by Daiko, SC
A shell I used to fill with drugs.
My chest tightened. The tour had been so fast and frenetic, everything became a blur after a couple of weeks. There’d been some high points, like Stockholm’s Olympic Stadium, where the crowd had sung the chorus to ‘Ghost in the Heart’ like a football chant. The lowlight had occurred in Hanover, Germany—a big fuck-off modern venue—a mishap that made me smile now, although it wasn’t funny at the time.
I was just leaning into the opening lines right after our big instrumental ‘Longing for You’ overture when the kabuki—an enormous, black, droppable drape that hung on a truss and worked fine when there was no wind— blew inward and fell on top of me, the microphones and Rhys’s pedal board. The crew leapt on stage to help me fight my way out of what felt like a recently collapsed tent. All I could think about was, ‘Is Phoenix alright?’ and, thank God, she was. The show must go on, I remembered the adage, and it turned out to be an okay concert in the end.
I bit at my lip. The excuse that I needed to experience each city by night had held up. I hoped I wasn’t being complacent. Mike had been a faithful ally, staying in the second bedroom of my suites—as per usual—and making sure no one knew I was with my girlfriend.
Girlfriend.
A girl who was a friend.
But Firebird was so much more than that.
She was my soulmate.
I shot her another quick glance from under my lashes. So beautiful. So adorable. So strong.
And brave.
So. Fucking. Brave.
Her mum had been fighting cancer for months. Cora’s Leukemia was chronic rather than acute, but she still hadn’t gone into remission… which was worrying Phoenix. At least Cora hadn’t deteriorated—CM’s management team was keeping a close watch over her—but it was looking increasingly likely she’d need a stem cell transplant. I released a long slow breath. Firebird would have a lot on her plate when we returned to LA. My heart went out to her.
A crackle came over the intercom, and our pilot told the flight attendants to prepare for landing. Adrenaline rushed through me. I couldn’t wait to show Phoenix the city where I’d been born. This was the first time ChiMera had ended a tour in the UK. The guys and I had been fucking shitting ourselves before Cardiff and Glasgow, closer to home than we’d ever performed stadium gigs before. But now we were to play London—about to hit the absolute big time on our home turf—we were stoked but also fucking knackered… still racing like crazy, yet running on empty tanks, caffeine, whatever stamina we’d got left. It was the only way to keep going, especially with two sold-out concerts at Wembley tomorrow and the next day.
The plane descended through thick cloud and I buckled up my seatbelt. I’d spoken to Mum yesterday, asked her if she could set up a meeting with Dad. She’d said she would try her best. I pinched my lips together, fucking hoping she’d succeeded.
The rift with him has gone on long enough.
There was no need to go through immigration… we’d flown from Scotland, which was still a part of the UK. We were met by a fleet of Ford SUVs and transported to the Langham Hotel at the top of Regent Street in the heart of the West End. All of us, except for Jake and Foxy… who were going home to their families for the night and would meet up with us tomorrow in the stadium for our sound check.
I couldn’t help being a tad jealous of my two bandmates staying with their loved ones; I consoled myself with the thought that I’d be introducing Phoenix to Mum later… and maybe even Dad.
If he’ll agree…
Mike and I checked into our two-bedroomed suite on the second floor. Our entourage had rooms on the sixth to ninth floors. The guys and Joe had been assigned the luxurious six bedroomed penthouse and Firebird was in a Junior Suite next to Mike’s and mine. “I’ll just give my mother a quick call,” I said to her, “then we can go have a typical English afternoon tea in the Langham Club.”
“Oh, wow.” Her eyes glowed. “I’ve always wanted to try English afternoon tea.”
I chuckled. “I had a sneaky feeling that would be the case...”
She twirled a lock of hair around her finger. “I’ve always wanted to see Buckingham Palace and the Houses of Parliament too.”
“That can also be arranged,” I smirked, making a mental note to arrange for us to drive past the sights later.
We went to freshen up. I took a quick shower then called Mum. “Still on for this evening?” I asked.
“Yes, love, but only me I’m afraid.”
I collapsed onto the chair next to my bed and frowned. “You couldn’t persuade Dad?”
Obviously, she couldn’t, you dickhead.
“He’ll come to the Wembley concert,” she said in a conciliatory tone. “It’s the best I could do.”
I cleared the lump of disappointment from my throat. “Is it okay if I bring my girlfriend Phoenix to meet you? She’s my backing singer. We’re keeping our relationship a secret until we return to LA…”
“Is she ‘the one’?”
For a couple seconds I didn’t get what Mum was asking. The one? I smiled as the realization hit me. “At least as far as I’m concerned…”
“There’s something I need to talk to you about,” she said enigmatically. “If Phoenix is so close to you, then I don’t mind sharing what I have to say.”
The hair on my arms lifted. “You’re scaring me. Are you alright?”
Fuck, if Mum was ill, I’d go out of my mind with worry.
“I’m perfectly healthy.” A short pause. “And so is your father and the rest of the family.” Another pause. “I’d like to discuss something Ella told me the last time I saw her. It’s been at the back of my mind for a while now…”
I leaned forward. “What?”
“I’d rather discuss it with you in person.”
“See you at the apartment at seven thirty,” I said resignedly before signing off.
Afternoon tea with Phoenix had been kind of spoiled by Rhys and Zach insisting on joining us. The looks on the faces of the posh hotel patrons when three scruffy rockers had sat down with a beautiful girl to sip Earl Grey and nibble dainty cakes and sandwiches had been priceless, though. Note to self: Write a song. Afternoon tea. Beautiful girl. Rough-looking guys. Disapproving Looks. Add a metaphor or two. Job done.
We’d gladly signed autographs and posed for selfies with several elegant women when word had spread about who we were, and now Firebird and I were heading for Knightsbridge, where my parents maintained an apartment for when they were in town.
Rhys and Zach had gone on a pub crawl with Joe, thank God. It would have been more than a little awkward if they’d wanted to tag along. I’d even given Mike the night off so he could visit his own family in the East End. Jake wouldn’t have liked it, but he was a micromanaging git sometimes, and what he didn’t know wouldn’t hurt him. London was my old home… I’d be safe from any demented fans at my parents’ flat.
Phoenix bounced on the back seat of the Mercedes every time we passed a famous landmark. I’d asked our driver to take us on the scenic route. One day, I’d bring her back here and arrange a guided visit, and I told her so.
“I’d love that,” she sighed. “This is amazing, though. I keep having to pinch myself.”
“Don’t tempt me,” I spoke softly in her ear. “Your ass in that tight skirt is bloody alluring.”
She gave me a worried look. “I hope it isn’t inappropriate for meeting your mom?”
I lifted her hand and kissed her wrist. “She’s going to love you.”
And I was right. As soon as Mum opened the door of the apartment to us, and Phoenix had called her ‘Ma’am’—a word Brits only use to speak to the Queen or a high-ranking woman in the police or the military—I could see my mother was smitten.
“Please, call me Sara,” she said, ushering us into the dining room. “It’s lovely to meet you, Phoenix.”
“It’s great to meet you too, Sara,” Firebird beamed.
Mum had made paella, her signatur
e dish, and we indulged in chit-chat for most of the meal. Firebird talked a little about her background, how she’d grown up in Pasadena but now lived in the center of LA. She didn’t mention Cora’s illness, and neither did I. Instead, I said that Phoenix had inspired a whole heap of songs ChiMera would be recording, telling Mum they’d already listened to some demos we’d made and they were excited to get to work.
“That’s how we’ve managed to spend time together without arousing any suspicion,” I said.
“Now that you’ve brought it up.” Mum fixed me with her golden-brown eyes. “Ella told me she’d fallen in love with someone, but she wanted to keep it secret.” Mum chewed at her lip. “I’ve kept this to myself as I made a promise. I haven’t even told your father...”
“Was she with Jake?” I blurted out. I’d had my suspicions for a while… Ella never left his side when we went out together as a band.
“No.” Mum shook her head. “It wasn’t anyone in ChiMera. She was… she was…” Mum placed her hands on the table. “Ella was in a same sex relationship.”
“Wow.” My jaw dropped. “Who with?”
“She wouldn’t tell me. Said it was complicated…”
“I bet it was fucking complicated,” I snarled. “Whoever it was must have known that Ella was a heroin junkie…”
“I’m going to tell your father,” Mum said, her voice shaking. “I promised Ella I wouldn’t say anything to anyone, but now I think it’s time.”
“What good will telling Dad do?”
“He blames you for not looking after her…”
I grimaced. “I was too up my own ass. I should have noticed what was going on.”
Phoenix had been quiet throughout Mum’s and my exchange. But now she said. “You were touring in Canada and the US before Ella passed. Either she was in a long-distance relationship or she was seeing someone who was touring with you…”
“Fuck.” I brought my fist down on the table. “Who the fuck could it have been?”
“Language, Axel,” Mum said, like I was still a child. “I’m still going to tell your father. It breaks my heart that you two are estranged.” Then, without warning, she let out a sob. Tears ran down her face and her shoulders started shaking. “I can’t bear it that my little girl died like that,” she wailed. “We owe it to her to find out the truth.”
Phoenix and I simultaneously leapt to our feet and went to comfort her, placing our arms around her and making soothing sounds. “I’ll do everything I can to get to the bottom of it,” I promised.
“Me too,” Phoenix added.
“And I’ll talk to the guys,” I said. “Tell them what you’ve just revealed, Mum. I wish you’d done it sooner, though.”
“You were in rehab then touring. And I wanted to respect Ella’s wishes. I’ve broken her confidence,” Mum said quietly. “But hopefully it will be for the good.”
I bent and kissed the top of Mum’s head, inhaling the familiar scent of her floral perfume. “Will you be okay here on your own? I mean, Phoenix and I should be heading back to the hotel. Tomorrow will be a long day.”
“I’ll be fine.” Mum got to her feet and hugged me. “I wish you’d move back to England, but I realize that isn’t an option.” She stood on tiptoes and pecked me on the cheek. “Really looking forward to your concert, son. I’m so proud of you… And your father is too.”
“I hope so,” I breathed out a sigh.
“I know so,” she said before whispering in my ear, “I like Phoenix. She’s a keeper.”
“She sure is,” I whispered back.
“Now, off you go, the two of you. Rest well so you’ll be on top form in Wembley.”
“Did Jake send you backstage passes?” I remembered to ask.
“Weeks ago,” she smiled. “We’ll be there.”
I hugged her and she hugged us both before seeing us to the door.
Our driver was waiting in the basement carpark. “Where to now, sir?” he asked.
“Back to the Langham, but please drive through Chelsea then along the Embankment so my friend can see a few more landmarks.”
I hadn’t said ‘girlfriend’… I didn’t know this guy from Adam, and I didn’t know if he would be discreet. The tabloid press would have a field day if they found out Phoenix and I were together before we’d gone public.
“I feel so shitty for you, honey,” Phoenix said, slipping her hand into mine as we sat together in the back seat.
“Shh,” I put a finger to my lips. “We’ll talk about it later, okay?”
She glanced at the driver then nodded.
We were silent for the rest of the ride, staring out the windows at London, the inspiration for several of my songs.
I creased my brow. Who the fuck had been shagging my sister?
I won’t rest until I fucking find out.
18
Our driver dropped us at the entrance to the hotel. I took Firebird’s hand and led her across the lobby to the elevator. “Come to my suite,” I said as we rode up to the second floor. “Mike isn’t there…”
“Sure.” She melded into my side.
The door pinged open and I kept my arm around her as we walked down the corridor.
Inside my room, I laced our fingers together and looked down at her. I wanted her, and I could see by the look in her eyes that she wanted me.
But first we had to talk.
I sat on the armchair next to my bed and pulled her down into my lap. “Sorry you’ve gotten caught up in this mess, sweetheart.”
“I’m here for you, honey.” She stuttered out a sigh. “I keep thinking about who Ella could have been seeing.”
“Me too.”
“I wanna help if I can.” She placed a hand on my cheek. “I just thought of something. Who was it that Hayley replaced as your stylist?”
“Kimberly. She quit right after Ella died.” I shrugged. “I didn’t know her that well. She was kind of quiet.”
Phoenix stroked my beard. “What reason did she give for quitting?”
“I can’t remember.” I shook my head. “Maybe Jake didn’t tell me. It was at a bad time and then I went into rehab.”
“Just one more question.” Firebird looked deep into my eyes. “Who was around when you found Ella that night?”
I averted my gaze. “It’s all a muddle. I’d just snorted a line of cocaine…”
A ball of pain blocked my throat and I groaned.
“Shh, it’s okay,” Phoenix soothed, putting her arms around my neck and pulling my head down for a kiss. “We can talk about this tomorrow. You need to relax and get a good night’s sleep.”
I blew out a breath. “Not feeling very relaxed right now.”
She ran her fingers through my hair, and a smile teased her lips. “I know what will relax you…”
I quirked a brow and smirked. “You do?”
“I do…”
Her pink tongue poked out of the corner of her mouth as she started unbuttoning my dress shirt.
She trailed kisses down my pecs to my abs then unbuckled my belt. “Lift your ass, handsome.”
Puffing out a breath, she pulled down my jeans and underpants, then kneeled between my legs. She looked up at me with shining eyes.
Fuck…
I shunted forward and she kissed my balls, licked up and down my shaft, then sucked me into her hot wet mouth.
“Ah, baby,” I hissed. “That feels so fucking good.”
Problem was, I was kind of huge and she struggled to fit her lips around me. She’d given me head before, and I fucking loved that she did it for me, but I always needed to give her a hand.
I took her fingers and curled them around the base of my cock. “Squeeze.”
She did as I’d asked.
“Open for me, baby.”
She sucked me in, her mouth stretched wide.
I held the back of her head and stepped up the pace, diving deeper and faster, my breaths panting.
With a moan, I fisted her hair. “You’re doi
ng great.”
She bobbed her head up and down, holding me with her lips and sucking until her cheeks were hollow.
“Good girl,” I grunted.
The pressure built and built until it was too intense to contain.
“I’m coming, baby,” my voice rasped.
With a bellow, I spurted into the back of her throat, again and again, coating her tongue with my spunk. She gripped me with her fingers to milk the final stream of cum.
Our eyes locked. She pulled off with a pop and wiped her mouth with the back of her hand. “I love how you taste, Axel.”
“And I love you, Firebird. So. Fucking. Much.” I pulled her back into my lap. “Your turn now, baby.” I angled my face and kissed her, my mouth crashing against hers, my tongue pushing between her lips.
Breathing through my nose, I unbuttoned her blouse, unclipped her bra and tossed the items of clothing onto the floor. Then I got off the chair and unzipped her skirt, pulling it off along with her knickers.
“Spread your legs wide,” I growled, sitting her back down and kneeling between her knees.
I inhaled her sweet musky scent and she squirmed against my face as I licked her soaking wet pussy.
“Yes, yes,” she moaned.
I put pressure on her clit, sucking and swirling my tongue around it.
“Inside,” she begged. “I want you inside.”
I inserted my tongue and thrust it in and out of her in a frantic rhythm.
She quaked around my face and tugged at my hair.
Her ass lifted from the chair and I reached up to play with her breasts, tugging on her distended nipples while she bucked against me.
She squealed and clenched down on my mouth.
I bit her swollen nub and she lost her shit. Totally. With ragged breaths she shuddered her release and I swallowed every drop of her delicious juices.
I stood and reached for her, lifted her in my arms and carried her to my bed.
