“Mr. Valentine, you startled me.” I turned and looked at the numbers counting down to the underground parking. There was no stop before mine.
Composing myself, I turned and faced him again.
“I’m sorry about this afternoon, Mr. Valentine.”
“Have you ever lost anyone, Dr. Gelding? Do you know what death is like?”
“I do.” I kept my voice even. “I lost my mother when I was younger.”
He focused on me, really seeing me for the first time, and tears shimmered in his eyes. He shifted against the corner of the elevator and something shiny caught my eye. I stifled the whimper of fear.
“Do you miss her?”
“Every day.” I whispered. “I thought I was going to go crazy when I lost her. I think about her all the time, and that helps me remember the good times—how much she loved me. She wouldn’t have wanted me to be so sad all the time.”
“Martha was selfless like that, too. She was always looking out for me. She fretted over everything I did. I miss her so damn much.”
A tear rolled down his cheek as he stared at his other hand and I realized he had a picture grasped tightly in his clenched fist.
“It sounds like Martha was an amazing women and you were lucky to have a love like hers.”
The elevator chimed, and I nearly screamed. A second later the doors opened, but I didn’t move. I was afraid to put my back to a man with a gun hidden on him.
“Mr. Valentine?” I said softly, and he lifted red-rimmed eyes to me. “You’re not thinking of doing anything with that are you?”
I nodded toward the inside of his jacket and he followed my gaze. He opened his jacket, and I could see the barrel tucked into his pants.
“It’s not loaded.” He said, letting go of his jacket and swiping at his tears. “I just wanted to… I don’t know what I wanted.”
“You have to be strong for Martha, Mr. Valentine. She wouldn’t want you to do anything to hurt yourself or anyone else.”
“I’m sorry if I scared you, Dr. Gelding. I know how much you’ve tried to help me since Martha…” he choked up, but finally said it. It was the first time he was able to admit it. “Since Martha passed. She’d really appreciate the way you’ve looked after me.”
He pushed away from the wall and walked toward the doors.
“Mr. Valentine?” he stopped and turned toward me. “Do you have someone to be with you right now?”
“My son is on his way to pick me up.”
“Good. Maybe I should take that?” I nodded toward the bottle in his hand. “And the gun… just for now. I wouldn’t want your son to see it and worry about you.” He looked at the bottle for a long minute, and then nodded. He handed it to me, and then pulling the gun from his pants, he placed it in my hands.
“The safety’s on.” He said, before he turned to leave.
“I’m sorry for your loss, Mr. Valentine.”
“Yours, too, Doctor. Your mother would be proud of you.”
“Martha would be proud of you. I’ll see you soon, okay?”
He nodded and walked away. When he was out of sight, I pushed the button to close the doors. When I was safely inside, I fell against the wall and let the tears fall. My hand shook as I put the gun inside my shoulder bag.
I was angry with myself for letting my ego get the best of me. I should’ve seen the signs, but I was so bent on not failing that I let my patient suffer. I vowed never to put myself before my patients again.
I knew what I’d done wrong with Mr. Valentine. I wanted to save him before he was ready to be saved. I wanted the success so I pushed him to get better, but I’d gone about it all wrong. Putting myself on the same level with my patients worked.
My father was outraged, he wanted me to press charges, but I refused. He said Mr. Valentine was dangerous, but he wasn’t dangerous at all. He was sad. Heartbroken.
The next day I enrolled in a self-defense class. I didn’t want to be vulnerable in any situation. I learned how to protect myself. Showing fear wasn’t an option.
“How was your day?” my father asked as he adjusted the cloth napkin on his lap.
A young waiter stopped at our table and filled our glasses with our favorite wine.
“It was long… very long. Any news on Uncle Robert?” I asked, swirling noodles onto my fork.
My Uncle Robert was in a hospital in London. It wasn’t looking too good, and both Dad and I had accepted that he probably wouldn’t make it through the month. He was older, and diabetes hadn’t been kind to his body.
Once Uncle Rob was gone, it would only be Dad and me left. One of the many joys of coming from a small family. My mother died when I was ten, from complications after plastic surgery, and I had no brothers or sisters. Sometimes it was lonely, but as long as I stayed busy, I hardly noticed.
“They said it wouldn’t be long now. It looks like I’ll be taking a trip to London. Think you’ll be okay while I’m gone?”
I was a daddy’s girl. I wasn’t afraid to admit that, and my dad always made sure I was taken care of. That also helped with the loneliness.
“Daddy, I’m a big girl. I think I’ll be okay.” I smiled at him over my glass.
Three glasses of wine and some honeyed salmon later, I was hugging my dad good night and getting into a cab. My dad offered me a ride home, but I was perfectly capable of hailing a cab, and we lived on opposite sides of town.
My car was in the shop, getting a new paint job thanks to some young kids in the parking garage by my office. There’s nothing like coming out to your car and seeing “Stuck-up Bitch” carved into the hood.
11
Emily
The short drive to my apartment wasn’t exciting. Come to think of if, there really hadn’t been much excitement in my life for a while, if you took away the heathens who’d carved into my cherry-red paint.
Ethan, my boyfriend, if you could call him that, made for a few interesting nights, but he was the very opposite of exciting.
Ethan was also a doctor. He was a pediatrician at the same hospital my father worked at. Of course my father felt the need to play matchmaker, and at the time, I didn’t see the harm in spending a few days a week with Ethan. I mean, a girl couldn’t do much better than a pediatrician, right?
Maybe so, but regardless of how good he was with children, and he was, he wasn’t good with relationships.
Maybe I was just expecting too much from one man. Was it too much to ask to be with someone who could tell when I was faking it? Unfortunately for me, that was something I did a lot, and I had no interest in marrying him… ever.
So when he pushed for us to move in together, I was quick to deter him. I couldn’t imagine being with him every night. Maybe that was bitchy of me, but I needed my space from his lack of know-how with the opposite sex.
It was sad to say, but I was actually happy that he was in the Afghanistan on what Daddy liked to call a “charity run.” It meant more alone time for me and TV boys I liked to spend my nights with.
No way would Ethan be okay with me having my alone time, which usually consisted of old reruns of Sons of Anarchy and lots of batteries. A girl had to do what a girl had to do, and I had to do myself if I wanted any relief.
I didn’t know what he’d do if he knew I touched myself at night and fantasized about dirty bad boys, but something told me it wouldn’t go over well with him—nothing fun ever really did.
I’d once asked him to spice up our relationship, and he looked at me like I’d spoken in Latin.
Fork stopped midway to his mouth, he frowned. “What?” He lifted his glass of wine to his lips.
“Role playing. You know, when I dress up in a naughty schoolgirl outfit and you spank me with your ruler. Stuff like that.”
I’d never actually seen someone spit water out the way the actors did in the movies, but sure as day, Ethan did. He choked, holding up a finger at me as he tried to compose himself. Wiping his mouth with his napkin, he set it in his lap and looked arou
nd, heat creeping up from his collar to rest in his cheeks.
“I didn’t… uh… I didn’t think you were into… stuff like that.”
Excited at the idea that he might actually be into it, too, made my body tingle and melt until I was shifting in my seat. I felt foolish for not asking him about this sooner. Men liked women to take charge nowadays, right? I was ready to hail for the check.
“Of course!” I nearly shouted, and again he looked around nervously. I lowered my voice this time. “I’m pretty much up for anything at this point.”
“I don’t know. I’m…” He trailed off, clearing his throat and adjusting the collar of his shirt.
“If you’re not into the whole schoolgirl thing, there are plenty of roles we can do.” I was too eager to contain my excitement. “Naughty nurse, dirty maid, bad cop… We can pretty much make any occupation into something dirty. Naughty teacher, dirty—”
“Emily!” Ethan rushed out, putting his hand over mine. “Will you please keep your voice down?”
I looked around, but no one was paying any attention to either of us or our conversation.
“I don’t understand, Ethan, I’m practically begging you to let your imagination run wild with our sex life and you’re dismissing me… I thought this was every man’s fantasy?”
“I thought our sex life was okay.”
I sighed, giving up on the idea altogether.
I tried to explain that I didn’t want okay anymore, that it was normal to want wild, crazy, hot, earth-shattering sex. A healthy sex life was natural, but he’d been too embarrassed to continue the conversation, and all I got was a promise that one day he’d give me what I wanted. I wouldn’t hold my breath since I knew he had absolutely no idea what it was I wanted.
The pencil skirts and buns I sported on a daily basis were work, but once I was home, I wanted more. I wanted passion. I wanted to burn with another person—a person who could look at me and make me desperate with desire.
Sometimes I’d dream about a dark stranger with intoxicating eyes and a touch that could send me over the edge. He’d say all the right things and do everything with perfection. There were no schedules, no time restraints, just him and me and our bodies intertwined in madness and a glorious ache he’d take away.
In my dreams, he needed me, and sometimes a girl just wanted to be needed. The point was I longed for more than Ethan could ever give me. The silent quickies weren’t doing the trick, not that they ever had. I wanted naughty, and the only naughty Ethan was used to were the toddlers he took care of at work.
Daddy loved him, and that should’ve been enough, but it wasn’t. It would never be enough.
The next morning, I sipped my coffee while I waited for the curlers to cool in my hair. I had a nine-o’clock appointment with one of my favorite patients, followed by my own gynecologist appointment. I hated my yearly checkups. Like I didn’t already know my lady bits were drying up and my biological clock was running low on ticks.
12
Emily
A phone call from my dad let me know that he was leaving for London to be with Uncle Rob and wanted to have dinner with me that night when he was done at the hospital.
Knowing he was going to be thousands of miles away made me feel little anxious, but I reminded myself what I reminded him all the time: I was a big girl and I could handle being away from my dad for a few days.
My Fridays were always a light workday for me, with only two of my regular patients in the morning. After my lady appointment, I had lunch at my favorite café by my office and then did some window shopping to fill my time.
We never ran out of sunny days in Scottsdale, Arizona, even in January. Spring was around the corner and I welcomed the long days by the pool.
I found a cute little shop I’d never been in before and decided I had time before I had to go home and get ready. Not that I wasn’t looking forward to seeing my father again, I found it somewhat depressing that eating out twice in a row was the most exciting thing I’d be doing all week.
Pushing the door open, I welcomed the cool air of the charming boutique. The shop was modern and chic and completely fit for the flashy nightlife of Scottsdale.
A well-poised middle-aged woman came out from the back with a friendly red-lipped smile and a warm greeting.
Her dark hair was in a stylish up-do and a gold mess of necklaces hung from her neck. Her black heels tapped against the hardwood floors and gave her legs the illusion they were longer than they actually were.
Her outfit, a tight, black skirt that skimmed the tops of her knees and high-collar, ruffled-button shirt, was handpicked from the store. She was pretty. I wouldn’t say a clone, but a lot of the women around there seemed to all have the same style. Despite the skirt, my look was nothing like hers.
“Good afternoon! It’s a beautiful day out, isn’t it?”
“Yes.” I returned her smile. “It rarely disappoints this time of year, that’s for sure.”
“Are you looking for anything in particular or just here on a little guilty pleasure shopping spree?” she asked, leaning against a glass display.
I laughed. “Guilty pleasure, I guess.”
“Nothing wrong with a little forbidden fruit every now and then. Well, if you need any help, I’ll be right over there.” She pointed toward the back.
“Thank you,” I said as she walked away.
I busied myself with browsing through the rows of clothes. I had no expectations of finding anything, but I figured it couldn’t hurt to look.
It’s not that I turned up my nose at the chic apparel. I just didn’t know if I could pull it off. I moved through the whole store. There were a few things that caught my attention, but when I realized I had no place to wear them, I put them back.
Maybe I was the boring one, I thought with sudden panic. Maybe I attracted Ethan because deep down I was as dull as he was. I wanted more, but what did I do to go after it? A failed conversation to entice the man I was sleeping with and that was it.
“So I know you said you weren’t looking for anything special, but I saw this in the back. It’s the only one left and I bet it’s exactly your size.”
The owner saved me from my own thoughts as she emerged from the back, holding something black and shiny in her hands.
“A nice pair of colored heels and a few accessories and you’ll have him on his knees, honey. What do you think? If you like it, I’ll knock off twenty percent,” she sang, trying to sweeten the pot.
She held up the black dress for me to inspect. It was definitely something special—swallow-hard kind of special. I frowned as I heard that echo in my head and then giggled on the inside.
The front was portrayed as a simple black dress. It was a high, wide collar with thin straps. It wasn’t until she turned it around that my knees shook a little. It plunged down to the waist, baring the entire back.
It was simple but exciting. It was exactly what I needed. I was tired of being boring. I needed a change.
“I’ll take it.”
“A woman who knows what she wants. I like it.” She winked at me and walked to the counter.
My heart was pounding and I felt thrilled and happy.
“Wait, what color heels?” I asked as she started to wrap the dress up for me.
She stopped, pursed her lips together for a moment. Then she smiled deviously.
“I say red. It’s the color of sin.”
13
Emily
I was looking forward to dinner with my dad. I felt happy with my impulsiveness that afternoon. It was alluring and something I could definitely get used to.
I got out of the cab and smoothed down my simple white dress. I thought about wearing the black one, but I didn’t want my first time wearing it to be with my father, so I opted for something more daughter appropriate.
We met at our usual place and sat at our regular table.
“Any idea when Ethan will be back around?” Dad asked as he sipped his wine.
&n
bsp; I swallowed and set down my glass easy. “I’m not sure. Maybe a few more weeks.”
“It’s a waste of time if you ask me. He should be here working. How’s he supposed to take care of my baby girl if he’s out doing charity runs?”
I loved my dad, but I hated when he got stuck on his high horse. Did we have money? Yes, but that gave him no right to look down on others who were less fortunate.
“Daddy, what Ethan’s doing is very important. There are sick children over there, not to mention the ones wounded in crossfire. Afghanistan is battle-ridden territory. It’s not the children’s fault that the world is what it is.”
He looked over his glass. His blue eyes pierced me before a tight smile finally broke his hardened face.
“Of course you’re right. Excuse my crass wording, sweetheart. I just don’t want to have to worry about you once I’m gone.”
“You’re not going anywhere, Daddy. I forbid it.” I smiled sweetly.
“I won’t live forever, my dear,” he said as he patted my hand across the table.
After dessert, Daddy paid the check and I excused myself to the ladies’ room, letting him know I’d meet him outside. Passing the bar, the warm tones of liquor shined temptingly under the expensive lighting, catching my eye.
I liked my wine at dinner, but I could drink the hard stuff with the best of them. I doubled back and waited for the bartender.
When he made his way back toward me, he smiled, and his brown eyes roamed over my body. It’d been a long time since anyone, that I’d notice anyway, had looked at me with such open… desire.
It made me feel warm on the inside and a little wild.
“What’s your pleasure?” His voice was dark and raspy. It made my nipples tighten and tingle in a rush.
“A double shot of tequila,” I said confidently.
His lips tilted on one side in what I could only describe as a panty-melting grin. “It’s always the ones who look like good girls that you have to watch out for.” He winked and set down a glass in front of me.
The Wrath of Sin Page 4
