by Navi' Robins
“You know what? Keep it up, Stephan.”
“Or what?” he interrupted. “You’ll kick my ass?”
“Maybe worse,” Brian responded.
Stephan, the team’s resident clown, was always saying something or doing something to try to be funny. He always seemed to find the right opportunity to hone his comedic skills so my presence on the field gave him all the material he needed. Most of the time he was really funny and he was also one hell of a linebacker. Often compared to some of the best linebackers in the professional leagues for his speed and strength Stephan used it as motivation to excel on the field. He was a sophomore like I was, so if I made the team we would be playing together for the last years of high school which made me extremely happy to have such a talented linebacker leading our defense.
“If there’s an ass you want kicked go over to Aiden…I’m sure he can give you what you want. Just don’t be surprised that it’s your ass getting kicked in,” Stephan joked.
“Kicked in like a police bust,” added another teammate.
“Oh wow, it’s Comedy Central at Deerfield High,” responded Brian.
“Okay quiet down,” demanded Coach Towers.
Coach began to explain the process of making the team. There would be three stages. First stage would be physical to see if we were physically able to handle the rigorous and demanding sport of football. Second would be football talent per position.
Third would test your IQ for the game. Depending on one’s performance, you could fail, make the team, or even become a walk-on starter. Very few make the team and it’s rare that someone becomes an immediate starter. But I was optimistic, being how sorry the current person was in the position I was gunning for. The physical trials were simple for me. Running, speed, response, strength, and endurance—all of which I had in abundance. But I already knew this first part would be a breeze for me. It was the last part that worried me. It’s one thing to play around the neighborhood but it’s totally different when it’s structured and judged by someone that knows the game, and Coach Towers knew the game of football.
He played in the NFL for about ten years as a star running back before an injury cut a great career short. He was hard but fair and he didn’t accept mediocrity. If you were lazy and unfocused he wouldn’t even consider you for the water boy. I could tell I did great by the coach’s look of excitement and Brian’s look of utter disgust at my physical abilities.
He should be happy I wasn’t gunning for his spot.
Over the next few days I maintained my focus on the task at hand; getting that starting position at running back. The second phase of the tryouts went by with ease as well. According to Tony’s sources, I was ahead in every category and well on my way to getting that coveted starting position. Tony made sure word got around about my performance and standings during the team’s tryouts. It was a major surprise to most because I wasn’t known for sports. I was known for my looks, academic achievements, and being Tony’s friend.
My status seemed to change overnight. I started getting a lot more attention and flirtatious looks from the girls who never paid me any attention before. I didn’t even have to be around Tony anymore to get attention. It was a serious jolt to my confidence level. I became so confident about the final phase of tryouts I started picking my jersey number. Even Sarah started coming around to the idea of me playing football. Sarah already made the soccer team and took the starting striker position from the girl who tried to get Tony’s number on the first day of school. I knew that was her intention once she found out that same girl played on the soccer team and plotted her way into the starting position. That poor girl had no idea who she crossed that day; I bet she knows now.
The day of the final phase of tryouts turned out to be the gloomiest day of the week. The grey skies seemed to loom closer to the ground creating a depressing and claustrophobic atmosphere around the school. No one and I mean no one was looking forward to being out in that weather, but Coach wasn’t about to postpone the final day of tryouts. Next week was our first game against Highland Park and he wanted all positions filled. Surprisingly, the day moved along swiftly and before I knew it I was walking towards the field preparing to take my place on the team. My confidence was at an all-time high, I just knew I had this in the bag. Coach’s plan was to run some plays but allow things to be very one-sided. Only three linemen blocking for a running back but more defensive linemen to stop that running back. Fewer options for a quarterback to throw to but more defensive players to interfere with the quarterbacks throwing lanes. The offensive line having more players than normal to stop a linebacker and a slew of other uneven scenarios. His purpose was to see us perform under extreme pressure and against huge odds.
He started with the defense so I had time to sit on the sidelines and prepare myself. I was relaxed, confident, and ready for whatever Coach threw at me. Victory was mine. But then things took a turn for the worst. I started to feel a familiar sense of rage, and fear, and at that moment I knew she was here! Every muscle and bone in my body began to ache. It got so bad I could barely hold onto my helmet or keep my arms from hanging down like the limp branches of a sleepy hollow tree.
Tony immediately ran over to me, “Dude!”
“Yeah, I know, she’s here…”
“How the hell you know that?” Tony asked while taking a step back.
“I can feel her.”
“Wow! Just Wow! Man Aiden, you are really scaring me now. You can feel her? Wait dude, you don’t look so good. Maybe you shouldn’t go out there just yet.”
“No, I’m here already and I won’t let this beat me.”
Coach blew his whistle signaling for the offense to take the field. As I stood up, the entire field began to spin and everywhere the field turned she was there. Smiling with that evil look in her eyes. I started to feel my stomach convulse and vibrate; readying itself to expel my lunch all over the turf. Every step towards the line of scrimmage became more difficult. I felt like I had the weight of a car planted firmly on my shoulders. I started sweating uncontrollably and my stomach decided it was in the Olympics trying out for the gold in gymnastics. As I got into position the field became dark as the abyss of hell. I began to feel exposed and cold, like everyone could see right through me. And then the field and everyone on it vanished besides the darkness and Jasmine.
I could hear in the darkness screams of terror and torment as I spun around trying to pin point where the sound was coming from. But it seemed the screams were coming from everywhere and nowhere. Through the screams I could hear the faint sound of the quarterback giving the snap count. I strained my eyes through the darkness, trying to see where I was but I couldn’t see my hands when I placed them right in front of my face. I slowly started to fall deeper in a trance as the madness of the abyss started to consume me. Then all at once everything came back—the field, the players, and…Oh shit!
The entire defensive line was right in front of me running on a blitz. The sudden contact sent me flying back at least six feet. I’d never been hit that hard and it felt like I’d just had two years of my life knocked right out of me. The pain was so intense I didn’t even notice my helmet was no longer on my head. All I noticed was the pain my entire body was going through. I could hear Coach blow his whistle then yell, “Run it again! Aiden wake up and get in the game son and focus!” Brian and his buddies were smiling now, happy at the sight of me getting slammed. I slowly rose to my feet, nodding my head and inhaling deeply trying to regain my composure. If only I had the power to do so.
There I was again behind the line of scrimmage, behind Brian and at the mercy of Jasmine. As soon as the snap count began the nightmare came looming back at me. It felt like Jasmine had a remote and kept hitting rewind repeatedly but adding more horrific images and sounds each go-round. By the time the tryouts were over I had accumulated a whopping negative 135 yards rushing. The single worse tryout rushing numbers in school history, hell maybe even in state’s history. There was a look of
utter confusion on Coach’s face and a look of complete delight on Brian’s. I began walking over to the bench to sit down but before I could get there I fell to my knees and started gagging uncontrollably. Tony and Sarah immediately ran to my aid. My chest was burning, like a fire was being lit inside my lungs. I couldn’t breathe as the burning began moving up my chest towards my throat. The further up it moved the hotter and more painful it became. At this point my oxygen was completely cut off and I started vomiting a black tar-like substance that seemed to burn the grass as it touched it. The taste was like pure abomination and I looked up to see if Jasmine was still in the bleachers. By that time she was slowing making her way off the field, never looking at me as she left. She had a rage inspiring arrogance to her stride as she walked out the fence towards the school’s parking lot.
The further she got away from me the better I began to feel. When I finally came to myself and was able to focus, I found myself surrounded by the entire team. Coach was kneeling next to me with his hand on my shoulder looking over me for any injuries I may have acquired after the total smashing the defense put on me.
“Aiden, are you okay son?”
I lied and told him I was okay. It hurt like hell trying to speak but I had to muster up whatever dignity I had left because at that moment, I felt lower than mold growing on crap.
I slowly stood up and made my way off the field. I didn’t want to face the rest of the team in the locker room and hear all the jeers and dumb comments so I decided to go straight home. I was so confident, so sure I would get that starting spot on the roster. This defeat was very hard to stomach because I knew I wasn’t getting that starting position, let alone making the team. I tanked and tanked badly. Sarah looked at me with a concern I’d never seen from her; I was expecting her to take advantage of this to ride my nerves all the way home, punch line after punch line. But oddly she didn’t. She told me how proud she was of me trying to become more active in life and she was really looking forward to me doing more.
“Don’t let this stop you Aiden,” she consoled. “It’s just one bump in the road. Plus you never know, you might still make the team.”
I kept quiet; the embarrassment I felt demanded that I kept my mouth shut. I wasn’t sure if I would make the team or how this would affect my newfound popularity that I had come to slightly enjoy. Who was I kidding? It felt awesome to be even slightly popular. With such a devastating failure I began to question my ability to even do the simplest tasks without tripping out.
I began to even question my physical health after coughing up that black tar. It felt like it was poisoning and weakening me while it was inside me. I wasn’t sure if it was all gone now, but the burning was still there. I wasn’t sure what kind of damage it caused my body. I was unsure about so many things besides one: Jasmine was a threat to me and I was terrified of her. I was terrified because I didn’t know who or what she was and whatever she was doing to me I didn’t have the power or knowledge to fight back. I was at her mercy and I hated her for it.
There I was, retreating home with my tail between my legs afraid to face the backlash of my failure to make the cut. I just knew I had it and I began to understand that Jasmine’s intentions were to ruin me, maybe even kill me. I had a feeling her arrival right before I took to the field wasn’t a coincidence. She was toying with me. How else could you explain that condescending smirk? How she always seemed to show up at the worse times and leave right before I completely lost it.
Tony and I just sat in my room staring at the wall. Both of us dazed and confused, not knowing how to discuss the events on the field today and my chances, if any, of making the team. Tony sighed and looked at me.
“Okay dude, I’m not gonna just sit here in your room and say nothing. I gotta say something. So what happened out there?”
I wasn’t sure I wanted to bring Tony deeper into my madness with Jasmine. But he was already halfway down the rabbit hole so I decided to pull him the rest of the way. After I described everything I experienced on the field that day and my suspicions that Jasmine was the reason for it all. Tony sat there looking at me with his eyebrows raised up as far as they could go and his mouth halfway open. He just stared at me like that for about thirty seconds.
“Wait, let me get this straight,” Tony said with an uncomfortable chuckle. “You are telling me that every time she comes around you, she sends you to some kind of waking nightmare and the reason why you choked out there today was because of her? Aaaand she’s doing it on purpose? So now she’s the threat? I thought before you were afraid of what you might do to her, but now you are telling me you are afraid of what she might do to you?”
“Yes!” I replied with the last bit of the confidence I had left on reserve.
“Aiden, you are my boy and I love you like a brother but I can’t cosign on this madness bro.”
“Tony, you didn’t see my reaction on the field?”
“Yes, I did and it looked like you froze up, got sick or something. Let’s be honest, it looked like you couldn’t handle the pressure out there. That’s what I saw, that’s what Coach Towers saw, and if we asked everyone else out there; that’s what they’ll say they saw. No dark abyss or little demons running in the dark on the field in broad fucking daylight, dude!”
“Really, so explain to me the black stuff I was coughing up on the field.”
“Huh? Okay now I am sitting here having a WTF moment with you, Aiden. I didn’t see any black stuff come out your mouth. You were acting like you were hacking up some nasty shit but nothing was coming up, dude. Not even spit!”
“What are you talking about? I argued. “I was throwing up this hot black shit and when it fell on the ground it seemed to burn it like acid. It felt like it was burning and poisoning me.”
“Sorry dude, we may have been watching the same TV, but we were both on different channels on that field today,” Tony sarcastically responded.
“How did she—”
“Okay, stop it! Stop it now!” demanded Tony. His confusion had turned to terror watching me try and rationalize my serial killer tendencies.
“You have to listen to yourself. At first you were afraid of what you would do to her because of these violent thoughts you were having, now you are talking like she’s a threat to you.”
“She is! Not just to me either, but to everything and everyone!”
“Oh really, so now she’s the anti-Christ?”
“No, but maybe she’s some kind of witch or something.”
“Right, Aiden and she lives in a gingerbread house.”
“Don’t tease me Tony!” I warned.
“I’m not teasing you; I’m trying to show you how crazy all this sounds. What do we know? First that Jasmine is by far the most beautiful girl either of us has ever seen. Second, you are physically attracted and repulsed by her. I still can’t wrap my head around the repulsed part, but to each his own. Third, her presence sends you in a murderous frenzy that causes you to lose your grip on reality. And finally, you are becoming mentally unstable around a girl you want but you feel is out of your league, so instead of pursuing her like normal teenage boys do, you’d rather hurt her for being so beautiful and unobtainable.”
“But—”
“No buts Aiden. Just think about what I am saying to you.”
Even though I hated to admit it, Tony had a point. But I’ve never heard of this kind of severe reaction.
“So you think I should talk to her?”
“Hell no!” Tony screamed. “You stay away from her, as far as possible until we figure this thing out. Aiden, you may need to speak to a professional if this continues and gets worse. I don’t want anything to happen to you or her.”
“Tony I’m confused, it seemed so real!”
Tony let out a huge sigh and buried his head in his hands. This was taking a toll on him and our friendship and I couldn’t have that. So I decided to play along but I wasn’t fully convinced on Tony’s logic.
“Maybe you are right,”
I said. “Maybe it’s the stress of the new school year and all the changes.”
“And the fact your mom has a new boyfriend too!” Tony teased while waving his hands in front of his face as if he was too hot and needed to cool off.
“Oh, don’t get me started with that, I’d rather have violent intentions towards him.”
We both laughed at my last comment and the mood suddenly lightened up a bit in the room. I began to feel a little better seeing Tony was still comfortable enough around me to relax and have a good laugh.
“Oh yeah, your mom is getting her groove back, right?”
“You mutha—”
“What’s his name?” Tony asked, interrupting me from finishing my curse.
“Jason.”
“Jason?”
“Yeah, Jason.”
“Does he come with a hockey mask and machete?”
“Asshole!”
Tony started laughing while watching me squirm at the very thought of Jason being a murderous, invincible demon in a hockey mask dating my mom.
“Okay, so why did you even lead your mom to believe that you were cool with it when clearly you’re not?”
“Because I want her to be happy. My mom has been single for too long and she seems to really like this guy…so…”
“Oh, I see, I gotta give respect dude. Sacrificing for your mom…that’s love right there. But wait bro…how are you going to deal with him being around?”
“I don’t know but I will be giving him a hard time for a while to see if he’s real. Then I’ll lighten up on him a bit. Just as long as he doesn’t try to replace my dad, I’m cool.”
“Yeah, I hate that shit too. My mom dated this one clown a couple of years back who tried that crap.”
“Yeah, I remember him, Reginald or something, right?”
“No fool, it was Greg.”
Tony wasn’t happy about me calling Greg “Reginald.” Reginald was an ugly name and Greg was just as ugly as the name Reginald and I teased Tony constantly back then because I felt that Greg was so ugly his looks didn’t match his name. He should have been named Reginald instead of Greg and because Greg’s parents didn’t have the guts to do it I volunteered my services. After the comment Tony just made about Jason and the hockey mask, it was only right I returned the favor. Payback is a bitch.
