by N. R. Walker
I felt the colour return to my face, and Jack cleared his throat and gave me an apologetic look. “Uh, yes,” I replied. “He told me something of the sort.”
“Just as well,” Lyle said with a cheery grin. “’Cause there’s a line-up of girls and guys who’d be happy to take him up on his offer.”
Now Jack blushed. I gave Lyle my best attempt at stern. “Thank you, but I should think he’s spoken for.”
Lyle just laughed. “You can have yourself a light breakfast, my good man.”
“Oh, thank goodness, because I’m starving.”
I was sure the toast was stale, and maybe the toast was cold, but it was all good. And I was certain the hot tea was brewed in heaven. Jack watched me devour everything with an amused, enamoured look on his face.
It was only once I’d eaten that I’d taken a moment to think about the morning. “You left last night?” I asked him.
“Yeah, I needed to shower. To put it bluntly, not even my charm and good looks could mask the fact that I stunk.” He offered me a small smile. “And you were sound asleep. I was back first thing.”
“Have you eaten?” I asked. “I should have asked before I mowed through my breakfast.”
Jack snorted. “Yeah, grabbed a coffee and toastie from Maccas on my way.”
“You said you’d marry me. And you told them we were engaged? Did I remember that?” My memory of yesterday was all but a blur.
Jack held my gaze, even though I was certain he’d rather looked around the room or anywhere else than at me. He swallowed hard. “I did tell them that, otherwise they might not have let me stay. And I would. Marry you.” He lifted his chin, as if defiant and proud and nervous. “I would.”
The ECG machine started to beep like crazy, and Jack laughed as Lyle came in to investigate. “I need to have these removed,” I said, pulling at the circle pad stuck to my chest. “They’re giving all my secrets away.”
Lyle laughed. “I’ll speak to the doctor.”
“Lyle? I’d like to have the catheter removed and the saline as well. If I’m allowed. And I’d really like to go home today.”
“No promises,” he said, walking out in search of my doctor.
“Do you feel up to it?” Jack asked when we were alone.
“I’m sick of being hooked up to everything. I’m certain the doctor will wish to see if I can keep food and water down before they agree to discharge me, but I feel okay. I’m tired, and I’m sure I could manage pain medication on my own. And I’d really like to shower. And shave. And brush my teeth. I feel disgusting.”
Jack put his hand to my face and swept his thumb across my cheek. “You’re still exhausted, though. I can see it in your eyes. Don’t rush yourself, my love.”
It was as if him mentioning being tired put me under a spell because a wave of weariness washed over me. Maybe it was the big breakfast I’d eaten. Maybe it was all the talking, but I blinked slowly. “I am tired.”
He pressed his palm into my cheek and traced my eyebrow with his other hand. “Then sleep.”
So I did.
* * *
I was right about the doctors wishing to see if I could eat and drink, and by mid-afternoon, I was fast out of patience. I was, however, unhooked from all machines and urine bags and allowed to shower.
Lyle offered to help, but Jack was quickly on his feet. “Need me to help instead?” Then he must have realised how keen he sounded because he followed it up with, “I mean, I can look after him. Here, and when we leave eventually, I’ll be the one who’s helping him, so should I learn here first?”
Lyle fought a grin but gave him a side-eye. “All right. But no funny business, you hear?”
Jack gave him a Scout salute.
“And you press the assistance button on the wall in the bathroom if you need help, okay?”
Jack collected the shaving bag, made sure I had towels waiting for me in the ensuite bathroom, then helped me stand up. He held my arms and watched my feet. “Just take it easy. If you need to rest or stop, tell me.”
“I’m okay.” We shuffled to the bathroom, and Jack started the water while I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. I was taken aback by how pallid I looked, accentuated by the bruise-like smears under each eye. “Good Lord, I look awful.”
“You’ve been through a bit, don’t forget,” Jack added. “And anyway, you look perfect to me.”
I turned to look him in the face. “No funny business, remember?”
He chuckled quietly. “Believe me, that’s the last thing on my mind right now.”
I undid the hospital robe and let it fall to the floor. “The very last thing?”
“Yes.” He took my arm and supported me as I walked under the water spray. “How about we just worry about you getting well first, huh?”
The water felt heavenly. Divine, even. I washed my hair, scrubbing the grit of dried mud from my scalp, cleaned my body and face the best I could, and let the hot water run over me. I must have swayed a little because Jack was soon holding my arm. “Okay, that’s long enough,” he ordered.
Then I was sitting in a bathroom chair and he was drying me down with a towel, gently, lovingly. I didn’t have the energy to argue with him about drying myself, but it was also a very tender moment between us.
Then Jack knelt before me with my pyjama bottoms in hand. He fed one leg in, then the other, then pulled me to my feet so he could pull the pants all the way up. It just so happened that my groin was right near his face. He looked up at me and licked his lips. “Okay, so it’s not the very last thing on my mind.” He stood up quickly and let out a deep breath. “I’m only human, okay?”
I chuckled quietly, secretly pleased I still had an effect on him. “Not sure I have the strength for it right now anyway.”
He pulled a T-shirt on over my head, and I fed my arms through the armholes. Then he scooted my chair over closer to the basin. “Can you brush your teeth from there?”
I nodded, so he drew a strip of toothpaste onto my toothbrush and handed it to me. Brushing your teeth after a few days of not being able to was a little piece of minty-fresh paradise. I almost felt human, apart from feeling exhausted and achy, but I was led to believe that was to be expected.
When I was done with my teeth, I scrubbed my hand over my scruffy jaw. “I don’t think I could be bothered shaving.” The truth was, I was already exhausted again.
Jack chuckled. “I like the three-day-old growth on you. I say leave it.”
I motioned for him to come closer with a curl of my finger, and when he was close enough to kiss, I nuzzled my cheek to his. “You like that?”
He made a strangled groan sound, and took a step back. I took that response as a yes. “Back to bed with you,” he said. “And no teasing.”
Jack helped me get settled, and I was almost dozing off again when the doctor came back in. “Good news,” he announced. “You can go home. All your results have come back clear. On the proviso that if the headaches get worse, any dizziness, nausea, you get yourself right back in here.”
“Of course,” Jack answered, nodding.
“I’ll get the discharge paperwork ready. No kissing any more cane toads, ya hear?” the doctor joked.
I snorted. “I’ll keep that in mind.”
He walked out and literally had to sidestep Piers as he was walking in. “Oh, look at you! So much better.”
I gave him a smile. “I feel better.”
“Did I hear you’re allowed to leave?” he asked.
“Yes. Thank the heavens.”
“That is good news.” Piers grinned. “And I have even better news…”
I suddenly wasn’t so tired. “What’s that?”
“Jamine contacted me, little over an hour ago. The CSIRO has results on the samples we took over.”
“And?”
“And they’re going to do a lot more testing, Lawson, because you were right. The Ulysses is dying of bufadienolides poisoning, directly related to the biotransference
from the tadpole of the cane toad to the doughwood tree, on which the Ulysses larvae and pupa feed. Levels are low, but enough to affect the caterpillar, so the butterfly weakens soon after the time it reaches imago.”
I sagged against the mattress, relief coursing through me. “Oh, that is fantastic news.”
“Yes! But it is just the beginning!” Piers said. His excitement would have been contagious if I weren’t so damn tired. “There is much to be done. Now we know the cause, we need to implement strategies and plans. But having the CSIRO on board is hugely beneficial―”
I was sure he could have talked for hours. “Piers, I’m not staying.”
The smile left his face and the air left his lungs in a resigned sigh. “I assumed as much, Lawson. After you were so ill and Jack took such good care of you, I figured you’d go back to Tasmania.”
“There’s still a lot of work to be done on the Tillman Copper,” I added, feeling the need to justify my decision. I glanced at Jack. “And it’s where my home is.”
Jack grinned, and Piers nodded. “I get it. Love is a beautiful thing, blah blah blah.”
I chuckled. “Something like that.” A quiet fell over the room for just a moment. “Piers, I would officially like to offer my services, though. If you need to discuss or even think-tank with someone, I insist you call me. I’d still like to be involved, to help, although from a distance. Not here.”
Piers gave a grateful nod. “I will hold you to that.”
“I can recommend some names of people who may be able to assist you.”
“Indeed. But for now, you should rest.”
Jack shook his hand. “We’ll drop around to collect our camping gear tomorrow or the morning after. I’m sure Lawson will want to see the lab one more time before we leave.”
“Then I shall leave our farewells until then,” Piers added with a flourish, a wave of his hand, and he left.
Jack walked slowly back to my side and traced a line over the back of my hand with his finger. “You don’t want to stay here? In Queensland? I’m sure there’s a lot of work you could do…”
I took his hand and threaded our fingers. “No. I want to go home. Back to Tasmania. Where I belong, with you and Rosemary.”
Jack looked so happy he could burst. “I’d like that too.”
I kissed his knuckles, then leaned back on the inclined bed and sighed. “I really miss Rosemary. Have you spoken to Remmy?”
“Of course. Rosemary’s just fine. Luca’s tilling his vegetable garden, so Rosemary has been helping every day.” Jack brushed my hair off my forehead. “Remmy was very worried about you.”
I smiled up at him, feeling the weight of exhaustion settle over me. “I miss her as well. I know she and Nico are your friends, but they’ve come to be dear to me too.” I think I was mumbling, so tired, I just had to close my eyes for a minute.
Jack kissed my temple. “They love you too.”
CHAPTER TWELVE
Jack
Leaving the hospital with Lawson was the best feeling ever. He was exhausted, and he still looked pale. He was to manage the headaches and body aches with Panadol and Advil, which he was loath to take, but he did―which told me he wasn’t as well as he pretended to be.
When we got back to the hotel, I propped him up on the sofa with pillows and a blanket, and he dozed for a bit. I watched him while he slept and contemplated just how much he’d changed my life.
Six months ago, I was intrigued, bewitched even, by this butterfly man. Now I was in love with him, impossibly so. Impossible because there was no going back from this. I was a changed man. My heart belonged wholly to him, and I knew, without a doubt, it always would.
God, I thought I’d lost him this time for sure. And it really put things into perspective for me.
When he’d gone back to save the Tillman Copper in the path of the raging bushfire, I thought I might lose him then too. But looking back, I could see now that was adrenaline.
This time it was fear.
God honest, heart-stopping fear.
I thought he was dead. I thought I’d lost him forever, and I’d never been so terrified in all my life.
And to see him now, sleeping all peaceful and safe on the couch in front of me, made me truly understand that I couldn’t live without him.
And that scared me too.
In a good way. In a life-affirming kind of way. In a my-life-is-forever-changed kind of way.
I resisted the urge to touch him, even just to stroke his hair or his beautiful cheekbone, in fear of waking him up. So I tidied up our clothes, did some washing, getting everything ready for our flight home the day after tomorrow.
Lawson was keen to go tomorrow if we could change flights, but the doctor suggested another full day of rest would be best, so that was that.
I ordered some room service for our dinner, knowing he’d probably wake up starving again, and went into the bathroom to freshen up. When I came back out, Lawson was sitting up on the sofa, bleary-eyed but smiling.
“Did I wake you?” I asked him. “I was trying to be quiet on the phone to reception.”
He shook his head. “It’s fine. You ordered dinner?”
“Yep. I put in a special request for plain vegetable and chicken pasta. It might be a little bland, but I thought the protein and carbs might do you good.”
“Sounds perfect.” He slowly got to his feet and walked gingerly over to me. “Thank you for looking after me. For saving my life, for being you.”
I brushed my lips against his. “You’re most welcome.”
He looked at me all dreamy with a loving smile, then added, “I really need to pee.”
I laughed. “Need me to help you with that?”
He gave me a sly smile as he shuffled to the bathroom. “I think I can manage.”
After dinner, which he devoured, we curled up on the couch together, me being the big spoon, to watch some TV. He yawned, then sighed heavily, and was already struggling to keep his eyes open. “Sorry,” he murmured. “I know this isn’t how we planned to spend our holiday.”
I gave him a gentle squeeze. “I’m just glad you’re okay.”
He wiggled his butt against my groin. “Yes, but still… I’m sure I’m not that sick that I can’t enjoy some―”
I put my hand on his hip to still him. “Ah, that’s not helping. And you heard what the doctor said.”
Lawson grumbled. “Well, yes. Complete rest for the next few days.”
“And I’m sure that means no strenuous activity. And believe me, the way we have sex is quite the workout.”
He chuckled. “But I could just lie there, face down, and you could―”
“Lawson, that’s really not helping.” Jesus, the visual of that, the feel of him against me, and my dick was well and truly awake.
“You really won’t have sex with me?”
“Not until you’re feeling better.”
“I’m fine,” he protested but followed with another yawn.
I kissed the back of his head and wrangled my way from behind him to get off the couch first. Then I took his hand, “Come on, bedtime.”
And even if he really desperately wanted to have sex right now, there was just no way. He could barely lift his head as it was, let alone keep his eyes open. I got him into bed, slid in beside him, and he snuggled into me like a koala. He took a deep breath, let it out slowly, and was already sound asleep.
* * *
I woke up to find Lawson’s side of the bed empty. Maybe that was the reason I woke up, I don’t know. I heard him in the kitchen area, popping pain tablets from the blister pack. A quick check of my watch told me it was just past seven in the morning.
“Morning,” I said. “Didn’t realise it was so late.” I’d normally be up for an hour by now.
He was standing at the glass sliding doors, looking out onto the morning, freshly showered and shaven, with a bottle of water in his hand. He was back in his sleep pants again, though, which told me he wasn’t feelin
g too good. “Good morning,” he replied, giving me a warm smile. “I was sick of lying down, sorry.”
“Headache?”
He nodded.
“Anything I can do for you?”
He held his arms out, waiting until I fit myself right where he wanted me. He slipped his arms around my waist and let me pull him against me. I rubbed gentle circles on his back and he sighed. “There is something you can do for me.”
“What’s that?”
“I hope you don’t think I’m being brazen by saying this, but you asked me once to move in with you and I foolishly turned you down. I thought I was doing the right thing, for us, by giving us some space while we found our feet together. And now I feel I may have missed my opportunity.”
I pulled back so I could look into his eyes. “You want to move in with me?”
He made a face. “Yes. But it would only be proper if you asked me again. I can’t bear the thought of imposing just because it’s what I want now. I have no idea if you’re still offering, but it would only feel right if you asked me again.”
I was grinning. I couldn’t help it. He was such a dork. “Lawson Gale, would you do me the honour of living with me?”
“And Rosemary?”
I amended my statement. “Lawson Gale, would you do me the most incredible honour of living with me and Rosemary?”
He smiled serenely. “There’s nothing I want more. It would make my life perfecter, isn’t that the word you used?”
“Yes! I told you it’d be a real word.” I gave him a crushing hug, then remembered that he was unwell. I set him back on his feet. “Oh, sorry.”
He laughed and patted his shirt down. “It’s quite all right.”
I cupped his face in both my hands. “Feel better now?”
“Perfecter.” Lawson gave me a smile and leaned into me. “I don’t want to be apart from you, not for anything. Not only did you save my life, but you’ve been everything and more while I’ve been ill. It’s made me realise I don’t want to waste another minute.”
