by J. P. Rice
“You got your card?” the bouncer asked.
Jonathan reached into the breast pocket of the jacket and produced a small laminated object similar to a driver’s license. He handed it to the bouncer.
We waited for approval in the small shack that led into Sleepy Willow. The wooden, one-room check-in looked like a tiny country house in the woods. There was an oak table in the corner of the room. The room was stained with random burgundy splotches on the floor, walls and ceiling.
We’d driven hours outside Pittsburgh into the hinterlands to get to the portal. The gate to this world was in a green valley surrounded by two mountains. We’d walked into the camouflaged portal and ended up on the door step of this cabin.
The werebear tucked his lit cigarette behind his ear and gave Felix a quick pat down.
The young mage had toned down his normally flamboyant attire. He wore a tight gray protection suit that was similar to mine. We’d both brought loose tracksuits to wear over our battle gear. I knew it was killing him to have to wear the same clothes for the entire trip.
The bouncer moved on to me. He performed a cursory pat down of my black suit that clung to my body. It looked like a full-body spandex suit, but the material had been made with space-age polymers and was blessed by the Celtic Gods. It had stopped bullets before.
Primero hit his smoke a few times and put it out on his tongue. The werebear flicked the butt into the corner of the room. He smiled at Alayna and started patting her down. My faerie friend was dressed like a dominatrix. She wore black leather from head to toe including her boots and the mask covering her face.
The bouncer took his sweet time with Alayna, seemingly enjoying the process. The faerie stood still as a bronze statue while Primero cupped her buttocks.
He finally finished fondling her and put his paw-like hands all over Burn.
She was arrayed in her blue spandex outfit and jumped as the drooling bouncer prodded her backside. I worried about bringing Burn and hoped that our fun the other night wouldn’t complicate matters. I’d told her I thought it best if we just remained friends for now.
Primero worked his way around to Burn’s front side and zeroed in on her perky breasts. He must have thought she was hiding something in her cleavage as his moist black nose kept inching closer.
Jonathan waved his hands in the air and objected, “Primero, what do you think she has in there? We do appreciate the sufficiency of your search, but it is pretty clear that they are clean.”
Primero growled and begrudgingly backed away from Burn. The bouncer walked over to a door and opened it. Dusky darkness flooded in as we exited the first checkpoint. We walked out onto a dirt path with forest surrounding it.
Our quixotic quest to find the legendary Dragon Horn was officially underway.
The downhill dirt path ended and a concrete one began as a headwind blew in our faces. Funky odors and small debris attacked us as we forged ahead. We moved to the edge of a hill and the city opened up.
It looked like a dystopian city with ravaged wooden buildings. No steel or metal structures. Only small parts of the city were lit up with electricity, even fewer with fire, and the rest of the city was shrouded in spooky darkness.
We stopped for a moment and reclaimed our personal items from Jonathan. He opened his trench coat and eight hands started grabbing various items. None of us had brought very much, just the essentials.
I made sure the others didn’t see me grabbing my flasks and animal skins of Jameson. I knew it was necessary for this long journey. Nobody else needed to know about it though.
Jonathan handed me the hand-drawn map and closed his lightened trench coat. We dipped down into the valley and the nasty stench intensified. It was a musty smell dotted by the lingering odor of cat piss.
As we strolled down a street with small wooden houses on either side, we saw beings urinating and defecating on the sides of the road.
The sidhe citizens leered at us and I tried to stay alert and keep my magic at the surface, just in case.
We turned right onto a side street that narrowed progressively. Jonathan pointed to a dilapidated white building with a red K painted above the front door. Flashing lights shone through the open windows as we approached the entrance of the Kaffeeklatsch.
A freaky feeling centered in the pit of my stomach and knotted up my insides as Jonathan pushed the door open.
Chapter 14
A vampire, a faerie, a demon, a wizard and a mage walked into a bar. Sounds like the beginning of a bad joke, but this was my life. I certainly hoped it wasn’t the start of a tragedy as I peered around, fighting off the heavy stench and foul taste of cumin-scented body odor sprinkled with cigar smoke.
Strobe lights pulsed, making it hard to recognize all the commingling creatures. Beings suddenly appeared out of nowhere, right next to me, when the lights flashed. No music played, except for a faint pan flute that I hadn’t yet located. The small room didn’t have a bar per se. It only had round tables scattered haphazardly around the room.
Jonathan whispered into Alayna’s ear and then leaned in close to me. He said, “That’s him in the corner.”
I nonchalantly turned my head and spotted the faun. He was seated at a table by himself. I strained my eyes to see through the strobe lights and lingering cigar smoke. From my angle, I saw the form of the lower body of a goat, from his feet to his midsection. It blended into the hairless upper body of a human, ending in a shiny bald head. He wasn’t wearing any clothes as far as I could tell.
His ears looked like they had fallen into a diamond mine as they were completely covered in the sparkling rocks. Two spiked horns grew out of the top of his head and were crusted with emeralds. The expensive jewelry conspired with the strobe lights to create a blinding image.
The faun held a pan flute in his right hand and sported an angry look on his wrinkled face. A voluptuous dark woman in tight burgundy robes stood next to him, gently undulating from side to side. She held a yellow cloth in her right hand and used it to dab the sweat off of the faun’s gleaming head.
Jonathan leaned into our little huddle, and said, “Let’s go back outside for a minute.”
The patrons glared at us as we followed Jonathan outside. I ignored them as we spilled out the front door and into the alley. There were a few wandering eyeballs in the area, so Jonathan led us into a deserted alley that intersected perpendicularly with the one we were in.
The vampire said, “Ladies, fine sirs. Here is where I bid you adieu. Best of luck on your journey. I truly hope to see all of you again.” He bowed deeply.
I pulled the magic mist out of my pocket. I broke the defense ward and unscrewed the lid to a vial the size of a pinky finger. “Hold out your hand, Jonathan.”
Jonathan flexed his fingers in preparation. “I’m not quite sure if I trust this. I could end up in 1760s Italy for all you know. Although I suppose that wouldn’t be a horrible outcome.” He smiled unnaturally and revealed that his fangs had been ready to go.
I’d never seen Jonathan skittish about anything. This seemed like an odd line to draw. I pleaded, “We need to make sure it works to get out of here, though.”
“All right. For the sake of edification and magic.” He hesitated and finally held out his hand.
I turned the bottle and a tiny squirt rushed out and hit Jonathan’s palm. He held up his hand and waved bye as his body began to fade out. It started in his extremities and finished with his chest and face.
I held out a pointer finger and poked the area where Jonathan had been standing. Just air. “Looks like it works. That’s a major plus.” I closed the vial and reset the ward. The vial transferred from my hand to Alayna’s to finish the spell.
Alayna closed her eyes in concentration and mumbled the spell under her breath. She opened her eyes, shoved the vial into her pocket, and said, “All right, let’s go back in there and walk right up to the faun. Let’s get this over with.”
Felix and Burn nodded. They were nervous and so was
I. Who knew what the man could demand? However, our goal seemed simple enough. We needed to strike a deal with a faun named Fencester the First to get a coin. The coin would gain us passage to cross Lake Geopold and get to the Dragon Horn.
We re-entered the bar and were greeted by the same leery looks as when we had departed. More beings had shown up during our brief exit and we fought our way through a small crowd to get to Fencester’s corner.
We approached and the woman in the rich carnelian robes held up an open hand. She said something in an unknown language.
Alayna responded to the woman, “English. We want a coin to get across Lake Geopold.”
Fencester eyeballed Burn and Alayna with lust-charged ferocity. The faun took a drink of his foamy ale from a handled clear mug, spilling it down his neck and smooth chest.
The female translator whispered in Fencester’s ear. The faun grabbed his wooden panpipe from the table. He blew into one of the openings and a vibrating column of air rattled around the inside of the tube. A gentle melody emerged from the woodwind and into the air of the quiet bar.
Fencester’s translator turned to us. “Him say that him want sex with the two female.” She pointed directly at Burn and Alayna. “At same time.”
I should have known it. I stared at his old, scarred face and wondered if he wanted some more. He nodded with his eyes bulging out and I figured out he was gesturing for us to look down.
Whoa! Unnecessary. My neck jerked away but the damage was done. Even with the unclear view from the strobe lights, he officially had the genitalia of a goat. It was a rock hard, hairy boner to be precise. Judging by the huge smile on his face, the faun was extremely proud of his manhood.
My female companions didn’t seem impressed in the least. I shrugged my shoulders at the ladies and their dead stares and shaking heads indicated they weren’t on board with Fencester’s request.
I said to the translator, “There has to be something else because that isn’t going to happen.”
She whispered in Fencester’s ear again. His dark eyebrows arched in anger. He blew a stream of air into his panpipes and an angry tune followed.
The translator looked at me, slightly distressed. “Him say that is what he want. Him want sex with two women at same time. Nothing else.”
I teased her by showing her a few of the fake gold coins.
The translator snorted, laughing at me. “Him have more gold than know what to do with. Two women or no lake coin.”
I held my finger in the air. “We’ll get back to you.”
We decided to find a table and settled on one on the other side of the room. As soon as our asses hit the rickety wooden chairs, a female server approached. The lean, graceful brunette woman had to be sidhe. They glided around with cat-like movements and precision. She took our drink order with a big smile.
When the woman left, I leaned into the table. “Come on, girls, he isn’t that bad.”
Burn was the first to object. “Absolutely not.” Her eyes burned holes in me. “If you’re so enamored, you should go for it.”
I joked, “If I had been lucky enough to be selected, I’d be doing it right now. You know, for the team.”
Alayna said, “Cut the bullshit. We need to figure out what we are going to do.”
Felix peered around the strobe-lit room and whispered, “Can we kill him? There aren’t that many people in here that we couldn’t handle.”
Alayna said, “No. You can’t kill anyone who has a position of authority. Due to the crop shortage here, most of the citizens are dependent on their masters for food. If we killed him, all his underlings would come after us because they wouldn’t know where their next meal was coming from.”
Burn asked, “Does anyone have any ideas?”
The sidhe server suddenly appeared next to our table with our drinks. Tricky lights. I popped the top off my bottled beer with slight apprehension. There was a good chance we were getting drugged drinks. As I looked around the table at my friends sipping their beverages, fuck it, I took a swig. Not bad. Nice and hoppy like an India Pale Ale.
I felt a nice buzzing sensation in my chest and relaxed a bit.
Burn asked again, “Does anyone have any ideas?”
The silence from the rest of the table didn’t bode well. At least we weren’t very far from the entrance.
I wondered aloud, “Do we know what the coins look like? Could we fake one?”
We debated that idea for a few minutes but it didn’t seem manageable. Two female sidhe in short black leather skirts and tight green tube tops approached our table. They leaned over and their enormous breasts almost spilled out of the tiny tops. The woman with black hair said, “Is anyone looking for a good time here?”
Felix said, “No thanks. We have something to figure out.”
I said, “Wait a minute now. Let’s not be hasty.”
Alayna and Burn shot me dirty looks that I simply ignored. I had a plan. I turned to the working women. “So your offer is open to any partner?”
The blond woman smacked her lips as she nodded seductively.
I looked around the table, “Their offer is open to any partner.”
“How much for that guy in the corner?” Alayna propositioned, pointing at Fencester the First.
The dark-haired worker said, “His rate is one ounce of gold, sugar.”
“Done.” I was a little freaked out that these women spoke like they were city dwellers from New York. I’d expected a different language and vernacular.
I did the honors and took the two workers over to Fencester with a smug smile glued to my face. I nodded to his translator and announced, “I think we have a deal. He said he wanted sex with two women. These two are more than happy to pleasure your friend.”
She whispered in Fencester’s ear. The faun blew another angry tune through his pan flute.
The translator said, “Him say that him already have these whores a hundred times over. Him want fresh meat.” She waited for him to finish. “Him say only two women he hasn’t yet sexed.”
On the way back to the table, I tripped over a couple of small animals scurrying around that I hadn’t seen because of the stupid strobe lights. I returned to my crew with my tail tucked firmly betwixt my legs.
“He wouldn’t go for it. He wanted two women that he hasn’t sexed yet.” I reinforced the final two words with air quotes. Jonathan had warned me that this was a hedonistic society, consumed by pleasure seeking, and my early experience only reinforced that point.
We drank a few more ales as the bar began to fill up with upright were-creatures, small animals on all fours and more of the graceful sidhe. Fencester’s pan flute could be heard over the murmur of conversation in the room.
None of us could come up with a plan to get the coin from Fencester. It seemed like we had wasted our time and effort.
Chapter 15
Burn took a few sips of her fresh beer and handed it to me. I gladly accepted, figuring it wouldn’t hurt to get drunk if we were going home after this.
The half-demon looked at Alayna and said, “I don’t want to, but I will do it if you will.”
Alayna immediately shook her masked head. “I will not reduce myself to this. Not in this land. I just can’t do it.”
Burn shifted back and forth in her chair. “It’s just that this is for a cause I believe in. I’m willing to help you even if that means doing something I don’t want to do.”
Alayna waved her index finger in front of her face. “This is something I just can’t do. I can’t explain it fully in here, but it is something I cannot bring myself to.”
I understood Alayna’s point. She used to be queen of the land and now she’d been asked to reduce herself to a common street whore. However, I was impressed that Burn was willing to make a strong sacrifice for the group. Even though I didn’t want her to do it.
Alayna said, “We need to figure out a way around this. I’m confident we can find a different solution. Maybe we come back tomorrow and ho
pe he asks for something else.”
Felix said, “That is some serious wishful thinking. Why don’t we find someone else in here to go ask him? Maybe the faun will make a request that we can handle.”
Alayna advised, “We can’t trust anyone around here. Did you see the way our server was smiling at us? I’ll bet anything she was thinking about how she could cut us into tiny pieces. Anyone we ask for help is going to say that he or she wants gold. Then when we give them that gold, they will run away, never to be seen again.”
The bar was now packed and creatures kept slamming into our table, so we decided to stand in the corner opposite Fencester. Searching through the strobe lights, I made eye contact with a sexy woman in a tiny dress.
The woman licked her thick lips and tapped her friend on the shoulder. The two women fought their way through the supernaturals to get to our corner. I took a few steps to meet them, knowing Alayna would frown on me fraternizing with the locals.
The first woman, who was in a red dress, extended her hand in a manner that said she wanted me to kiss it. I grabbed her hand and pecked it gently. We made eye contact again despite the menacing strobe lights, and she said, “My name is Trysta, with a y.”
“It’s nice to meet you, Trysta with a y.”
“This is my friend, Desperada.” The woman, who was in an emerald dress that barely covered her extended a gloved hand.
I osculated her black lace covered hand and nodded with a smile. They were tall, so I assumed they were sidhe. I had to be wary they weren’t trying to seduce me, then kill me. “How are you ladies doing tonight?”
Trysta batted her eyes. “All right. Just trying to have some fun. You know how it is.”
Actually, I didn’t know how it was. I had an entire city expecting me to keep it safe from the monsters of the night. At only twenty-three, I wished I knew how it was, trying to have fun that is. “Where are you from?”
The two women turned to each other and smiled. After a short silence, Trysta blurted, “We aren’t from around here.”
