by E. R. Murray
My heart is pounding, my skin is sticky with sweat and my stomach is churning – everything is in overdrive, except for my mouth. I’m so frustrated that tears well in my eyes, and I’m mortified as one drips down my face and off my chin, onto my rucksack. Mr Morrelly stands and walks towards me, perching on the edge of his desk, right in front of me.
“It’s OK, Olivia,” he says. “You’re doing the right thing coming to me.”
I’m not so sure. I want to tell him the truth so badly, but the words still won’t come. Maybe I should stick to Mad Dog’s plan instead? That would be so much easier. Even as I think it, I feel my throat unblock. Quickly, I undo the rucksack, take out Mrs Snelling’s bag and thrust it at Old Mozzer, brushing off a stray black mark from where I stuffed it under the bin.
“It was me,” I say, and it feels like a ton of bricks have just tumbled from my shoulders.
“I’m sorry – what did you say?”
I wasn’t expecting him to be taken aback. Tears threaten to fall again as I clear my throat.
“I said… I took the bag.”
I expect shouting, a lecture – or a bit of a grilling, at the very least. Instead, Mr Morrelly sighs. The disappointment is visible all over the shadows and creases on his face. He takes the bag and returns to his seat. He can’t stand being near me. I rub my hands together and pick at my nails.
“You know what this means?” asks Mr Morrelly.
I shake my head. But whatever it is, it can’t be any worse than what Mad Dog’s going to do to me.
“I have to suspend you immediately.”
I nod.
“Is your mum still at home?”
“Yes,” I say, and fear rises in my stomach.
What will happen when she finds out? What if she keeps drinking and it’s all my fault?
“Can I go now, sir?” I ask. “Hatty’s outside.”
“No, Olivia – I think it’s best if I call your mother and explain first. You can wait outside.”
“Yes, sir,” I say, trying to focus on my promise to Hatty as my heart sinks.
Whatever happens, I’ll do my best to deal with it.
Mr Morrelly refuses to look at me as I leave, his gaze fixed on the bag, one hand resting on its blue leather. I pause at the door. I want to tell him that I mean it, I truly am sorry – more sorry than he’ll ever know, because I’ve lost my best friend, ruined my chances with Jack, and now Mam’s probably going to go on a bender. But I don’t say any of these things. I just slip out of the door quietly and wait.
* * *
Tears stream down my cheeks in the corridor as I think about Mam’s reaction to my suspension. But at least I can avoid Mad Dog and Jack for a bit longer. At least – that’s what I was hoping, but I’ve only been outside two minutes when I hear Mad Dog call out.
“Think you’re funny, do you?”
She runs at me with an angry face, Lorna keeping watch at the end of the corridor. Where the hell is Hatty? Grabbing me by the scruff of the neck, Mad Dog hauls me up the corridor, closer to Lorna, and shoves me against the wall, her bunched fist holding my top so I can’t move.
“Did you do it?” she hisses.
“Yes.”
She lets me go and snatches my rucksack. Opening it up, she can see that the stolen bag has gone.
“If you ever disobey me again,” she says, and slaps me around the head. “I swear to God, I’ll kill you.”
As much as I try to fight it, more tears fall.
“Love the tears – nice touch.” She glances at Lorna and I see her wink. “Let’s forget all this. The deed is done. Want to hang out? We could get some cider. I won’t let the girls get you.”
“Why don’t you just get lost!” I shout, and shove her away.
I don’t know who’s more surprised – me or her. At first, Maddy looks shocked, then hurt. As the realization of what I’ve just done dawns, she launches herself at me. But I must have shouted a bit louder than I expected, because Mr Morrelly charges out of the room.
“What’s going on here?” he yells.
I stand my ground as Mad Dog releases her grip.
“Nothing, sir!” she says.
“It doesn’t look like nothing to me.”
“We’re just playing, sir.”
“Like when you cut my hair off,” I say. “I’m sick of you bullying me and Sarah.”
It’s more effective than if I’d slapped her. Stunned, Maddy stands there, and stammers.
“W-we’re just… I d-didn’t…”
I glance up the corridor and see Lorna has slipped away. Instead, Hatty is standing there, watching.
“Mam’s coming,” she says.
Chapter Forty-Nine
Rules Are Rules
I never thought I’d see the day when Madeleine Delaney would cry. Even that time when her dad flung her against the wall for breaking her sandals, and her head bounced off the bricks with a loud crack – even then, she didn’t shed a single tear. She must have been what – nine years old? Ten? And yet, here she is, in the head teacher’s office, blubbering and begging Old Mozzer not to suspend her.
“You can’t go around lying and bullying people and expect to get away with it,” replies Old Mozzer.
“But when my dad finds out…”
Mr Morrelly pauses.
“I’m sorry, Madeleine, but rules are rules.”
It’s the last thing I expect, but Mam steps forward and rubs Maddy’s arm.
“He can’t hurt you,” she says in a soothing voice. “He’s still inside, isn’t he?”
“Yes. But his brothers aren’t.”
“Like Davey? He’s a nasty piece of work. Always was.”
Maddy nods earnestly.
“Dad looks for any excuse to set Uncle Davey on Mam.”
“You should have thought about that beforehand,” cuts in Mr Morrelly.
Mam gives the head teacher a sharp look, and pulls Maddy to her. Maddy curls into Mam and her body shakes. I give Hatty a questioning look. Hatty shows me her palms and shrugs, and for a moment everyone is quiet.
Mam leans towards me and whispers, “You think I’m bad. You should see what she has to put up with.”
Deep down, I already know. The way she would jump every time her parents yelled, the looks she used to give us as she walked away – me and Sarah still playing happily as though nothing had happened. You don’t forget something like that.
“Is there any way you can be lenient, Mr Morrelly?” asks Mam. “There are obviously bigger issues here. Perhaps suspension isn’t the answer for either of them?”
I puff up with pride as Mam sticks up for me. I ignore that she’s defending Maddy too.
“They have to take responsibility for their actions,” says Mr Morrelly, his fingertips pressed together like a steeple, his chin resting on top.
“But Liv’s behaviour is because of me. And Maddy didn’t actually steal anything. Yes, she lied—”
My jaw drops.
“But Mam, she cut off my hair!” I say.
Harriet reaches out and rubs my back. From the look on her face, she’s as confused as I am. Mam considers me for a moment. Then she holds Maddy at arm’s length.
“You cut off my daughter’s hair?” she asks incredulously. “Why on earth would you do something like that? I thought you were friends?”
A small laugh escapes me, and I look to the floor to try and cover it up.
“Those two ditched me years ago,” says Maddy, forlornly. The words curl around Mam and hook her in. “They didn’t want to know.”
“That’s not true!” I say. “You ditched us. You started hanging round with the older kids.”
“Because you kept avoiding me.”
“Not you. Your dad, yes, but…”
And then I realize – she’s actually right.
“You and Sarah made it clear I wasn’t welcome. I had to find new friends. I couldn’t go to secondary school without any. I’d get bullied.”
This time I
snort, and do nothing to hide it.
“You? Bullied? You’ve been making Sarah’s life hell! Stupidly, I stuck up for you. Until this.”
I point at my hair. Mam shuffles in her chair, and takes hold of my hand.
“I think there’s been a big misunderstanding here, girls. Maybe you could work it out?” says Mam calmly.
Neither of us says anything. Mr Morrelly sits back in his chair and sighs.
“I guess we’d better speak to Sarah,” he says.
He makes a quick call – me and Maddy stare at the floor. Moments later, there’s a knock at the door. My heart pounds against my ribcage.
“Come in!” calls Mr Morrelly.
“Mrs Pearl said you wanted to see me?” says Sarah, tentatively.
Her face is flushed red. She looks from me to Maddy, then stands on the other side of Hatty, as far as from us as she can. I can’t be certain, but something resembling guilt passes over Maddy’s face.
“I hear that this young lady has been bullying you, is that right?”
“I d-don’t know sir.”
“Well, I just wanted to tell you that it ends here. Doesn’t it, Madeleine?”
“Yes, sir.”
“For good!”
“Yes sir.”
“Madeleine and Olivia are facing two weeks’ suspension, effective immediately. If and when they return to school, Sarah, I’ll make sure this doesn’t happen again.”
Mr Morrelly glares at Maddy. “If I hear of any untoward behaviour from you, it’ll be permanent exclusion. Do you hear me?”
“Yes, sir,” says Maddy, her shoulders hunched.
“Now, you may take Olivia home, Mrs Bloom – and I expect to see her back here in exactly two weeks. I cannot condone what she has done, but owning up to the misdeed shows that there’s hope for her yet. Sarah, you’re free to leave too.”
We all stand up to go. It’s just like when we were kids – with Maddy left behind.
“Madeleine,” says Mam. “You come and see me if you need to talk. OK?”
Maddy’s eyes light up.
“OK. Thank you, Mrs Bloom.”
“You too, Sarah.”
Sarah gives me a quizzical look and I smile.
As we leave, I let Mam and Hatty go ahead. Before Sarah turns back for class, I stop her and look her straight in the eyes.
“I’m really sorry I didn’t believe you about Maddy, and I’m really sorry about the bag. I’m sorry about everything. I’ve missed you.”
She’s so quiet – I realize I’ve damaged our friendship for ever.
I’m just about to walk away when she says, “I can’t believe you owned up!”
“Neither can I,” I say.
“What was London like?”
“Massive. And a bit scary. Have you seen Jack?”
Sarah nods.
“Yes. I’d give him some space, if I were you.”
“Do you think he’ll ever talk to me again?”
“He was worried when he heard you’d run away. But it’ll take time.”
“Thanks, Sarah,” I say, and give her a quick hug.
As she heads off down the corridor, she gives me a wave. I catch up to Mam and Hatty.
“I know you shouldn’t have taken the bag,” says Mam. “But owning up and facing up to Maddy? That was brave.”
I can’t believe my luck, but then her mood changes. All the way home, Mam is sullen and thoughtful. I drag my feet as we walk – all three of us are in step with each other, but silent. Dreading the moment we get indoors and Mam blows, I think of the bottles under the sink – and how they won’t be full for much longer.
Chapter Fifty
I Refuse to Repeat the Pattern
Reaching home, Hatty grabs my arm and says, “Mam, I need Liv to help me with something, and then we’ll be right in.”
“OK, darling,” says Mam, her voice flat.
She disappears through the kitchen door without a backward glance. When we’re alone, Hatty points her finger at me.
“Promise me: no more running away. Please? You frightened the life out of me.”
“I’m sorry. I really am.” I give her a guilty look. “Do you think Mam will be OK?”
“I don’t know.”
“Is she angry at me cos Dad phoned?”
“No. I think it actually did her some good. There’s talk of him maybe visiting.”
“No way! Any chance of them getting back together?”
“No chance. He has a new life now. I heard you met Amber – I had no idea she was our sister till Dad said. What’s she like?”
“An awkward cow.”
Harriet looks highly amused.
“Coming from you – she must be bad! But she’s had her share of troubles too.”
“Did Dad tell you about Rosa?” I ask.
“Yeah – Mam’s gutted.”
“Poor Mam. I feel bad now.”
“Me too.”
“Still doesn’t excuse her behaviour, though,” I say.
“I know. But she’s trying.”
Hatty pauses and we both strain our ears to see whether we can hear glasses clinking. It’s all quiet, so I continue.
“I don’t know how much more I can take, sis.”
“Me neither,” admits Harriet. “But I reckon we’ve got more of a chance if we stick together.”
“I don’t want to go into care.”
“I won’t let you.”
“Promise?”
“Promise. Now, c’mon.” Hatty nods towards the living room door. “We’d better go check on the situation.”
As I follow Hatty, ready to face the music, my heart pumps furiously. Mam’s cradling a cup of tea, but as soon as we enter she puts it down, stretches out her arms and hugs me. Tears stream down her face. That sets Hatty off too. Then me.
Pulling back, Mam squashes my cheeks between her cupped hands, like I’m a toddler. I don’t mind one bit.
“I’m so sorry… it’s all my fault – running away, getting suspended. Are you all right? Were you scared?”
So many questions, I don’t know where to start.
“I’m OK, Mam. I just…
I’m sorry. I won’t do it again.”
Mam takes me by the hand. I hope the clinginess wears off soon, but not too quickly. Pulling me over to the cupboard under the sink, Mam reaches inside.
“Liv, will you do something for me? If I ask really nicely?”
“Sure,” I say, my heart pounding.
“Will you help me with these?”
She lifts out two bottles at a time. All six are on the counter. Only five are full. The night we argued comes flooding back, but I swallow my pride as Mam unscrews one of the bottles and starts pouring it down the sink.
“Mam, are you sure?” asks Hatty.
“It’s about time I pulled myself together,” says Mam. “I know what it’s like to have a miserable childhood. I refuse to repeat the pattern… Here, you help too, Hatty.”
Together, my sister and I step forward and unscrew a bottle each. The whiskey glugs down the sink, the sour smell rising and stinging my nostrils. We don’t stop pouring until all the bottles are empty. Mam stands back and folds her arms, a satisfied grin on her face.
“OK, well that’s a start. How about you go and get some rest, Liv, then we give that Baked Alaska a try?”
“Even though I got suspended?” I ask.
“Two weeks isn’t such a long time,” says Mam. “You can go back with a clean slate. We’ll both start again with a clean slate.”
“OK,” I say.
By agreeing to something I know is probably impossible, at least I’m keeping my promise to Hatty.
“I bought the ingredients for you, remember?” says Harriet, winking. “I even got double of everything, just in case…”
Mam pulls the recipe book out of a kitchen drawer and hands it to me.
“Look inside.”
When I open the front cover, I see the original inscription has bee
n covered over, replaced by a new one:
To my dearest Olivia. May we have many cooking adventures together – with you leading the way. Love always, Mam (aka Happiness Bloom).
I hadn’t expected this in my wildest dreams – and I know how volatile Mam is, but suddenly things seem clearer. I know what matters in my heart – my family – and as imperfect as it is, I’m going to do my best to look after it.
“Just one question,” I say. “Why ‘Happiness Bloom’?”
“When you were a baby, you heard your dad say my name and tried to copy. Only what you said sounded more like ‘abbiness’. So it became my nickname – thanks to you.”
I stare at Mam like I’m seeing her for the first time. The gentle afternoon sun softens her face and her eyes sparkle with hope. She looks tired – but beautiful.
“As for that recipe,” continues Mam. “I’ve got a secret that makes the meringue so light, you’ll think you have wings. It’s all in the blending – and it’s not in the book. You could add it in if you think it’s worthy?”
I tuck one arm around Mam’s back, the other around Hatty, and nod. I know there’s always going to be temptation, and we’re only a few minutes’ walk from the nearest off-licence. I also know that facing up to Jack will be really difficult, and he has every right to never speak to me again. And that things with Maddy might never be fixed. But, as Mr Morrelly said – there’s hope for me yet.
“Baked Alaska? That’d be really, nice, Mam.”
How to Do the Right Thing – By Olivia Bloom
Forget the butterflies and blue skies, the clouds and kisses – sometimes you have to look deep inside yourself to work out the winning combination…
INGREDIENTS
Lashings of instinct
Oodles of open mind
A kind heart
Faith
A pinch of courage
HOW TO MAKE THE MAGIC HAPPEN
1. Take a big dollop of instinct and add an open mind.
2. Warm the mixture through with a kind heart, and sprinkle on some faith.
3. Add a pinch of courage and mix well.
Remember: The right thing may not always be obvious, or the easiest option – but so long as you do your best, you’ll find your way.
Acknowledgements
