“Come on, let’s go . . . get in,” he instructed, opening the passenger door, his eyes flickering behind me every other second.
“What is it?” I asked softly, frowning at his sudden change in behaviour. I went to turn around but his hand clamped down on my shoulder.
“Come on, Suranne, let’s just go, yeah?” he said quickly, his voice taking on a desperate pleading tone. Ignoring him, I shrugged out of his grip and quickly turned around before he could stop me.
I sincerely wished I hadn’t.
A few cars down I saw Kane, his hair in that crazy disarray that I always loved. He was wearing a tight white T-shirt that defined his chest and firm arms perfectly, and some dark jeans. He looked sexy as always, and I instantly felt that pang of longing and desire burning in my veins, but before I could act on it, Kane threw his head back in laughter and shifted his body more towards me, revealing another person beside him.
None other than Kate.
The air left my lungs in a large, painful whoosh as I watched them both. She was smiling warmly up at him, saying something to which he nodded enthusiastically, a crooked grin on his face. I took a moment to drink in the sight of his face—his smile and the relaxed expression he held.
He seemed happy.
Before I knew it, Kane pulled Kate into his arms and gave her a tight hug, murmuring something over her shoulder, and what I saw in his eyes nearly forced the tears over my cheeks and the pain to ignite in my chest tenfold.
It was the look in his eyes I had wanted to see three weeks ago, the look which I had dreamed about countless nights. The look I prayed I would soon be able to witness.
But it wasn’t with me that he got that look.
Because, as he carried on hugging Kate, his arms wrapped tightly around her shoulders, for the first time ever I saw Kane’s eyes burning.
Burning with pure, warm, unadulterated . . . Love.
32. A FLOODGATE FINALLY OPENS
Kane
I felt . . . Hopeless.
And, as I sat there, in the pale decrepit lunchroom, I felt a bit angry, too, watching Suranne on the other side of the room talking with Lawrence. I know I should really be thanking him. He had, after all, been the one supporting her for the past three weeks.
Three weeks.
Christ, what was wrong with me?
It felt like the days had just whizzed past. Like it was only yesterday that Suranne had stood before me, her shoulders slumped and eyes defeated asking me to say those three important words to her that I just couldn’t force out of my mouth.
But it wasn’t. It was three goddamn weeks ago, and like the pussy that I am, I had left her alone, not calling, not texting, not talking to her at all.
But once nighttime came, it was a different story. I would drive past her house, lingering for a few moments. I would alternate between staring at my cell on my lap and up at her window, just telling myself to call her already. Tell her I love her, and then hopefully kiss those damn lips that I missed so much.
But I didn’t.
Another thing I did as the days went on was think. A lot. Constantly questioning myself on the whys, whens, and wheres.
Why couldn’t I just tell her? Did it mean that I didn’t actually feel something for her after all?
When was it going to just . . . come to me? When was I going to have that life-changing epiphany when I nod and say the damn words out loud, knowing that I meant them?
And if it was going to happen, where would it be? Where would I take Suranne to tell her?
I could tell she was hurting, and it killed me to watch her every day hunched over defensively as if she were preparing for some attack. She just looked so weak, and knowing that, for some screwed up reason, there was nothing I could say or do drove me just about insane. I missed her like crazy; the littlest things would remind me of her. Of her laugh, or her smile, or the smell of her skin and hair, or the taste of her lips.
I gave a tight smile to Alex as he sat down with his tray of food, eyeing me curiously as to why I didn’t have anything to eat. I shrugged in response. Eating was the last thing on my mind these days.
“So, you thought about this party tomorrow night? We need you back man . . . That shit’ll be off the hook!” Alex crowed around his mouthfuls of food and I grimaced as bits of pizza flew out when he spoke.
“Jeez, can you not talk when you’re eating? That shit is disgusting. I don’t care to have some nasty-ass bit of cheese hit my face,” I replied sharply, glaring at him for a second before returning my eyes to her.
She wasn’t eating either. I could see Lawrence saying something to her and she shrugged in response.
“And no,” I said, focusing back on Alex and his gross eating habits, “I’m not going to the damn party.”
The last thing I needed were different bitches around me, all feeling up on my shit when I had already gone three weeks without any form of action. As much as I hated the thought of being with someone else other than my girl, I didn’t wanna push my boundaries.
I’m still a man, and when under the influence of alcohol, having some chick’s tight ass flaunted in front of you can just about make you forget all the other shit going on in your life.
It was bad enough how, since people had noticed Suranne and me no longer hanging around together, that shit had started going back to the way it used to be—chicks greeting me left, right, and center, giving me knowing looks and winks as they passed by. They might as well put signs on their chests saying “Do me.”
Alex shrugged and followed the direction of my gaze, looking over his shoulder and focusing on Suranne. I heard him chuckle and as he looked back at me, his eyes alight with amusement.
“What?” I snapped, frowning at him and wondering what the hell he found so funny.
He held up his hands defensively and laughed again. “Nothin’ man.” With that he picked up his tray and left, calling out to a couple of blonde chicks and jogging after them. I watched him throw both his arms over their shoulders as they walked out and sighed, shaking my head before focusing back on her.
This had become my daily routine. Apart from the one lesson we had together every Friday, lunchtimes were the only time I could actually catch a glance of her. For some reason, I never managed to see her in the hallways anymore.
So every lunch period I just sat. Sat, and stared. Stared and longed. Longed and felt my chest restrict painfully. Got angry with myself, and eventually stormed off.
When I saw Lawrence lean closer and speak softly to her, a pang of jealousy and anger surged through every vein and artery in my body. My muscles seemed to stiffen and coil, ready to attack. But then, for the first time in the three weeks I’d been watching her trudge through the days, a smile formed on her lips, and a gentle laugh escaped her.
I immediately felt my face soften as I watched her; my body relaxed back into my chair as the sound of her subtle laughter caused warmth to ignite in me.
“Wow,” I heard someone let out a slow whistle, “Why couldn’t you love me like that?”
I snapped my head in the direction of the voice and cocked an eyebrow when I saw Kate standing there with an amused expression on her face.
“What do you mean by that?” I asked, shocked my question hadn’t come out more sharply.
She smirked and pulled up the empty chair, twisting it around and straddling it backwards with her arms leaning on the back. “What I mean is,” she started, pointing a finger at me, “the whole damn time you were with me, you never looked at me the way you just looked at her.” She finished with a point over her shoulder. I followed the direction of her thumb and temporarily got lost in the vision of my girl. I sighed wistfully and focused back on Kate, and she laughed lightly.
“What the hell is so funny? You’re the second person to laugh like that,” I snapped at her, irritated that people seemed to be enjoying my misfortune.
Kate cocked an eyebrow at me and tilted her head slightly. “It’s funny, asshole, because Ka
ne Richards is in love.”
I shook my head at her words; if I was in love then I’d be able to say the damn words already.
“I’m not in love,” I mumbled, shifting my gaze back to Suranne. “If I were I’d tell her.”
“So tell her,” Kate shrugged simply, and I looked at her in shock.
“Don’t you think I’ve tried? And why are you telling me this shit anyway? I thought you hated my ass.”
She laughed. Again.
“Believe me, I do. But, this isn’t about me, and, as much as people think I also hate Suranne, I really don’t. I can see she loves you, just like I did. But there’s a difference here, Kane,” she sighed and rested her chin on her arms.
“Which is?”
“This time around, you actually love her back. I could see it in the way you looked at her, even if it was for like a second. I can still see it, and trust me, I know love when I see it,” she replied calmly.
I returned my stare to Suranne. I felt that longing, that small, tiny bubble in my chest that was growing with every second and threatening to burst. But it wasn’t like before; it was stronger, too powerful for me to handle and after a while, I had to look away, because that feeling scared the shit out of me.
All too soon I felt trapped, consumed, and completely ensnared by Suranne’s presence. It was difficult to breathe. I shot out of my chair and rushed towards the exit not slowing my pace till I pushed open the double doors to the parking lot.
The cool air wrapped around me and freed the tingly tightening in my chest; its presence dissipated with every deep breath I took. I walked over to my car and leaned against the passenger door, holding my head in my hands and closing my eyes.
“You’re frightened.”
I jumped at the voice and snapped my head up.
“Christ, Kate, don’t you ever give it a rest?” I sneered. I hated being snuck up on, and she knew that shit. She just smirked again and shook her head.
Bitch.
“You’re frightened. That’s why you won’t tell her, and that’s why, for some godforsaken reason, you just ran out of the cafeteria like a coward.” She snickered and I glared at her, clenching my jaw.
“Go to hell,” I spat defensively.
She shrugged and looked up at me, smiling. I didn’t see any spitefulness in her green eyes, which shocked me. I only saw warmth.
“Why did I stay with you for all that time?” I muttered under my breath, shaking my head to myself.
She laughed and sighed. “Sometimes I wonder the same thing. But . . . I’d like to think we had some good times?” She looked up at me questioningly, a small smile on her lips.
I chuckled and nodded, “Yeah . . . that we did.”
“Tell her, Kane.” Her face abruptly became serious. “I waited for you to say it to me for years. Don’t make her wait that long.”
“When did you become . . . ” I waved my hand at her, “this?”
“What?”
“This . . . understanding and all. I think I preferred you when you were showering me with hatred.”
She laughed softly and sighed again. “I’m tired, Kane. It was three years ago. I just want to move on.” She shrugged and smiled up at me before shifting her weight on her feet and fiddling with her hands. She took a deep breath and looked up, her eyes wide with remorse, and something close to regret.
“I’m sorry I left you the way I did. I should have been more understanding. I think I was just . . . too selfish at the time.” She spoke softly, almost a whisper, and I just stood there gaping at her.
That was the first time she had ever apologized to me over our past relationship.
I told her it was alright, and just like that, the bitterness between us was gone. I thought I had gotten over all that bullshit, but it wasn’t until she actually said those words that I felt it slip away. It was like a weight that I’d had no clue about had suddenly been lifted, leaving a calm, breezy peacefulness in its wake. We weren’t quite friends, and I wasn’t sure we ever would be, but it was OK. We just . . . were.
She filled me in on the past three years of her life, about her family, and her brother who I used to hate. I told her about Ashley, how she’d progressed and how, every once in a while she used to ask about her. Kate smiled a huge smile at that one, and asked me what I used to say.
“I told her I never cared, of course.” I smirked at her, and she punched me in the arm. “Screw you,” she muttered, but she was still smiling.
The bell rang signaling the end of class and the double doors burst open as every student rushed to get the hell out of there and begin their weekend. I noticed Lawrence come out and stand by his car; I clenched my jaw when I realized he was waiting for her.
And then there she was. I audibly let out a breath as soon as I saw her, that tiny tingly bubble growing inside me again. I saw her look around the lot and I wondered if she was looking for me. The bubble within me swelled at the thought, and the warmth that was surging through every fiber of my body was becoming almost too much to handle. I was panting, desperately trying to catch my breath and calm the hell down. Every time I tried to push it away, it just got stronger and stronger, the tingles turning into buzzing, humming electricity as I followed her every movement.
“What the hell is wrong with me?” I panted breathlessly, clutching my chest but unable to tear my eyes away from her.
“I told you.You love her,” Kate murmured. Her words sunk into my brain and seeped into my veins; they rattled against my head and bounced on my tongue, just like they had when I was desperate to tell her before, but this time, my lips actually parted.
“I love her,” I blurted out breathlessly, my eyes still fixed on Suranne as her eyes darted around the lot everywhere but in my direction.
“I love her, I actually love her,” I whispered in awe. I could feel myself grinning from ear to ear as I heard myself say the words out loud.
Finally.
“I know, who woulda thought, huh?” Kate replied dryly. “Kane Richards, pussy whipped.” She shook her head in mock disbelief and I laughed loudly in response; my whole being felt light, almost weightless and carefree. I couldn’t stop smiling and when I looked down at Kate, she was smiling along with me.
I grinned down at her and hugged her, because I was damn well sure that if she hadn’t come up to me, if she hadn’t laid herself out on the table and pushed me to understand, I wouldn’t be standing here, with the huge grin on my damn face, feeling hopelessly in love.
She chuckled but hugged me back, squeezing me tightly.
“Thank you,” I murmured over her shoulder, my heart racing and the bubble in my chest still threatening to burst, but this time I didn’t care.
Because this time I knew I wasn’t going to try and push it away. This time I was going to embrace it, and tell my girl that I loved her over and over again.
And this time, I knew that I would mean it.
33. WHO'S LOVING YOU
Suranne
My brain hurt.
Along with every other part of my body. I swear my muscles were sore from crying. The image of Kane’s face, so happy and elated and the love I saw in his eyes was constantly rewinding in my head. My eyes were so puffy that I could hardly see and I had the hiccups. Great. By the time evening came around, it had started to rain. Hard.
I lay on my bed, numb and exhausted, watching the rain smash against my window, blurring the glass into a dark, slimy mirage. Every inhalation brought pain, and exhalation left me aching.
As my room grew darker, the deathly red glow of my alarm clock brightened and burned the time in my peripheral vision: 7:05 p.m.
Without permission my mind wondered what He was doing. Images of him and that bloody crooked grin, his face alight with happiness and his eyes burning . . . Burning with that look as he wrapped his arms around Kate.
Was he with her?
I closed my eyes tightly, shaking my head against the scratchy material of my pillow, and tried to think of
something else.
A knock on my bedroom door startled me, and I jumped, coughing out a raspy greeting. It was my aunt, of course.
She glanced at me, trying not to stare at the pitiful mess I had become and cautiously treaded into my room, placing herself at the end of my bed.
“Joe called,” she murmured, her voice temporarily drowning out the constant pounding of the rain.
I nodded in response. Joe was her partner/boss, and I knew that whenever he called, it basically meant an evening on my own whilst my aunt went to the office. I had a growing suspicion that they were doing more than just working, but she wasn’t sharing any info.
“I’m not sure I want to leave you alone the entire night, but it would seem silly for me to make the long journey back home in the middle of the night just to go back to work in the morning.” She seemed nervous, almost worried as to whether her excuse was plausible. I couldn't help the small smile as I continued staring at the window.
“It's OK. I'll be fine. Promise.” I sighed and closed my eyes, grimacing at the burning sensation behind my eyelids.
“Honey, I don't know what's going on right now, but I'm worried. I need to know if you are really going to be OK.”
I turned my head to face her and opened my eyes, only to be met with the same blue-grey eyes that my mum had. The resemblance was almost calming, as if I could see my mum through her, and her loving concern made me give a teary smile. A part of me was sad at being truly alone for tonight, but I couldn’t keep her here just to comfort me.
“I'll be OK, I promise,” I reassured her, and she nodded, taking my hand and giving it a gentle squeeze.
“I made some chicken pasta for you. It’s in the oven. I want it eaten, Suranne. You hear me?” I nodded and smiled as she lifted herself from my bed and slipped out. I continued to sit, staring at the window as the constant drum of the rain carried through my ears. After a few minutes I heard the front door close, followed by the gentle thrum of my aunt’s car. The tyres scratched against the gravel and the sound of the engine carried off into the distance then disappeared altogether.
Kane Richards Must Die Page 16
