Not that they did anything else! As she’d feared, they seemed inclined to give her a wide berth most of the time. They were stilted and distant, which was hard to take when they’d always been so warm and attentive before. If she hadn’t been so miserable about her battle with the food, she thought she would have been obsessing over their defection, but the problem with the food overshadowed pretty much everything else.
She was nauseated most of the time, but she managed to convince herself for a while that it was just the food. By the time she managed to emerge sufficiently from her abject misery to notice anything besides that, however, she discovered they’d been in space at least three weeks--Earth time—as nearly as she could calculate, because it was the only time she knew how to keep and her internal clock helped her with that. Nothing she could do after that to convince herself that she wasn’t pregnant worked. She’d had plenty of time to adjust. Missing one period might be explained away. Missing two was pregnancy—or something horrible.
She actually didn’t think she would’ve emerged enough to notice then except that Kael brought it to her attention. They’d all gathered on the bridge because the computer had announced that they were entering the solar system where the first port on their route lay. After looking her over assessingly, he’d caught her forearm between his thumb and forefinger, lifted it and shook it at her accusingly.
“Bone no flesh,” he said angrily. “Dis happen no eat! No try hard enough!”
Loren stared at her arm in surprise, stunned to see how slender it was. “Oh my god! Karen! I have lost so much weight! Would you look! Do I look thinner? Can you tell?”
Karen looked her over, her gaze settling significantly on Loren’s rounded belly for a handful of seconds before she transferred her attention back to her face. She grinned. “Girl friend! You are looking like a twig! How about me?” She preened.
Loren’s eyes widened—mostly at the rounded belly she displayed when she turned to profile it, although there was no getting around the fact that Karen had dropped a good bit of weight. She looked down at her own belly and then looked at Karen again. Finally, she forced a smile. “Skinny! I bet you could get in a three!”
Karen perked up. “Seriously? I never thought I’d be able to get my fat ass in a three!”
“I am dead serious, girl friend! You are so skinny!”
They were still grinning happily when they turned around to glance at the monitor again and discovered all of the men were looking at them with a mixture of disapproval and complete bafflement. Even Shara looked confused, although she at least seemed to want to be excited about whatever Loren and Karen were excited about. Loren shared a look with Karen and they decided to drop the subject.
Unfortunately, she couldn’t dismiss her new awareness of her belly as easily. Karen had seemed convinced she was pregnant, and she should certainly know. She’d said she’d had children. Loren hadn’t wanted to ask her about it when she knew it must be painful for Karen to think about let alone discuss, but if she was right, then it seemed indisputable that she was also pregnant when her belly looked every bit as big as Karen’s.
She certainly couldn’t continue to put it down to pre-menstrual bloating after she’d had time to consider the length of time that had passed. Lifting a hand as it finally settled inarguably in her mind that she was carrying a baby, she settled it lightly over her rounded belly, wondering what it looked like, whether it was a boy or a girl—whether it Kael’s, or Dakaar’s or Balen’s.
That thought brought her back to the present with a jolt and she flicked a glance at Kael.
He was staring at her hand, but he met her gaze when she looked at him. She knew, just from the look in his eyes that he knew exactly what was running through her mind. Feeling the blood fluctuate in her face, she made a pretense of smoothing her clothing. “I wish to hell we could’ve found some clothes somewhere,” she said to no one in particular.
Thankfully, Karen came to her rescue. “We’ve only searched through about half the ship,” she reminded her. “I think we should go to the bottom and start up. Considering the number of people that bastard hauled off, there has to be something he hadn’t managed to sell!”
“I was hopeful, too—still am, but it doesn’t look like there’s going to be enough time to find anything before we reach port.”
Almost as if the computer had decided to join the conversation, it announced that they were on approach and had been hailed by the port authorities. Loren felt her pulse leap. “Let’s hear it.”
The language wasn’t anything she’d ever heard before and she glanced around at the others. “Do you know what he’s saying?”
She could see right off that none of the others understood the language either.
“Can you translate that, computer?”
“It is a request for identification of this ship. I responded.”
Relief flickered through her. “What did they say?”
“The ship is denied access to the port.”
Dismay filled her. “You’re saying they won’t let us land?”
“Affirmative.”
“There’s no telling what that snake did the last time he was in port!” Karen snapped angrily. “Probably stole something! What are we going to do now?”
“Tell we trade for ship,” Kael said sharply. “No old trader. Tell we hab trade tings.”
Nodding shakily, Loren relayed the message and added that they were in dire need of food supplies.
Kael spoke to the computer in his own language. Loren didn’t have a clue of what he’d said and the computer apparently didn’t either.
“This language is not in my data banks.”
His face twisted with frustration. “No should tell dat. Make trade only if dey tink good deal for dem.”
Loren winced. “Did you already relay the message I gave you, computer?”
“Affirmative. The response is that they will fire upon this vessel if it does not turn off.”
“Oh my god!” Karen exclaimed. “They’re going to blow us to pieces!”
That time when Kael burst into speech Loren was pretty sure that he was cursing. The other men began to talk agitatedly, as well.
“Can find udder place land on dis planet?”
“Is there any way we can land on the planet without going through the port?”
“Negative. The Poliz have issued their final warning.”
“Go back,” Kael said explosively. Turning abruptly, he stalked from the bridge.
“Computer, turn the ship around and set a course for the next port,” Loren said unhappily, wondering if they were going to get chased away from every port.
“Don’t tell me there isn’t anywhere in this whole damned solar system that we can’t land this ship!” Karen snapped angrily when the men had all left the bridge behind Kael.
“You did not request a landing site on another planet. My data indicates that it would be possible to land on the sixth planet. Shall I initiate the landing sequence?” the computer responded.
Karen and Loren looked at each other with wide eyed excitement.
“You’re saying there is a place to land?” Loren gasped hopefully.
“Affirmative. Your instructions?”
Doubt abruptly assailed Loren. “The port authority on that planet will let us land?”
“There is no port authority on the sixth planet.”
The two women exchanged a questioning look. “Inhabitants that might object?” Karen asked.
“There are no inhabitants on the sixth planet.”
“Is there any breathable air? Plants? Animals?”
“Negative. The ice is thick enough to support a landing, however.”
Loren rolled her eyes. “We need food, damn it, computer! What’s the closest planet that would have food and water—and breathable air for us—that wouldn’t have a port authority to run us off?”
“Checking data.”
Loren felt another rise of hopefulness.
&n
bsp; “PKL4 in the Mater034 system.”
“This is a planet that would support the life-forms aboard this ship? I mean me and the others like or similar to me?” Loren asked cautiously.
“Affirmative. Petenz traded with the life-forms there and took on supplies as needed.”
“But they couldn’t blow up the ship?” Karen added.
“Negative. They have no advanced weaponry capable of penetrating the shields.”
“Let’s go there, then,” Loren said decisively. “Set that course, computer, and kick it in the ass.”
“’Kick it in the ass’ does not compute.”
“Fastest, safest speed,” Karen put in.
“Affirmative. Plotting course. Course corrected. Initializing hyper-drive.”
“How long …? Never mind.” Loren glanced at Karen and shrugged. “I sure wish I understood how this damned thing calculates time. It would be nice to know if we’ll still be alive by the time we get there.”
“It isn’t like the food would get better—or more plentiful,” Karen said fatalistically. “I guess we’ll just have to hope for the best.” She considered the situation. “Computer—when we get there, find a landing place that isn’t too close to where these life-forms live.”
“Distance required from population centers?”
“Well hell!” Karen muttered.
“We aren’t going there to trade. Just find a place to set the ship down two or three days walk from the population center. That should give the guys time to find food, don’t you think?” she added, turning to Karen.
Karen shrugged. “Damned if I know. I don’t know anything about hunting.”
“Well, we could always move the ship, I guess. Computer—twenty units of measurement according to the size of the planet.”
“You think that’ll be enough?” Karen asked doubtfully. “The computer could interpret that as inches.”
Loren focused on trying to think of another way to indicate what they wanted and felt a surge of excitement. “One full day’s distance from the population center according to the planet’s rotation.”
“Affirmative. Checking data. Landing site located.”
* * * *
Dakaar’s mind was churning with conflict when he followed Kael to the room they’d come to think of as the gathering room. It would’ve been hard to say what emotion took precedence. He was as filled with frustrated anger as Kael was that they could not land and as worried about Lau-ren. And yet he felt an odd sort of detachment, as well, almost as if he was moving through a dream and nothing was real.
Lau-ren was breeding. Despite her denials that it was possible, mayhap even to herself, he had seen the very moment that she had realized that she had a babe in her belly. He had seen it in her face and in the way she touched her belly. It was a gesture he was familiar with—that odd sort of way women had of acknowledging that they carried life within them, as if it was a source of awe to them.
He realized after a few moments that he was awed himself and that that was why he felt the strange sense almost of detachment—as if someone had knocked him senseless. That feeling intensified as it dawned on him that it might be his child there. He did not recall the mating with great clarity, but he could recall that he had been infuriated that Kael had reached her first and staked him claim and he could recall that he had seized the opportunity to plant his own seed directly after.
Kael had been before him, though, he thought with a surge of dissatisfaction. His seed would have had a head start—and Balen had been directly after. No doubt their seed had been racing to capture the prize just as the three of them had, and yet he knew from prior experience that there was never any guessing with these things. He had broken free in the last spawning cycle before he had left Ach and managed to couple with one of the women of their village, and she had not borne fruit.
He had been relieved at the time. He would not have agreed to being restrained in the first place if he had not agreed with the others that they should not breed at all until and unless they could be certain that they could protect their mate and their offspring.
He might not have bred on Lau-ren—but it was the possibility that he had that made him dizzy with both fear and excitement at the same time.
Kael jerked him from his internal focus by slamming his fist against the wall in frustration.
“I could not protect my lover and I cannot feed my lover! I am worthless to her! She was right to spurn me!” he growled furiously. “She will starve. She is starving before my very eyes and I cannot do anything to stop it!”
The reminder demolished the brief sense of hopefulness he’d felt, replacing it with his own anger and frustration. He had been trying very hard to put the assault on Lau-ren from his mind because it was useless to allow it to tear at his gut when he could nothing to change it—useless beyond lingering as a lesson and reminder to him that a failure to act quickly enough was a complete failure.
“She forgave us,” he said, more because he needed to believe it than to reassure Kael. “She told me that she had not meant to spurn me and my gift, that she was only upset. She would not have said that if she blamed us for … not protecting her as we should have.”
Kael stopped pacing abruptly and turned to look at him. He could not help but notice the hopefulness in Kael’s eyes or the doubt and shame that followed. “I cannot forgive myself,” he muttered after a long moment. “I cannot even redeem myself in my own eyes or hers! If I had not chosen unwisely, we would not be in this mess! My only thought when I saw the trader was that he would have knowledge of Lau-ren’s world! I have doomed her … doomed all of us!”
Balen’s own anger boiled over. “You have no more right to condemn yourself than we do!” he growled. “She took me as her lover, also!”
Briefly, amusement flickered in Kael’s eyes. “I will gladly share the shame and disgrace if you demand a piece of it!”
Balen wasn’t amused. “I have a piece of it whether you wish to share or not, gods damn it! She took me as her lover, as well. I am not less welcome to her! No less responsible for her welfare! And I followed you instead of making my own decision. I still do not see that the decision to take this ship was faulty. There was not one who had docked there who was not a thief or a murderer! I cannot think that any of the ships would have been welcome and some far less! For the pirates attack and kill to take when the traders merely cheat and steal! Nor do I think the situation regarding the food would have been greatly different which ever machine we took! Only the pirates have larger crews and would have had more food and there was no way to determine which of the machines belonged to the pirates and which to the traders! Beyond that, the people of the space station were already piling onto the ships to save themselves. We could be worse off. We might have piled on board and discovered more refugees.”
Kael’s anger had settled to a simmer by the time Balen had finished. He scrubbed his hands over his face, struggling to relinquish the hold his frustration had on him. “You are saying that I should not feel ashamed and unmanned by my ineffectual efforts to take care of Lau-ren?”
Balen blew out an irritated breath. “I am not saying that. You cannot help that you feel that way anymore than I can. But I am not going to continue to flay myself for it if Lau-ren is willing to forgive me. She is not just in need of more food. She needs the comfort of a lover as much as I do and to refuse to do that only to continue punish ourselves for our failure also punishes her.”
Kael and Dakaar exchanged a long look. Kael frowned, but thoughtfully. “I had not considered it in that light,” he admitted finally. “In all honesty, I am not certain that you are seeing it clearly yourself. Mayhap you wish to believe that because you want to?”
Anger churned in Balen. “I do want to believe that, but that does not mean that I am wrong. We have made her feel shame for something that she could not help. I have seen it in her eyes. I did not realize that she had told Dakaar that she had not meant to spurn us. If I had, I would have
realized before that she did not have that look in her eyes because we had failed her but because we had rejected, in her eyes, the offer to take us back! All this time, I have thought that it was accusation for our failure that I saw in her eyes and it was hurt that we did not offer what we could have and should have.”
Dakaar squirmed inwardly when both Balen and Kael looked at him accusingly. Abruptly, he remembered the hurt in Lau-ren’s eyes when he had found the bruises on her and he knew that Balen was right. She had wanted him to hold her and give her comfort. He should have done that, he thought. He could have given her comfort and shown her that she was not less in his eyes. Instead, he had given in to his anger and allowed it to swallow him. “I did not think of that way!” he said angrily.
Kael nodded. “You are so right that I feel like throwing up,” he muttered. “This is what comes of being too self-centered to be a good lover! Instead of focusing on what I could do to offer her comfort, I have focused completely on my own failings and, in doing that, have failed her even more.” He grimaced. “She has shown poor judgment in accepting me.”
“Continue to berate yourself if you believe that will make you feel any better,” Balen said tightly. “I believe that I will go and see if I can find something to make peace with her and enjoy what I can while I can. There has been nothing for me to take any pleasure in since I was captured but my Lau-ren. If we are to die on this gods forsaken machine, I want whatever there is to be had.”
Dakaar and Kael exchanged a long look and followed Balen out. They met up with Lau-ren and Ka-ren and Shara before they had gone far and stopped abruptly at the excitement the women exuded.
“We’ve done it! We’ve done it!” all three women chanted excitedly.
Enslaved Book III: The Gladiators Page 19
