to make you an offer to save your life. If you haven’t seen this woman, then we cannot help you out.”
It would be too easy. A nice simple trade. Exchanging the demon for my enchanted knife seemed obvious. The supernatural game was a cruel bitch sometimes, I knew the stakes going in. I knew I’d have to perform actions that went against my better nature.
But effectively killing an innocent woman who’d done nothing wrong? Just entertaining the idea gave me the chills and made me feel like I was becoming a monster. Becoming a person who would cast honor aside to save his own hide. Becoming a murderer like my father. That wasn’t me.
I helped myself to a bag of peanuts in an empty cupholder. “Why don’t you describe her appearance to me? Or leave me with the address of her mission and some details of where she might be? What did you send her to Pittsburgh to do?” I opened the bag and threw a handful of the salty snacks into my mouth.
As I crunched away, Aka Manah pinched the bridge of his bony nose. “We sent her to track somebody. No big deal. Apparently, she has disappeared.”
I pressed the demons, “What was her exact mission? It will help me track her.”
They looked at each other, then me, and then each other again, seemingly baffled by what to say. The Jersey Devil stuttered, “Uh, she was tracking somebody you don’t know so it won’t matter.”
He wasn’t a good liar. However, this didn’t help solve my existing problem. “Hate to say it, but let’s assume this girl is dead. We need to come up with a different deal for the knife. What do you want from me?”
Aka Manah answered, “The girl demon or nothing. How’s that sound?”
I threw the last handful of peanuts in my mouth and talked as I chewed, “Sounds like you’re not an expert negotiator. You’re telling me that there isn’t anything in this world that you would want in exchange for a knife that means nothing to you.”
The Jersey Devil’s trademark scowl melted into a devious smirk. “That’s a valuable knife to us. What else lets us see you squirm, flailing away as you try to get it back?” He put an unlit cigar in his mouth and chewed on the end.
I shook my head in disgust. “You devious fuck stains. Money? Cars? There has to be something that you two want.”
Aka Manah shook his head. “We have a problem that we notified you of. We offered you more than a fair trade. You denied our offer. No other offers will be laid on the proverbial table. These are the facts. Make of them what you will.”
“Okay. I make that you two are idiots. I’ll try to find this demon, obviously, but I strongly suggest you think of an alternative payment. I could make matters in Pittsburgh much more uncomfortable for you fellas.”
The Jersey Devil pulled out a zippo and lit his cigar. “Aahh, there he is. There’s the threat.”
“What do you expect? I’m basically a cornered animal. My life is on the line and you two are
playing around with me.” I stuffed the empty peanut bag into the ashtray and covered my mouth and nose against the nasty cigar smoke.
The Jersey Devil pointed a long finger at my face. “We are not playing. If anyone can find our associate, it’s you. Now stop feeling sorry for yourself, get off your ass and find the girl. It really is simple if you just stop fighting it.”
I had to explain it from my perspective, “You are asking me to use my magic skills to find someone that you are going to abuse. Do you understand how fundamentally wrong this request is? It goes against everything the Celtic Gods stand for.”
Aka Manah responded, “She’s a demon. I thought you hated demons with a passion.”
“Me too,” I mumbled.
The Jersey Devil added, “We simply want her returned. Dead or alive.”
“Is the Red Cavern doing anything about the dragon influx from Sleepy Willow?”
The Jersey Devil said, “We are staying out of this one. Don’t expect us to show up at the last moment to save the day. Again.”
“Here we go. You two showed up to help me win a battle that had already been won.” I pointed right at Aka Manah’s menacing yellow eyes. “On top of that, this dick bag steals my enchanted knife and puts my life in danger. If that’s saving the day, no thanks.”
Aka Manah said, “Talk all you want. You’d be dead if we hadn’t shown up to stem the tide of the stone men. Irregardless, we won’t...”
I cut him off, “Whoa. Did you just say irregardless? I’ll let a lot of things go but that is such an idiotic word.”
Aka Manah held his hand in the air. “Listen, fool. Regardless of whether we saved your life or not is an unnecessary debate right now. I’m going to explain what this whore looks like and then we are going to kick you out of this vehicle. So shut your stupid face and listen.”
The powerful demons explained in detail the woman whom I was already familiar with. As the Jersey Devil droned on, the werewolf driver circled the block a few more times.
Pissed that the demons wouldn’t even make another offer, I faded out of the conversation. There had to be something they wanted, I just needed to figure it out. Perhaps I could ask the kidnapped demon what to offer these guys?
I thought about the day ahead. My girlfriend was stopping by my house in a few hours for a special chat. I had asked her to move in with me and I was pretty sure she would say yes.
On top of that, I had to stop by Jonathan’s mansion to make sure he could get us into Sleepy Willow. I was uncertain that my vampire friend would be willing to help. He knew that trouble had a deft way of following me around. If my entry into the otherworld endangered his life, I would understand if he turned us down.
But first, I went over my pretty speech full of flowery prose to sweep my girlfriend off her feet. I’d even been practicing euphony to accentuate certain words for added effect.
The demons dropped me off in front of my house.
Chapter 5
Why wouldn’t the damn candle light? It had just been burning in my office. I circled flame from the Bic lighter around the wick, but the stubborn thing refused to fire.
I’d crafted a special candle with the help of the druids in Deep Burrow. It was soy wax based and infused with eucalyptus, lotus oil, orange zest and sesame seeds. A sprinkle of moonstone completed the recipe to celebrate new beginnings. It was the first candle I’d created and, apparently, I should have asked the experts for more help.
I grew frustrated, my hand cramped up and I gave up quickly. My heart palpitated and my underarms were becoming saturated. This was going to be a big step in my life. Satoku was stopping by with some big news. I’d asked her to move in with me a few days ago, and she’d said she needed time to think about it. Hopefully, she’d had enough time and I’d even prepared some lovely words to seal the deal.
As far as I was concerned, she was perfect for me. A strong-willed woman to keep me in line. We were still somewhat early in our relationship to move in together, but it just felt so right. It was easy to imagine myself marrying Satoku and starting a family.
The brewing storm from earlier was still percolating. I searched the closet and pulled out some extra candles in case the power went out, which was a normal occurrence in Blawnox. I attempted to light my special candle a few more times, but the damn wick refused to take to flame.
A light knock on my door prompted me to scurry over from the kitchen to answer it.
I opened the door and let Satoku in. A sudden sideways spritz followed her in. Dull lightning flashed just over the horizon, its full vibrancy obscured within the thick gray clouds.
She got up on her toes and gave me a peck on the lips. “Hi. Barely beat the storm.”
“Well, hello there. What’s going on?”
Satoku Meyer had been adopted by my partner Gretchen. That was how we met. She was from Japan and had green eyes, black hair and a fiery attitude that matched her mother’s. Her silver eyebrow ring matched the bracelets on each wrist. Her lively green eyes seemed dull today and she lowered her head. “I’ve got some news.”
“Bad news, it sounds like. Why don’t we sit down on the couch?”
“It’s not bad news. I mean, it just depends on how you look at it.” She paused for a few seconds and dug into her purse, finally producing a silver object. Her hands shuffled an unlocked master lock with a red dial back and forth. It reminded me that I needed to release the auburn-haired demon.
Words spilled from her trembling lips, “I got into Princeton.”
And like that, my frilly speech turned to mush and vanished. Poof.
I pulled her in and wrapped my arms around her. “Congratulations.” Now I understood her preamble. “But how? I thought you said you would never get in there.”
“I know. It was my reach school. I never thought I’d get accepted. It’s one of the best post-graduate schools in America. And they want me.”
Her excitement was normally infectious. Not today. “That’s so great. But what about Pitt? What about you moving in here? Here, sit down.”
We parked it on the couch and she swallowed deeply and sighed. The power went out, leaving us in a dark room.
“I’ve got candles I can light,” I reassured Satoku and jumped up.
“I can help with my cellphone flashlight.” Satoku pulled out her phone, swiped it a few times and a strong beam of light sprang from the device. She led me into the kitchen where I lit a few candles (my special one still wouldn’t light) and we took them back into my living room. I placed the four cylindrical towers of burning wax on my coffee table.
We sat back down on the couch. “So you want to try the long distance thing? Is that what you are saying?”
“We need to talk about that too. Obviously, Princeton isn’t right down the street.” She used the lock to scratch her arms nervously. “This is really hard to say. I really like you, I mean, I love you. But it just seems like it would be unfair for us to stay together.”
Arrow of betrayal through my heart. “What?” I could only manage a single word as I sank into the couch, mouth agape. The power flashed back on in my house, but the power in my soul had just gone dark.
Satoku avoided eye contact, shifting around on the cushion. “Think about it. You’re only twenty-three and I’m twenty-one. It’s nice to dream and think we would stay together forever through a long-distance relationship, but it’s just so unlikely. I think we would be doing ourselves a disservice to stay together.”
A wave of shock rolled over my body, causing that uncomfortable feeling of bugs crawling under your skin. It felt like she had just ripped my heart out and thrown it in the trash. I spoke, not knowing what words were coming out, “If that’s what you want, I won’t stand in your way.”
“I don’t want it to be like that. I think it will be a challenge. Who knows, we might split up only to realize how much we need each other. I don’t know what will happen, but this is going to be for two years. I don’t want you to close yourself off from all ot
her women because of me.”
I tried to make sense of it all. “I don’t want to hold you back either. With my magic lifestyle, this is probably best anyway.”
That’s not what I wanted to say. I wanted to tell her she was making a huge mistake. That we were perfect for each other and she would never find anyone as good as me. I wanted to scream in her face.
But I didn’t. I didn’t really listen to the rest of the conversation. The important matters had already been addressed. I’d just been dumped. A desperate feeling rattled around my insides, the same one I used to get when a family was kicking me out of its home. Why did this keep happening?
She hugged me like a stranger, her hands patting my back. Had I really known this woman? My entire body beat with my heart and numbness washed over me.
Why couldn’t anyone love me? Why couldn’t a relationship ever work out for me?
Satoku left and I collapsed onto my couch, trying to hold back the tears. Colossus raced over, leaping up onto my lap. He mashed his head into my chest and licked my chin. Normally, these acts caused a huge smile to appear on my face. Not today.
I sat there with my dog, totally neglecting the dragons that could be ravishing the city. The only thing I could focus on was my shattered heart. What the fuck had just happened?
The brusque breakup had only lasted a few minutes. Unsure of what to do, I stumbled into the kitchen. After pacing for a few minutes, I dug into the cabinet and pulled out an old friend who was always there for me.
Jameson Irish Whiskey.
I took a few gulps, trying to chase away the misery. It was as if I’d stepped into a vortex to nihility. Nothing. Darkness. There were my old friends. Hello, loneliness. Hi there, abandonment. Why did it seem like I was constantly being punished?
My mind kickstarted again and I took another swig of Jameson. The breakup seemed to be a karmic response for locking the female demon in my office. Perhaps the cosmos had decided that I needed to learn a lesson. I knew one thing: I had to free the demon.
I wanted to talk to her first and be positive I was not unloading a demonic killer on Pittsburgh. However, I was rather certain she wasn’t like other demons. At least the demons I’d known. The brief storm died down and I decided to make the short walk to my office to release her.
