Dread coursed through my veins and my heart sped up rapidly, beating its protest.
And just like that, reality came crashing down onto me with a force that left me breathless and on my knees.
My mum was back.
It was time for me to leave?
36. AGONISING ORDERS
Suranne
The tears carried on rolling down my cheeks as I heard my mum explain why it was necessary for me to come home. She was sick. Her trip had been about getting treatment for some illness I didn’t even know about.
“Mum,” I sobbed, interrupting her, “I’m just not ready to come home yet. Please.” My voice choked on the last sentence as my chest tightened painfully, leaving me gasping for air.
“Suranne,” my mum sighed over the phone, “I’ve already reenrolled you in school and booked your return flight, darling. I’m doing a little better, but I really do want you near me.”
My chest heaved uncontrollably at her words. She sounded weak and tired. Anger and guilt surged through me. I sniffed, wishing for Kane’s arms around me right now.
“I’m sorry, Mum. When’s my flight?”
“It takes off at 6 p.m. your time, today.”
“Today?!” I gasped. I couldn’t leave today. She couldn’t make me leave today.
“Afraid so, honey. I’ve been trying to reach you since yesterday. I’m sure it’s a shock, but you knew this was a temporary arrangement.” Her voice became softer towards the end and I felt my chest tighten once again.
I pulled the phone away from my ears and glanced at the time.
3:10 p.m.
I had less than three hours to get packed and leave.
Leave.
37. UNREPAIRABLE PAIN
Kane
I sighed and flipped my cell shut, irritated that I’d missed Surrane’s call. This was the third time I had tried to call her back, only for it to go straight to voice mail. I mean, who the hell was she on the damn phone to?
A small tapping on my bedroom door pulled me from my frustration and I smiled, knowing it was Ashley.
“What up?” I called out. She pushed the door open and bounced inside, her ponytail bobbing with every step and a beaming smile lighting up her face.
“What time are you getting Suranne?” she asked, her wide brown eyes shining brightly with excitement. It had been weeks since Ashley had seen her, and she missed her like crazy.
I chuckled and mussed her hair up, knowing she hated it, and she whined and slapped my hand outta the way with a huff.
“I’m trying to call her now but she’s still on the phone. But as soon as I get hold of her I’ll tell her I’m on my way, ’K?”
Ashley grinned and nodded her head energetically before skipping out of my room. As I watched her leave, she smacked into my mom, who had just appeared in the doorway. I rolled my eyes and laughed.
“Why is everyone hounding me today? Christ I’ll just leave my door open to the whole world,” I teased as they both stood smiling in my doorway.
“Will your girlfriend be staying for dinner?” Mom asked, her voice emphasizing the word girlfriend with a smirk as if it was the most uncommon thing in the damn world.
Well, I guess for me it kind of was.
I chuckled but then frowned, reaching for my cell and trying to ring her once again.
“I don’t know,” I muttered while pressing the send button. Once again, her voice mail responded and I couldn’t help the irritation that flared within me. Whoever the hell she was on the phone with, she needed to end the damn call already, because I was getting impatient.
“Maybe you should just surprise her,” Ashley suggested, with a shrug and a hopeful smile. I sighed and glanced at the time on my cell.
3:40 p.m.
“Yeah, I’ll uh . . . go at four or some shit, I mean thing,” I mumbled, catching myself. I could at least follow my dad’s wishes in front of Ashley. I fiddled with the remote for my TV hoping I’d be able to catch the last twenty minutes of the game. Mom ushered Ashley out of my room and closed the door. I heard Ashley laugh as their voices carried on down the stairs and couldn’t help but smile at the sound. My sister laughed a lot now and, after the constant tears months ago, it was a noise I would never take for granted again.
I watched the game with unseeing eyes, finding it difficult to concentrate on the moving figures swirling across the screen and the monotone commentary that filled my ears. I was anxious for her arms, her scent, and her lips. Her body.
I didn’t realize how difficult it would be to separate from her; even if it was only for a couple of hours. It felt like instinct to just want to be around her, and pulling, walking, or driving away was an action that threatened my damn survival. Right now my body was drawn tight, my head and limbs feeling jittery as a cold, uneasy shiver rippled down my spine. I frowned at my uneasiness, but rationalized that I had just been away from her longer than I could handle. With a last glance at the clock, I made the decision to go pick her up unannounced. It’s not like she didn’t know she was coming over today anyway.
I pulled on my jacket hurriedly, darting down the stairs and into the kitchen where Mom was cooking dinner. I smiled and kissed the top of her head softly.
“Smells good,” I murmured into her hair and she turned; a small smile on her lips as she reached up and kissed my cheek briefly. My heart warmed when I smelled mint on her breath, instead of the rancid sour alcohol that I had become used to.
“I’m proud of you, Mom.” I hugged her to me tightly and she laughed into my chest, the noise calm and content. Giving her a squeeze, I told her I was going to go pick up Suranne and she released me, nodding her head.
I called out a hasty bye to Ashley and jogged to my car, eager to see my Suranne’s face again. Pulling away from my drive I took a quick glance at the dashboard clock.
4:15 p.m.
I would be early, but whatever. Ashley would be happy for the extra time with her, and I’d be happy just being in her presence; anything to get rid of the shitty feeling that was resonating in my damn chest.
I drove quickly, eager to see her again, getting more and more impatient as the minutes ticked by. A sigh of relief escaped me once I pulled into her driveway, but I didn’t get the chance to open my door. My cell vibrated and I glanced at the caller id and smiled when I saw it was Suranne.
That smile soon left when I heard her say my name through a heartbreaking sob.
“Suranne?” My heart rate increased, a sense of dread washing over me already. Her hiccupping cries continued through the phone, and then I heard a loud projected voice in the background, announcing information about flights.
Flights.
I would recognize that type of information anywhere.
My girl was at the airport.
She continued crying, occasionally sobbing my name and attempting to push words out. I didn’t need them. The sound of her tears told me everything.
“Why the hell are you at the airport?” I asked slowly, already knowing the answer, already feeling the pain flooding inside me, the urge to scream out, but unable to stop myself from asking.
“I don’t want to Kane. Please don’t let me go. I don’t. I can’t. I have to leave at six.” Her stuttered, watery words caused me to grimace bitterly. I shook my head in denial, although she couldn’t see me. I couldn’t speak. All I wanted was her. At my place. Eating dinner.
Was that too much to ask?
Why the hell couldn’t anything ever work for us, even when we had finally given in to the love we felt for each other?
“I’m sorry, Kane. I—I’m s—so . . .” her sobs stopped her from finishing her sentence, and abruptly, the line disconnected.
Without even thinking, I had reversed out of her drive, hastily putting my car into the highest gear, and speeding, wanting to have my girl in my arms again as quickly as damn possible.
My chest was constricted and tight as hell as I wheezed through a painful exhale. My throat was clogged and my ea
rs were stinging as I weaved through the slow-ass cars that were in my way. I knew I was going twice, possibly even three times the speed limit.
I didn’t give a shit.
I needed her to be with me.
I needed her to stay.
Even though I had just been through this shit, I just couldn’t imagine making it through several days without her being there, in school, or in my room, or my being in her room. I couldn’t imagine not being able to finally kiss her when I wanted to.
I skidded around a corner as the hectic thoughts rushed through my mind, her voice, sobbing over the phone, the voice in the background announcing her boarding time. Six O’ Clock.
It was 5:30 p.m. My mind had been such a messy blur, I hadn’t realized so much time had passed, or that my windshield and windows were victims of a constant beating rain. I pushed my foot down even further. I had to be close by now.
I knew that her flight would be called and boarded at least fifteen damn minutes before the plane actually took off, taking my girl away from me. That thought alone made me wince in pain and anger.
She couldn’t leave.
The sign for the airport came into view, and I thanked the Lord that it was the next exit. I sped through the parking lot, not giving a shit about finding a space, skidding to a stop in the taxi lane. Slamming the door shut I ran for my life, the wind and rain tearing through my hair and slapping at my face as I rushed to get inside. Panting, I looked for the overseas terminal and its separate waiting area where I was sure she would be. Spinning my head round, my eyes trying to find their way through all the bastards with their heavy-ass luggage, I pushed past a couple of people, not even acknowledging them.
And then I spotted it.
Flight 1807 to Gatwick. Departing 6:00 p.m.
I sped for the terminal, noticing the time was 5:40 on the huge clock. My eyes snapped to different directions, desperate to spot her hair, or face, or just anything that I would recognize as Suranne. My chest was heaving, my heart pounding erratically. My limbs were burning from the physical exertion, screaming for mercy, but I still didn’t give a shit.
I couldn’t stop looking.
It was like my eyes grew tunnel vision, and time stood still when I spotted her. My breathing stopped, my heart raced, and everything . . . absolutely everything just came crashing back down onto me, the memories, the events, the stress, the tears, the laughter . . . the whispers of “I love you” compared to the punk I was before this girl came into my life.
It all came back.
And in a nanosecond, a nanosecond, just like that, it was ripped away from me. The impact of actually seeing her, suitcase in her hand and tears in her eyes, just solidified the turn of events.
It was happening.
She really was leaving.
My body was locked, limbs frozen as I watched her . . . but everything changed when her large gray eyes lifted and came to rest on mine.
Flashes of the different emotions I had seen in those exact gray orbs came to mind; how bright they were when she was happy and when she laughed, how they would burn and darken with passion, or how they would flash when she was angry or in pain.
Her full pink lips parted as she continued staring at me, and I saw her mouth my name.
And then I ran, not giving a shit about the figure standing next to her. Not until I was right in front of her, our bodies mashed together as my arms wound tightly around her waist, did I realize it was her aunt.
She balled the fabric of my shirt into her hands as she sobbed uncontrollably in my chest. Her nose pressed hard against my skin causing my heart to break and feel a little more defeated with each sob. I tightly shut my eyes and buried my face in her hair, for the first time feeling frightened.
Frightened of what I was about to lose.
Frightened of who I’d be when I walked out of this damn building.
Because I could feel it—that dark, cold, uncaring asshole I used to be was rearing his ugly black head again, lurking beneath the surface, just waiting for the final snap, the last push until I would fall over the edge and never resurface.
And I didn’t wanna be him again. I had rediscovered what it felt like to be normal. I had lived on the other side, where the grass was much, much greener. And that was where I wanted to goddamn well stay.
It wasn’t until I finally pulled away that I noticed my cheeks were wet, and there were tears streaming down my face.
I was crying.
I didn’t care.
I tried saying my baby’s name.
I couldn’t. It was too painful.
“Please don’t leave,” I managed to choke out through the agony. If I thought three weeks were bad enough without her . . . I couldn’t do it.
“Kane,” she cried.
I shook my head, pressing my forehead against hers, my hands firmly holding the sides of her face, fingers buried deeply into the wavy locks of her mahogany hair.
“Please. Don’t go.”
“I have to,” she wailed loudly, as if begging for me to understand the reasoning. I couldn’t. I just couldn’t.
“No. You don’t understand. You can’t leave. D’you hear me?” My voice was low, scratchy, a broken record, begging the same thing over and over again. Our lips inched closer every time one of us spoke.
“Kane . . . I—”
I didn’t let her finish. I pushed my lips onto hers roughly, snapping my eyes shut and savoring everything about her: her taste, her smell, and the feel of her skin. Saving it to memory and wishing it would never have to go.
Our tears mingled against our connected lips, the saltiness seeping into the kiss and making it bittersweet. The overhead speakers announced her flight and awareness started bleeding back into my head.
It was time for her to go.
I stopped kissing her, but didn’t move away. We breathed each other in, our breaths mingling with the tears and the pain and reluctance.
“Please don’t go,” I whispered against her lips. “You can’t leave me.”
She merely sobbed in response. Her eyes were defeated, her shoulders were slumped wearily.
There was nothing I could do to stop it.
Her aunt grabbed her arm softly; a gentle reminder that our time was up. I couldn’t help but wonder, couldn’t help but snicker menacingly at the shitty hand fate had dealt me. Had our whole relationship, the whole thing just been a ticking time bomb?
Suranne’s pulling away and grabbing her suitcases gave me the answer.
I stood, numb and unfeeling, as a frail, weak Suranne wheeled her luggage away from me. Standing at the security gate, she gave her aunt a limp hug and a few whispered words before she turned back to me.
Her eyes were dead. Unseeing. Conquered.
But her lips. Her lips moved as she mouthed that she loved me; a silent, unheard whisper that only I would ever appreciate.
I mouthed them back at her.
Because I always would.
She turned again and as her body slowly disappeared from sight, I tightly closed my eyes, and rejoined her in my mind, almost losing myself to the mirage of hopeful happiness that was unraveling in my head. But when I opened them again, only her aunt remained, her back to me as she stood staring at where Suranne had just been.
I turned and left, already feeling the change, and giving into it wholly . . .
Because my life had already left me.
My life had just boarded a plane to Gatwick, London.
I was already dead.
38. MEMORIES AND A FINAL GOODBYE
Suranne
They wouldn’t stop.
The tears just wouldn’t stop.
My cries had—the painful, aching sobs that had cracked through my ribs and bubbled through my lips like a wounded animal begging to be relieved of its pain.
But the tears still fell. Sliding down the wet trail of my cheek, and dropping onto my jeans. Each drop taking away a memory, a kiss, a smile, an I love you.
My body was de
toxing, reluctantly preparing itself for the empty, gaping hole inside of me that had been filled by him.
My heart was lying helpless and shattered; its sharp edges jabbed wildly against flesh and bone and sinew.
I lifted the tiny window shade of the plane, knowing that there were only a few feet, some doors, and a counter keeping me from Kane. From the person who completed me.
And there was nothing I could do about it. I had stopped myself from talking to him until I was at the airport, hoping it would make things easier. But it didn’t.
The tears continued to fall.
They fell through the whispering bustle as other passengers found their seats and played with the various accessories in random pocket holes.
They fell as an elderly couple glanced at me with worried expressions, then smiled warmly before finding their seats and returning to the bubble of their own lives.
They fell as a slim air hostess crouched down and softly asked me if I was OK, her forehead creased and concerned.
My head nodded.
My heart didn’t.
My eyes stayed fixed on where I had just come from. Wishing, praying, begging someone that I could just jump up and leave the plane, run into Kane’s arms like in one of those films whilst he whirled me around in a tight circle so everything could just go back to being fine.
My limbs felt heavy, too heavy to raise a hand and wipe away the constant moisture on my cheeks. Too heavy to listen to the generic chatter around me. Too heavy to turn my head and comment on the conversation that was happening in the aisle, about how exciting London was going to be.
They would be disappointed.
Or maybe they wouldn’t. Whatever.
Maybe it would be everything they ever dreamed of. They would indulge in all of the touristy activities, riding on a roofless bus around town whilst some fat cockney man talked about the various buildings and statues. They would snap pictures and hoot when Big Ben chimed on the hour, every hour, and take videos of the event.
They would try out the national dish upon arrival, humming and nodding, or grimacing and spitting it out.
Kane Richards Must Die Page 19
