by Daiko, SC
I buried my head in his chest. “Stay with me, please.”
9
I lifted her and carried her to an armchair in the corner of the room, where I sat with her on my lap.
A crash of thunder split the air, closely followed by a flash of lightning.
She was shaking like a leaf, and I ran my hands up her bare arms, trying to soothe her.
“Oh, God, you must think I’m such a dork…” She shivered, and it wasn’t from cold… the heat between our bodies was intense.
I bent and kissed her on the forehead, then tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. “I don’t think anything of the kind, Firebird. Most of us have something we’re scared of. Your phobia just happens to be storms.”
She raised her eyes and gazed into mine. “What’s your phobia, Axel?”
“Heights,” I came right out with it. “I can never look out of windows in tall buildings. And my biggest nightmare would be to ride in a cable car.”
“Oh.” She looked down at her hands. “I had no clue…”
“I don’t publicize the fact.” I shrugged. “Doesn’t exactly go with my rock star image.”
Another boom of thunder, and she curled into herself.
I wrapped my arms around her, rocking her gently. “You’re safe with me. The storm won’t last too long. Just breathe, okay?”
She nodded and puffed out a breath.
I stroked her back, her arms, her head, seeking to calm her jangling nerves.
Christ, she was so fucking beautiful. Her skin so smooth. Her hair so silky.
I was playing with fire, and I knew it. She was only dressed in pajama shorts and a cami top.
Don’t think about that.
Gradually, the crashes of thunder and the bolts of lightning grew farther and farther apart. The storm was passing and soon I’d have to leave her and return to my room.
“You want me to go?” I asked, hoping she’d say no.
She squirmed in my lap. “You think the storm might come back?”
“There’s a chance,” I said, and I wasn’t lying. Storms in the pre-alps were notorious for doubling back on themselves.
“I hope we won’t have one tomorrow night. It would ruin the concert,” she whispered.
“The forecast looks good.”
“Okay… Phew. I wouldn’t wanna freak out on you in the middle of ‘Ghost in the Heart’.”
I didn’t tell her this particular storm hadn’t been forecast either—I’m obsessive with checking my weather app—I didn’t want to worry her.
“Maybe we should get some sleep,’ I said. ‘Tomorrow will be a long day.”
“You’ll stay with me?” I heard the innocence in her tone.
She got off my lap and climbed into her bed.
I lay down next to her, facing her.
“Can you switch off the light, please, Axel? I’m too tired…”
I did as she’d asked, then turned to face her again, fighting the urge to kiss her. But she’d closed her beautiful green eyes, and I could tell from her deep breathing that she’d already fallen asleep.
Sleep was coming for me too, and I didn’t fight it.
I didn’t know how long I slept before the nightmare overtook my dreams. I was back in Madison Square Garden, high on the coke I’d snorted in my dressing room. Euphoric, super-confident, ready to go out on the town and party ‘till dawn.
But I needed to talk to Ella first. She’d been dating someone but hadn’t told me who it was. Said I was too over-protective and would scare him off.
Damn right I looked out for her. The world was full of predators like me.
I strode down the passageway and pushed open the door, hoping to persuade her to spill the beans.
Only, something wasn’t right.
She should have been sitting in front of her mirror.
Instead she was on the floor.
I stared at the needle piercing her foot, the blood staining her white skin.
With a cry of anguish, I knelt beside her. “Why did you to this, sweetheart?”
She blinked her eyes once before she lost consciousness. I pulled out my phone and dialed 911, then tried to resuscitate her.
In my dream, I succeeded. I performed CPR and she gasped out a breath. The EMTs arrived and took her to the hospital, telling me I’d done good and there was every chance she would survive.
All a fantasy, a wish that would never be fulfilled.
A cry escaped my throat as I shifted in the warm bed next to Phoenix, my heart breaking as my mind replayed what had actually happened that night.
How the guys had come running when they’d heard the ambulance sirens.
How Jacob had peeled me off Ella’s inert body so the medics could attend to her.
How I’d tried to fight him off as I’d roared my pain.
“Axel, are you okay?” I sensed Firebird rocking my shoulder. “You were moaning in your sleep.”
I cracked my eyes open. Dawn light came through the open drapes, and I discerned the worry in her expression. I reached for her hand, held it tight. “Just a recurring dream that I’d managed to save Ella,” I choked out.
It was Phoenix’s turn to gather me to her. She wrapped her arms around my waist and kissed my chest. “I’m so sorry,” she said, her voice muffled. “Do you want to talk about it?”
For the first time since therapy at the rehab center, I told someone about what had gone down that night.
She listened without interrupting, making soothing sounds and stroking my sides. After I’d finished the sorry tale, she said, “Did you ever find out who Ella was seeing?”
“No.” I let out a growl. “Motherfucker didn’t have the guts to come see me and offer his condolences.”
“That sucks,” she sighed.
“Yeah.”
I pulled her against me—it happened so naturally—and she lifted her head.
Emotion uncoiled inside me as she surrendered her lips to mine. She held onto my shoulders and rocked against me, opening her mouth so our tongues could tangle together.
Fuck…
The kiss turned needy as we moaned and nibbled and sucked. She let go of my shoulders and threaded her fingers into my hair. She smelled of soap and citrus shampoo.
I deepened the kiss, piercing her mouth with my tongue.
We came up for air and stared at each other. Her eyes were hooded with lust, so I moved in for another kiss, even more deep and hungry.
I squeezed her ass with one hand while brushing her neck with the other.
Flames leaped between us and I pulled her into me.
I’d promised not to fuck her until she begged me for it, and it didn’t look like that would happen anytime soon.
She’s staying resolutely silent on the subject, goddammit.
Patience wasn’t one of my virtues, but Firebird was worth waiting for. I’d find a way to work around the rules, make sure no one found out, but first I’d need to get her on my side.
Which wouldn’t be easy.
“God, you taste good,” I said, breaking off the kiss.
Her smile went straight to my dick. “I was worried I had morning breath.”
I took her bottom lip between my teeth and kissed her swollen mouth again. “You’re addictive…”
Wrong words… she wriggled from my hold.
Disappointment welled up within me. With her I’d felt a connection… she wasn’t like the women I always hit on, who wanted me because I was a rock star and who knew I’d give them a hard, dirty fuck.
“You’re a really good kisser,” she said, blushing.
“I’m really good at a lot of things,” I couldn’t resist saying.
“I know,” she smirked. “When did you decide that music was your life?”
“I didn’t decide, Firebird. It was always a part of me.”
I drew her back into my arms, and she snuggled into my pecs. “It’s always been a part of me too.” She leaned back and fixed me in her gaze. “I’m sto
ked to be your backup singer. This opportunity means the world to me, and I don’t wanna fuck it up.”
“I get where you’re coming from.” I kissed the tip of her nose. “As I said before, I won’t do anything you don’t want me to do.”
Even if it gives me blue balls.
I was so hard right now; she must have felt me against her softness. She wasn’t a cock tease—she hadn’t instigated our making out—so I’d just have to see to myself.
“What time is it?” I asked.
She reached for her phone on the nightstand. “Six am.”
“Think I’d better go to my room… I’ll slip out before anyone sees me and jumps to the wrong conclusion.”
Then rub one off.
“Thanks for keeping me company in the storm.” She placed both hands on my cheeks and kissed me quickly on the mouth. “I can’t wait for the concert tonight.”
“You’ll ace it,” I said, swinging my legs from the bed.
“Not as well as you will.”
I turned and smiled at her before opening the door. “I’m calling off our bet.”
Her mouth dropped open, but I didn’t stick around to argue.
I checked the corridor outside was empty and left the room.
10
I bounced from foot to foot, whirling in a circle, my arms spread wide while I sang ‘London Lovers.’ We were killing it in the stadium. I’d been concerned we wouldn’t be playing with our usual energy, energy which resulted from having snorted cocaine before the show. But I needn’t have worried… we were on fire.
I ran up the catwalk and leapt in the air, my jump perfectly timed with the music and an explosion of fireworks. I stopped under the half dome on the main stage, turned and surveyed the crowd; I was so fucking relieved the break in the tour hadn’t meant the end of ChiMera. We’d had to cancel the Latin American, Oceanian and Asian legs while we were in rehab. We’d refunded millions of dollars in ticket sales with the promise we’d travel there after our next album was released, and we would… we owed it to our supporters.
But Ella’s overdose and the revelation of the guys’ and my coke habit could have put our Italian fans off.
Letting out a huge breath, I listened to the audience shouting their appreciation, knowing we’d be nothing without them. I grinned from ear to ear and thanked them for coming to the show, told them they’d been awesome. “We’ve dedicated this leg of the tour to my sister, Ella.” I fought the sudden sadness in my voice, the tears behind my eyelids. “And now we’d like you to join us in singing her favorite song, ‘The Alchemist’. In a minute, the spotlights will be dimmed. Please light up your phones and wave them as you sing.”
The crowd roared their approval and did as I’d asked. A warm feeling spread over me. Someone once said rock stars like me needed the adulation of the audience due to something missing in our own lives. Like we hadn’t been loved and required the love of our fans to compensate. Total bullshit. At least as far as I was concerned. I’d grown up in a loving family… we’d do anything for each other.
Until it all went belly up….
I felt Ella’s spirit was with us tonight, though. She’d have been stoked to be in the San Siro. It was our biggest venue yet.
The band and I fell silent while the crowd carried on singing.
Goosebumps prickled all over my body.
I fucking loved performing.
Okay, it was kind of an ego-trip to hold the crowd in my hands, tell eighty thousand people to light up their phones and have them obey, but I was more of a facilitator than anything else. Everyone here had one purpose only… to have a blast with like-minded people.
After ‘Alchemist’, we launched into ‘Live, Love, Lose’, as pyrotechnics lit up the stage. The audience sang along to the chorus. “Life is for living. Love is for loving. No one will lose,” confetti canons showering them with millions of tiny golden stars. Behind me six hanging giant PufferSpheres displayed images, video and streamed closeups of us so that those at the back of the stadium wouldn’t feel left out.
We’d reached the end of the concert. The five of us walked down the catwalk together and bowed. Phoenix was between Rhys and me—we’d always included Ella in the final bow and couldn’t do it without Firebird—and my skin heated as I felt her warm body next to mine.
“Congrats on your first show,” I lowered my voice and spoke in her ear.
“It was amazing,” she said, staring out across the crowd. They were only a couple of feet away from us, and from the tremble in her voice I guessed she was feeling a tad overwhelmed.
I hadn’t gotten the chance to talk to her since I’d left her room in the early hours of this morning. I’d done my circuit training, showered, eaten breakfast and then looked for her, but she’d gone out on the lake in a rowboat with Joe, Hayley and Camila. In the afternoon, Jake had given strict instructions that everyone was to stay in their rooms and get some rest before the show. Knowing my old friend Jake like I did, he’d probably gotten security to patrol the corridors and make sure everyone was being good. In the old days we’d have been inhaling lines of coke already.
How times had changed.
The itch was still there, it would never leave me.
If I hadn’t been such a cokehead, maybe I would have noticed what was happening to my sister.
I wouldn’t go down that road again, I promised myself for the umpteenth time.
Firebird had sat next to me during the helicopter ride to the stadium, and I was grateful she’d taken the window seat to shield me from looking out. I gave her hand a quick squeeze as we exited the stage. I needed to prepare her for what would go down at the after-show party… Jake had lined up a couple of super models and the paparazzi would be at the nightclub in full force.
We went to our separate dressing rooms. I cooled down my voice and followed the guys to the hospitality area where we met with selected fans. I was just about to go and find Phoenix when Jake appeared with a reporter.
An interview was the last thing I felt like doing and I almost flipped him the bird.
But I didn’t, of course.
ChiMera business always came first.
The guys and I sat in a circle and answered the reporter’s questions.
Phoenix
I rode to the nightclub in a chauffeured SUV with Joe and the members of Vanilla Sky after I’d gotten the message that ChiMera would join us as soon as they’d done a press interview. Camila, Hayley and the backline boys had already left for the villa in the helicopter. After our appearance at the club, the guys and I would be driven back in the rented cars.
Somewhat upset at being abandoned by my bandmates, I sat next to Thea on the back seat. “Great show,” she said, smoothing down her red hair. “We watched from the wings and loved every minute.”
“I did the same while you were on.” I smiled despite my sullen mood. “You were incredible.” And she had been. Her harmonious lead vocals had blended beautifully with Ethan and Violet’s guitars and Liam’s drumming. Vanilla Sky’s sound was familiar yet at the same time highly original, I decided.
Liam turned around to face us from where he was riding shotgun. “Thanks for the vote of confidence,” he said with a cocky grin.
Ethan, their guitarist, had his arm around Violet, the bassist. I shot Thea a glance, and she must have read my thoughts. “Liam’s my brother. We started the band together then met these two.” She indicated toward the loved-up couple. “How do you like working with the bad boys of rock?”
I knew better than to reveal any information I shouldn’t have done. Axel, Rhys, Foxy and Zach were no longer the out-of-control coke addicts they’d been in the past from what I’d seen, but I didn’t wanna narc on them. “It’s been fun so far,” I said, and left it at that.
We lapsed into silence for the rest of the ride. All day, I hadn’t been able to stop thinking about Axel calling off our bet this morning. Obviously, he’d come to his senses. I’d thought I would have been relieved, but I was
n’t. Stupidly, my heart had felt like it was shrinking in my chest.
After kissing me, he must have decided I wasn’t worth pursuing.
My lower belly clenched.
No one had ever kissed me like that before.
My skin grew hot as I remembered his mouth taking possession of mine, our lips pressing together while our tongues tangled. Shamelessly, I’d pulled at his hair and opened up to him, my pulse drumming. Then, when he’d said I was addictive I’d shied away like a little girl. Must have been why he’d called off the bet. He’d realized I was inexperienced and he wouldn’t enjoy fucking me. My breath caught on a sigh and my thoughts flittered like moths around a flame.
At least the show had gone without a hitch. Full of unforgettable moments. The crowd’s electric energy had crackled throughout the stadium during the bridge of ‘Live, love, lose.’ And I’d loved watching them move in unison all through ‘Ghost in the Heart’, crouching down when Axel directed them and then jumping up like one body at his command. It took my breath.
HE took my breath.
I stared out the window of the SUV, and the beauty of Milan’s historic center distracted me momentarily… massive floodlit churches, market squares and elegant buildings.
Cameras flashed as we rolled to a stop outside what I presumed was the nightclub. Joe leaped out and did his best to shield us from the paps, but when they saw we weren’t ChiMera they swiftly lost interest. The doormen let us in and Joe led us upstairs to the VIP lounge, where we sat around a table in the corner of the room.
I was still wearing my sparkly outfit from the concert, thankfully. Everyone in here was so well dressed, the ambience classy and elegant, the décor sumptuous.
“I’m in the mood to get rat-arsed,” Liam chuckled, signaling to a cocktail waitress.
I tilted my head to the side. “What does that mean?”
“Extremely drunk,” Thea laughed. “If CM are picking up the tab, let’s go for it. We can sleep all day and be right as rain by showtime tomorrow.”
I wasn’t sure about getting drunk, but my bruised ego needed bolstering. Maybe I should be celebrating Axel calling off the bet? I could focus on my career from now onward with no further worries. Except about my mom, of course.
