by M. S. Willis
Daemon’s gaze traveled down to the wound on his leg and a long sigh escaped him. “There was something jagged in the club as we were looking for people. The smoke was pretty thick and we were practically walking around blind. By the time the fire department arrived, we were already evacuating from inside.”
I pulled the jeans off of Daemon’s leg and led him over to the sink. Reaching down, I opened the cabinet door to remove the first aid kit. Daemon’s eyebrow arched and it appeared that he was stifling a grin.
“Paige, I’m about to get in the tub. You don’t need to do that.”
“I don’t think so, Daemon. You are not getting in the water with me without first cleaning up this wound. That’s gross.” My face scrunched up in disgust and Daemon laughed.
He jumped up on the counter and indicated to his leg. “Be my guest, Nurse Paige.”
My eyes rolled at his statement as I opened up an antiseptic patch. Peeking up through my lashes, I warned, “This might sting.” When I brought the cold cloth down to Daemon’s leg, his body jumped slightly. I chuckled in response. “What’s wrong, tough guy? Can’t take a little antiseptic on your scratch? Just remember, the tears have to stop when the bandage is put on.”
I looked up to see Daemon’s reaction to my jab and I was met with his intense stare. I froze in place and wondered if my jab had actually upset him.
His voice was whisper soft as he asked, “Why did you say that, Paige?”
My shoulders shrugged and I’m sure the confusion was evident on my face. “Because you always used to say it to me when you took care of my injuries. I was just trying to be cute.”
A pained expression threatened Daemon’s features. He was instantly somewhere else, and the memory was chipping at his normally controlled demeanor. Our eyes locked. We remained there, silently staring; each one willing the other to comment further. Daemon took a deep breath and forcefully breathed it out. His nostrils momentarily flared, but then his expression changed to one of apathy and boredom. He broke eye contact with me and indicated down to the wound on his leg.
“Well, continue. The bath water is about to spill over the rim so we need to hurry this up.
My heart dropped at the distance he had just forced between us. “I don’t think so, Daemon.”
His wide eyes shot to mine. “You don’t think so, what….exactly?”
I broke eye contact with him to feign indifference, but looked up again when I said, “Throwing up a wall when you remember something or I ask about your past. You obviously know most of the details of mine, yet I still have holes in my memory that need to be filled. Both you and my parents commented tonight that ‘I don’t remember things’. It’s about time you start fessing up to some of those things because I deserve to know what triggered the fucking conspiracy against me.”
Daemon flinched when my tone became suddenly angry; but I couldn’t help it. I’d had no time to process the events of the night. In less than twelve hours I’d learned that Daemon is my long lost friend; that my parents have been lying to me for the past fourteen years; and that, apparently, we can add arsonist to the ever growing list of Chris’ criminal behaviors. I don’t care who you are…that’s a lot to deal with in a handful of hours.
“Damsel…”
“No! Don’t you ‘Damsel’ me! All of you acted like you had to tiptoe around me. ‘We should sit down, Paige’. ‘You need to calm down, Paige’. Yet, in all the explanations of why I needed to calm down, nobody has yet told me what happened when we were younger. So fess up, already… it’s irritating as hell to not be able to confront whatever issue it is that makes you think I’m a nutcase!” Without realizing what I was doing, I pressed the alcohol swab down a little bit harder than usual, causing Daemon’s body to tense. I immediately removed it and threw the swab in the trash before rinsing my hands in the sink.
My hands came down hard on the counter and I my head hung down. I took deep, soothing breaths in an attempt to calm my jagged nerves. The instinct to run was pulsing within my body. Forcing it aside, I continued, “Just tell me what happened that everyone thinks is so bad.” My head came up and I looked pleadingly at Daemon. I placed my hands on his chest and his forehead came down and rested upon mine. “Please, just tell me Daemon so I don’t feel like I’m being kept in the dark.”
Daemon barely shook his head in protest and hesitated before finally answering. “First off, and most importantly, I don’t think you are a nutcase, Damsel, and neither do your parents. There are bits and pieces you seem to have forgotten, which, in all honesty, shocked me. After speaking to your parents in the hospital and hearing their explanation of what happened when we were younger, I understood a little better. They told me that you cried for weeks after…after I was taken.” His voice dropped to a whisper on those last words and I could tell it pained him to talk about that day.
“So then what are the bits and pieces that I’m missing? My parents told me that you hurt me. What did you do that was so bad?” I moved over to the bathtub and busied myself by turning off the water. Although I was being torn apart inside by not knowing parts of my own life, I was nervous to learn about events nobody was quick to talk about.
It was apparent that our conversation was affecting something deep within Daemon by the look on his face. His brows furrowed just before he opened his eyes and locked his stare to mine. “Your mom started seeing little things happen between us. It wasn’t every day, just when I had to talk about…things. I would get angry, Paige, and for whatever reason, it made me jealous of you. I thought you had it easy with two parents that didn’t argue with each other or hurt you.
“So, the dreams were true.” My words came out as a statement rather than a question. My mind flashed back to the night Daemon woke me. It occurred to me that what I thought was concern on his face that night had actually been guilt. He knew I was starting to remember things that had happened between us when we were children. “That’s why you told me to take it out on you in the shower. You knew some of those memories were coming back to me.”
Daemon pushed himself off the counter and slowly walked over to me. Without even thinking about it, I took a step back from him. I wasn’t afraid of him, but the weight of his disclosure was enough that I needed to be physically apart in order to process what I was being told.
“Damsel, it wasn’t always bad. You were my best friend…the only friend I’ve ever really had. I would hate myself after something like that happened, but it just kept happening. That’s why I’m not angry that your parents separated us. I had problems growing up. I wasn’t flipped from home to home because of my foster parents. It was because of me. I would fight against them, fight the other kids. It got to the point where they just gave up on me. The counseling didn’t help. I was screwed up.” His head dropped following his confession and it was obvious he was ashamed of his behavior as a child. My heart instantly went out to him. I knew he had a hard life growing up.
I slowly approached him and took his hands into mine. When he looked up at me, I could see pain and guilt swirling within the blue of his eyes and I wanted nothing more than to ease his apprehension. “Let’s get in the bath, Daemon. We can keep talking, but it’s best that we get cleaned up and relax some as well.”
Daemon climbed into the water and pulled me in to sit between his legs. I leaned back against his chest and my head fell against his shoulder. The water instantly soothed away the tension in my muscles and I sighed when Daemon reached up and started massaging my neck and shoulders. I wanted to just sit there quietly and enjoy our shared bath, but too many questions assaulted my mind and I knew that they wouldn’t let up until I had the answers I needed.
“So, all that happened was that one time you hit me? That was not bad enough that you needed to be sent away. If that’s the worst thing, then I think my parents overreacted a bit.”
Daemon sighed behind me. “How far did you get in that dream, Paige? There was another incident that day that I believe was the trigger for your
parents’ concern.”
I thought back to the dream I’d had about that day with Buddy. As usual, parts had become fuzzy over the past couple of days, but I tried to focus on the last part that I could remember. “I went into the library. I was reading a book, I think, and Bud…you…came in.”
“Do you remember what happened in the library?”
“Obviously not. I think you woke me up before it finished playing out.”
Daemon wrapped his arms around me, pulling me closer to his chest. Resting his head against mine, he said, “You wouldn’t talk to me when I went in to apologize to you. I felt horrible after hitting you and I wanted to mend things. When you wouldn’t listen to me, I got angry. I pulled you out of the chair you were in and sat on top of you, pinning you to the ground. You kept looking away as I tried to talk, so I grabbed you to force you to look at me. That’s when you screamed. Your mom came in and….it looked bad, I guess. She thought I was attempting to do other things to you, but I wasn’t. Looking back, I would have reacted the same way if I’d seen a boy laying on top of my daughter like that.”
I tried to think back to the incident he was describing, but the memory was just out of my reach. “I don’t understand why I don’t remember that. I mean, I do remember you pushing me around, but it was never anything more than normal kid stuff…or at least I thought it was normal. All these years, I just thought you were trying to teach me to stick up for myself. I never imagined, you were actually trying to hurt me. What else happened?”
He was quiet for a moment and I waited patiently for his response. “Nothing. Well, except your mom catching me fighting the other kids a lot.”
“Why? Were you angry with them as well?”
“Most of the other kids were jealous of you, like I was. They would say mean things about you when you weren’t around. I ended up fighting most of them to defend you and I never told your parents why I was fighting them. I was afraid you would find out. But, there were times when I hurt you too. I didn’t think your mom knew, but after talking to her at the hospital, she explained everything.” He paused before saying, “I never intended to hurt you, Paige. I just didn’t want you to be like her…like my mom.”
If my heart could actually, physiologically, drop to my stomach…it did so in that moment. My arms came up to hug around Daemon’s and I squeezed him to me. “Your mom?”
It took him a moment to respond. “Yeah…she cried a lot….when he… Well, anyway, she cried; and so did you when I was mean. It annoyed me that you would sit there and put up with it; that SHE would sit there and put up with it. I couldn’t make her do anything to help herself, but I thought I could teach you how to put up a fight.”
I didn’t think I could stomach continuing this conversation, but this topic needed to be discussed. Without everything being out in the open, there was no way we could come to terms with our past. “Were there other times where you hurt me badly?”
“No.” He sighed. “All the other times were what you remembered; but I think after what your mother saw in the library that day, she kept an eye out. I don’t know why she never stepped in or said anything. I remember her trying to keep me busy a lot of the time away from you, but one way or another we’d find our way back together.”
A thought occurred to me and I sat up suddenly. After spinning around to face Daemon, I asked, “So, you only really did something terrible on that one occasion in the library?!”
Daemon looked confused by my sudden enthusiasm, but eventually answered. “Yes…no! Paige, I pushed you around all the time. I thought I was helping you, but all I was doing was treating you like my dad treated my mom. I controlled you and did things to you when you wouldn’t listen.”
I shook my head in objection to Daemon’s words. “Daemon, you may have gone about it the wrong way, but you weren’t so awful that you couldn’t be trusted around me. Don’t you see? My memories aren’t completely incorrect. You were trying to help me. You cared about me. My parents overreacted by sending you away. Please tell me you don’t agree with their decision.”
The sigh that escaped Daemon answered my question for me. He did agree with what they did. He honestly believed that he was an abusive person. “Regardless of the relationship I had with you, I was a screwed up kid, Damsel. I would have fucked it up sooner or later.”
My eyelids were growing heavy. A loud yawn escaped me, causing Daemon’s chest to rock with silent laughter. “Let’s get you to bed, Damsel. You have had one hell of a busy day. We have all the time in the world to talk about this stuff later.”
I moved out of Daemon’s way as he pushed himself up and out of the tub. He wrapped a large towel around himself before reaching down to pull me into a standing position. He wrapped a towel around my body before I had a chance to step out of the tub. His arms came around me and he lifted me to carry me into his room. After placing me on the bed, Daemon removed the towel and replaced it by covering me with a soft blanket. He threw the towels into a hamper before crawling into bed. His arms found their place around me once more as I was pulled tight against his chest. It wasn’t long before sleep claimed me.
Chapter Three
~~ Daemon ~~
“It’s okay, Buddy. You need to quiet down now. Mommy is taking care of you. Remember our rule, little one….once the bandage is on, there are to be no more tears.”
Mommy always said that after Daddy hurt me. This time, I had spilled some milk out of my cereal bowl. He got mad and pushed me out of my chair. I hit my head on the floor and started to cry. Daddy got mad at that too. He dragged me out into the living room and scraped my knees along the floor. Mommy just sat there. She always just sits there. All I could do was huddle into a ball and wait until he was done yelling at me.
It’d been weeks since Mommy brought me back here. She promised me that Daddy had been sick, but had gotten better. She told me that Daddy said he was sorry and that we could go back to living as a family again. I didn’t believe her when she first told me we were coming back, and I don’t believe her now. He’s still the same; angry and mean.
“Can we go back to the Center, Mommy? I miss Paige. You said we could go back to visit.” I looked up into my mommy’s sad eyes and hoped that she would finally tell me we could go back for a visit. I promised Paige I would go back to play with her, but Mommy keeps making excuses why I can’t go.
Mommy sighed and turned to start putting away the first aid supplies she had pulled from the cabinet in the bathroom. She turned back to me and placed her hands on either side of me on the counter. “Now Buddy, you know your daddy doesn’t want us going back there. We need to get back out into the living room before your daddy gets upset.”
“He’s always upset, Mommy. You said he’d be different…but he’s not. We need to go back. Please, Mommy. Please, can we go back?”
Mommy looked like she was going to cry as I begged her to leave Daddy and go back where we could be safe again. “No, Buddy. Don’t ask again. You know we can’t.” Mommy put her arm around me and walked me back out into the living room. Daddy was sitting on the couch watching T.V. I couldn’t help but look at him as Mommy directed me to the chair farthest away from where Daddy was sitting. Even though Mommy couldn’t physically stop Daddy when he got mad, she tried to keep me away from him. It was the only defense that she had. He never seemed to notice or care where she put me. He’d just ignore me until I did something wrong again.
Mommy went into the kitchen to clean up the milk I’d spilled earlier. I wiggled where I sat because I was bored and had nothing better to do. Daddy never bought me any toys and Mommy had no money to buy them for me. Most of my days were spent sitting here as he watched boring T.V. I was supposed to be going to school, but Daddy wouldn’t let me. He said I would only get in trouble and embarrass him. He also said I was too stupid. I hated waking up early in the mornings and watching the other kids as they waited for the big, yellow bus. I always wanted to ride on that bus.
After Mommy finished cleaning t
he kitchen, she came back into the living room and sat on the couch with Daddy. He didn’t even look over at her when she sat down. She was always so quiet around him, never wanting him to notice she was there. They were so different from Paige’s parents. Her parents always smiled, never yelled, and I never saw Paige’s dad hurt Paige or her mommy.
We sat in the living room for an hour, silently watching whatever Daddy decided to watch. When Daddy got up to go to the bathroom, I looked over at Mommy. Her eyes followed him as he crossed the room and closed the bathroom door behind him.
Speaking in a whisper, I said, “Mommy, I’m bored. I wanna go see Paige. I promised.”
Mommy’s eyes shot to mine and her face looked afraid. She silently shook her head and placed one finger against her mouth to tell me that I needed to be quiet. I looked over at the bathroom door and saw that it was still closed. “Please, Mommy. Can we go do something? All the other kids are outside playing. I can hear them. Can I go out with them?”
My whispers must have gotten louder as I continued begging Mommy to let me go play. When the door to the bathroom swung open, it slammed against the wall, leaving a hole where the knob had hit. Daddy stomped out and I looked up to see that his face was bright red and scary, like a monster under my bed.
“What’s your problem now, boy?! What makes you think you get to go out and play? You can’t even eat without spilling shit! You’re too stupid to go playing by yourself.”
I was sick of Daddy calling me stupid. They taught me things at The Center and I always did real well when I tried. I learned how to read, and how to count and add. I don’t know what came over me, but I was tired of listening to Daddy say mean things about me. “I’m not stupid. I learned things when Mommy took me away from here.”
